Be the name that everyone must mention~
[Current Mood: *stares* ]
[Weapon of the day: Foam disk gun in one hand, cap gun in the other! ]
[Current game of fancy: E-L-E-V-E-N, though I did get to see the Kingdom Hearts 2 opening movie thing and be BAFFLED by it]
Well, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and will continue to have a fantastic holiday season. Season's greetings and all that, hippies :)
Hazel FERNANDES (as it is showing up in my play list) - Number One rocks. Of course, I knew this a while ago, but didn't really get it until yesterday. Something that really connects with me, I guess. Deity/Hero/Narcissistic tendancies? Maybe. If any of you watch Bleach, I'm sure you'll recognize it (if you don't already have it already....) PAIN IN THE BUTT TO FIND :D
Hmm. Where to start... Guess I'll post warning that this post may get overly long. It has been over three months since I last posted :D And while I was kinda off and on about posting things for a bit, I didn't really get to it until now.
Guess we'll start with the trip. In...I think it's two days time, I'll be heading towards Los Angeles with parentals, siblings, spouse and child. I think part of me is slightly nervous to see them again, but I think I'm more...kinda...uh, hoping the trip goes decently well. It'll only be like 3-4 days, I think, but I'd prefer everyone having a good time and behaving. Or I'm going to have to get grumpy *snaps teeth* So yeah, gonna be real glad to see them, real glad to let them see and hold Aya, and fingers crossed that they don't overdo any parental things...or Missa super grumping at them....or Aya reacting badly. Asdlkfjlaskdpqopojalbladjflskdfj...fun stuff. *Pretends to have things under control*
Speaking of Missa, she's kinda sick *pats poor Meow-meow*. She said the cold meds helped out a bit earlier tonight, but her speech was completely hampered by the sore throat before she took them. Slight fever, and soreness too *massages*. Hopefully, she'll get better soon. I'm also keeping my fingers crossed that my Frodo Baggins curse doesn't happen (and no, I'm not jinxing anything :p). Basically, I get sick every New Years...it'll be out of the blue, and usually leaves quickly. Quite odd.
Our Christmasy celebrating/family get together thing was alright. Food was pretty good, lots of gifts handed out, kids had fun and misbehaved lots. ^^ Got clothes, a lot of fun little toy things, as well as a few gift cards. This is tacked onto the money my uncle and aunt sent (as per usual). I think after this trip that'll be next on the list. They keep sending stuff down and it just feels wrong not being able to visit them...and the rest of the family. I got to talk to a good chunk of them today and it felt nice. Really hope it gets done this year...I dunno if I can deal like this much more. Getting twitchy and all that. Four years and lack of progress is just meh. Leaving nothing but pondering how much quicker it would've been the other way, but seeing as Missa didn't wanna deal with the weather, I figured we'd go with down here first. Seems I'm back here saying the same thing every year, and it's getting on my nerves really bad. I'd really like to say that we'll get it done this year, but I think, deep down, I don't wanna know what will happen if it doesn't. Every year that bypasses is definitely a knife wound at oppurtunity and another hand up for consequence. Doesn't sit well at all. Going to give the year the chance though, in hopes that it's not even the whole year (pleasefortheloveoffreakingevildontbe).*hastrustinMissaandhopefullyselfaswelltogetitdoneasitmaybekindaimportant*
I think this leads me onto what I wanted to rant on tonight/this morning. Mostly about me. So forgive me if this gets boring. I find myself able to stand up for a lot of things I believe would be fair/equal/right in my eyes (now I don't think most people would add the "my eyes part"). I think I'd better state that there are a lot things I would let slide because I believe their importance in the whole scheme of things may not be as grand as others make it out to be. However, I've taught myself to evaluate the situation as such, that situation, and not allowing too many of the outside factors (what should be, how it's usually done) come into play. Even with similarities, I try to gauge the situation as different, and as such, the outcome could be different if slight things are changed. Meaning that what worked before may not work again (or it may) but perhaps there was a better way around, and it's better to search for that. In truth, that may not only be it. I find myself arguing with myself over these paths, constantly. Arguing for people before letting them argue sometimes. Running scenarios through my mind, obvious to the fact that since I am me I cannot truly produce the thoughts carried by another person, however, I think to myself maybe I'm running the arguement as a way to be prepared for what to say, what to do. I can't say I don't have things I don't put some...value in, as it is part of the basic imprint that one eventually ends up growing with, through the combination of stimuli/situations/interactions with other things that occur. So deep down, there's that part of me that will be swayed to things I believe that are usually right (my brain tells me that I should emphasize "usually right" as that's how it is, there will be a situation where it's not right). Obviously, never unbiased, no matter how hard the attempt is. Sometimes, depending on situations (ie. things of competition really work this next part well), I'll just abandon it all and go with the emotion of things, which usually in hindsight, I feel like it sucks, but in the natural order of things, couldn't be avoided. Even right now as I type this, I'm kinda battling out what I'm trying to say (which seemed so plain when I was laying down in bed a few minutes ago, but kinda jumbled now).
