I was arrested
I was in jail at this time yesterday. It was so fucked up guys. Jason called me at work(Friday), told me he got me birthday gifts (even though my bday is like still a couple weeks away) and that they were all wrapped pretty and everything. And that he was prolly gonna give em to me that night. wanted to know how much longer I was gonna be at work, we were swamped, I was there quite a bit longer. I made a big deal though to leave early even though they were trying to get me to close cuz I was like this is one of the only nights I'll be able to spend time w/ Jason.
So I finally get out of there like 10:30 pm. I come home expecting to find him, thinking we could watch a movie, I'd get my presents, and have a good night together. Well, I come home to a note saying he went out w/ a buddy and would be back shortly. I take my bath, noticing that he had cleaned the bathroom real nice cuz it was a mess, get on computer, see a beer, know he's been on the computer, I went to the recent visited stuff and saw yahoo maps w/ driving directions from here to a house in town. I drive over there and ask if they are there, they say no, they didn't even answer the door, just talked through it.
I check all the bars, becoming really sad and upset that I was so excited to spend time w/ him and now I can't find him and feel stupid and out of control and powerless which are the worst feelings in the world for me.
I finally check City Limits, which I haven't been to since when he cheated on me w/ Savannah, I see my friend Lesley there she waves, I start to go over there, and then who is sitting next to her-Savannah! So I turn around and walk out, pissed cuz Lesley said she wasn't talking to her anymore.
I go home, start cutting the shit out of my arm, drinking the banana alcohol drink which is my fave which was in the fridge which Jason had obviously bought for me. Listening to sad ass Alice in Chains songs and looking at presents wrapped in carebear paper w/ pretty bows and a card that I can't even open cuz he's not here to watch. Lesley calls, she asks if I'm mad, I tell her yes, whatever we talk I tell her why I'm flippin out, she comes by, smokes a lil bud w/ me.
Finally it's after 2 am and I'm worried sick, not knowing if Jason and them have been in a wreck, have gotten in trouble or WHAT. and after a little longer finally a car pulls up and he's getting out, I RUN down there, and he's so drunk his shirt and jeans are SOAKED with his own puke, I start screaming telling him I was worried sick. The neighbor guy is woken up. And worried.
Jason and I get into it upstairs, he ends up spitting on me, I jump up and push him, well he's drunk and he ended up falling into a mirror on the wall and it breaks and he's hurt, then I'm really worried I seriously hurt him, and I want to see his back to check out the damage as I'm really concerned. He is like get the fuck away from me don't touch me. I'm like I know ur pissed, that's fine, but I'm really worried let me see your back. And I won't let up, he elbows me in the ear like as hard as he can and knocks me on the bed.
I say, that's it, I'm calling 911, so I do, Lesley flips and runs off before cops get here, I hide the pot stuff. The cops get here. Asking us both our story. They end up ARRESTING ME!!!! :sneer: For Domestic Assault. My amount was $2500. They left my purse out in the hallway, wouldn't let me put on real shoes so I'm taken to jail in flip flops.. I'm handcuffed, behind my back and it hurts really bad. I'm totally scared. I've never been in trouble for like anything before. I'm hysterical.
They saw my arm, I told them I did it myself, had to half ass explain the self injury thing. They put me in this TINY padded room w/ no windows or anything, and I'm not normally clausterphobic but this was scary, and I'm flipping out.
Finally they take me to the normal holding cell. I find out I can't get out w/ a bondsman w/o a cosigner, I can't get ahold of anyone in town cuz there's only one or two ppl I even know that would possibly do that for me.
So I have to wait for my parents to drive up. They live an hour and 15 minutes away. So I end up in that holding cell like for 2-3 hours or so probably. I didn't get out until like 6 am this morning. I haven't been able to really sleep except for maybe an hour and a half to two hours in my moms car when we went to the laundry mat.
Jason and I are not allowed to have ANY contact w/ each other whatsoever until after my court date and they will decide what happens and is/isn't allowed after then. no phone calls, no letters, no talking, no email. So he has to get out and doesn't even really have a place to go, I have to leave the house while he gets shit and if he comes by for more shit a police officer has to be w/ him.
My court date isn't until June 13, my birthday is the 4. So I will still be allowed absolutely no contact w/ Jason til after my bday. No hugs, No I love you's, no I'm sorry, no I miss you. And I'm going to go crazy guys.
He's got a drinking problem that he still doesn't want to admit. He keeps trying to make it work he says he'll quit altogether if it comes down to it. I guess when all this shit is over I'm gonna have to tell him it's come down to it. What's more important, building a life w/ me or alcohol. I'm afraid to give him that ultimatum because I'm afraid he'll chose the alcohol and I love him so much just not being able to contact him makes me contemplate suicide.
I ruined my own birthday. Fuck if I'll ever call 911 again, I called for help and they arrested me, wtf. and now my life is ruined for like a month. I ruined my own birthday, and I don't even want to have a fucking birthday now. And I put those gifts away I now guess I'm waiting for damn near a month to open that shit. I'm so sad and confused and tired and just omg omg omg.
I'm going to just freak out guys. I don't know wtf, I feel like a total failure, I just want to give up everything. I feel like I ruined EVERYTHING and that I'm just stupid and I can't believe it. I fucking can't believe it.
I've got work straightened out, they are totally gonna work w/ me. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I've been w/ Jason for 2 and a half years. Lived w/ him for prolly close to 2 yrs. And now I can't have ANY contact w/ him for almost a month. :confused: wtf wtf wtf. And I haven't had to sleep alone in so long, I'm just gonna cry myself to sleep everynight and cuddle w/ the stuffed animals hes given me. And I've been on my period and so yeah it's gonna be OVER a month before the POSSIBILITY of sex is even an option again and I'm REALLY not fucking cool w/ that.
