(no subject)
ever get the feeling that you are sitting in the middle of all this chaos and its whizzing past you at like 150 miles per hour and you want to get up and change it but you can't? it's like you are nailed to the floor and you just have to sit by and watch terrible things happen. i feel that way lately. just things i see..i know that people are gonna mess up and all i do is sit! i know im going to mess up. i see myself messing up...and yet i can't bring myself to do anything about it. ahhhh! im about to go crazy. the way i act has nothing to do with the way i feel inside. im always happy bouncy heather and im so..depressed or something lately. who knows. my conscious tells me to do one thing..and i out vote it and do the exact opposite. its like im pushing myself as far as i can to the edge before i fall off the cliff. my parents are driving me insane. my mom treats me like i am 8 years old. she tells me when to do everything and in all reality...im more mature than she is most of the time. like the other night she came in here and FORCED me to do homework that wasnt even due the next day (i didnt do it of course but you get the point) and then i had to go STRAIGHT to bed right after that. i know what my obligations are and how much sleep i need. i mean...shouldnt i be figuring this stuff out on my own anyways since im leaving home in like 2 or 3 years? she isnt going to be with me telling me when to do things. im getting out of here as soon as i possibly can so i dont go completely insane. im ALSO stressed out the ass. its ridiculous! i have half of a research paper due on friday that i've barely started. i dont know how to do it...i can write well and all that...i just dont know how to format it or something. whatever. and until about friday or saturday i get to sleep on the couch. oh what fun! my nanny is coming down here for her radiation and shes gonna get my bed and all that stuff. her being here is going to make it even more hard for me to do my research paper because shes going to want to lay down and rest obviously....but my computers in my room and everything so i dont know..some compromises are going to have to be made. and on a lighter note....i get my license in one month and 8 days. =)
love,
Heather