Again
Once again I find myself infront of a broken computer desk, reminded of my broken chair, as I type on my broken keyboard about how things are broken. It's absolutly maddening to so routinely find one's self in a situation that has 3 outcomes, all of which lead to someone getting her. Now it can be said that one should inflict pain upon thyself to spare another, this I feel is wrong, but I don't feel it's right for another person to place themselves over or under someone else with reguards to most things, at least when it comes to emotions. Is it so wrong of me to simply not want a situation to occur? To not be reminded of the thing that hurt me most? I sometimes wonder how much better things would honestly be if I had simply not been, now I don't mean this in the "woe is me" kinda way, but I truely wonder. Have I affected enough people positively to make up for anyone that I might have hurt? It's something I can't ever be sure of, well, not in this lifetime anyways. So I find myself sitting here, getting a text message with an ultimatum. "Sacrifice yourself, or me", that's how it feels, that's always how people make me feel. Like there is no safe middle ground, just one rock and one hard place after another. How I wish I had the powers of Nightcrawler in the emotional world, just *BAMF* and then I'm out of the situation.
Fuck it,
Seacrest out.
Fuck it,
Seacrest out.