(no subject)
like clockwork, he called me last night as he does every friday and saturday night. i was sound asleep and didnt see the missed call until this morning. i did my bell ringing volunteer stuff this morning and returned his call. it went well and then i decided i wanted to see him. its been a month. we've never gone that long and so i got on the bus. it is so cold out today.
cincinnati weather is the oddest. it was 70 the past 2 days and then 30-40's and rainy today. WTF. i got to his house and it was a little weird. i didnt expect to feel much of anything when i saw him. but i did. i was happy. i was smiling. we hugged and snuggled and he kissed my forehead and gave me a pair of his socks to wear because my feet were cold.
i kept the socks. i always kept the clothes he let me wear. for the first time in a VERY long time, the time spent with him ended without a fight or me crying. he drove me to the bus stop and that was that.
all of the feelings are back. they are good ones though. he was telling me how much he likes his new place and i told him i liked the old apartment better and he called me a girl and said i only liked it because of the memories. he may have been right because it was a dumpy little shithole but i LOVED it. if i could fathom living on west mcmicken being a small white girl, i would rent that place in a heartbeat.
today was validation of my feelings. i love him. i love him after 2 years. i love him despite all the shit that has gone on. i love him despite his stinky boy smell. i love his laughing green eyes, the softness of his tummy and the way i put my cold hands under his shirt and he complains cuz they are so cold but lets me leave them there anyway. i love how kissing him is so different from any other kiss ive had. i love how i fit perfectly in his arms. i just do. i cant help this.
surprisingly im not sad today. im nostalgically (is that even a word?) happy.
yes yes, i fully expect for some of you to read this and mutter "stupid girl .. she knows better.." in your heads and i do no better but im one to go with my instinct and i needed this. i needed a good day.
cincinnati weather is the oddest. it was 70 the past 2 days and then 30-40's and rainy today. WTF. i got to his house and it was a little weird. i didnt expect to feel much of anything when i saw him. but i did. i was happy. i was smiling. we hugged and snuggled and he kissed my forehead and gave me a pair of his socks to wear because my feet were cold.
i kept the socks. i always kept the clothes he let me wear. for the first time in a VERY long time, the time spent with him ended without a fight or me crying. he drove me to the bus stop and that was that.
all of the feelings are back. they are good ones though. he was telling me how much he likes his new place and i told him i liked the old apartment better and he called me a girl and said i only liked it because of the memories. he may have been right because it was a dumpy little shithole but i LOVED it. if i could fathom living on west mcmicken being a small white girl, i would rent that place in a heartbeat.
today was validation of my feelings. i love him. i love him after 2 years. i love him despite all the shit that has gone on. i love him despite his stinky boy smell. i love his laughing green eyes, the softness of his tummy and the way i put my cold hands under his shirt and he complains cuz they are so cold but lets me leave them there anyway. i love how kissing him is so different from any other kiss ive had. i love how i fit perfectly in his arms. i just do. i cant help this.
surprisingly im not sad today. im nostalgically (is that even a word?) happy.
yes yes, i fully expect for some of you to read this and mutter "stupid girl .. she knows better.." in your heads and i do no better but im one to go with my instinct and i needed this. i needed a good day.