For Right Now
Title: For Right Now
Raiting: PG
Genre: Angst, Drama
Pairing: broken!KangTeuk
Summary: Leeteuk finds himself wandering around like a kid, and while remembering the past he brings up the problems he's faced with.
The night grew older and older as Leeteuk layed awake in his bed. He couldn't seem to find the strength to do anything, let alone sleep. His eyes would shut letting him feel a false sleep, but open again in ten minutes making it feel like an hour or more to him. The moon shone through the window, the light hitting the large white comforter that convered his thin frame. His eyes gazed from the window following the light as it touched his bed. The outside seemed to call to him. Leeteuk sat up listening to the sounds of the dorm, nothing made a sound. He took a step on the cold wooden floor a shiver ran through his body as he put pressure on his foot, lifting him out of the bed.
He streteched for a while, yawning, and then looked aorund once again. His soft zip up hoodie lay on the back of his chair that pressued up against his desk. He quickly picked it up and set it on his lanky body. He crept softly to the door opening it quietly and dashed out of the dorm, slipping on shoes. He dashed down the stairs leadin him out of the building. The door slowly opened letting the cool air that was outside brush Leeteuk's face. He took in a deep breath allowing the cold air to fill his lungs. Leeteuk took a step out side and took in another breath. The air filled his body, his lungs, and his soul, making him cough softly.
Leeteuk rubbed his arms for a quick burst of air and began his journey. He briskly walked down the block turning himself in a different direction then he usually went. His mind began to race as his lungs started to become paralyzed by the pain. He shook off the pain and continued to walk off. He had a destination set in his mind, and he wouldn't stop until he reached there.
As he took each step he began to wonder if everyone realized how much pain he was going through right now. Did they know he was scared for his hyung? That every night he would pray to the gods, hoping that Boom would return safely. He would pray Tukutz would return to his beloved wife. That he hated to think about what might happen as Super Junior took a break. He sat in bed for hours upon hours hoping Kibum would return to Super Junior to fill the void they felt. He hoped all the best to Heechul in is acting, and hoped that Sungmin and Yesung's musical would get good reviews. Every minute of every day was already set hoping, wishing everything would work out.
Leeteuk stopped as he reached a crosswalk an stared infront of him. A small park appeared brining a smile to his face. He took in another deep breath holding back a strong cough that reached his throat. His body thrusted forward in pain as he held it in, causing his balance to be thrown off. Leeteuk gasped in more cold air as he felt, his stomach, lungs, and body screaming in pain. He coughed loudly holding his chest hoping to hold back the strong pain that pressed against it. He sat for a few minutes and rose again to face the park.
He ran across the street without thinking anything farther and ran for the swings. The park located itself perfectly so if he sa thimself in the correct position he could stare at the stoplight farther ahead. Leeteuk sat himself in the swing and began to pump his legs moving him back and forth. His shoes slipped off and the cold attacked his feet. Leeteuk coughed softly as he stared at the stoplight now turning green. Leeteuk smiled softly and memories flooded his mind.
He felt warm arms around him, holding him. A strong force behind him pushing him and he reached higher and higher, and in front of him a warm welcoming smiled appeared. Leeteuk closed his eyes recalling the memory, but as he did it vanshied. Leeteuk coughed again and shook the memories away. No matter what he did they would stay memories, and nothing would ever change that.
Leeteuk looked up at the stoplight again, watching it fade to a red color. Leeteuk sighed as the cars passed him. How couldn't everyone else see what was happening to him? He had no time to worry about himself while he had to take care of everyone else. And now without Kangin near him, Leeteuk felt betrayed. How could Kangin be so stupid? How much more idiotic could he get? Leeteuk wanted to shout these at Kangin, but knew he would only hurt him more. Leeteuk's heart ached watching Kangin tear himself up, screaming, drinking himself away locked in his room. Throught he wall Leeteuk could hear screams and painful cries. Leeteuk would just touch the wall letting tears run down his own cheeks, and a forceful urge to go in and stop him...but he never did.
He wanted to scream and tell Kangin off. How stupid of Kangin to only think of himself. Did he realize how much Leeteuk had given up to have Kangin by his side? He had given the secure memories he once had. Everything he once knew was gone. He'd walk around listening to people talk about how large of a faggot he was. He'd hear rumors, about how he would use the other members for sex because he was greedy when Kangin wasn't by his side. Each and ever banter was a hit to the heart Leeteuk couldn't take. He was tired of it, and frankly he was growing sick. He didn't know if he was to have enough energy to wake up the very next day or not. But he couldn't let that phase him. He needed to be strong for everybody else.
Leeteuk stopped pumping. The swing slowly brought itself down in hight in speed, making Leeteuk's thoughts slow down as well. He stared down watching the ground race back up to him, and then move away again. He knew he couldn't always be happy, but he wished times could go back to when members would swarm him around hug up, and ask him about his health. And off in the distance he could see Kangin smiling back at him.
Leeteuk stood up and sighed breathing in the cold air, this time being uneffected. Leeteuk straightened up and looked back the direction he came. For the moment being he was content. He could live life like this. He just wished his family could be next to him holding him, laughing at him, with him. He smiled and walked back to the dorm, to return as leader. He smiled to himself, as he held back a cough and waved to a passing car. For now, nothing could phase him. He was strong, and more powerful then everyone knew. But secretly Leeteuk hoped somone would take care of him for once. He wished someone could worry about him for once, and he could take down this huge wall that hid him from the world.