I think (and I could wake up tomorrow and tell myself I'm wrong here) that I am slightly bothered by trying (for I am not sure if it's actually happening or is it just something I am deluding myself into doing) to expand my mind and not accept things always as they is. Mostly because it seems to leave a lot of things hanging in a balance of shades of grey. I know how this is how a lot of things must be most of the time, but for some reason it has caused an uneasiness in me. Originally I was wondering if I was perhaps envious of people who would be supporting their ideals with such blind virtue that they would not be swayed no matter the details. That kind of determination is impressive sometimes, but if you overdo it, it can also be stupid, nasty, and all that kinda fun stuff. I think it is partially that, as well as the part where I miss the easiness of going with "what's right" (though, of course, sometimes it's not even easy, but after some thought loops, it just seems from this end that it was easier). Maybe that's just the laziness talking. The brain complaining I'm doing more than really needs to be done. It counterattacks to tell itself that if it doesn't do it on a regular basis, then it will go onto such ways of thinking and be exempt from something that may be much bigger. I guess when faced with simple and easy vs diffucult but more to explore I am trying to go with easy to explore. I don't think that's possible though. At least, of course, not in most situations. I'm pretty sure some of them work out. It really does get annoying sometimes. Wonder if you can develop schizophrenia like this. Just argue with yourself to the point that your mind seperates into different entities. I SAW IT WORK ON TV! :O I guess there are some things on my mind now that I keep discussing to myself in an amalgm of ways and it just becomes so cluttered I just wish it was simpler. No stress, but a lot of thinking. And it rests between a slight sense of euphoria to make the brain think so hard as well as a crippling defeat to know that nothing has truly been accomplished. I try for the complete answer when it might not even be there. And while it's easy to argue to say there isn't one, the deep down belief that nothing is 100% is basically stating "there probably is, look harder". Woo! XD
Yeah, that might've been full of crack, as I don't think I got to say what I really wanted to get out of my mind. Meh, oh well, I'm sure it'll be a fun read whenever I get back to it on a later date (and to anyone actually willing to sit through that extremely elongated and probably abyssmally drab diatribe). I'll come back and say "What the fuck was I on?" or "Oh crap, that's what I really wanted to say.....ah well." Or even perhaps "Well damn, I had it before and lost it >_<, way to give up the answer in the morning and forget about it later that day, dumbass!" I'm not even sure if that's all of it, but the brain says to stop because it doesn't wanna try anymore.
Well, on lighter notes of things~
Aya now has gotten a better concept of Christmas. Opening presents, not screaming at Santa in fear, and all that. Bonus.
Game wise (muahahah, you will not be spared), I have a slight leveling deadlines to meet, which shouldn't be too hard. The Chains of Promathia static that I've joined has almost finished chapter 6 (which means we're now delving into uncapped things that I will need to be higher for, instead of completing them in these capped area/BC fights XD). So the goal is 70, for two reasons. I've also promised to be around 70 by mid February so I can show off the hat I got for Christmas XD ahahahahaha *geeksabout*. However, it's not as bad as one would think. Outside of leveling 46-63 almost completely solo on ninja (which is what the static needs, a tank), I can usually squeeze out a level a week by myself (that's like an hour/90 minutes, at most), and probably infinitely more if I took the time to go level with *gasp* people. I guess I can put up with the hectic monotony for a month, just as long as it isn't too much at once. Hell, going by previous rant notes, it might not even be bad, and in fact, fun. Hahah, guess we'll see...the whole 4 levels on thf (woo, 19, six more to go XD) were definitely a nice change, and maybe I wouldn't mind trying that again. First thing is first though. I've got a gimp subjob to take care of :D The slight battle between wanting to be a ranger but needed as the ninja continues to rage on, too. I guess it'd be easier if I didn't find doing the ninja thing fun as well XD Ah, whatever. CoP is fantastically fun so far though *stabs Snoll Tzar in the teeth*. RAWR for story things~
4:46 am, so if none of this makes sense, I blame that. I'm physically....not all that tired, but my mind keeps slipping a bit here and there. Badly thought out ramblings suck. We'll see if any applies later.
