Defying Gravity
This is a present for mawaru_berry and 13fireflies because I was being a sneak on their convo I wanted to write them something and this pairing(s) is so suitable <3
This songfic? was from the Glee version of Defying Gravity, because I thought it was beautiful =D
***********************************************************
DEFYING GRAVITY
~
Something has changed within me.
Hyukjae doesn’t think anything of it when Hankyung keeps sneaking glances at his phone during dance practice; it was just a phone.
(It was just one of the other members or his parents or manager hyung)
Hankyung doesn’t check his phone though and Donghae, Hankyung, Shindong and Hyukjae make up a new dance that has sharp twists and turns and complicated leg movements and they grin when Donghae mentions showing the dance to Heechul.
(they do eventually, but only when the other was in a good mood and manager hyung was there)
They’re stumbling out the door, sweaty and hot and looking forward to getting some soju in the little shop at the corner where they always went after grueling practices, just the four of them; it was special, it was routine.
They are cramped into a tiny table at the back and Hyukjae is on his second bottle when he’s shoved over on the bench by Donghae as Hankyung pulls Kyuhyun down next to him. There’s laughter and teasing and food all over the table as Donghae and Shindong arm wrestle and Hankyung is laughing at a joke Kyuhyun manages to say with a deadpan expression; the atmosphere is warm and loud and content.
Hyukjae wonders why he’s the only one who feels like something had just been broken.
He asks Hankyung later, casual and calm as they are stumbling upstairs, why he invited Kyuhyun. Hankyung turns to him with a puzzled expression and a warm smile as he shrugs, “It’s Kyu.”
They all fall asleep on the floor in the lounge and Hyukjae glances over at Hankyung sleeping on Kyuhyun’s stomach and he thinks that it doesn’t explain anything at all.
Except it explains everything.
~
I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game
Sometimes, Hyukjae thinks he’s crazy.
Like when he lets Sungmin drag him off somewhere, even though he knows from that smirk that nothing good will comes out of it. Like when he goes along with Donghae’s pranks, even when he knows Eeteuk is going to kill him afterwards.
And like when he thinks Hankyung is like gravity and he’ll spin out of control and disappear into space if the Chinese man wasn’t here to ground him. Sometimes he thinks that without Hankyung, the world would just fall to pieces.
He watches Kyuhyun whispering into Hankyung’s neck and the way their legs are hooked together as they sit leaning against the mirrors and he thinks he’s definitely crazy.
Then Hankyung’s dancing and Hyukjae doesn’t know what to think.
~
Too late for second guessing
Kyuhyun doesn’t come the next time, or the time after that and everything is just like it used to be and Hyukjae slips an arm around Hankyung’s waist and they laugh at Donghae doing backflips around the floor.
“I think we should change the dance”
It comes out naturally as if they were talking about the weather and not changing a goddamn dance they had worked for weeks to perfect. Hyukjae freezes but doesn’t say anything, even though he feels like screaming.
“What?”
“It’s too difficult, some of the others won’t be able to master it”
Hyukjae thinks of the explanation from days ago and somehow it sounds exactly the same. Hankyung doesn’t say it, but Hyukjae hears it anyway.
It’s Kyu. Because Kyu can’t master it.
Hyukjae nods and they change the dance and he feels like some part of him just died on the inside.
The world hasn’t fallen to pieces. Only Hyukjae’s world has.
~
Too late to go back to sleep
Hyukjae thinks that Hankyung and Kyuhyun have the most screwed up relationship in the world.
Hankyung watches Kyuhyun wrap an arm around Sungmin and slip a hand along Ryeowook’s waist. Hyukjae watches Hankyung watching and wonders how he can still be smiling so happily. Kyuhyun stands there as Siwon draps himself over Hankyung and as the Chinese man banters and plays around with Donghae. Hyukjae stands there beside Kyuhyun and he wonders how he can resist running forward and pulling them apart.
The relationship is so casual and open that it barely seems to exist sometimes. He’s seen Ryeowook and Shiwon and Donghae all wander into Kyuhyun and Hankyung’s shared room and not come out till the morning after and Hyukjae thinks that maybe, maybe there is still a chance for him.
