(no subject)
just wrote an exam. have another this evening and one more tomorrow. i really really really should study. but i just want to relax for a minute. just five more minutes...
i want to be done with school NOW. I"m sick of it. Constantly having shit on your mind, just to shove them off onto another day, and then all of a sudden you don't know how the fuck you'll get it all done. then after a short panic attack you get to it. with the aid of lots of coffee and refusal of sleep. and although you wonder what the point is, knowing full well you're never going to retain this trivial bit of information that you have to write a paper on, you still hold on to that promise that all this crap will eventually amount to something worth while. and that you'll benefit in the long run.
ah yes, university. the biggest sales pitch of them all. because a degree isn't even all that anymore. if you really want to get somewhere you better get your phD. It'll only cost the unceasing raping of your mind for the next seven years. And at the end of it you'll either be educated but insane, or completely institutionalized and then you're just their little monkey turning some very complex tricks.
I want to think without knowing which theories are influencing my descision. I want to stop analysing every commercial or conversation or senario i experience. Stop getting to the deeper meaning because there is some fucked up highly stratagized shit going on here. I want to believe in free will, rather than construction. because after a while socialization doesn't become that much different than genetic cloning. after a while you notice that the apocolipse happened a long, long time ago and we're just the zombies that unfortunately survived. and maybe all the prophets already returned, except they came back as women so no one gave them any credit, or called them irrational simply because they weren't used to that sort of logic, or were too busy trying to get into their pants to listen to what they were saying.
anyways. enough of that.
i hate it when people shake my hand but don't look me in the face while they greet me. what is that? i immediately lose any interest i had in getting to know them. they are worse than red necks.
and now for something completely different
on the weekend i was outside and had a really cold nose and i when i came inside i went up to a girl i just met once before and said "my nose is really cold" and touched her cheek with it. after i did it i thought "that was probably weird for some one who doesn't know me." so i tried to laugh it off and said "i bet you thought i was going to kiss you or something" but i'm a bad mumbler and i could she didn't understand what i had said and probably only heard "blah blah kiss you blah blah". but she handled it well. said something like "yeah, your nose is really cold." and laughed. she's pretty cute, i liked her.
anyways, it's been more than five minutes now. I should go... i have a date with a text book.