(no subject)
i can't bear thinking selfishly like this...how can i possibly think of me when she's hurt this bad?...
i think...because she had someone, and i had someone once, and i remember what it felt like when all of a sudden they weren't with me anymore...
just an inkling...but its enough...enough to make me remember how alone i've been the past three years...
i pretend that it doesn't bother me...that my career is all i need and all i want,,,i act like it doesn't bother me that i don't have any friends here to spreak of...
but the reality of the situation is that my heart is breaking, and i don't think its going to get any easier as time goes by...this success means nothing to me anymore...all i'm trying to do is keep my head above water and not get caught up in the reality of all this chaos...
i feel so empty...i just want to be happy again...i want to kiss someone on the cheek and make them giggle again...
god...i just need to matter again...
none of this that i have...none of it means anything anymore...
i think...because she had someone, and i had someone once, and i remember what it felt like when all of a sudden they weren't with me anymore...
just an inkling...but its enough...enough to make me remember how alone i've been the past three years...
i pretend that it doesn't bother me...that my career is all i need and all i want,,,i act like it doesn't bother me that i don't have any friends here to spreak of...
but the reality of the situation is that my heart is breaking, and i don't think its going to get any easier as time goes by...this success means nothing to me anymore...all i'm trying to do is keep my head above water and not get caught up in the reality of all this chaos...
i feel so empty...i just want to be happy again...i want to kiss someone on the cheek and make them giggle again...
god...i just need to matter again...
none of this that i have...none of it means anything anymore...