Then he sees the way they drift together after each performance, the way they shrug off all other hands till they are standing together and it’s always only their hands on each other during the drive home. He sees the way that they lean their heads together and they way their hands clasp together like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He sees the way they look at each other, like there’s a book to be read and nothing else was important.
DBSK comes to visit one day and Eunhyuk is so happy that Junsu is there that he forgets about everything else, at least until he goes to get Hankyung for dinner and he sees the Chinese man in between Kyuhyun and Jaejoong, pressed in tight and hands sliding along bare skin and tongues tracing patterns along that slender neck. They don’t come down for dinner and Hyukjae looks away when they finally do, because Jaejoong is limping and Hankyung has bite marks all down his neck.
Hyukjae buries his face in Junsu’s neck and hopes that his best friend can help him breathe. He whispers Junsu’s name like a plea, over and over, until it turns into Hankyung on his lips.
~
It’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap
There’s surprise in their eyes, when Hyukjae opens the door and locks it behind him.
They’re lying in bed and Kyuhyun is carding his fingers through soft hair and Hankyung has his hand on Kyuhyun’s face. They’re not doing anything but staring at each other and Hyukjae feels like the biggest voyeur.
Hyukjae’s glad he doesn’t have to say anything as the understanding sparks in those eyes as he takes off his jacket and starts to unbutton his shirt, because he’s not sure what will come spilling out of his mouth.
(I want you, what the hell am I doing, fuck me, get out)
There are hands sliding along his skin and his clothes and Hyukjae is reeling, because he’s actually touching Hankyung, the hair soft underneath his fingers and the feel of narrow hips beneath his palm as he inches off the jeans that the Chinese man was still wearing. He presses his lips to the soft skin he had always dreamed of touching and the only thing marring this dream are the hands that slide past his waist to grab at Hankyung’s ass and the body pressed in behind him.
21 minutes.
That’s how long heaven lasts. Hyukjae’s wanted to touch, to kiss, to feel so badly, craved this man so badly, that he was hard by the time they stopped kissing and his mind goes blank when Hankyung snuck a hand between them and stroked. It’s a blessing that Kyuhyun doesn’t join in, instead he lies at the head of the bed watching with a smirk when Hyukjae goes to push Hankyung down, only to find himself being shoved into the mattress. It hurts and it’s not how he had imagined at all, but Hyukjae can’t bring himself to care, because this was Hankyung.
Hyukjae comes with a loud piercing cry, hands fisting in the sheets and he’s utterly spent and he’s trying to breathe, except his heart is beating too fast for him to remember how. He shakes through his high and Hankyung trembles on top of him, inside of him and he closes his eyes, pretending to sleep so he wouldn’t be fucked by Kyuhyun next. The idea of the man who stole away his- stole away Hankyung touching him made him feel sick.
And if he can’t speak, he can stop himself from begging to be taken by Hankyung again.
The bed shifts and Hankyung jerks as Kyuhyun slips in behind and slides a finger inside of him. Hyukjae squeezes his eyes shut and tries not to yell as he feels Hankyung jerk and rock his hips and the steadily hardening length still inside of him. By the time Kyuhyun pulls Hankyung back and out of Hyukjae, the Chinese man is throbbing and rock hard and Hyukjae feels every inch of that length as it slides against the raw skin of his entrance.
Hyukjae lies there motionless as the bed rocks and the mattress squeak. He doesn’t move even when he feels a hand or a leg or flushed skin brush against him and he can hear every single moan and gasp coming from centimeters beside him as Kyuhyun thrusted Hankyung into the mattress.
Hankyung comes screaming Kyuhyun’s name and Hyukjae tries to remember what Hankyung had screamed when he had come inside of Hyukjae.
It couldn’t have been nothing; it couldn’t.
~
It’s time to try defying gravity, I think I’ll try defying gravity
It’s years later and Hyukjae has a girlfriend by the time Kyuhyun and Hankyung announces to the world that they are dating.
