Blah...
So, I'm up at the hospital right now. My uncle, who is terminally ill with brain cancer, is currently sleeping. I am staying all night with him. He has a staph infection of some sort, but they're not sure which kind yet. They're waiting on the blood culture to return.
It's strange, really. Watching him sleep on the hospital bed. He's bald and blind from chemo. His whole body is practically atrophed, especially in the legs. He can't stand even if he wanted to. His skin has become terribly thin, and it's bruised severely on his arms and hands from the IV's they're giving him. Most people would not want to be in his condition for anything in the world, but he's still fighting. He's probably the most stubborn man in existence. Definitely a fighter, even though everyone else has lost hope for him.
He will return to the nursing home within the next day or so. I wish there was something that could be done for him. Watching him deteriorate makes me want to go into the medical profession and heal people. His illnesses have changed him. He has become much more humble and thankful. It saddens me that it has to be this way...especially since brain cancer is fairly rare. It makes me wonder a lot about people and humanity. And perhaps God even.
Even though I am better at articulating myself in writing, it seems like it all escapes me at this moment. It's so layered and complex that I can't quite nail it all down. Do I pity my uncle? I'm not sure. Am I sad? Yes.
Ultimately, I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could spare him from his suffering. Chemo made him sick, and the tumor has started growing again. He's too weak to go through chemo and radiation again. The prognosis looks very grim indeed. Even still, there's a small part of me that wills him to get better, even though he will be blind for the rest of his life should the cancer go into remission. It would be a small sacrifice for preserving his life.
All I know is that my heart sinks thinking about it. Mom says that his time is coming and it makes me a little nervous. No one likes to hear that, even if one is no stranger to the issue (such as myself).
I don't know. My mind is too bogged down to assign meaning to what is floating around. Maybe it's just fuzziness from fatigue. I'm allowed to sleep, but honestly I don't want to. I feel like I need to stay awake, just incase anything happens.
::sigh.:: It's going to be a long night.
It's strange, really. Watching him sleep on the hospital bed. He's bald and blind from chemo. His whole body is practically atrophed, especially in the legs. He can't stand even if he wanted to. His skin has become terribly thin, and it's bruised severely on his arms and hands from the IV's they're giving him. Most people would not want to be in his condition for anything in the world, but he's still fighting. He's probably the most stubborn man in existence. Definitely a fighter, even though everyone else has lost hope for him.
He will return to the nursing home within the next day or so. I wish there was something that could be done for him. Watching him deteriorate makes me want to go into the medical profession and heal people. His illnesses have changed him. He has become much more humble and thankful. It saddens me that it has to be this way...especially since brain cancer is fairly rare. It makes me wonder a lot about people and humanity. And perhaps God even.
Even though I am better at articulating myself in writing, it seems like it all escapes me at this moment. It's so layered and complex that I can't quite nail it all down. Do I pity my uncle? I'm not sure. Am I sad? Yes.
Ultimately, I just wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could spare him from his suffering. Chemo made him sick, and the tumor has started growing again. He's too weak to go through chemo and radiation again. The prognosis looks very grim indeed. Even still, there's a small part of me that wills him to get better, even though he will be blind for the rest of his life should the cancer go into remission. It would be a small sacrifice for preserving his life.
All I know is that my heart sinks thinking about it. Mom says that his time is coming and it makes me a little nervous. No one likes to hear that, even if one is no stranger to the issue (such as myself).
I don't know. My mind is too bogged down to assign meaning to what is floating around. Maybe it's just fuzziness from fatigue. I'm allowed to sleep, but honestly I don't want to. I feel like I need to stay awake, just incase anything happens.
::sigh.:: It's going to be a long night.