Really don't like today...
Today...
Woke up tired.
Thought about how my brother is on his way to Korea, while I'm here.
Couldn't find a good outfit for clinic.
Make-up wouldn't go on right.
Spent time washing dishes just to eat a quick bowl of cereal.
Arrived only on-time for clinic.
Couldn't figure out what my client needed help with on his ipad.
Clinician accidentally took one of my favorite pens.
Could only do 1 of my 3 client reports.
Froze walking back to my room.
Got a headache after suffering pressure all day.
Found out my professor mostly disregarded my request for more help.
Ordered JimmyJohns and missed 3 calls bc my phone was on silent.
Got a sloppy, mushy sandwich, instead of an 8" sub.
Don't have money yet paid an extra dollar for bread I'm not even going to eat.
... so far, I hate today.
After having a stressful and frustrating week of f-ing up my exam, cutting myself on a fish tank, having teachers not attempt to offer more help despite my asking, finding out last minute about an event the following day, getting unnecessarily yelled at for not understanding how to do something with a client, and so much more... I just feel so done with all this crud. I've told myself multiple times a day, every day this week that it's not that bad, I can make the most of this program, I'm only in my first semester of my first year.....
I thought my night was so perfect yesterday when my brother told me he'd be going to Korea. I was so, so, so excited and happy for him. Then today hit, and I started thinking about how I've had to work myself so hard since middle school, suffering through 2 different high schools, dealing with stupid honors classes and other shaiza during undergrad plus summer classes each year, fighting so damn hard my senior year, and now I'm in grad school suffering even worse. After graduating with my bachelor's, now in grad school, I'm still not where I want to be and have found myself feeling like crud everyday, feeling worse as the days pass...
And yet, my brother just went through high school making the most of everything, went right off to the army after a 2-month summer break, made the most of his 3-month basic training, is pursuing PI training now, and in December, he'll graduate a second time and then go off to Korea.
After 4 years, I'm here. After 8 years, I'll probably be in the same position.
After zip years, Richard has accomplished so much. After half a year of training, he'll be off to Korea, one of 2 places I'd do anything to be in, to live in, to work in.
Now wouldn't suck so much if the process of educating myself wasn't so damn shitty. Oh, and once I graduate, there's no guarantee I'll even be able to work in Japan or Korea. Sure, a vacation. Whoop. But, I want to be somewhere where I'm happy, doing what I want to do....
Okay. Rant done. Back to normal.
I usually keep to myself and vent to friends when they don't mind listening. I don't usually write about it. It's nice to get it out this way, though. I'm bummed, yes, but I know things will turn out based on my choices and effort. The constant encouragement, love, and support from family and friends sure is appreciated.
I am so proud of Richard and his accomplishments. I hope this doesn't sound bad... despite being the older sister, he always inspires me to do more and keep fighting for what's best for me. I am so envious of him, but also really excited. And now we can finally talk about something together!
Ah, after getting everything off my chest, I'm much happier. (The end of my day also ended better. ^^)
Thanks for reading~
Woke up tired.
Thought about how my brother is on his way to Korea, while I'm here.
Couldn't find a good outfit for clinic.
Make-up wouldn't go on right.
Spent time washing dishes just to eat a quick bowl of cereal.
Arrived only on-time for clinic.
Couldn't figure out what my client needed help with on his ipad.
Clinician accidentally took one of my favorite pens.
Could only do 1 of my 3 client reports.
Froze walking back to my room.
Got a headache after suffering pressure all day.
Found out my professor mostly disregarded my request for more help.
Ordered JimmyJohns and missed 3 calls bc my phone was on silent.
Got a sloppy, mushy sandwich, instead of an 8" sub.
Don't have money yet paid an extra dollar for bread I'm not even going to eat.
... so far, I hate today.
After having a stressful and frustrating week of f-ing up my exam, cutting myself on a fish tank, having teachers not attempt to offer more help despite my asking, finding out last minute about an event the following day, getting unnecessarily yelled at for not understanding how to do something with a client, and so much more... I just feel so done with all this crud. I've told myself multiple times a day, every day this week that it's not that bad, I can make the most of this program, I'm only in my first semester of my first year.....
I thought my night was so perfect yesterday when my brother told me he'd be going to Korea. I was so, so, so excited and happy for him. Then today hit, and I started thinking about how I've had to work myself so hard since middle school, suffering through 2 different high schools, dealing with stupid honors classes and other shaiza during undergrad plus summer classes each year, fighting so damn hard my senior year, and now I'm in grad school suffering even worse. After graduating with my bachelor's, now in grad school, I'm still not where I want to be and have found myself feeling like crud everyday, feeling worse as the days pass...
And yet, my brother just went through high school making the most of everything, went right off to the army after a 2-month summer break, made the most of his 3-month basic training, is pursuing PI training now, and in December, he'll graduate a second time and then go off to Korea.
After 4 years, I'm here. After 8 years, I'll probably be in the same position.
After zip years, Richard has accomplished so much. After half a year of training, he'll be off to Korea, one of 2 places I'd do anything to be in, to live in, to work in.
Now wouldn't suck so much if the process of educating myself wasn't so damn shitty. Oh, and once I graduate, there's no guarantee I'll even be able to work in Japan or Korea. Sure, a vacation. Whoop. But, I want to be somewhere where I'm happy, doing what I want to do....
Okay. Rant done. Back to normal.
I usually keep to myself and vent to friends when they don't mind listening. I don't usually write about it. It's nice to get it out this way, though. I'm bummed, yes, but I know things will turn out based on my choices and effort. The constant encouragement, love, and support from family and friends sure is appreciated.
I am so proud of Richard and his accomplishments. I hope this doesn't sound bad... despite being the older sister, he always inspires me to do more and keep fighting for what's best for me. I am so envious of him, but also really excited. And now we can finally talk about something together!
Ah, after getting everything off my chest, I'm much happier. (The end of my day also ended better. ^^)
Thanks for reading~