Did I mention I got my hair cut :D And even better, the lady did a pretty good job~ (well, I think so XD) She didn't style it the way I usually do, but that was nothing some water and gel didn't fix ^^ Wee, scalp can feel the air again. The pigtails look, though adorable (and infinitely more had I put on some make up to highlight my pretteh eyes and luscious lips :3) was nice (especially after the shave, so it looked less like the semi-scraggly bearded lady), but I definitely like having my short hair back >_>
The mighty Fej is back in Edmonton, which I think is pretty cool. I do miss E-town sometimes. I guess that's how old homes are. I get the feeling if I left here though, I'd miss it too XD Ahahaha. SENTIMENTAL! (that one's for you Mira!). Yeah, anyways, he's living 14 floors up in the middle of downtown, and getting used to having people, and most importantly, internet back again XD Why am I rambling on my friend?! I dunno. I think the Edmonton thing was what I really wanted to kinda go on about XD
Though he did mention he might wanna visit again in May, but I dunno. He mentioned it in passing, and with plans to kinda purchase a house and all (which seems kinda scary, him being just a single guy and all and not really needing one) I figure it may not come to pass. He can be surprising though. Sometimes.
Okay, I better stop now. I'm just striving to hit the five page mark on the entry now>_> (last count was at a little over four pages when I pasted it into MS Word :D). So yeah, to reiterate, I hope you guys are having a good time this holiday season. As usual, all friends get <3333s and licks, all rivals get snarky comments, all enemies (do I have any? Maybe an evil twin!) get a kung fu strike, my Ayadork gets <333333333333333333s and my Missa wins because she gets <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!~ She needs the bonus to feel better *nods*.
Oh wait, final note. Got to see my cat while at Missa's 'rents house. Kyo, the giant floofball gay orange cat :D He spent the whole night laying around with George. Still a mellow one he be, and still wish we could keep him XD
~if you wanna see some action
gotta be the center of attraction....
okay, had to edit out my shifty eyes because they killed the thing...
[Weapon of the day: Foam disk gun in one hand, cap gun in the other! ]
[Current game of fancy: E-L-E-V-E-N, though I did get to see the Kingdom Hearts 2 opening movie thing and be BAFFLED by it]
Well, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and will continue to have a fantastic holiday season. Season's greetings and all that, hippies :)
Hazel FERNANDES (as it is showing up in my play list) - Number One rocks. Of course, I knew this a while ago, but didn't really get it until yesterday. Something that really connects with me, I guess. Deity/Hero/Narcissistic tendancies? Maybe. If any of you watch Bleach, I'm sure you'll recognize it (if you don't already have it already....) PAIN IN THE BUTT TO FIND :D
Hmm. Where to start... Guess I'll post warning that this post may get overly long. It has been over three months since I last posted :D And while I was kinda off and on about posting things for a bit, I didn't really get to it until now.
Guess we'll start with the trip. In...I think it's two days time, I'll be heading towards Los Angeles with parentals, siblings, spouse and child. I think part of me is slightly nervous to see them again, but I think I'm more...kinda...uh, hoping the trip goes decently well. It'll only be like 3-4 days, I think, but I'd prefer everyone having a good time and behaving. Or I'm going to have to get grumpy *snaps teeth* So yeah, gonna be real glad to see them, real glad to let them see and hold Aya, and fingers crossed that they don't overdo any parental things...or Missa super grumping at them....or Aya reacting badly. Asdlkfjlaskdpqopojalbladjflskdfj...fun stuff. *Pretends to have things under control*
Speaking of Missa, she's kinda sick *pats poor Meow-meow*. She said the cold meds helped out a bit earlier tonight, but her speech was completely hampered by the sore throat before she took them. Slight fever, and soreness too *massages*. Hopefully, she'll get better soon. I'm also keeping my fingers crossed that my Frodo Baggins curse doesn't happen (and no, I'm not jinxing anything :p). Basically, I get sick every New Years...it'll be out of the blue, and usually leaves quickly. Quite odd.
