Oct 23, 2009 14:33
I've said that a few times before. I truly feel that way sometimes. I miss going out and doing stuff, partying, staying out late, not giving a fuck. But I know I can't do shit like that because: a) I don't have friends here to even consider doing that with, b) Joe can't, and won't (even on days off). He's had time to grow out of his 'party phase'...I haven't. And c) I've got more responsibilities now than I've ever had in my life.
I feel all of these urges to get pretty, go out and just fuckin' chug a beer or something. And DANCE! Holy fuck, I miss dancing. Whenever I see pictures of people out doing shit with their friends, I get a bit jealous. I want to be able to do that. I love Joe to death and back, and he takes care of me and my needs, but I wish he would cater to this need of mine.
That's why I'm so excited to see Brand New with Carmen, Kelsey, and Kayla. I get to go OUT. OUUUUUUT. I feel so cooped up, this place sucks. Bergen is a shithole. There's nothing to do, no one to make friends with. I spend each and every day inside this room in pajamas, with basically nothing to do. I mean, it wouldn't be so bad if I had shit to do...I think.
I used to try and pretty myself up when I went outside in Buffalo. But here, we don't stay out for long, there's nothing to get pretty for. And today, when we've got a few places to go, I'm so....I don't wanna say depressed, because I'm not, but...bummed out? Perfect word right now. I'm so bummed out, that I don't want to dress up all nice just knowing that we'll be right back here in 3 hours and it'll all be in vain. I don't want to complain too much because we don't have money right now to do anything, anyways. But I don't think it'll change when we've got more cash flow.
I'm eighteen, man! I'm eighteen and I know who I'm going to marry and what I want to do with my life. But partying hasn't left my veins yet. Not even so much partying, it's...going out and smoking outside, it's walking around Buffalo with friends, it's spending the night downtown, it's smoking weed all day and night and waking up the next morning with your lungs feeling compressed, it was all about just being a teenager and having time to be able to fuck up.
I'm happy with everything I have, but I wish I could enjoy my teenage years just a bit more.
shut-in,
well i guess this is growing up,
partying