[fic] So Be It + [video] Welfare TV concert
This was written after I watched the Welfare TV concert...it was heartbreaking to watch and I felt like I needed to add something happier to all the fake smiles and hurting faces.
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Here's the videos. BE WARNED: it's heartbreaking because they are just so lost and broken without geng...
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SO BE IT (HanTeuk)
You loved the stage. You were a shining star and the stage only made you shine more, it was your platform, your world. Ever since you were little, you had dreamt of being on stage and now you were and you always thought you would live and die on the stage.
You are standing on stage now and there are the same smiling MCs and the same cheering fans and it’s the exact same song like you have done countless times before. The spotlight is on you and the cameras are rolling and you are in your habitat. Only now the light shines too bright and the cameras too sharp and you wish you were anywhere but here.
You feel the lack of energy, the lack of coordination, the emptiness that is there on the stage along with you all and the hollowness in your heart. You watch as Shindong and Eunhyuk mechanically go through the dance moves that usually had them pounding the stage with their power. You see the serious, solemn looks on Donghae and Ryeowook’s face, the usual smiles and cheer gone. You watch Sungmin hiding behind his glasses, the normal badboy smirk gone amid trembling pale lips and you see the flat, wooden look in Siwon’s mesmerizing eyes. You could only blink back tears as you try for once to avoid the camera. And for once you are glad to have that yelling part, because you actually have a reason to be screaming on stage.
You have always talked a lot, the words come easily to you, as easy as your laughing eyes and your smile. Now as you field the MC’s questions, you only wish it would end right now. The smile is slipping on your face and even though you don’t see the fake smile Yesung can’t quite manage to keep on and nor do you see the way Ryeowook and Donghae kept wiping at tears mixed with the sweat and you certainly don’t see the way Siwon does an odd jerking motion instead of his usual gestures and bows. But you do feel the tenseness, a sharp twisting scratch down your spine and the shifting movements of the others as they itch to just leave the stage.
You feel for the other three, a soft squeeze of hands the ony comfort you can offer before they go on stage. The tears that you had pushed down swells up as you watch Kyuhyun choke his way through the song, the hitch in his voice and fighting the tears and looking like a kid for once. They are sliding your cheek as Ryeowook struggles to take in the air, as if breathing hurt and the power of his voice a fraction of the usual. Then you see Yesung biting back tears and the urge to just throw the microphone down and you are sobbing, almost hysterical. Then there are warm, familiar hands rubbing circles on your back and you turn to see dark, sorrowful eyes and the tears flooding down Hankyung’s cheeks.
There’s an apology shouting out in those eyes, but you brush it away as you embrace him. It was not his fault and no one blamed him for it. It was the company that had hurt Hankyung, had pushed and pushed until he was broken. And now it had broken them. He hugs you tight and his hands fist in your shirt, but his eyes are focused outwards, beyond you to the trio singing on stage. You feel the wetness in your hair and against your cheeks and the rasping sobs coming from the two of you merge and then the others are joining in and you are all hugging tight, limbs entwined and heartbeats pressed together.
You hug Yesung tight as he comes off stage as Ryeowook and Kyuhyun both throws themselves into Hankyung’s arms. There are tears and sorrys and promises to be strong. And you smile properly for the first time that night. You had to be strong, after all you were the leader and you had to lead them out of this and if fighting against the company was what it took for to be near him, for all of you to be together, then so be it.
Hopefully SM will realise how much they need Chinaman...HANKYUNG FIGHTING <3
********************
Here's the videos. BE WARNED: it's heartbreaking because they are just so lost and broken without geng...
Click to view*************************
SO BE IT (HanTeuk)
You loved the stage. You were a shining star and the stage only made you shine more, it was your platform, your world. Ever since you were little, you had dreamt of being on stage and now you were and you always thought you would live and die on the stage.
You are standing on stage now and there are the same smiling MCs and the same cheering fans and it’s the exact same song like you have done countless times before. The spotlight is on you and the cameras are rolling and you are in your habitat. Only now the light shines too bright and the cameras too sharp and you wish you were anywhere but here.
You feel the lack of energy, the lack of coordination, the emptiness that is there on the stage along with you all and the hollowness in your heart. You watch as Shindong and Eunhyuk mechanically go through the dance moves that usually had them pounding the stage with their power. You see the serious, solemn looks on Donghae and Ryeowook’s face, the usual smiles and cheer gone. You watch Sungmin hiding behind his glasses, the normal badboy smirk gone amid trembling pale lips and you see the flat, wooden look in Siwon’s mesmerizing eyes. You could only blink back tears as you try for once to avoid the camera. And for once you are glad to have that yelling part, because you actually have a reason to be screaming on stage.
You have always talked a lot, the words come easily to you, as easy as your laughing eyes and your smile. Now as you field the MC’s questions, you only wish it would end right now. The smile is slipping on your face and even though you don’t see the fake smile Yesung can’t quite manage to keep on and nor do you see the way Ryeowook and Donghae kept wiping at tears mixed with the sweat and you certainly don’t see the way Siwon does an odd jerking motion instead of his usual gestures and bows. But you do feel the tenseness, a sharp twisting scratch down your spine and the shifting movements of the others as they itch to just leave the stage.
You feel for the other three, a soft squeeze of hands the ony comfort you can offer before they go on stage. The tears that you had pushed down swells up as you watch Kyuhyun choke his way through the song, the hitch in his voice and fighting the tears and looking like a kid for once. They are sliding your cheek as Ryeowook struggles to take in the air, as if breathing hurt and the power of his voice a fraction of the usual. Then you see Yesung biting back tears and the urge to just throw the microphone down and you are sobbing, almost hysterical. Then there are warm, familiar hands rubbing circles on your back and you turn to see dark, sorrowful eyes and the tears flooding down Hankyung’s cheeks.
There’s an apology shouting out in those eyes, but you brush it away as you embrace him. It was not his fault and no one blamed him for it. It was the company that had hurt Hankyung, had pushed and pushed until he was broken. And now it had broken them. He hugs you tight and his hands fist in your shirt, but his eyes are focused outwards, beyond you to the trio singing on stage. You feel the wetness in your hair and against your cheeks and the rasping sobs coming from the two of you merge and then the others are joining in and you are all hugging tight, limbs entwined and heartbeats pressed together.
You hug Yesung tight as he comes off stage as Ryeowook and Kyuhyun both throws themselves into Hankyung’s arms. There are tears and sorrys and promises to be strong. And you smile properly for the first time that night. You had to be strong, after all you were the leader and you had to lead them out of this and if fighting against the company was what it took for to be near him, for all of you to be together, then so be it.
Hopefully SM will realise how much they need Chinaman...HANKYUNG FIGHTING <3