(also it will never not be funny to me that Kenneth Branagh directed this movie)
So I am watching Thor now, in the hopes of being slightly less pathetically unqualified to talk/write about Avengers. And also for Darcy cause frankly she seems pretty bomb.
But mostly I am distracted by all of the Dutch angles, oh no, everything is all ~*~topsy-turvy~*~, woaaaaaah.
ETA: Also is it just me or do Chris Hemsworth's eyebrows have a way of disappearing and reappearing between shots? Because, um, it's kind of freaking me out.
ETA: I'm like twenty minutes in and already fandom's Loki-love-fest makes a lot more sense to me.
APPARENTLY THIS IS BECOMING A LIVE-BLOG OF THOR SO WHATEVER, RAMBLING AND SPOILERS AND SHIT BEHIND THE CUT.
-- Wait, Thor flies through a monster's head and emerges not covered in blood-and-unpleasant-ness? I call shenanigans!
...If I ever had an Irish pub, I would name it Shenanigans. Actually, screw film school, I'm going to open an Irish pub named Shenanigans.
-- Thor's parents cut him off financially and he has to make his own way in NYC with just the help of his gal pals! "You are from Asgard, therefore you are just naturally interesting." Lena Dunham's Thor.
-- Actually Thor's banishment is super reminiscent for Kurogane's in Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. Aaaaand, now I'm super nostalgic for my very first fandom.
-- They really should have put some dialogue in with these longing stares Jane and Thor are swapping. "I'm probably bleeding internally and your face is just a big, backlit blur." "Your eyebrows are unnatural. Like, I think I just saw one of them try to crawl off you face." Ah, true love.
-- Okay even though I knew from fic that Darcy was going to do it - still that moment was so fantastic and I declare her officially the best.
-- So, knowing from fandom/Iron Man 2 that Coulson was going to be involved in the whole Thor's hammer thing, I thought that the guy driving out in the red truck was Coulson. And then I realized it wasn't, and immediately felt the need to apologize to Coulson for thinking he'd drive a beat-up red truck like that.
-- I'm trying not to get creeped out by Stellan Skarsgard whenever he's on screen. So far I'm like 50/50.
-- The volume of my laughter when Jane ran over Thor a second time was really unacceptable.
-- I was actually super into this Loki&Odin emotional scene (and diggin' the Hiddle's acting chops - people call him the Hiddle, right? That's a thing?) riiiiiight up until Loki gave Odin a heart attack, or whatever the heck that just happened happened. There's drama and then there's ~d~r~a~m~a~
-- Every movie should have a scene in a diner. Diner scenes are the best.
-- See, what I love about Darcy is, she's a girl with priorities.
-- Also I am way too fucking obsessed cause just Stellan Skarsgard briefly mentioning Bruce Banner - not even by name - makes me squee. Ugh, when did I get so damn school-girl-ish.
-- I don't know the names of the Merry Viking Trio, but one of them looks like he escaped from a stage production of Robin Hood. It's distracting.
-- "Then give me one of those [dogs] big enough to ride." PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE HAS DONE A THOR/AZUMANGA DAIOH CROSSOVER WITH THOR AND TADAKICHI-SAN.
...Damn I hadn't expected this movie to be bringing out so much of my old high-school anime days. "ANOTHER!"
-- "you think me strange. Good strange or bad strange?" I didn't realize Thor was a sorority girl! Perhaps we can eat fro-yo together whilst checking out frat boys.
-- Okay maybe the Thor/Azumanga Daioh fanart is too much to ask for but surely someone has to have done some Thor/Katamari Damacy art involving Royal Rainbow Bridges? And perhaps a tiny adorable giant-headed Thor rolling around his hammer and picking up SHIELD agents?
-- I'm not really sure, philosophically speaking, if there is a "wrong" way of watching a movie, but I'm pretty sure I'm watching this wrong.
-- Wait wait wait, now I will never believe that SHIELD isn't a totally evil corrupt institution that needs to be destroyed. They are rerouting commercial flights. They are making air travel worse than it already is. This is SIN NUMBER ONE in my book. FUCK YOU, SHIELD. FROM NOW ON I WILL ONLY SPELL YOUR NAME IN LITTLE CAPS. EVEN WHEN RANTING IN ALL CAPS. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, shield?
-- Okay I snorted when that shield (ah, you thought I was bluffing, didn't you? Screw you, lower-case shield) agent called for the two guys Thor knocked out to report immediately after Thor knocked them out. I mean, okay, compression of time through editing, but it still looks like the guy has some kind of spidey-sense or something going on. That or all he does is stand there every second of the day getting every agent to report in. "Delancy, Jackson, report." "Situation is the exact same as it was two minutes ago."