Raiting: PG
Genre: Angst, Drama
Pairing: broken!KangTeuk
Summary: Leeteuk finds himself wandering around like a kid, and while remembering the past he brings up the problems he's faced with.
The night grew older and older as Leeteuk layed awake in his bed. He couldn't seem to find the strength to do anything, let alone sleep. His eyes would shut letting him feel a false sleep, but open again in ten minutes making it feel like an hour or more to him. The moon shone through the window, the light hitting the large white comforter that convered his thin frame. His eyes gazed from the window following the light as it touched his bed. The outside seemed to call to him. Leeteuk sat up listening to the sounds of the dorm, nothing made a sound. He took a step on the cold wooden floor a shiver ran through his body as he put pressure on his foot, lifting him out of the bed.
He streteched for a while, yawning, and then looked aorund once again. His soft zip up hoodie lay on the back of his chair that pressued up against his desk. He quickly picked it up and set it on his lanky body. He crept softly to the door opening it quietly and dashed out of the dorm, slipping on shoes. He dashed down the stairs leadin him out of the building. The door slowly opened letting the cool air that was outside brush Leeteuk's face. He took in a deep breath allowing the cold air to fill his lungs. Leeteuk took a step out side and took in another breath. The air filled his body, his lungs, and his soul, making him cough softly.
Leeteuk rubbed his arms for a quick burst of air and began his journey. He briskly walked down the block turning himself in a different direction then he usually went. His mind began to race as his lungs started to become paralyzed by the pain. He shook off the pain and continued to walk off. He had a destination set in his mind, and he wouldn't stop until he reached there.
As he took each step he began to wonder if everyone realized how much pain he was going through right now. Did they know he was scared for his hyung? That every night he would pray to the gods, hoping that Boom would return safely. He would pray Tukutz would return to his beloved wife. That he hated to think about what might happen as Super Junior took a break. He sat in bed for hours upon hours hoping Kibum would return to Super Junior to fill the void they felt. He hoped all the best to Heechul in is acting, and hoped that Sungmin and Yesung's musical would get good reviews. Every minute of every day was already set hoping, wishing everything would work out.
Leeteuk stopped as he reached a crosswalk an stared infront of him. A small park appeared brining a smile to his face. He took in another deep breath holding back a strong cough that reached his throat. His body thrusted forward in pain as he held it in, causing his balance to be thrown off. Leeteuk gasped in more cold air as he felt, his stomach, lungs, and body screaming in pain. He coughed loudly holding his chest hoping to hold back the strong pain that pressed against it. He sat for a few minutes and rose again to face the park.
He ran across the street without thinking anything farther and ran for the swings. The park located itself perfectly so if he sa thimself in the correct position he could stare at the stoplight farther ahead. Leeteuk sat himself in the swing and began to pump his legs moving him back and forth. His shoes slipped off and the cold attacked his feet. Leeteuk coughed softly as he stared at the stoplight now turning green. Leeteuk smiled softly and memories flooded his mind.
He felt warm arms around him, holding him. A strong force behind him pushing him and he reached higher and higher, and in front of him a warm welcoming smiled appeared. Leeteuk closed his eyes recalling the memory, but as he did it vanshied. Leeteuk coughed again and shook the memories away. No matter what he did they would stay memories, and nothing would ever change that.
Leeteuk looked up at the stoplight again, watching it fade to a red color. Leeteuk sighed as the cars passed him. How couldn't everyone else see what was happening to him? He had no time to worry about himself while he had to take care of everyone else. And now without Kangin near him, Leeteuk felt betrayed. How could Kangin be so stupid? How much more idiotic could he get? Leeteuk wanted to shout these at Kangin, but knew he would only hurt him more. Leeteuk's heart ached watching Kangin tear himself up, screaming, drinking himself away locked in his room. Throught he wall Leeteuk could hear screams and painful cries. Leeteuk would just touch the wall letting tears run down his own cheeks, and a forceful urge to go in and stop him...but he never did.
He wanted to scream and tell Kangin off. How stupid of Kangin to only think of himself. Did he realize how much Leeteuk had given up to have Kangin by his side? He had given the secure memories he once had. Everything he once knew was gone. He'd walk around listening to people talk about how large of a faggot he was. He'd hear rumors, about how he would use the other members for sex because he was greedy when Kangin wasn't by his side. Each and ever banter was a hit to the heart Leeteuk couldn't take. He was tired of it, and frankly he was growing sick. He didn't know if he was to have enough energy to wake up the very next day or not. But he couldn't let that phase him. He needed to be strong for everybody else.
Leeteuk stopped pumping. The swing slowly brought itself down in hight in speed, making Leeteuk's thoughts slow down as well. He stared down watching the ground race back up to him, and then move away again. He knew he couldn't always be happy, but he wished times could go back to when members would swarm him around hug up, and ask him about his health. And off in the distance he could see Kangin smiling back at him.
Leeteuk stood up and sighed breathing in the cold air, this time being uneffected. Leeteuk straightened up and looked back the direction he came. For the moment being he was content. He could live life like this. He just wished his family could be next to him holding him, laughing at him, with him. He smiled and walked back to the dorm, to return as leader. He smiled to himself, as he held back a cough and waved to a passing car. For now, nothing could phase him. He was strong, and more powerful then everyone knew. But secretly Leeteuk hoped somone would take care of him for once. He wished someone could worry about him for once, and he could take down this huge wall that hid him from the world.