(no subject)
I'd type up a real update, but then I remember my problem with opening myself up to people.
Wow, that was a total and complete waste of time.
But then again, I think of all the people that really want to know something about me, besides all of the things they can grasp from talking to me. Things like the fact that I don't really like talking about myself, and will change the subject as soon as humanly possible without making it too blatant that I don't like talking to myself.
But it's up to the people who will actually care to read this, because I know that more than half of my friends list is people who skip over the things that I randomly post every two months or so.
I'd update more if I knew anybody on the stupid list even cared. Ah, but I made friends with people that either disappeared, don't care anymore, or whom I've now made impossible to contact me. The list can be seperated into two other categories as well. People I used to roleplay with, and people who know me from school or knew me when I was like what? Thirteen? People who can't possibly know me anymore because I've so drastically changed from being brilliantly extroverted to casually introverted without even a trace left of that existence.
People that despite what they may think, I may or may not be inclined to actually respond to them when they talk to me. People that more than once have crossed me in the past, purposefully, that tore me apart without even trying to help me get back together. Thanks to that, I'm more like Amber than I could ever hope to be. And the more I'm like her, the less I'm like her.
Came a time when every starfall brought you to tears again.
And it's true, despite everything, that I once used to swell up and become angry at the drop of a hat. Touchy can't even be used to describe what I used to be like. Stupid, naive, trusting.
But now? I gave myself to Amber.. as much as I was willing to.. and in return, so reciprocated what I gave, but let Xia mold what that was into what I've become. Powerful, destructive, masculine, observant, disobediant, manipulative.
As much as I'd like to deny the last adjective, it's the truth, and I can't. I've learned, through Amber's help, how to pull the strings of those that think they're close. People that hurt Xia, people that hurt Amber, those people become puppets that I can effortlessly tug around just by saying a couple of words. Not with lies, but with the truth. By introducing the truth in a way that they haven't heard from anyone else. pure, and it makes them as drunk as if oxygen were alcohol.
Reckless, risk-taking. Calculating. How many times have I almost been hit by cars? How many times have I rode through the rain miles at a time only to ride miles back just as soaked? How many times have I had to ride a bicycle with my eyes closed and only using my memory of the road to steer? But how good have I become at this?
Then again. It could all be a lie, and I could be pulling everyone on a string right now.
But I don't lie.
I just tell what comes naturally.
I'd like to thank smam and laurasue for always including me when they could(which was little, but they did nonetheless), and taikodrum for being a timeless friend. With her you could start up a conversation you had with her months ago, and she would still care. She's awesome like that. Also, thank you, emi01 for always remembering my birthday.
Wow, that was a total and complete waste of time.
But then again, I think of all the people that really want to know something about me, besides all of the things they can grasp from talking to me. Things like the fact that I don't really like talking about myself, and will change the subject as soon as humanly possible without making it too blatant that I don't like talking to myself.
But it's up to the people who will actually care to read this, because I know that more than half of my friends list is people who skip over the things that I randomly post every two months or so.
I'd update more if I knew anybody on the stupid list even cared. Ah, but I made friends with people that either disappeared, don't care anymore, or whom I've now made impossible to contact me. The list can be seperated into two other categories as well. People I used to roleplay with, and people who know me from school or knew me when I was like what? Thirteen? People who can't possibly know me anymore because I've so drastically changed from being brilliantly extroverted to casually introverted without even a trace left of that existence.
People that despite what they may think, I may or may not be inclined to actually respond to them when they talk to me. People that more than once have crossed me in the past, purposefully, that tore me apart without even trying to help me get back together. Thanks to that, I'm more like Amber than I could ever hope to be. And the more I'm like her, the less I'm like her.
Came a time when every starfall brought you to tears again.
And it's true, despite everything, that I once used to swell up and become angry at the drop of a hat. Touchy can't even be used to describe what I used to be like. Stupid, naive, trusting.
But now? I gave myself to Amber.. as much as I was willing to.. and in return, so reciprocated what I gave, but let Xia mold what that was into what I've become. Powerful, destructive, masculine, observant, disobediant, manipulative.
As much as I'd like to deny the last adjective, it's the truth, and I can't. I've learned, through Amber's help, how to pull the strings of those that think they're close. People that hurt Xia, people that hurt Amber, those people become puppets that I can effortlessly tug around just by saying a couple of words. Not with lies, but with the truth. By introducing the truth in a way that they haven't heard from anyone else. pure, and it makes them as drunk as if oxygen were alcohol.
Reckless, risk-taking. Calculating. How many times have I almost been hit by cars? How many times have I rode through the rain miles at a time only to ride miles back just as soaked? How many times have I had to ride a bicycle with my eyes closed and only using my memory of the road to steer? But how good have I become at this?
Then again. It could all be a lie, and I could be pulling everyone on a string right now.
But I don't lie.
I just tell what comes naturally.
I'd like to thank smam and laurasue for always including me when they could(which was little, but they did nonetheless), and taikodrum for being a timeless friend. With her you could start up a conversation you had with her months ago, and she would still care. She's awesome like that. Also, thank you, emi01 for always remembering my birthday.