Hyukjae sits beside his girlfriend and they watch it on the television, curled up on the couch.
They are still ridiculously into each other, the way nudge each other with their legs and the way sneak glances at each other and the quick kisses they exchange when they think no one is looking, even when the whole world is looking and they’re just too caught up in each other to notice.
The media and the fans are all fawning over the lovers when they hold hands in public and there’s a blush on Hankyung’s face and a beaming grin on Kyuhyun’s. Then Hankyung’s saying something about finding his home at last and Kyuhyun’s saying how Geng makes him soar, higher and wilder, morphing into something that can’t be expressed by words and can’t be contained in music sheets- they’ll have to strum his soul to understand- and everyone is won over.
Hyukjae laughs because Hankyung makes Kyuhyun soar, but he’s forever chaining Hyukjae down. And he laughs because he remembers Ryeowook and Yesung screaming at each other and Kibum crying in the bathroom and the way Kangin and Sungmin avoided each others’ eyes,
The most screwed up relationship turns out to be the one with the happy ending.
~
Kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity
He does the design himself, even though it’s pretty simple and straight forward and the English words burn from the white notebook page and Hyukjae stares at them for the entire trip there, even when his girlfriend is talking to him.
Defying Gravity. The words are scripted and decorative and he folds the paper carefully into his jeans pocket and kisses her on the cheek, telling her he’ll be back in a few minutes.
The man doesn’t ask any questions when Hyukjae gives him the piece of paper and just inks the exact words on the page onto the base of his neck. It’s over and done in less than half an hour and the paper is thrown into the bin and his neck tingles.
Hyukjae walks out of the tattoo palour and kisses his girlfriend and she’s surprised it’s done so fast and he just laughs.
His hands clench at his jeans all through dinner and the ripped piece of paper inside his pocket, burns like a brand along with his tattoo. He crumples the paper and drops it into the fire, but he still catches De- before it's swallowed up by the flames.
(destruction, despair, death, demons, defying)
It’s mocking and condemning and Hyukjae knows that he’ll never be able to fly now.
//
<3
This songfic? was from the Glee version of Defying Gravity, because I thought it was beautiful =D
***********************************************************
DEFYING GRAVITY
~
Something has changed within me.
Hyukjae doesn’t think anything of it when Hankyung keeps sneaking glances at his phone during dance practice; it was just a phone.
(It was just one of the other members or his parents or manager hyung)
Hankyung doesn’t check his phone though and Donghae, Hankyung, Shindong and Hyukjae make up a new dance that has sharp twists and turns and complicated leg movements and they grin when Donghae mentions showing the dance to Heechul.
(they do eventually, but only when the other was in a good mood and manager hyung was there)
They’re stumbling out the door, sweaty and hot and looking forward to getting some soju in the little shop at the corner where they always went after grueling practices, just the four of them; it was special, it was routine.
They are cramped into a tiny table at the back and Hyukjae is on his second bottle when he’s shoved over on the bench by Donghae as Hankyung pulls Kyuhyun down next to him. There’s laughter and teasing and food all over the table as Donghae and Shindong arm wrestle and Hankyung is laughing at a joke Kyuhyun manages to say with a deadpan expression; the atmosphere is warm and loud and content.
Hyukjae wonders why he’s the only one who feels like something had just been broken.
He asks Hankyung later, casual and calm as they are stumbling upstairs, why he invited Kyuhyun. Hankyung turns to him with a puzzled expression and a warm smile as he shrugs, “It’s Kyu.”
They all fall asleep on the floor in the lounge and Hyukjae glances over at Hankyung sleeping on Kyuhyun’s stomach and he thinks that it doesn’t explain anything at all.
Except it explains everything.
~
I’m through with playing by the rules of someone else’s game
Sometimes, Hyukjae thinks he’s crazy.
Like when he lets Sungmin drag him off somewhere, even though he knows from that smirk that nothing good will comes out of it. Like when he goes along with Donghae’s pranks, even when he knows Eeteuk is going to kill him afterwards.