...Also, "The Delancy-Jackson report" sounds like some kind of special-ops thriller.
-- Aw, see, this is the moment that really sells me on Jane. Just calmly, matter-of-factly calling Solvig and saying "I did exactly what you told me not to do."
-- OH SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET REAL. JUST SAW THE BOW. NOW WAITING FOR THE ARCHER.
-- The canonical Clint/Coulson scene. *fans self* Damn. Momma needs a cigarette. #stilldon'tseeit
-- Okay that was actually pretty clever storytelling with the midpoint of the film looking like it's going to be Thor/Mjolnir reunited-and-it-feels-so-good and then it, well, isn't.
....AAAAND now everyone's standing dramatically in the rain while sad music plays. Slightly less clever storytelling. I EXPECT BETTER THINGS FROM YOU, BRANAGH.
-- Considering that I remember, at the time of Thor coming out, debates/discussions about how you can have magic and science co-existing in the same universe - with Thor's magic joining Iron Man's science - I'm digging this scene with the Arthur C. Clarke references.
-- Also I think I am fond of Solvig now. This doesn't mean I've forgotten Insomnia, Skarsgard. It just means I'm willing to put it aside for the moment.
-- Oh, fuck you Loki. You could at least pretend to be sad while you ruin Thor's life. My emotions on this dude go back and forth all over the place, where they stop, nobody knows! But I doubt I'll ever be a big fan.
-- "Steroids!" No one, flat out no one, has ever sounded that happy to say the word steroids.
-- Natalie Portman has a great laugh. That's not unique to Thor or anything but it's a fact and it's relevant, so.
-- I went to go make a late night snack and then Robin Hood started yelling at Tall Gimli for eating too much. I feel like he's judging me. Not that that's going to stop me, though.
...OKAY THIS ISN'T REALLY RELEVANT TO THE MOVIE BUT I was down in the kitchen making some ramen and one of my sorority sisters introduced me to barbeque chicken pretzel bites. How is this fair, God, that I am only being introduced to these now? Now, that the best of my midnight-snacking days are behind me? Cruel fate, thy name is pretzel bites!
-- Aww, Thor, admitting your short-comings and stepping out of the spotlight to help save civilians. What this movie lacks in plot momentum it makes up in character development. (By and large) (You know who I mean) (Loki)
-- Oh, the ever-popular "looks like the character is dead moment." How will they solve it this time? True love's kiss? True love's tears? True love's student intern's CPR? (DARCY KNOWS CPR, OKAY, SHE JUST WANTS TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT)
-- "It's a good look." Don't do this to me, Jane. You were being so reasonable and wise up until now. CAN'T YOU SEE HOW AWFUL THAT LOOK IT.
-- Man the action scenes are really just...an interruption to the story, aren't they? I mean, okay, now we have the big Act 3 battle coming up so maybe that will have more grandeur and import, but, well, so far this is not exactly an "action" movie.
-- They're about to return to Asgard. Why do I get the feeling the film is about to get way less interesting?
-- Ahaha Loki is wielding that spear like it is a sawed-off shotgun in a zombie movie.
-- "Tell her who is responsible for Mufasa's death - I mean, wait" - think about it how much better would this scene be if they were lions? And one of them was Jeremy Irons?
-- Once again, Loki's plans make no sense. I'd kind of hoped that was a flaw of the Avengers that this had managed to avoid, given that it has less to do than Avengers, but alas, no.
...but, it's almost tempting to let it slide, because the Hiddle is so lovely, looks- and emoting-wise. The scenery is dripping with emotion. Which I suppose makes it tastier when they chew on it.
-- Thor lying on his back, surrounded by 30 Lokis? Pretty sure I saw this fic somewhere...
-- "Thor will return in the Avengers?" OMG spoiler alert, people!
-- Aaaah, Solvig walking around in these shadows is making me all creeped out by Skarsgard again.
....buuuut, not as creeped out as I just got by the Hiddles. Thanks, guys. It's 3 AM and now I won't be able to sleep.
...Oh look, shiny blue-cube of whatever-the-fuck-the-plot-needs-it-to-be-at-any-given-time! A MacGuffin for the 21st century. *rolls eyes* I still maintain that the tessaract is a stupid idea, but hey: Captain America is up next, and maybe it can convince me otherwise. (Probably not)
Speaking of Cap'n Crunch Nazis: saw the trailer before Thor and tiny!skinny!Steve is dangerously, DANGEROUSLY close to falling in the uncanny valley. *shudder*
WELL THAT WAS DIVERTING. Now I'll just leave this here to rediscover, bleary-eyed, in the morning. It's important to give yourself opportunities to say "look at your life, look at your choices."
