someone has to take the fall. why not me?
I'm waiting for something all the time and I don't know what it is. I'm so damn confused and so fucking scared and I don't even know anymore it's panic personified God damn it why the hell am I like this all the time? I'm typing away a mile a minute right now because I can't handwrite nearly as fast as I think and I really really really need to vent right now even though i have no good reason for feeling the need to and there's no way I could stream of conscious-speak because I suck at talking in general and as a rule take about forty minutes to figure out how to say things the way that I want to and apparently this little splurge is better? what the hell. I've never known myself particularly well but all of a sudden I'm a complete stranger to myself all of the time and I'm just going to stop now because there is so much more that I could be writing and am thinking right now and if I don't stop it's going to be worse. the. end.