(no subject)
People are fucking wretched in times of crisis…
I have learned that when shit gets real people get running. I like to see the good in people even if you don’t believe it. So I would like to think that when something bad happens that people would step up. But as we all know I can be delusional. And I think that I am definitely crazy in assuming that people would know how to step up. People love to stick around when things are good and when you are laughing. But when laughter turns to tears and the good turns to bad where do they all go? People always expect you to be there when they need you. But when the situation becomes reversed you are expected to handle your own shit. Which is fine and good. But just know that I am exhausted right now exhausted and shit has only just begun. For the most part I am a fantastic pretender, I can pretend till the cows come home that your shit is important and significant. Hmm but right now not so much…
I usually pretend because everyone has this need to feel validated and to feel like they matter and that they are a significant part of this world. And for some reason people value what I say and think. So I go with it. I will pretend with you that your he said she said nonsense really does make a damn in this massive world we live in. But my pretending time is over for the moment. Shit is real out there, real problems exist. Problems that people didn’t bring upon themselves. And here most of us are whining and complaining about how he said this and she did that, yet its our own damn fault and then we wont do a damn thing about it because that means that we are wrong and that we messed up. And taking responsibility for our own actions is waaaaaaay to much to ask of people now a days.
As hard as it is to watch people run away that is just life. Its times like these that you have to evaluate who you really are. And as difficult as that is some times you realize how fucking strong you are. All the bullshit you have dealt with since day one all of the times you have been the person people lean on for support all those times you didn’t understand why it was happening, you see that it made you the person you are today. And as much as you wish you didn’t have to deal with certain things, as much as you wish you hadn’t see things or been around things you realize that it is all a part of who you are. You can sit and whine and complain about it all. And ask why my why me??? But what the hell does that get you? What? Absofuckinglutely nothing. You just have to take what you are given and realize you cant change what has happened. Use what you have to become a better and stronger person.
Your own inner strength is what will truly get you through things nothing else. Your support system helps there is no doubt about that. But at the end of the day when you have your head on your pillow it’s only you and God. And if you don’t know God you don’t know anything. He will give you what you need to go on. I know that if He wasn’t a part of my life I would have been done for a long long time ago. And right now He is the only thing getting me through this right now.