But mostly I am distracted by all of the Dutch angles, oh no, everything is all ~*~topsy-turvy~*~, woaaaaaah.
ETA: Also is it just me or do Chris Hemsworth's eyebrows have a way of disappearing and reappearing between shots? Because, um, it's kind of freaking me out.
ETA: I'm like twenty minutes in and already fandom's Loki-love-fest makes a lot more sense to me.
APPARENTLY THIS IS BECOMING A LIVE-BLOG OF THOR SO WHATEVER, RAMBLING AND SPOILERS AND SHIT BEHIND THE CUT.
-- Wait, Thor flies through a monster's head and emerges not covered in blood-and-unpleasant-ness? I call shenanigans!
...If I ever had an Irish pub, I would name it Shenanigans. Actually, screw film school, I'm going to open an Irish pub named Shenanigans.
-- Thor's parents cut him off financially and he has to make his own way in NYC with just the help of his gal pals! "You are from Asgard, therefore you are just naturally interesting." Lena Dunham's Thor.
-- Actually Thor's banishment is super reminiscent for Kurogane's in Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. Aaaaand, now I'm super nostalgic for my very first fandom.
-- They really should have put some dialogue in with these longing stares Jane and Thor are swapping. "I'm probably bleeding internally and your face is just a big, backlit blur." "Your eyebrows are unnatural. Like, I think I just saw one of them try to crawl off you face." Ah, true love.
-- Okay even though I knew from fic that Darcy was going to do it - still that moment was so fantastic and I declare her officially the best.
-- So, knowing from fandom/Iron Man 2 that Coulson was going to be involved in the whole Thor's hammer thing, I thought that the guy driving out in the red truck was Coulson. And then I realized it wasn't, and immediately felt the need to apologize to Coulson for thinking he'd drive a beat-up red truck like that.
-- I'm trying not to get creeped out by Stellan Skarsgard whenever he's on screen. So far I'm like 50/50.
-- The volume of my laughter when Jane ran over Thor a second time was really unacceptable.
-- I was actually super into this Loki&Odin emotional scene (and diggin' the Hiddle's acting chops - people call him the Hiddle, right? That's a thing?) riiiiiight up until Loki gave Odin a heart attack, or whatever the heck that just happened happened. There's drama and then there's ~d~r~a~m~a~
-- Every movie should have a scene in a diner. Diner scenes are the best.
-- See, what I love about Darcy is, she's a girl with priorities.
-- Also I am way too fucking obsessed cause just Stellan Skarsgard briefly mentioning Bruce Banner - not even by name - makes me squee. Ugh, when did I get so damn school-girl-ish.
-- I don't know the names of the Merry Viking Trio, but one of them looks like he escaped from a stage production of Robin Hood. It's distracting.
-- "Then give me one of those [dogs] big enough to ride." PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE HAS DONE A THOR/AZUMANGA DAIOH CROSSOVER WITH THOR AND TADAKICHI-SAN.
...Damn I hadn't expected this movie to be bringing out so much of my old high-school anime days. "ANOTHER!"
-- "you think me strange. Good strange or bad strange?" I didn't realize Thor was a sorority girl! Perhaps we can eat fro-yo together whilst checking out frat boys.
-- Okay maybe the Thor/Azumanga Daioh fanart is too much to ask for but surely someone has to have done some Thor/Katamari Damacy art involving Royal Rainbow Bridges? And perhaps a tiny adorable giant-headed Thor rolling around his hammer and picking up SHIELD agents?
-- I'm not really sure, philosophically speaking, if there is a "wrong" way of watching a movie, but I'm pretty sure I'm watching this wrong.
-- Wait wait wait, now I will never believe that SHIELD isn't a totally evil corrupt institution that needs to be destroyed. They are rerouting commercial flights. They are making air travel worse than it already is. This is SIN NUMBER ONE in my book. FUCK YOU, SHIELD. FROM NOW ON I WILL ONLY SPELL YOUR NAME IN LITTLE CAPS. EVEN WHEN RANTING IN ALL CAPS. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, shield?
-- Okay I snorted when that shield (ah, you thought I was bluffing, didn't you? Screw you, lower-case shield) agent called for the two guys Thor knocked out to report immediately after Thor knocked them out. I mean, okay, compression of time through editing, but it still looks like the guy has some kind of spidey-sense or something going on. That or all he does is stand there every second of the day getting every agent to report in. "Delancy, Jackson, report." "Situation is the exact same as it was two minutes ago."
