sometimes it's gotta come out
just sitting here, sometimes I realize that it's all too much. Everything that this is, all that's led up to this, everything that is now and that has been will lead to the next moment and so on and so forth. I want to come back here and nestle comfortably between all of the posts and vent again and let it out and let it be known, but I don't know if I just can't find the time or can't force myself to or what, I just can't get back into updating this regularly.
I can't deal with the fact that I have this one chance to do everything right the first time and there's nothing else I can do about it. I make these decisions and sometimes afterwards, I'm thinking to myself, I just opened up a whole new life and new options and other times I think "Dave, you blew it". I wish I could turn it off all of the time, instead of just some of the time.
I went to the 2009 Annual Gathering for Mensa today, which was conveniently held downtown at the Omni William Penn. I went up to registration and checked in. There was a huge amount of people there and they'd pretty much taken over the whole hotel. When you check in you put stickers on your name tag indicating, if you want, if you're single or if you want to be hugged. I chose to put on that I was in fact single and I put yellow (out of yellow, red, or green following the stoplight laws of hugging) I got no hugs (no complaints here for the most part). I don't know what I was expecting, but it was so much more political and complex than I could have imagined. I got there at 10, for the Spelling Bee. You were allowed pencil and paper and could get three words wrong before you were out. I missed my first three words and was out. 27 People participated. I was out on the third round with about half of the other people. I missed "sachertorte", "anthropophagy", and one more word I didn't write down but was completely ridiculous. I sat at a table with a woman who talked to me about how she like Michael Jackson and thinks they could have been friends. Not a good start for the people-meeting. After that I went upstairs to another room for a discussion of Gen-X and Gen-Y in the Mensa Community. Mostly it was older people yelling about how the young kids don't do anything and don't stay around and don't contribute and generally screw it up. I was 1 of 2 gen Y-ers there, but the Gen-Axers (who were running the meeting) defended themselves well and quelled most of the crowd. Didn't talk to anyone or introduce myself. General apathy all around.
From there, I was feeling pretty grim, but it was time for what I pretty much had registered for. The 2009 Trash Bowl. All sorts of crazy obscure pop culture questions in a quiz bowl style. It was fun for the most part, I was on a team with a guy who didn't say anything and two over-bearing, albeit intelligent people. Let me interject here and say that while you had to pass a test that places you in the top 2% of the most intelligent people in the World, it blew me away the varying caliber of people. Most thought they were right all the time, yelled louder when proved otherwise, and were generally just negative, unhappy people. I did meet some gems, which really balanced it all out nicely, but I guess you'll have that in any group. Anyways, back to the Trivia Bowl. It was close in the last round, but we couldn't pull it out and didn't make it to the finals. After it was over, they had a music trivia game called Encore. 30 People played that, in 6 teams of 5. It's kind of like scattergories, where a word is said or a subject and you have to sing at least 8 words of a song about that subject or with that word in the lyrics. Really a fun game, but again, people who are intelligent sometimes have absolutely no social skills and all and are just not fun people to play games with. Once that was over, I wandered lost for a bit, checking out some of the corners of the convention and I was about to head home when I came across the game room. There was a group of 20/30-somethings sitting around playing and one of the girls I'd played the Encore game with was sitting there and a group of people. Most every table was taken and filled with people playing games and after making two laps, I was thinking about leaving, when they invited me to sit down. It really was a fun time playing "jungle speed" and then "Taboo". I was going to take a break to go see Dr. Demento speak, but they'd said only the first 40 people in a line of a couple hundred would be able to go into the Banquet Hall and see him speak (the rest of the seats were reserved for the Banquet-goers). So I stayed and sat and talked and got more of an insider's look at how it all works. Needless to say there's far more complication and work that has to go into it simply being a small group of people who like to get together and have social events. I think it's going to be worth it to work for and I'm already planning on Detroit in 2010 for the 50th Anniversary. Also, I'm going to look into the regional gatherings and smaller events as well, especially what my chapter's going to be offering.
I chose to come back here rather than socialize longer or go to the main commons room of the Gen-Xers or even hang out with them more. I was the kid who commuted and they were the live-in college students. They took advantage of what was being offered in and through the hotel, I chose to get back in my car and drive back here. I felt like I did in high school when it would be a Friday or Saturday night and I was on the computer, but I knew the other kids were at awesome parties with exploding monkeys and the greatest fun you could possibly ever have in the history of time. And then I calmed down, and I realized that I made this life and I will continue to make my life. I will never not act in my own best interest or as I best think fit. I know I deserve to live the best possible life I can and I will to the best of my ability. It's just still horrifying that we're 100 years at most in a billion-year old universe on a rock mass hurtling through space at speeds faster than possibly imaginable. But that's gotta be alright, somehow.
