(no subject)
GUYS. I'm sorry but look. You're going to have to be a little less interesting. I was meant to go to bed seven minutes ago, and I only just remembered to make dinner! *flunks. life.* (Memo to self: seriously. LEARN that you can never catch up on four days of LJ in three hours. It is not possible. There are probably even bumper stickers about it.)
(Argh, self, way to delete half your post by mistake. Sigh. Rephrasing!) Anyway. Before I leave you all and finish reading, to bookmark (the tabs of my heart!, to quote the venerable etben, (iirc)) and sleep, perchance to dream, please allow me to leave you with one proposal for immediate adoption by all members of the human race.
From now on, NO ONE is allowed on the internet without a basic, functioning grasp of this simple rule:
Know where your freakin' kill-switches are.
Now, realistically, that could refer to any one of a number of things. You may, in the course of human events while traversing the information superhighway1, need to perform one of these life- and pride-saving maneouvres within seconds, without recourse to the instruction manual, and under great stress. Common sense would imply that all of us would have a steady and unwavering grip on these basic principles, but alas, no.
The Volume Reducer:
I find several simple methods work most effectively for this aspect of net-horror. Should an innocent looking forward start blaring sex noises at you (or worse, multi-track overdubbed remixes of Cotton-Eye Joe2), you should be able to mute within several seconds. (Astronauts are required to be faster.) Personally, I favour the "stab the power supply button for the speakers", as it is a no-fail, instantaneous solution. Others may prefer a shortcut key or click to the volume icon, enabling either muting OR volume reducing, although be aware that, of course, this method is not infallible, in the case of severe Entropic Naked People Window Cascade.
The Screen Dissolver:
This is simple. TURN THE SCREEN OFF. Or just flick to an innocuous game of Solitaire or Word document. Again, not infallible in the case of sudden porn-cascade-esque shenanigans, but generally effective in shielding the eyes of your relatives from things they do not need to know about you. Or about small fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri3.
Simple. Effective. These rules should be engraved on the mousepad of any neophyte browser.
Thank you and good night.
(This post brought to you by the fact some idiot at local HQ at my dad's company sent him yet more links to "funny videos" and he does not turn his speakers down at all and augh, save me from fucking internet forwards, the end.)
1God, I can never think of that term without thinking of Microserfs. I love that book. (There is a large element of Oop! in how I regard my flist, if that makes sense.)
2Let's just say that my flist contains multitudes, and within those multitudes are some INCREDIBLY devious, creative and deliciously evil minds. And this example is not entirely at random.
3No longer the closest star to our solar system4! Which makes me a trifle sad, actually.
4Well, barring our sun, natch. PS: SAVE THE WHALES! (They're an early warning system for solar flares.)
(Argh, self, way to delete half your post by mistake. Sigh. Rephrasing!) Anyway. Before I leave you all and finish reading, to bookmark (the tabs of my heart!, to quote the venerable etben, (iirc)) and sleep, perchance to dream, please allow me to leave you with one proposal for immediate adoption by all members of the human race.
From now on, NO ONE is allowed on the internet without a basic, functioning grasp of this simple rule:
Know where your freakin' kill-switches are.
Now, realistically, that could refer to any one of a number of things. You may, in the course of human events while traversing the information superhighway1, need to perform one of these life- and pride-saving maneouvres within seconds, without recourse to the instruction manual, and under great stress. Common sense would imply that all of us would have a steady and unwavering grip on these basic principles, but alas, no.
The Volume Reducer:
I find several simple methods work most effectively for this aspect of net-horror. Should an innocent looking forward start blaring sex noises at you (or worse, multi-track overdubbed remixes of Cotton-Eye Joe2), you should be able to mute within several seconds. (Astronauts are required to be faster.) Personally, I favour the "stab the power supply button for the speakers", as it is a no-fail, instantaneous solution. Others may prefer a shortcut key or click to the volume icon, enabling either muting OR volume reducing, although be aware that, of course, this method is not infallible, in the case of severe Entropic Naked People Window Cascade.
The Screen Dissolver:
This is simple. TURN THE SCREEN OFF. Or just flick to an innocuous game of Solitaire or Word document. Again, not infallible in the case of sudden porn-cascade-esque shenanigans, but generally effective in shielding the eyes of your relatives from things they do not need to know about you. Or about small fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri3.
Simple. Effective. These rules should be engraved on the mousepad of any neophyte browser.
Thank you and good night.
(This post brought to you by the fact some idiot at local HQ at my dad's company sent him yet more links to "funny videos" and he does not turn his speakers down at all and augh, save me from fucking internet forwards, the end.)
1God, I can never think of that term without thinking of Microserfs. I love that book. (There is a large element of Oop! in how I regard my flist, if that makes sense.)
2Let's just say that my flist contains multitudes, and within those multitudes are some INCREDIBLY devious, creative and deliciously evil minds. And this example is not entirely at random.
3No longer the closest star to our solar system4! Which makes me a trifle sad, actually.
4Well, barring our sun, natch. PS: SAVE THE WHALES! (They're an early warning system for solar flares.)