So After 8 Months . . .
I'm updating my livejournal. I don't know why, no one writes in this or reads these anymore. But oh well.
I am way beyond stressed out right now. I have no car. Which means that getting to and from my jobs is a constant uphill battle. Plus, I can't just go sit in the Barnes and Nobles and read for hours anymore. It's upsetting. My phone keeps turning itself off and not connecting. But I can't get a new one until April, because phone companies are the devil. (Although I DO have a new definition of hell that involves bad phones, no car, polishing silverware, and cleaning sugar caddies.)
I'm feeling a little thin skinned right now, too. I hate it. Everything kinda fell apart at the same time, and I'm trying to get back to being ok, but it's really hard. I'm all insecure and weak and it's grossing me out. If anyone has a way to get me back to being myself, let me know. Cause I'm really not a fan of this person I'm being right now. I'm in this weird place within me where I take everything said very very personally. So things that I would have found really funny two weeks ago, when everything was ok, are suddenly personal attacks. I really don't know why, but I'm having a rough time getting over it. It's really strange. And I know it's me, but I can't seem to fix it? I don't know. I'm sure this too shall pass.
I haven't really been able to talk to Emma in a couple days, which is weird in itself. Because it just . . . is. We usually talk for a while every single day. We talked a bit a few days ago, but that was mainly because she's going through kind of a crisis, what with being in love with her best guy friend and all. That really has to suck. I don't know if that has ever happened to me, so I'm not very helpful. All I can do is list reasons why this is not a good idea. And even then, the only way I can do that is in a way to make her laugh so I don't seem like I'm attacking her unrequited love. (Which is a phrase I hate.) I haven't really talked to my mom in several days either. The last time I had a real conversation with her was last Sunday, when Wes and I were driving back to town. And even that one was really short. I want to have a long, real conversation with her. But I can't even really tell her everything that's wrong right now, like I usually do, because she'll get upset and worried and I can't handle dealing with her worry on top of my own. I haven't seen Molly in two weeks, and that was only for a little while. I need some quality girl time with her, but she's been MIA since Emmett got back into town, which is ok, except that I need her right now.
Blah.
Wow. I'm depressing right now. I'm really not depressed. It's just that things that are good are so very outweighed right now by things that are bad. But there IS good. I'm going to see Bernadette Peters tonight. Ben Prater bought tickets for us. I am SO excited. I don't really know what possessed him to do it, but I'm totally pumped. I've only seen her on stage once, in Gypsy. She was amazing. A-mazing. Yay! So, that's really exciting. My work is going really well. At both places. I've built up enough seniority at Hannahs that when I told my boss yesterday that I needed tonight off, he said, "Ok, we'll work it out. Have fun." Plus, they're giving me all the shifts I need, and I'm actually making money at that restaurant. Which is wonderful. I've built up amazing raport with the members at the country club. To the point where I could do almost anything at that job, and management won't do anything about it because the members love me. It makes me really happy. Right before the new year, I was stuck in Cincinatti, and I had to call in there and tell them I wasn't showing up, and they said fine. Then, on the day that I DID go in, I left after an hour and a half because my poor boyfriend got in a big scary car wreck. And they said fine. (Actually, what my gm said was "Whitney. Go. Just . . . go.") So, that's good. I had a lot of fun last night. (Even though I lost pretty tremendously at that game.) And apparently, I'm going to New Orleans for Spring Break, which is exciting, because I've never been there. My voice has been completely here for a long time, now, which is incredible. I kinda wanna get in touch with people I knew in high school to tell them about it, because no one I know here understands how important that is. I try to explain how when I was in high school, I was hoarse more than I was able to sing. That I didn't have a head voice. At all. That my belt didn't go very high. That the difference in my voice from even just last year is unbelieveable to me. And I don't care how full of myself I might sound because I am SO excited. Plus, I've been trying new things that seem to be working with it. And that's neat. Also, I've managed to get the people who I don't want to be around out of my life. I see no more of Joey, or Jen. Or Jesse. OH! Speaking of him, he sent me an email that said "I miss you a lot. Call me." Well, I didn't have his phone number, until he texted me on Thursday night. Four time. Both things that said "I miss you. I hope everything is going well. I think we should get together and talk." etc etc. I just ignored them. Hopefully, that will make them go away, right?
So really, things are going really well in my life. I'm just . . . feeling strange. Hmmmm.
