[ TEXT ] Backdated to midnight!

[shifts]

bit of a long shot at this time of night but does anyone know wh |

[ text transmission suddenly appears to stop midway through before the device falls to the ground, audio cutting in to the sound of a woman screaming pervert on repeat alongside a few painful sounding whumps. Nearby, Pancake the corgi puppy is barking (well, more accurately,

Comments

[specifics]

You're getting soft.

[ Regarding getting beat up by an elderly woman, that is....really now. ]

[shifts]

Pancake was in the way.

I'm also getting cold.

[specifics]

Right.

[ Pause. ]

You could try cheating - use a blanket or something. Maybe the curse only affects clothing.

[shifts]

Arthur, there are no blankets in the park.

Unless you'd like me to fashion one out of Pancake.

[specifics]

You wouldn't.

[ Fact. ]

And obviously. Buy one or just come back to the apartment. You were going to anyway.

[shifts]

I wouldn't.

[ YOU WHORE. ]

D'you think the no shirt no service rule still applies here? Well. I'm on my way. If I get killed by a flock of elderly women with bricks in their purses, that's on your head. Pancake's no help, you know. I wish you and Ariadne had picked out a real dog.

[specifics]

[ SHUT YOUR FACE. ]

Pancake is a real dog. And I'm not taking responsibility for violent old women. Just keep your distance.

[shifts]

[ SHUT YOUR MOUTH ._. ]

Maybe we should start him on seeing eye dog training. Then at least I'd be getting my money's worth back.

[ Pancake, seemingly pleased by the sound of Arthur's voice coming through the device, only barks happily. ]

It's not like I was bloody strolling along hoping to terrify her! I had clothes on. We were discussing knitting. This isn't my fault.

[specifics]

[ Face. ]

You like him the way he is. It's too late to lie about it.

[ At the mention of knitting however, there's another cough that is nothing but a very, very poor veil for laughing. ]

Well obviously they don't agree so stay away from old women, or women in general.

Maybe just stay away from people, period.

[shifts]

[ I would make some sort of battered wife joke here but let's face it the only wifely thing Arthur can even do is cleaning and ironing. ]

I don't. He's terrible. He's barely the size of my foot and he takes up my entire bed. He demands food every four hours and then wants to take walks at ridiculous times of the night. This is worse than having a child, except at least a child doesn't feel the incessant urge to stop at every fire hydrant in the City.

Get my robe ready.

[specifics]

[ And when he does it, he does it like a Boss so. So. ]

You like him.

[ FACT. ]

And no. It'd just disappear. Feel free to get it yourself and test the theory though.

[shifts]

[ ARGH ]

At least keep the door unlocked.