...Also, "The Delancy-Jackson report" sounds like some kind of special-ops thriller.
-- Aw, see, this is the moment that really sells me on Jane. Just calmly, matter-of-factly calling Solvig and saying "I did exactly what you told me not to do."
-- OH SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET REAL. JUST SAW THE BOW. NOW WAITING FOR THE ARCHER.
-- The canonical Clint/Coulson scene. *fans self* Damn. Momma needs a cigarette. #stilldon'tseeit
-- Okay that was actually pretty clever storytelling with the midpoint of the film looking like it's going to be Thor/Mjolnir reunited-and-it-feels-so-good and then it, well, isn't.
....AAAAND now everyone's standing dramatically in the rain while sad music plays. Slightly less clever storytelling. I EXPECT BETTER THINGS FROM YOU, BRANAGH.
-- Considering that I remember, at the time of Thor coming out, debates/discussions about how you can have magic and science co-existing in the same universe - with Thor's magic joining Iron Man's science - I'm digging this scene with the Arthur C. Clarke references.
-- Also I think I am fond of Solvig now. This doesn't mean I've forgotten Insomnia, Skarsgard. It just means I'm willing to put it aside for the moment.
-- Oh, fuck you Loki. You could at least pretend to be sad while you ruin Thor's life. My emotions on this dude go back and forth all over the place, where they stop, nobody knows! But I doubt I'll ever be a big fan.
-- "Steroids!" No one, flat out no one, has ever sounded that happy to say the word steroids.
-- Natalie Portman has a great laugh. That's not unique to Thor or anything but it's a fact and it's relevant, so.
-- I went to go make a late night snack and then Robin Hood started yelling at Tall Gimli for eating too much. I feel like he's judging me. Not that that's going to stop me, though.
...OKAY THIS ISN'T REALLY RELEVANT TO THE MOVIE BUT I was down in the kitchen making some ramen and one of my sorority sisters introduced me to barbeque chicken pretzel bites. How is this fair, God, that I am only being introduced to these now? Now, that the best of my midnight-snacking days are behind me? Cruel fate, thy name is pretzel bites!
-- Aww, Thor, admitting your short-comings and stepping out of the spotlight to help save civilians. What this movie lacks in plot momentum it makes up in character development. (By and large) (You know who I mean) (Loki)
-- Oh, the ever-popular "looks like the character is dead moment." How will they solve it this time? True love's kiss? True love's tears? True love's student intern's CPR? (DARCY KNOWS CPR, OKAY, SHE JUST WANTS TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT)
-- "It's a good look." Don't do this to me, Jane. You were being so reasonable and wise up until now. CAN'T YOU SEE HOW AWFUL THAT LOOK IT.
-- Man the action scenes are really just...an interruption to the story, aren't they? I mean, okay, now we have the big Act 3 battle coming up so maybe that will have more grandeur and import, but, well, so far this is not exactly an "action" movie.
-- They're about to return to Asgard. Why do I get the feeling the film is about to get way less interesting?
-- Ahaha Loki is wielding that spear like it is a sawed-off shotgun in a zombie movie.
-- "Tell her who is responsible for Mufasa's death - I mean, wait" - think about it how much better would this scene be if they were lions? And one of them was Jeremy Irons?
-- Once again, Loki's plans make no sense. I'd kind of hoped that was a flaw of the Avengers that this had managed to avoid, given that it has less to do than Avengers, but alas, no.
...but, it's almost tempting to let it slide, because the Hiddle is so lovely, looks- and emoting-wise. The scenery is dripping with emotion. Which I suppose makes it tastier when they chew on it.
-- Thor lying on his back, surrounded by 30 Lokis? Pretty sure I saw this fic somewhere...
-- "Thor will return in the Avengers?" OMG spoiler alert, people!
-- Aaaah, Solvig walking around in these shadows is making me all creeped out by Skarsgard again.
....buuuut, not as creeped out as I just got by the Hiddles. Thanks, guys. It's 3 AM and now I won't be able to sleep.
...Oh look, shiny blue-cube of whatever-the-fuck-the-plot-needs-it-to-be-at-any-given-time! A MacGuffin for the 21st century. *rolls eyes* I still maintain that the tessaract is a stupid idea, but hey: Captain America is up next, and maybe it can convince me otherwise. (Probably not)
Speaking of Cap'n Crunch Nazis: saw the trailer before Thor and tiny!skinny!Steve is dangerously, DANGEROUSLY close to falling in the uncanny valley. *shudder*
WELL THAT WAS DIVERTING. Now I'll just leave this here to rediscover, bleary-eyed, in the morning. It's important to give yourself opportunities to say "look at your life, look at your choices."