ask me now, and ill run away with you
ive been feeling so strange lately.
very small and unimportant.
its the shittiest feeling ever.
makes you want to die.
i pretty much had an emotional breakdown at kyles yesterday.
meaning he had to see me be pathetic and cry about nothing.
in other, totally recent, news..
harmony just found sonic reducer.
i have my puppy back!
last weekend was pretty nice.
spent friday - sunday at lukes
with all the kids.. there was so much fucking beer.
i cant even tell you how many 24 packs were empty by morning.
yes i can; a fuck ton.
picture that.
blehhhhhh i hate sundays.
i just got back from tallahassee an hour ago.
i might go back later cause this weeks our spring break.
'cept if i stayed tonight, id have to leave in the morning for
work at ten and it just doesnt seem worth it.
on the other hand, my mother has been out of town in ATL
since friday and wont be back til tuesday.
it sucks being able to do whatever the fuck you want
but feeling so shitty that you cant even make up your mind.
my fucking life story.
went to a st patricks day party with stacie, amber, gwen, and karla
on the FSU campus last night. we were motherfucking rockstars.
there were too many kids there. too many lurks.
we got all dolled up, slightly, and changed our names for the night.
stacie; aka wynona. amber; aka jezebel. gwen; aka marla.
karla; aka janice. and shiloh; aka sheila.
we danced all night to shitty music.
amber and i were taking beer shots from the keg
because there were no more regular cups. it was, nonetheless, cute.
i drank vodka.. i dont know why. i hate vodka.
i tried to start a pit with gwen when joy division came on.
they werent diggin it. so before we left, i put on the clash,
and danced my drunk ass out the door and into the street with my girls.
i love them more than they know.
i know im a fuck up and can be absolutely ridiculous when im drunk..
but i think thats how you know who your friends are.
the ones that love you entirely, even though they know what a fuck up you are.
i hope all this shit is making sense. last night was good, but i
feel weird today [body;drug wise].
ughhh i feel like i have so much to talk about but i cant
remember it all or i dont have enough time to type it all out.
AVEDA. i went there saturday. they told me i was perfect; exactly what
they were looking for. and i really felt comfortable there.
everyone was really nice. i graduate in may and they want me to start
June 5th. if so, id probably be done by December.
the girl i talked to asked if i wanted to open my own salon one day.
doubtful.
one of the top hair professionals walked in and told me that i had a future in this industry.
maybe.
she told me that i would definitely change peoples lives working there.
and i told her that that was exactly what i want to do with my life.
but i just keep thinking about how superficial it all seems.
its fucking awesome that aveda exists, dont get me wrong, i love it.
but if i really wanted to help people, i could be doing soo much more.
a fucking billion different things.. things that im more passionate about.
i love making people feel better about themselves, i really do.
but i want more. im not saying i have to be stuck in the cosmotology world
forever, but its a start. i just want it to be a good start, and the right choice.
obviously, anyone can be a cosmotologist. there are soo many out there.
all cutting, coloring, styling, and shit. all taught pretty much the same
hair and makeup guidelines. all striving to be creative and successful. sounds
dull. how the fuck could i possibly stand out in that environment?
i need more. i hate settling for something i feel that is, not
necessarily below me.. i duno, id just feel like im not
doing everything i know that i can. if i have the passion and the
drive to do so much more, why the fuck would i settle for something
less of what i feel that i could do?
sense.. am i making it?
k.
im gonna go figure out what im doing with my life.
and probably feed my dog.
hooray for boobies
p.s.
i might take sonic to lake ella to hang out today.
a nice, fine day of being reunited.
you can come, too. call me. ill be around.
edit: horse the band played with heavy heavy low low last night.
i hate myself for not going. but luke, kyle, sheilds, etc went..
and matt kicked the drummers ass in fooseball. yeahhhsonnn.
life is good.