(no subject)
Hrmm. I forgot about this thing's existence for a while now.
Lots of drama has ensued since my last entry, I can say that much.
Takuto can get hit by foul ball at Dodger stadium. Right in the face. Just like in Fever Pitch. Seriously. =_=
I try not to hate and hold grudges, but he makes it soooo hard to not let go, and to not continue getting angry.
I don't wanna waste my time bitching about him though.
Things've gone to Hell. Like, no joke really. To utter Hell.
Within this short time span, I've destroyed my own morales. Just BOOM! destroyed.
I'm not much complaining about drinking again. Not at all. I just detest how low my alcohol tolerance is now. It's like.. nothing. But with time, I'm sure I can build it back up.
I still hate drugs though. That's somethat that won't change for sure. I refuse to touch any substance that's illegal. REFUSE. REFUSE. REFUSE.
Peer pressure on me with that is fruitless. I will not hesistate to bitchslap anyone trying to push a joint my way. Test me on it too. *growl*
Speaking of destroyed.
I believe I just blew my family apart yet again. They all look down on me. If I wasn't the black sheep then, I certainly am now. What would cause such a stir up you may ask..?
Well, let's just say I dropped a huge bomb over their heads. Except it wasn't me who pushed the button to release it. T'was Scar's cracked out mother who did. Yup. She called my dad while I was out and told him everything that's been going on.
Such a joyous 'family meeting' that was.
"What's so bad about Scar?" Some of you may be asking.
Well nothing anymore. He is a changed man. A better one. Much better. However, it's still quite unforgivable to the members of my family of how he manipulated me and tried to do me in the past while I was just a wee fourteen years old... That was.. three years ago. And during those three years, he'd been coming back to stalk me and attempt murder.
I MUST be crazy to be with him, no?
Well yeah. That's a given. I'm crazy, but hell, I'm not stupid. If he were the same psychotic, nitwit, jackass, stalker that I had come to fear.. I would more than love to call the cops on him. But I saw the change. War tends to do that to a person.. a radical 180 I gotta say.
Plus that, reading back on the xanga entries we'd done together way back when, made a little lightbulb go over my head. I loved him then, and gawddamn, I still did/do.
Psychos belong together I suppose.
Anyway.
He treats me more than right this time around. He's apologized and laid himself before my feet begging for forgiveness and all that jazz. Any military-type of man who's able to push his immense pride aside to just admit to all guilt and faults.. what am I gonna do, turn the other cheek? No, I'm gonna give him a second chance. And thus far, it's been wonderful. He's proven how real his feelings are, and how motivated he is to make us work this time around.
Course stuff such as that goes right over my dad's head. And I understand why. I mean, I'd be in utter shock if he just accepted things and believed our intentions from the get-go.
But alas, I've been told to my face many a time now.
Not only am I not my mother's daugther, but I am also a great disappointment to this family.
Mmmhmmm. Always a great thing to hear. Certainly does things to my constantly contradicting and weak psyche.
I would love to throw myself onto the freeway and take the shortcut of life, but...
I'm better/smarter than that at least. I still got things to live for. Plenty of things. I got the person I love and am willing to endure such treatment and shunning, I got a good art college waiting for my application and portfolios, and I certainly still have my close friends who care deeply for me.
All's not fine, but all's not shit either.
I'll keep walking, no worries!
Just smile and laugh, right?
Lots of drama has ensued since my last entry, I can say that much.
Takuto can get hit by foul ball at Dodger stadium. Right in the face. Just like in Fever Pitch. Seriously. =_=
I try not to hate and hold grudges, but he makes it soooo hard to not let go, and to not continue getting angry.
I don't wanna waste my time bitching about him though.
Things've gone to Hell. Like, no joke really. To utter Hell.
Within this short time span, I've destroyed my own morales. Just BOOM! destroyed.
I'm not much complaining about drinking again. Not at all. I just detest how low my alcohol tolerance is now. It's like.. nothing. But with time, I'm sure I can build it back up.
I still hate drugs though. That's somethat that won't change for sure. I refuse to touch any substance that's illegal. REFUSE. REFUSE. REFUSE.
Peer pressure on me with that is fruitless. I will not hesistate to bitchslap anyone trying to push a joint my way. Test me on it too. *growl*
Speaking of destroyed.
I believe I just blew my family apart yet again. They all look down on me. If I wasn't the black sheep then, I certainly am now. What would cause such a stir up you may ask..?
Well, let's just say I dropped a huge bomb over their heads. Except it wasn't me who pushed the button to release it. T'was Scar's cracked out mother who did. Yup. She called my dad while I was out and told him everything that's been going on.
Such a joyous 'family meeting' that was.
"What's so bad about Scar?" Some of you may be asking.
Well nothing anymore. He is a changed man. A better one. Much better. However, it's still quite unforgivable to the members of my family of how he manipulated me and tried to do me in the past while I was just a wee fourteen years old... That was.. three years ago. And during those three years, he'd been coming back to stalk me and attempt murder.
I MUST be crazy to be with him, no?
Well yeah. That's a given. I'm crazy, but hell, I'm not stupid. If he were the same psychotic, nitwit, jackass, stalker that I had come to fear.. I would more than love to call the cops on him. But I saw the change. War tends to do that to a person.. a radical 180 I gotta say.
Plus that, reading back on the xanga entries we'd done together way back when, made a little lightbulb go over my head. I loved him then, and gawddamn, I still did/do.
Psychos belong together I suppose.
Anyway.
He treats me more than right this time around. He's apologized and laid himself before my feet begging for forgiveness and all that jazz. Any military-type of man who's able to push his immense pride aside to just admit to all guilt and faults.. what am I gonna do, turn the other cheek? No, I'm gonna give him a second chance. And thus far, it's been wonderful. He's proven how real his feelings are, and how motivated he is to make us work this time around.
Course stuff such as that goes right over my dad's head. And I understand why. I mean, I'd be in utter shock if he just accepted things and believed our intentions from the get-go.
But alas, I've been told to my face many a time now.
Not only am I not my mother's daugther, but I am also a great disappointment to this family.
Mmmhmmm. Always a great thing to hear. Certainly does things to my constantly contradicting and weak psyche.
I would love to throw myself onto the freeway and take the shortcut of life, but...
I'm better/smarter than that at least. I still got things to live for. Plenty of things. I got the person I love and am willing to endure such treatment and shunning, I got a good art college waiting for my application and portfolios, and I certainly still have my close friends who care deeply for me.
All's not fine, but all's not shit either.
I'll keep walking, no worries!
Just smile and laugh, right?