Sad Memories and Musing over my pets
I found myself thinking about my past. And the pets I've had over the years who have touched my life and still continue to do so despite their passing.
One of them was my dog named Lady. She was a collie and german shepherd mix my mom adopted from the SPCA. Originally, we weren't going to get Lady right away. However I told my mom I had fallen in love with the dog. Then the next day I returned home from school to find Lady in the laundry room waiting for me. I can't remember the last time I had ever been so happy.
I loved Lady dearly. To me she was the sister I never had. While I do adore my brothers I have always wished to have another "girl" to share my thoughts and passions with. Despite the fact that she was a dog, and was supposed to be a family pet, Lady soon became my dog. I was always the one to take her for her walks. I gave her the baths, fed her in the morning, and made sure she had plenty of water. At times tending to Lady's needs more than my own.
I had Lady for a little over five years I believe. Quite honestly it's hard for me to remember. I was in Middle School when Lady began to become ill. For some reason my healthy dog suddenly began to deteriorate. She could not control her bladder and would often have bouts of diarrhea and vomiting in the house. I cleaned these up as best I could. She had a dog bed which me and my mom placed in her room. We would sit on the edge of the bed and watch over Lady while she slept in case she passed away in the night.
We did everything we could for Lady. Took her to the vet, gave her extra liquids, and still it did not help. At the time me and my mom were living in a small, two roomed apartment on the second floor. I would carry Lady down the steps in my arms and set her down in the grass so she could go pee. At this point all she could keep down was water. Despite our efforts and her own failing body Lady continued to grow worse. Finally, mom asked me what it was I wanted to do.
Did she want me to wait and see if Lady would get better? Or did I want to put her to sleep?
This was the hardest choice I ever had to make. At that time in my life I was already going through my own depression. In school I had next to no friends and was often bullied. There were days I came home and Lady was the only reason I would keep going. When I realized the choice I had to make I cried. It felt as if my soul had shattered and there was no one else to pick up the pieces.
We took Lady to the vet for the final time. A friend of my mom's came along with us. She offered to stay in the room with Lady while she was put to sleep. My mom argued with me about staying by Lady while this happened. This is the only time I can ever remember arguing with my mother vehemently. Refusing to leave Lady. I had made a promise to my sister. I would stand by her to the very end no matter what. To me, Lady was family. She deserved the best I could offer her especially at a time like this. I would see this through to the end with her.
I remember sitting in the room as we waited for the vet. I petted Lady's hair and talked to her soothingly. As the vet injected Lady I finally broke down and started sobbing. Lady did thrash for a second, but her eyes widened and I saw the light go out of her eyes. I don't think she felt any pain. The vet left the room silently as I sat there feeling utterly alone. My mom's friend sitting there beside me as I petted my dog's body and talked to her. Finally, I rubbed Lady's ear. Whispered that I loved her and we left. Another blow came when my black cat, Einstein, was poisoned and died not a month later. He was two years old when he passed away. He had been close to Lady and loved her as much as I did. I remember coming home one day and finding him outside of the apartment building not looking to good. At school I was called to the office after my mom had taken Einstein to the vet. I was devastated yet again when mom broke the news to me yet another family member had passed away.
I still cry when I think of them. At times I feel as if I had failed them. Other times I wondered why I allowed myself to grow so close to my pets. Then at the same time I'm glad I did have them to love. Most of my childhood seemed to center around loss, not living up to expectations, and waking up to a harsh reality I'm only now comprehending.
When I think of Lady and Einstein I'm reminded of how much I truly value my humanity. Of how caring I can become towards any creature. Heck, I almost burst into tears a few months ago when I thought one of my beta fish, Opal, was dying. It turned out he had only got his fin stuck and was perfectly fine. But it reminded me of how compassionate I am for my pets.
I wish people would understand pets are not objects you simply take into your home on a whim. They are living, breathing creatures who depend on you for everything. By taking them in you are making them apart of your family. I don't care if it's a fish, a snake, cat, dog, lizard, or any other type of animal. They deserve to be happy. And to be loved.