And like when he thinks Hankyung is like gravity and he’ll spin out of control and disappear into space if the Chinese man wasn’t here to ground him. Sometimes he thinks that without Hankyung, the world would just fall to pieces.
He watches Kyuhyun whispering into Hankyung’s neck and the way their legs are hooked together as they sit leaning against the mirrors and he thinks he’s definitely crazy.
Then Hankyung’s dancing and Hyukjae doesn’t know what to think.
~
Too late for second guessing
Kyuhyun doesn’t come the next time, or the time after that and everything is just like it used to be and Hyukjae slips an arm around Hankyung’s waist and they laugh at Donghae doing backflips around the floor.
“I think we should change the dance”
It comes out naturally as if they were talking about the weather and not changing a goddamn dance they had worked for weeks to perfect. Hyukjae freezes but doesn’t say anything, even though he feels like screaming.
“What?”
“It’s too difficult, some of the others won’t be able to master it”
Hyukjae thinks of the explanation from days ago and somehow it sounds exactly the same. Hankyung doesn’t say it, but Hyukjae hears it anyway.
It’s Kyu. Because Kyu can’t master it.
Hyukjae nods and they change the dance and he feels like some part of him just died on the inside.
The world hasn’t fallen to pieces. Only Hyukjae’s world has.
~
Too late to go back to sleep
Hyukjae thinks that Hankyung and Kyuhyun have the most screwed up relationship in the world.
Hankyung watches Kyuhyun wrap an arm around Sungmin and slip a hand along Ryeowook’s waist. Hyukjae watches Hankyung watching and wonders how he can still be smiling so happily. Kyuhyun stands there as Siwon draps himself over Hankyung and as the Chinese man banters and plays around with Donghae. Hyukjae stands there beside Kyuhyun and he wonders how he can resist running forward and pulling them apart.
The relationship is so casual and open that it barely seems to exist sometimes. He’s seen Ryeowook and Shiwon and Donghae all wander into Kyuhyun and Hankyung’s shared room and not come out till the morning after and Hyukjae thinks that maybe, maybe there is still a chance for him.
Then he sees the way they drift together after each performance, the way they shrug off all other hands till they are standing together and it’s always only their hands on each other during the drive home. He sees the way that they lean their heads together and they way their hands clasp together like it’s the most natural thing in the world. He sees the way they look at each other, like there’s a book to be read and nothing else was important.
DBSK comes to visit one day and Eunhyuk is so happy that Junsu is there that he forgets about everything else, at least until he goes to get Hankyung for dinner and he sees the Chinese man in between Kyuhyun and Jaejoong, pressed in tight and hands sliding along bare skin and tongues tracing patterns along that slender neck. They don’t come down for dinner and Hyukjae looks away when they finally do, because Jaejoong is limping and Hankyung has bite marks all down his neck.
Hyukjae buries his face in Junsu’s neck and hopes that his best friend can help him breathe. He whispers Junsu’s name like a plea, over and over, until it turns into Hankyung on his lips.
~
It’s time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap
There’s surprise in their eyes, when Hyukjae opens the door and locks it behind him.
They’re lying in bed and Kyuhyun is carding his fingers through soft hair and Hankyung has his hand on Kyuhyun’s face. They’re not doing anything but staring at each other and Hyukjae feels like the biggest voyeur.
Hyukjae’s glad he doesn’t have to say anything as the understanding sparks in those eyes as he takes off his jacket and starts to unbutton his shirt, because he’s not sure what will come spilling out of his mouth.
(I want you, what the hell am I doing, fuck me, get out)
There are hands sliding along his skin and his clothes and Hyukjae is reeling, because he’s actually touching Hankyung, the hair soft underneath his fingers and the feel of narrow hips beneath his palm as he inches off the jeans that the Chinese man was still wearing. He presses his lips to the soft skin he had always dreamed of touching and the only thing marring this dream are the hands that slide past his waist to grab at Hankyung’s ass and the body pressed in behind him.
21 minutes.
