Late Night Musings
It's that time of hour where I'm up at night. It's the early morning hours and despite wanting to sleep I can't. I'm at my boyfriend's house after laying down for an hour trying to get to sleep. But my mind turns with my newest adventure in mind for an actual novel. And this time, yes, I"m doing it. I've found the character who is going to take me from the start of a story to the end of it.
How long have I been waiting to type a story of my own creation? A while now I must say. I'm eager for the journey. I'm excited. This is a character who has been sitting in the back of my mind for years. I used him (in my mind) to act as a guide to my other characters. Often he would appear to give good council. Once or twice he ventured out on his own adventures with interesting results.
For some reason I'm reminded of Howl's Moving Castle. The author in particular crosses my mind. She has this strange notion where she always left doors open. She did not wish to leave them closed because she was scared if she opened one she would be confronted with a whole new world. This is how I think of my stories. Peering into another world at people I have never met before. Watching their day to day lives play out and picking out the interesting parts. It's not so much as creating them as it is watching the events play out.
My mind has been turning to what has led me up to this point. All the mountains I've overcome. How I deal with the notion I may not be as kind as I think I am. How I hope when my time comes to stand in front of God I can gaze onto his face and know I made the world a better place. Know without a doubt I am a good person.
There are times I feel selfish. As if I can never learn to share with others and I'm greedy. I hope when I give freely to others I'm not doing it hoping for something in return. I wish to kind and compassionate. Today I came so close to losing one of the few people in my life who I love beyond a doubt. Me and my boyfriend were so close to breaking up today. Yet when he came to see me everything was alright. I was just so glad to see him.
How did I end up here, really? I mean, despite the fact of what is going on, I am actually happy with my life at the moment. Yes I look to the future with a sort of wonder. Starting a family has been on my mind when I get older and I can support myself. Yet when I gaze into that future there is someone at my side to share the burden.
So strange, I never thought I would meet the love of my life. Yet when I gaze at him it's as if we were made for each other. I don't say this with infatuation of a child, though I certainly feel that for him. He and I have never had sex. I told him from the first day we started dating I"m waiting for marriage. Almost two years later he still respects my decision. Despite teasing me about it he states he still loves me no matter what I look like or do.
When did I become so deserving of unconditional love? At the time we met he was just a guy I thought he was cute. I like to think I had a feeling about him. I had no idea he would be so goofy when we began to talk. I had no knowledge of his personality. Slowly, calmly, like the sun it began to shine through and we began to notice more and more how well we fit together.
He and I have been through so many fights together now. Emotionally from each other and together. We've began to weather storms together and stand against the tide around us. He tells me I'm always at the forefront of his mind. He is always on mine as well.
Dear God, I love this man. Now if only he didn't fart in the car and lock me in it.
How long have I been waiting to type a story of my own creation? A while now I must say. I'm eager for the journey. I'm excited. This is a character who has been sitting in the back of my mind for years. I used him (in my mind) to act as a guide to my other characters. Often he would appear to give good council. Once or twice he ventured out on his own adventures with interesting results.
For some reason I'm reminded of Howl's Moving Castle. The author in particular crosses my mind. She has this strange notion where she always left doors open. She did not wish to leave them closed because she was scared if she opened one she would be confronted with a whole new world. This is how I think of my stories. Peering into another world at people I have never met before. Watching their day to day lives play out and picking out the interesting parts. It's not so much as creating them as it is watching the events play out.
My mind has been turning to what has led me up to this point. All the mountains I've overcome. How I deal with the notion I may not be as kind as I think I am. How I hope when my time comes to stand in front of God I can gaze onto his face and know I made the world a better place. Know without a doubt I am a good person.
There are times I feel selfish. As if I can never learn to share with others and I'm greedy. I hope when I give freely to others I'm not doing it hoping for something in return. I wish to kind and compassionate. Today I came so close to losing one of the few people in my life who I love beyond a doubt. Me and my boyfriend were so close to breaking up today. Yet when he came to see me everything was alright. I was just so glad to see him.
How did I end up here, really? I mean, despite the fact of what is going on, I am actually happy with my life at the moment. Yes I look to the future with a sort of wonder. Starting a family has been on my mind when I get older and I can support myself. Yet when I gaze into that future there is someone at my side to share the burden.
So strange, I never thought I would meet the love of my life. Yet when I gaze at him it's as if we were made for each other. I don't say this with infatuation of a child, though I certainly feel that for him. He and I have never had sex. I told him from the first day we started dating I"m waiting for marriage. Almost two years later he still respects my decision. Despite teasing me about it he states he still loves me no matter what I look like or do.
When did I become so deserving of unconditional love? At the time we met he was just a guy I thought he was cute. I like to think I had a feeling about him. I had no idea he would be so goofy when we began to talk. I had no knowledge of his personality. Slowly, calmly, like the sun it began to shine through and we began to notice more and more how well we fit together.
He and I have been through so many fights together now. Emotionally from each other and together. We've began to weather storms together and stand against the tide around us. He tells me I'm always at the forefront of his mind. He is always on mine as well.
Dear God, I love this man. Now if only he didn't fart in the car and lock me in it.