0139
It's funny how a person's perspectives can be changed over time. I think I have changed a great deal over the years. I didn't think I had but I was sitting in class today and I thought... And I realised I have changed a lot. Many of us have. I wonder how many of us have changed for the good or have changed for the bad. How many can look back on three years, four years ago and honestly think they were better off then than they are now. I am glad for the changes in me. I feel I have calmed in most areas of my life. I have none of the stresses and complexities from when I was younger. My life now is as perfect and as content as someone my age could hope to achieve. I have most of what I have ever wanted in life and I am happy. There are very few times in my past I could admit to that so easily. Very few where I could say with any amount of seriousness that I was happy.
Is anyone truly happy, though? There will always be coming. Even in the most perfect seemingly friendships and relationships there is something. Something that worries one, or both. It will be different for everyone I imagine, but it will share that one thing in common. That one thing that holds everyone back. Honesty, truth, trust, faith, it's all the same in my mind though if any of that is lacking in a relationship then there is no perfection. How can you have a lasting love with someone you do not trust or who can not be honest with you?
I watched a couple today at lunch. The boy seemed so unemotional. The girl was crying, weeping, reaching for his hand and he held himself back. I heard what the problem was, she was upset over losing a grandmother. And the boy was uncomfortable with public displays of affection. How can someone be that way? I don't understand. Fucking in public might not be advisable. Making out could be frowned upon. But a hug? Holding someone's hand? A kiss on the cheek? A shoulder to cry on? Why is that a bad thing? I wanted to get up and tell the boy off and give the girl a hug myself if he was incapable of it. But I did not know either of them by name and I probably shouldn't have been listening in on that. Still, how can someone be that way? There is no trust there, there is no affection. And yet she walked away with him later.
I'd never accept something like that. I don't know how anyone could take that kind of attitude from someone who is supposed to care. It made me angry.
On an unrelated note it seems that someone is upsetting Amaya by calling me gay. I have to go to that school after school today to have a talk with the teacher who dared by Nagisa on detention for something she didn't do. I think I'll talk with Amaya's teacher about this girl who is saying things about me. I do not mind, I don't even care really. I am gay. I live with a man. I sleep in the same bed as and have sex with a man. Of course I'm gay. So why would I mind? The fact is it is upsetting my sister and I won't stand for that. I'll do something about it.
Is anyone truly happy, though? There will always be coming. Even in the most perfect seemingly friendships and relationships there is something. Something that worries one, or both. It will be different for everyone I imagine, but it will share that one thing in common. That one thing that holds everyone back. Honesty, truth, trust, faith, it's all the same in my mind though if any of that is lacking in a relationship then there is no perfection. How can you have a lasting love with someone you do not trust or who can not be honest with you?
I watched a couple today at lunch. The boy seemed so unemotional. The girl was crying, weeping, reaching for his hand and he held himself back. I heard what the problem was, she was upset over losing a grandmother. And the boy was uncomfortable with public displays of affection. How can someone be that way? I don't understand. Fucking in public might not be advisable. Making out could be frowned upon. But a hug? Holding someone's hand? A kiss on the cheek? A shoulder to cry on? Why is that a bad thing? I wanted to get up and tell the boy off and give the girl a hug myself if he was incapable of it. But I did not know either of them by name and I probably shouldn't have been listening in on that. Still, how can someone be that way? There is no trust there, there is no affection. And yet she walked away with him later.
I'd never accept something like that. I don't know how anyone could take that kind of attitude from someone who is supposed to care. It made me angry.
On an unrelated note it seems that someone is upsetting Amaya by calling me gay. I have to go to that school after school today to have a talk with the teacher who dared by Nagisa on detention for something she didn't do. I think I'll talk with Amaya's teacher about this girl who is saying things about me. I do not mind, I don't even care really. I am gay. I live with a man. I sleep in the same bed as and have sex with a man. Of course I'm gay. So why would I mind? The fact is it is upsetting my sister and I won't stand for that. I'll do something about it.