That’s how long heaven lasts. Hyukjae’s wanted to touch, to kiss, to feel so badly, craved this man so badly, that he was hard by the time they stopped kissing and his mind goes blank when Hankyung snuck a hand between them and stroked. It’s a blessing that Kyuhyun doesn’t join in, instead he lies at the head of the bed watching with a smirk when Hyukjae goes to push Hankyung down, only to find himself being shoved into the mattress. It hurts and it’s not how he had imagined at all, but Hyukjae can’t bring himself to care, because this was Hankyung.
Hyukjae comes with a loud piercing cry, hands fisting in the sheets and he’s utterly spent and he’s trying to breathe, except his heart is beating too fast for him to remember how. He shakes through his high and Hankyung trembles on top of him, inside of him and he closes his eyes, pretending to sleep so he wouldn’t be fucked by Kyuhyun next. The idea of the man who stole away his- stole away Hankyung touching him made him feel sick.
And if he can’t speak, he can stop himself from begging to be taken by Hankyung again.
The bed shifts and Hankyung jerks as Kyuhyun slips in behind and slides a finger inside of him. Hyukjae squeezes his eyes shut and tries not to yell as he feels Hankyung jerk and rock his hips and the steadily hardening length still inside of him. By the time Kyuhyun pulls Hankyung back and out of Hyukjae, the Chinese man is throbbing and rock hard and Hyukjae feels every inch of that length as it slides against the raw skin of his entrance.
Hyukjae lies there motionless as the bed rocks and the mattress squeak. He doesn’t move even when he feels a hand or a leg or flushed skin brush against him and he can hear every single moan and gasp coming from centimeters beside him as Kyuhyun thrusted Hankyung into the mattress.
Hankyung comes screaming Kyuhyun’s name and Hyukjae tries to remember what Hankyung had screamed when he had come inside of Hyukjae.
It couldn’t have been nothing; it couldn’t.
~
It’s time to try defying gravity, I think I’ll try defying gravity
It’s years later and Hyukjae has a girlfriend by the time Kyuhyun and Hankyung announces to the world that they are dating.
Hyukjae sits beside his girlfriend and they watch it on the television, curled up on the couch.
They are still ridiculously into each other, the way nudge each other with their legs and the way sneak glances at each other and the quick kisses they exchange when they think no one is looking, even when the whole world is looking and they’re just too caught up in each other to notice.
The media and the fans are all fawning over the lovers when they hold hands in public and there’s a blush on Hankyung’s face and a beaming grin on Kyuhyun’s. Then Hankyung’s saying something about finding his home at last and Kyuhyun’s saying how Geng makes him soar, higher and wilder, morphing into something that can’t be expressed by words and can’t be contained in music sheets- they’ll have to strum his soul to understand- and everyone is won over.
Hyukjae laughs because Hankyung makes Kyuhyun soar, but he’s forever chaining Hyukjae down. And he laughs because he remembers Ryeowook and Yesung screaming at each other and Kibum crying in the bathroom and the way Kangin and Sungmin avoided each others’ eyes,
The most screwed up relationship turns out to be the one with the happy ending.
~
Kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity
He does the design himself, even though it’s pretty simple and straight forward and the English words burn from the white notebook page and Hyukjae stares at them for the entire trip there, even when his girlfriend is talking to him.
Defying Gravity. The words are scripted and decorative and he folds the paper carefully into his jeans pocket and kisses her on the cheek, telling her he’ll be back in a few minutes.
The man doesn’t ask any questions when Hyukjae gives him the piece of paper and just inks the exact words on the page onto the base of his neck. It’s over and done in less than half an hour and the paper is thrown into the bin and his neck tingles.
Hyukjae walks out of the tattoo palour and kisses his girlfriend and she’s surprised it’s done so fast and he just laughs.
His hands clench at his jeans all through dinner and the ripped piece of paper inside his pocket, burns like a brand along with his tattoo. He crumples the paper and drops it into the fire, but he still catches De- before it's swallowed up by the flames.
(destruction, despair, death, demons, defying)
It’s mocking and condemning and Hyukjae knows that he’ll never be able to fly now.
//
<3