I can't deal with the fact that I have this one chance to do everything right the first time and there's nothing else I can do about it. I make these decisions and sometimes afterwards, I'm thinking to myself, I just opened up a whole new life and new options and other times I think "Dave, you blew it". I wish I could turn it off all of the time, instead of just some of the time.
I went to the 2009 Annual Gathering for Mensa today, which was conveniently held downtown at the Omni William Penn. I went up to registration and checked in. There was a huge amount of people there and they'd pretty much taken over the whole hotel. When you check in you put stickers on your name tag indicating, if you want, if you're single or if you want to be hugged. I chose to put on that I was in fact single and I put yellow (out of yellow, red, or green following the stoplight laws of hugging) I got no hugs (no complaints here for the most part). I don't know what I was expecting, but it was so much more political and complex than I could have imagined. I got there at 10, for the Spelling Bee. You were allowed pencil and paper and could get three words wrong before you were out. I missed my first three words and was out. 27 People participated. I was out on the third round with about half of the other people. I missed "sachertorte", "anthropophagy", and one more word I didn't write down but was completely ridiculous. I sat at a table with a woman who talked to me about how she like Michael Jackson and thinks they could have been friends. Not a good start for the people-meeting. After that I went upstairs to another room for a discussion of Gen-X and Gen-Y in the Mensa Community. Mostly it was older people yelling about how the young kids don't do anything and don't stay around and don't contribute and generally screw it up. I was 1 of 2 gen Y-ers there, but the Gen-Axers (who were running the meeting) defended themselves well and quelled most of the crowd. Didn't talk to anyone or introduce myself. General apathy all around.
From there, I was feeling pretty grim, but it was time for what I pretty much had registered for. The 2009 Trash Bowl. All sorts of crazy obscure pop culture questions in a quiz bowl style. It was fun for the most part, I was on a team with a guy who didn't say anything and two over-bearing, albeit intelligent people. Let me interject here and say that while you had to pass a test that places you in the top 2% of the most intelligent people in the World, it blew me away the varying caliber of people. Most thought they were right all the time, yelled louder when proved otherwise, and were generally just negative, unhappy people. I did meet some gems, which really balanced it all out nicely, but I guess you'll have that in any group. Anyways, back to the Trivia Bowl. It was close in the last round, but we couldn't pull it out and didn't make it to the finals. After it was over, they had a music trivia game called Encore. 30 People played that, in 6 teams of 5. It's kind of like scattergories, where a word is said or a subject and you have to sing at least 8 words of a song about that subject or with that word in the lyrics. Really a fun game, but again, people who are intelligent sometimes have absolutely no social skills and all and are just not fun people to play games with. Once that was over, I wandered lost for a bit, checking out some of the corners of the convention and I was about to head home when I came across the game room. There was a group of 20/30-somethings sitting around playing and one of the girls I'd played the Encore game with was sitting there and a group of people. Most every table was taken and filled with people playing games and after making two laps, I was thinking about leaving, when they invited me to sit down. It really was a fun time playing "jungle speed" and then "Taboo". I was going to take a break to go see Dr. Demento speak, but they'd said only the first 40 people in a line of a couple hundred would be able to go into the Banquet Hall and see him speak (the rest of the seats were reserved for the Banquet-goers). So I stayed and sat and talked and got more of an insider's look at how it all works. Needless to say there's far more complication and work that has to go into it simply being a small group of people who like to get together and have social events. I think it's going to be worth it to work for and I'm already planning on Detroit in 2010 for the 50th Anniversary. Also, I'm going to look into the regional gatherings and smaller events as well, especially what my chapter's going to be offering.
I chose to come back here rather than socialize longer or go to the main commons room of the Gen-Xers or even hang out with them more. I was the kid who commuted and they were the live-in college students. They took advantage of what was being offered in and through the hotel, I chose to get back in my car and drive back here. I felt like I did in high school when it would be a Friday or Saturday night and I was on the computer, but I knew the other kids were at awesome parties with exploding monkeys and the greatest fun you could possibly ever have in the history of time. And then I calmed down, and I realized that I made this life and I will continue to make my life. I will never not act in my own best interest or as I best think fit. I know I deserve to live the best possible life I can and I will to the best of my ability. It's just still horrifying that we're 100 years at most in a billion-year old universe on a rock mass hurtling through space at speeds faster than possibly imaginable. But that's gotta be alright, somehow.