Oh well. Again, "this too shall pass."
I am way beyond stressed out right now. I have no car. Which means that getting to and from my jobs is a constant uphill battle. Plus, I can't just go sit in the Barnes and Nobles and read for hours anymore. It's upsetting. My phone keeps turning itself off and not connecting. But I can't get a new one until April, because phone companies are the devil. (Although I DO have a new definition of hell that involves bad phones, no car, polishing silverware, and cleaning sugar caddies.)
I'm feeling a little thin skinned right now, too. I hate it. Everything kinda fell apart at the same time, and I'm trying to get back to being ok, but it's really hard. I'm all insecure and weak and it's grossing me out. If anyone has a way to get me back to being myself, let me know. Cause I'm really not a fan of this person I'm being right now. I'm in this weird place within me where I take everything said very very personally. So things that I would have found really funny two weeks ago, when everything was ok, are suddenly personal attacks. I really don't know why, but I'm having a rough time getting over it. It's really strange. And I know it's me, but I can't seem to fix it? I don't know. I'm sure this too shall pass.
I haven't really been able to talk to Emma in a couple days, which is weird in itself. Because it just . . . is. We usually talk for a while every single day. We talked a bit a few days ago, but that was mainly because she's going through kind of a crisis, what with being in love with her best guy friend and all. That really has to suck. I don't know if that has ever happened to me, so I'm not very helpful. All I can do is list reasons why this is not a good idea. And even then, the only way I can do that is in a way to make her laugh so I don't seem like I'm attacking her unrequited love. (Which is a phrase I hate.) I haven't really talked to my mom in several days either. The last time I had a real conversation with her was last Sunday, when Wes and I were driving back to town. And even that one was really short. I want to have a long, real conversation with her. But I can't even really tell her everything that's wrong right now, like I usually do, because she'll get upset and worried and I can't handle dealing with her worry on top of my own. I haven't seen Molly in two weeks, and that was only for a little while. I need some quality girl time with her, but she's been MIA since Emmett got back into town, which is ok, except that I need her right now.
Blah.
Wow. I'm depressing right now. I'm really not depressed. It's just that things that are good are so very outweighed right now by things that are bad. But there IS good. I'm going to see Bernadette Peters tonight. Ben Prater bought tickets for us. I am SO excited. I don't really know what possessed him to do it, but I'm totally pumped. I've only seen her on stage once, in Gypsy. She was amazing. A-mazing. Yay! So, that's really exciting. My work is going really well. At both places. I've built up enough seniority at Hannahs that when I told my boss yesterday that I needed tonight off, he said, "Ok, we'll work it out. Have fun." Plus, they're giving me all the shifts I need, and I'm actually making money at that restaurant. Which is wonderful. I've built up amazing raport with the members at the country club. To the point where I could do almost anything at that job, and management won't do anything about it because the members love me. It makes me really happy. Right before the new year, I was stuck in Cincinatti, and I had to call in there and tell them I wasn't showing up, and they said fine. Then, on the day that I DID go in, I left after an hour and a half because my poor boyfriend got in a big scary car wreck. And they said fine. (Actually, what my gm said was "Whitney. Go. Just . . . go.") So, that's good. I had a lot of fun last night. (Even though I lost pretty tremendously at that game.) And apparently, I'm going to New Orleans for Spring Break, which is exciting, because I've never been there. My voice has been completely here for a long time, now, which is incredible. I kinda wanna get in touch with people I knew in high school to tell them about it, because no one I know here understands how important that is. I try to explain how when I was in high school, I was hoarse more than I was able to sing. That I didn't have a head voice. At all. That my belt didn't go very high. That the difference in my voice from even just last year is unbelieveable to me. And I don't care how full of myself I might sound because I am SO excited. Plus, I've been trying new things that seem to be working with it. And that's neat. Also, I've managed to get the people who I don't want to be around out of my life. I see no more of Joey, or Jen. Or Jesse. OH! Speaking of him, he sent me an email that said "I miss you a lot. Call me." Well, I didn't have his phone number, until he texted me on Thursday night. Four time. Both things that said "I miss you. I hope everything is going well. I think we should get together and talk." etc etc. I just ignored them. Hopefully, that will make them go away, right?
So really, things are going really well in my life. I'm just . . . feeling strange. Hmmmm.
Oh well. Again, "this too shall pass."