Heartbreak
I just do not know ... how to do this. I have no idea. I think I do not fully realize the extent of the disaster yet, because he has been gone since the beginning of October so I had plenty of time missing him already.
I wanted to know what has become of him rather than the uncertainty, but now that I come to think of it, it might have proven to be ( Read more... )
I wanted to know what has become of him rather than the uncertainty, but now that I come to think of it, it might have proven to be ( Read more... )
I understand the need to blame yourself, and understand that somehow the idea that you did something wrong is easier to deal with than the idea that the world is just so unfair that things like this happen. I understand the desire to punish something for taking away your beloved, and the natural inclination to punish yourself because nothing else is in your reach. But I absolutely hate seeing you make yourself feel worse like this, and hate seeing you minimise the goodness and humanity in you. You're not doing anyone any good with that kind of mental self-mutilation.
I won't tell you to not grieve or not have regrets. But I will tell you to stop hurting yourself this way. You have babies to love and they need you. Please stop telling yourself that you're worthless and a bad mommy. It isn't true at all, not for one little tiny moment, but the more you tell yourself it is, the more likely you are to do things to try to prove it to yourself. Please, please, please, give yourself a little love and mercy. You DO need and deserve that. ♥
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