(no subject)
I just got back from my physical, and that was. . . interesting. I had to do the xray this year. I don't understand why they NEED that, as it's a test that can be done without. It bothers me, but then again, I just hate doctor visits and hospitals in general. They give me the heebie jeebies.
Also, my breathing test, they took off my bra. I don't know why THAT was necessary, but ooookay. At least the doctor wasn't a creepy guy about it. He was pretty cool.
Yesterday I had a really weird dream that I was a CSI and that I was working with Sarah (at least I was a CSI in Vegas, yay Grissom<3333), and apparently I was in some kind of relationship with. . . . Morgan Freeman?! Anyway, Sarah and I were investigating some brutal murder, and she was insisting that one bathroom smelled like bleach so that the murder happened there, but I was going "no, this bathroom smells even more like bleach!" so we were both investigating, and then up the ladder (wtf why a ladder?! And we were suddenly in a cabin? In the Vegas area? SHEESH). I woke up, and found this in my mailbox:
Yesterday just ended up being a really strange day all together. The dreams and nightmares I had didn't help (thankfully, I can't remember them, but they were all about murder, so apparently I am afraid of something? Or terrified? Maybe I'm trying to kill some part of me? I don't know, I'm not really into this kind of psycho babble), but yeah. I was really upset about it last night, but I think I'm okay now.
I guess I'm just too curious and sad about missed chances. I mean, I guess, in the long run, it's for the better, but even so, the what ifs keep bothering me.
I guess they bother everyone.
In other news, I finally have REAL food in my house again! I'm really trying to get back on my diet, but I've slowly been staying the same and dropping. I'm pretty happy with where the scale said I was today (yay health check! Or not), but I'm also kind of disappointed that I haven't done more. Still, I've done really well for myself and I'm looking better. I'm still having trouble looking at myself in the mirror though. I'm not looking for "Oh, you're so cute!" responses, because you can say that all you want, but it makes me uncomfortable yet. I can't see it, I wonder if I'll ever see it. Maybe that's dumb. I don't know. I really don't. I got a compliment out of no where Monday that threw me for a loop, and pretty much froze me in my tracks. . . me? Look good? I can't really register that. I look in the mirror and I still cringe. I look at pictures and cringe.
Yeah, it's something I work on. "But Tara you wear lolita!" Even that, recently, I've been feeling so. . . stupid about. I don't know. I feel so very ridiculous most of the time. But I think that's just something I'll get over. I'm also trying to switch out of the punk style I used to wear, an get into more sweet themed outfits. They suit me better.
I dunno. Emotional low, I suppose. It'll get over this, never fear. :3 Everyone gets down on themselves, some of us are just harder on themselves then others.
I owe more pictures on this journal sometime. Been slowly getting things on flickr, so you should totally check that out: http://www.flickr.com/photos/taralovec/
That's all for now. I'm going to either watch True Blood or do something else now. :3
Also, my breathing test, they took off my bra. I don't know why THAT was necessary, but ooookay. At least the doctor wasn't a creepy guy about it. He was pretty cool.
Yesterday I had a really weird dream that I was a CSI and that I was working with Sarah (at least I was a CSI in Vegas, yay Grissom<3333), and apparently I was in some kind of relationship with. . . . Morgan Freeman?! Anyway, Sarah and I were investigating some brutal murder, and she was insisting that one bathroom smelled like bleach so that the murder happened there, but I was going "no, this bathroom smells even more like bleach!" so we were both investigating, and then up the ladder (wtf why a ladder?! And we were suddenly in a cabin? In the Vegas area? SHEESH). I woke up, and found this in my mailbox:
Yesterday just ended up being a really strange day all together. The dreams and nightmares I had didn't help (thankfully, I can't remember them, but they were all about murder, so apparently I am afraid of something? Or terrified? Maybe I'm trying to kill some part of me? I don't know, I'm not really into this kind of psycho babble), but yeah. I was really upset about it last night, but I think I'm okay now.
I guess I'm just too curious and sad about missed chances. I mean, I guess, in the long run, it's for the better, but even so, the what ifs keep bothering me.
I guess they bother everyone.
In other news, I finally have REAL food in my house again! I'm really trying to get back on my diet, but I've slowly been staying the same and dropping. I'm pretty happy with where the scale said I was today (yay health check! Or not), but I'm also kind of disappointed that I haven't done more. Still, I've done really well for myself and I'm looking better. I'm still having trouble looking at myself in the mirror though. I'm not looking for "Oh, you're so cute!" responses, because you can say that all you want, but it makes me uncomfortable yet. I can't see it, I wonder if I'll ever see it. Maybe that's dumb. I don't know. I really don't. I got a compliment out of no where Monday that threw me for a loop, and pretty much froze me in my tracks. . . me? Look good? I can't really register that. I look in the mirror and I still cringe. I look at pictures and cringe.
Yeah, it's something I work on. "But Tara you wear lolita!" Even that, recently, I've been feeling so. . . stupid about. I don't know. I feel so very ridiculous most of the time. But I think that's just something I'll get over. I'm also trying to switch out of the punk style I used to wear, an get into more sweet themed outfits. They suit me better.
I dunno. Emotional low, I suppose. It'll get over this, never fear. :3 Everyone gets down on themselves, some of us are just harder on themselves then others.
I owe more pictures on this journal sometime. Been slowly getting things on flickr, so you should totally check that out: http://www.flickr.com/photos/taralovec/
That's all for now. I'm going to either watch True Blood or do something else now. :3