Our Christmasy celebrating/family get together thing was alright. Food was pretty good, lots of gifts handed out, kids had fun and misbehaved lots. ^^ Got clothes, a lot of fun little toy things, as well as a few gift cards. This is tacked onto the money my uncle and aunt sent (as per usual). I think after this trip that'll be next on the list. They keep sending stuff down and it just feels wrong not being able to visit them...and the rest of the family. I got to talk to a good chunk of them today and it felt nice. Really hope it gets done this year...I dunno if I can deal like this much more. Getting twitchy and all that. Four years and lack of progress is just meh. Leaving nothing but pondering how much quicker it would've been the other way, but seeing as Missa didn't wanna deal with the weather, I figured we'd go with down here first. Seems I'm back here saying the same thing every year, and it's getting on my nerves really bad. I'd really like to say that we'll get it done this year, but I think, deep down, I don't wanna know what will happen if it doesn't. Every year that bypasses is definitely a knife wound at oppurtunity and another hand up for consequence. Doesn't sit well at all. Going to give the year the chance though, in hopes that it's not even the whole year (pleasefortheloveoffreakingevildontbe).*hastrustinMissaandhopefullyselfaswelltogetitdoneasitmaybekindaimportant*
I think this leads me onto what I wanted to rant on tonight/this morning. Mostly about me. So forgive me if this gets boring. I find myself able to stand up for a lot of things I believe would be fair/equal/right in my eyes (now I don't think most people would add the "my eyes part"). I think I'd better state that there are a lot things I would let slide because I believe their importance in the whole scheme of things may not be as grand as others make it out to be. However, I've taught myself to evaluate the situation as such, that situation, and not allowing too many of the outside factors (what should be, how it's usually done) come into play. Even with similarities, I try to gauge the situation as different, and as such, the outcome could be different if slight things are changed. Meaning that what worked before may not work again (or it may) but perhaps there was a better way around, and it's better to search for that. In truth, that may not only be it. I find myself arguing with myself over these paths, constantly. Arguing for people before letting them argue sometimes. Running scenarios through my mind, obvious to the fact that since I am me I cannot truly produce the thoughts carried by another person, however, I think to myself maybe I'm running the arguement as a way to be prepared for what to say, what to do. I can't say I don't have things I don't put some...value in, as it is part of the basic imprint that one eventually ends up growing with, through the combination of stimuli/situations/interactions with other things that occur. So deep down, there's that part of me that will be swayed to things I believe that are usually right (my brain tells me that I should emphasize "usually right" as that's how it is, there will be a situation where it's not right). Obviously, never unbiased, no matter how hard the attempt is. Sometimes, depending on situations (ie. things of competition really work this next part well), I'll just abandon it all and go with the emotion of things, which usually in hindsight, I feel like it sucks, but in the natural order of things, couldn't be avoided. Even right now as I type this, I'm kinda battling out what I'm trying to say (which seemed so plain when I was laying down in bed a few minutes ago, but kinda jumbled now).
I think (and I could wake up tomorrow and tell myself I'm wrong here) that I am slightly bothered by trying (for I am not sure if it's actually happening or is it just something I am deluding myself into doing) to expand my mind and not accept things always as they is. Mostly because it seems to leave a lot of things hanging in a balance of shades of grey. I know how this is how a lot of things must be most of the time, but for some reason it has caused an uneasiness in me. Originally I was wondering if I was perhaps envious of people who would be supporting their ideals with such blind virtue that they would not be swayed no matter the details. That kind of determination is impressive sometimes, but if you overdo it, it can also be stupid, nasty, and all that kinda fun stuff. I think it is partially that, as well as the part where I miss the easiness of going with "what's right" (though, of course, sometimes it's not even easy, but after some thought loops, it just seems from this end that it was easier). Maybe that's just the laziness talking. The brain complaining I'm doing more than really needs to be done. It counterattacks to tell itself that if it doesn't do it on a regular basis, then it will go onto such ways of thinking and be exempt from something that may be much bigger. I guess when faced with simple and easy vs diffucult but more to explore I am trying to go with easy to explore. I don't think that's possible though. At least, of course, not in most situations. I'm pretty sure some of them work out. It really does get annoying sometimes. Wonder if you can develop schizophrenia like this. Just argue with yourself to the point that your mind seperates into different entities. I SAW IT WORK ON TV! :O I guess there are some things on my mind now that I keep discussing to myself in an amalgm of ways and it just becomes so cluttered I just wish it was simpler. No stress, but a lot of thinking. And it rests between a slight sense of euphoria to make the brain think so hard as well as a crippling defeat to know that nothing has truly been accomplished. I try for the complete answer when it might not even be there. And while it's easy to argue to say there isn't one, the deep down belief that nothing is 100% is basically stating "there probably is, look harder". Woo! XD
Yeah, that might've been full of crack, as I don't think I got to say what I really wanted to get out of my mind. Meh, oh well, I'm sure it'll be a fun read whenever I get back to it on a later date (and to anyone actually willing to sit through that extremely elongated and probably abyssmally drab diatribe). I'll come back and say "What the fuck was I on?" or "Oh crap, that's what I really wanted to say.....ah well." Or even perhaps "Well damn, I had it before and lost it >_<, way to give up the answer in the morning and forget about it later that day, dumbass!" I'm not even sure if that's all of it, but the brain says to stop because it doesn't wanna try anymore.