One of them was my dog named Lady. She was a collie and german shepherd mix my mom adopted from the SPCA. Originally, we weren't going to get Lady right away. However I told my mom I had fallen in love with the dog. Then the next day I returned home from school to find Lady in the laundry room waiting for me. I can't remember the last time I had ever been so happy.
I loved Lady dearly. To me she was the sister I never had. While I do adore my brothers I have always wished to have another "girl" to share my thoughts and passions with. Despite the fact that she was a dog, and was supposed to be a family pet, Lady soon became my dog. I was always the one to take her for her walks. I gave her the baths, fed her in the morning, and made sure she had plenty of water. At times tending to Lady's needs more than my own.
I had Lady for a little over five years I believe. Quite honestly it's hard for me to remember. I was in Middle School when Lady began to become ill. For some reason my healthy dog suddenly began to deteriorate. She could not control her bladder and would often have bouts of diarrhea and vomiting in the house. I cleaned these up as best I could. She had a dog bed which me and my mom placed in her room. We would sit on the edge of the bed and watch over Lady while she slept in case she passed away in the night.
We did everything we could for Lady. Took her to the vet, gave her extra liquids, and still it did not help. At the time me and my mom were living in a small, two roomed apartment on the second floor. I would carry Lady down the steps in my arms and set her down in the grass so she could go pee. At this point all she could keep down was water. Despite our efforts and her own failing body Lady continued to grow worse. Finally, mom asked me what it was I wanted to do.
Did she want me to wait and see if Lady would get better? Or did I want to put her to sleep?
This was the hardest choice I ever had to make. At that time in my life I was already going through my own depression. In school I had next to no friends and was often bullied. There were days I came home and Lady was the only reason I would keep going. When I realized the choice I had to make I cried. It felt as if my soul had shattered and there was no one else to pick up the pieces.
We took Lady to the vet for the final time. A friend of my mom's came along with us. She offered to stay in the room with Lady while she was put to sleep. My mom argued with me about staying by Lady while this happened. This is the only time I can ever remember arguing with my mother vehemently. Refusing to leave Lady. I had made a promise to my sister. I would stand by her to the very end no matter what. To me, Lady was family. She deserved the best I could offer her especially at a time like this. I would see this through to the end with her.
I remember sitting in the room as we waited for the vet. I petted Lady's hair and talked to her soothingly. As the vet injected Lady I finally broke down and started sobbing. Lady did thrash for a second, but her eyes widened and I saw the light go out of her eyes. I don't think she felt any pain. The vet left the room silently as I sat there feeling utterly alone. My mom's friend sitting there beside me as I petted my dog's body and talked to her. Finally, I rubbed Lady's ear. Whispered that I loved her and we left. Another blow came when my black cat, Einstein, was poisoned and died not a month later. He was two years old when he passed away. He had been close to Lady and loved her as much as I did. I remember coming home one day and finding him outside of the apartment building not looking to good. At school I was called to the office after my mom had taken Einstein to the vet. I was devastated yet again when mom broke the news to me yet another family member had passed away.
I still cry when I think of them. At times I feel as if I had failed them. Other times I wondered why I allowed myself to grow so close to my pets. Then at the same time I'm glad I did have them to love. Most of my childhood seemed to center around loss, not living up to expectations, and waking up to a harsh reality I'm only now comprehending.
When I think of Lady and Einstein I'm reminded of how much I truly value my humanity. Of how caring I can become towards any creature. Heck, I almost burst into tears a few months ago when I thought one of my beta fish, Opal, was dying. It turned out he had only got his fin stuck and was perfectly fine. But it reminded me of how compassionate I am for my pets.
I wish people would understand pets are not objects you simply take into your home on a whim. They are living, breathing creatures who depend on you for everything. By taking them in you are making them apart of your family. I don't care if it's a fish, a snake, cat, dog, lizard, or any other type of animal. They deserve to be happy. And to be loved.