I just wanna crawl in a hole and fucking DIE!
So I finally get out of there like 10:30 pm. I come home expecting to find him, thinking we could watch a movie, I'd get my presents, and have a good night together. Well, I come home to a note saying he went out w/ a buddy and would be back shortly. I take my bath, noticing that he had cleaned the bathroom real nice cuz it was a mess, get on computer, see a beer, know he's been on the computer, I went to the recent visited stuff and saw yahoo maps w/ driving directions from here to a house in town. I drive over there and ask if they are there, they say no, they didn't even answer the door, just talked through it.
I check all the bars, becoming really sad and upset that I was so excited to spend time w/ him and now I can't find him and feel stupid and out of control and powerless which are the worst feelings in the world for me.
I finally check City Limits, which I haven't been to since when he cheated on me w/ Savannah, I see my friend Lesley there she waves, I start to go over there, and then who is sitting next to her-Savannah! So I turn around and walk out, pissed cuz Lesley said she wasn't talking to her anymore.
I go home, start cutting the shit out of my arm, drinking the banana alcohol drink which is my fave which was in the fridge which Jason had obviously bought for me. Listening to sad ass Alice in Chains songs and looking at presents wrapped in carebear paper w/ pretty bows and a card that I can't even open cuz he's not here to watch. Lesley calls, she asks if I'm mad, I tell her yes, whatever we talk I tell her why I'm flippin out, she comes by, smokes a lil bud w/ me.
Finally it's after 2 am and I'm worried sick, not knowing if Jason and them have been in a wreck, have gotten in trouble or WHAT. and after a little longer finally a car pulls up and he's getting out, I RUN down there, and he's so drunk his shirt and jeans are SOAKED with his own puke, I start screaming telling him I was worried sick. The neighbor guy is woken up. And worried.
Jason and I get into it upstairs, he ends up spitting on me, I jump up and push him, well he's drunk and he ended up falling into a mirror on the wall and it breaks and he's hurt, then I'm really worried I seriously hurt him, and I want to see his back to check out the damage as I'm really concerned. He is like get the fuck away from me don't touch me. I'm like I know ur pissed, that's fine, but I'm really worried let me see your back. And I won't let up, he elbows me in the ear like as hard as he can and knocks me on the bed.
I say, that's it, I'm calling 911, so I do, Lesley flips and runs off before cops get here, I hide the pot stuff. The cops get here. Asking us both our story. They end up ARRESTING ME!!!! :sneer: For Domestic Assault. My amount was $2500. They left my purse out in the hallway, wouldn't let me put on real shoes so I'm taken to jail in flip flops.. I'm handcuffed, behind my back and it hurts really bad. I'm totally scared. I've never been in trouble for like anything before. I'm hysterical.
They saw my arm, I told them I did it myself, had to half ass explain the self injury thing. They put me in this TINY padded room w/ no windows or anything, and I'm not normally clausterphobic but this was scary, and I'm flipping out.
Finally they take me to the normal holding cell. I find out I can't get out w/ a bondsman w/o a cosigner, I can't get ahold of anyone in town cuz there's only one or two ppl I even know that would possibly do that for me.
So I have to wait for my parents to drive up. They live an hour and 15 minutes away. So I end up in that holding cell like for 2-3 hours or so probably. I didn't get out until like 6 am this morning. I haven't been able to really sleep except for maybe an hour and a half to two hours in my moms car when we went to the laundry mat.
Jason and I are not allowed to have ANY contact w/ each other whatsoever until after my court date and they will decide what happens and is/isn't allowed after then. no phone calls, no letters, no talking, no email. So he has to get out and doesn't even really have a place to go, I have to leave the house while he gets shit and if he comes by for more shit a police officer has to be w/ him.
My court date isn't until June 13, my birthday is the 4. So I will still be allowed absolutely no contact w/ Jason til after my bday. No hugs, No I love you's, no I'm sorry, no I miss you. And I'm going to go crazy guys.
He's got a drinking problem that he still doesn't want to admit. He keeps trying to make it work he says he'll quit altogether if it comes down to it. I guess when all this shit is over I'm gonna have to tell him it's come down to it. What's more important, building a life w/ me or alcohol. I'm afraid to give him that ultimatum because I'm afraid he'll chose the alcohol and I love him so much just not being able to contact him makes me contemplate suicide.
I ruined my own birthday. Fuck if I'll ever call 911 again, I called for help and they arrested me, wtf. and now my life is ruined for like a month. I ruined my own birthday, and I don't even want to have a fucking birthday now. And I put those gifts away I now guess I'm waiting for damn near a month to open that shit. I'm so sad and confused and tired and just omg omg omg.
I'm going to just freak out guys. I don't know wtf, I feel like a total failure, I just want to give up everything. I feel like I ruined EVERYTHING and that I'm just stupid and I can't believe it. I fucking can't believe it.
I've got work straightened out, they are totally gonna work w/ me. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I've been w/ Jason for 2 and a half years. Lived w/ him for prolly close to 2 yrs. And now I can't have ANY contact w/ him for almost a month. :confused: wtf wtf wtf. And I haven't had to sleep alone in so long, I'm just gonna cry myself to sleep everynight and cuddle w/ the stuffed animals hes given me. And I've been on my period and so yeah it's gonna be OVER a month before the POSSIBILITY of sex is even an option again and I'm REALLY not fucking cool w/ that.
I just wanna crawl in a hole and fucking DIE!