Well, on lighter notes of things~
Aya now has gotten a better concept of Christmas. Opening presents, not screaming at Santa in fear, and all that. Bonus.
Game wise (muahahah, you will not be spared), I have a slight leveling deadlines to meet, which shouldn't be too hard. The Chains of Promathia static that I've joined has almost finished chapter 6 (which means we're now delving into uncapped things that I will need to be higher for, instead of completing them in these capped area/BC fights XD). So the goal is 70, for two reasons. I've also promised to be around 70 by mid February so I can show off the hat I got for Christmas XD ahahahahaha *geeksabout*. However, it's not as bad as one would think. Outside of leveling 46-63 almost completely solo on ninja (which is what the static needs, a tank), I can usually squeeze out a level a week by myself (that's like an hour/90 minutes, at most), and probably infinitely more if I took the time to go level with *gasp* people. I guess I can put up with the hectic monotony for a month, just as long as it isn't too much at once. Hell, going by previous rant notes, it might not even be bad, and in fact, fun. Hahah, guess we'll see...the whole 4 levels on thf (woo, 19, six more to go XD) were definitely a nice change, and maybe I wouldn't mind trying that again. First thing is first though. I've got a gimp subjob to take care of :D The slight battle between wanting to be a ranger but needed as the ninja continues to rage on, too. I guess it'd be easier if I didn't find doing the ninja thing fun as well XD Ah, whatever. CoP is fantastically fun so far though *stabs Snoll Tzar in the teeth*. RAWR for story things~
4:46 am, so if none of this makes sense, I blame that. I'm physically....not all that tired, but my mind keeps slipping a bit here and there. Badly thought out ramblings suck. We'll see if any applies later.
Did I mention I got my hair cut :D And even better, the lady did a pretty good job~ (well, I think so XD) She didn't style it the way I usually do, but that was nothing some water and gel didn't fix ^^ Wee, scalp can feel the air again. The pigtails look, though adorable (and infinitely more had I put on some make up to highlight my pretteh eyes and luscious lips :3) was nice (especially after the shave, so it looked less like the semi-scraggly bearded lady), but I definitely like having my short hair back >_>
The mighty Fej is back in Edmonton, which I think is pretty cool. I do miss E-town sometimes. I guess that's how old homes are. I get the feeling if I left here though, I'd miss it too XD Ahahaha. SENTIMENTAL! (that one's for you Mira!). Yeah, anyways, he's living 14 floors up in the middle of downtown, and getting used to having people, and most importantly, internet back again XD Why am I rambling on my friend?! I dunno. I think the Edmonton thing was what I really wanted to kinda go on about XD
Though he did mention he might wanna visit again in May, but I dunno. He mentioned it in passing, and with plans to kinda purchase a house and all (which seems kinda scary, him being just a single guy and all and not really needing one) I figure it may not come to pass. He can be surprising though. Sometimes.
Okay, I better stop now. I'm just striving to hit the five page mark on the entry now>_> (last count was at a little over four pages when I pasted it into MS Word :D). So yeah, to reiterate, I hope you guys are having a good time this holiday season. As usual, all friends get <3333s and licks, all rivals get snarky comments, all enemies (do I have any? Maybe an evil twin!) get a kung fu strike, my Ayadork gets <333333333333333333s and my Missa wins because she gets <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!~ She needs the bonus to feel better *nods*.
Oh wait, final note. Got to see my cat while at Missa's 'rents house. Kyo, the giant floofball gay orange cat :D He spent the whole night laying around with George. Still a mellow one he be, and still wish we could keep him XD
~if you wanna see some action
gotta be the center of attraction....
okay, had to edit out my shifty eyes because they killed the thing...