feeling wierd

[shewawa]

i have this wierd feeling that half of my friends that i hang out with just dont like me anymore. whenever we hang out i get these crazy looks and no one really talks to me, i feel like i dont belong. and i dont want to feel that way but im just to scared to ask what the fuck is going on. i hate loosing friends, i hate all this change. i hate the fact that not everyone can just get along, instead they pretend and it makes me feel even worse because i know they are pretending and i cant say anything. i'm on mute and cant find the remote to turn my voice back on. i'm not able to stick up for the people i hold dear, or even for myself. i just keep giving and being quiet and now i left with nothing but a whole bunch of thoughts...i dont want to be by anyone because i cant tell if everything they say or do is an act put on for me, just to keep something hidden. half of my friendships are hanging together by threads and im loosing people to run to. i dont know what to do anymore. tell people how i feel, or just start putting on my own little act.

i feel so alone...

i hear all this things from people and cant tell if it's true. that hurts. why is it so hard to just be honest and happy, why do people always have to just start shit. i'm tired and want a big hug from someone that doesnt lie to me all the time.