(no subject)
It's currently 8:44p.m. I just noticed I had a missed call. Unavailable at 8:09p.m. Generally unavailable is Zach calling from work. He's not home yet. He gets out of work at 8:00p.m. A big part of me assumes the missed call was Zach. Based on that assumption, I'm led to more assumptions about why he would be calling. Maybe he went out with a friend after work, or has intentions of not coming home tonight and was calling to let me know. That assumption is for the most part crossed out, taking into consideration that Zach is not that considerate as of late. Why show me common courteousy at this point? However, that assumption is still in play because no voicemail was left. If he for some reason was trying to be considerate, it would be nullified because I didn't answer my phone to accept the consideration from him.
My second assumption is that he needed a ride home from work. The no voice mail aspect would make sense because of the whole pride issue he currently has going. Assuming this assumption is correct, I feel a little bad. It's cold out. It's raining. If he stooped low enough to call me for a ride, that means he has no other options. Which means he may very well be walking home at this very moment. For a moment I considered calling him, but then thought better of it. What if it wasn't him that called? Then it would seem as if I was intruding in his life. But what if it was him that called..and it was for a ride home? If that's the case, then it's not my responsibility to make sure he's okay. He made that bed for himself when he yet again tried to fuck me over. I'm not saying an eye for an eye, because I'm trying to not be petty like that....but it's moreso that it's no longer my responsibility, no longer my obligation. I forced him into taking a ride to work this morning for crying out loud. That's enough good deeds for the day. It sucks. I feel bad, because I'm not that person...but at this point, what does it say about me if I keep giving and giving of myself only to be taken for granted. That's part of the reason we're here in the first place, he and I...at least I think so. A part of me still wants to call, to make sure everything is okay. If he's walking, I won't go pick him up...but I would offer to pay the cab fare if he would toss principle out the window and accept that solution.
I'm probably just assuming entirely too much. I have a habit of doing that when I have too much time on my hands. Regardless...if he's in need of aid, he has my phone number...that's enough.
I'm tired...tired of my thoughts always leading back to him.
I'm melodramatic.
My second assumption is that he needed a ride home from work. The no voice mail aspect would make sense because of the whole pride issue he currently has going. Assuming this assumption is correct, I feel a little bad. It's cold out. It's raining. If he stooped low enough to call me for a ride, that means he has no other options. Which means he may very well be walking home at this very moment. For a moment I considered calling him, but then thought better of it. What if it wasn't him that called? Then it would seem as if I was intruding in his life. But what if it was him that called..and it was for a ride home? If that's the case, then it's not my responsibility to make sure he's okay. He made that bed for himself when he yet again tried to fuck me over. I'm not saying an eye for an eye, because I'm trying to not be petty like that....but it's moreso that it's no longer my responsibility, no longer my obligation. I forced him into taking a ride to work this morning for crying out loud. That's enough good deeds for the day. It sucks. I feel bad, because I'm not that person...but at this point, what does it say about me if I keep giving and giving of myself only to be taken for granted. That's part of the reason we're here in the first place, he and I...at least I think so. A part of me still wants to call, to make sure everything is okay. If he's walking, I won't go pick him up...but I would offer to pay the cab fare if he would toss principle out the window and accept that solution.
I'm probably just assuming entirely too much. I have a habit of doing that when I have too much time on my hands. Regardless...if he's in need of aid, he has my phone number...that's enough.
I'm tired...tired of my thoughts always leading back to him.
I'm melodramatic.