AU Meme Responses
Warning note: I was definitely smoking the crack with these.
For darsynia, who wanted
Rodney McKay, of course, is the crazy inventor who's taken up residence in the Southwestern desert (I almost wrote 'dessert'. That's a whole different AU.) so he can perform his experiments without those annoying government types and, you know, people getting in his way. The exception to that whole 'people' thing is Radek Zelenka, his assistant. Radek followed him West more or less because they were having a heated argument about whether power loss was absolutely inherent when decreasing the size of the engine, and once they both realized he'd done so, Rodney couldn't be bothered to kick him out and Radek couldn't be bothered to leave.
One day a man dressed all in black wanders onto their land, half-starved, sunburnt and dehydrated. Rodney assumes that he's a half-assed ranch-hand who got bucked off his horse on the way into town. But he takes him in anyway--not the least because the guy is really hot under that sunburn.
Well, the guy wakes up. His name is John Sheppard, and he can't remember much beyond that. Turns out he's pretty good with engines, though. So Rodney lets him stick around. They have an especially memorable time the day after Rodney gets his steam-powered trackless locomotive going, and John races it across the flats. A very memorable evening, if you get my meaning.
There's a local woman named Teyla who pops in now and then with food that Rodney's bartered for. Rodney assumes she's a less-than-educated backwards type, and he doesn't really have much time for her. But she gets to talking to John one day, and she shows a real interest in his projects. John and she get to be good friends, talking weapons and stuff together. Rodney's jealous at first, but once she saves his life when one of his engines explodes, they reach a good place.
Of course, things can't be too good for too long. John's past catches up with him, in the form of a big scary tracker named Ronon. They have a huge fight, and Ronon's got him cornered--when Rodney bops him on the head with a pipe. Rodney's all for getting rid of the guy, but John thinks they can get information out of him.
Turns out, Ronon's being forced into the job by the bad guys, who are holding his family hostage. John and Teyla decide they need to help him out--and Rodney reluctantly saves the day with one of his inventions. They defeat the bad guys, John gets his memory back--but unfortunately, they couldn't save Ronon's family. They were killed long before the team got there. Ronon decides to stay with Rodney. Rodney's not sure what to think about that, but since John's sticking around too, he figures it's okay.
And after all, what more could happen? ;)
For ravenlore, who wanted Agatha Christi-style in a fandom we share.
Teyla Emmagan is the high-powered head of sales and marketing for a technologies firm. She's attending a meet-and-greet party at the company her best friend, Kate Heightmeyer, works at. It's pretty standard big corporate stuff--hor d'oevres, drinks, people in suits standing around promising you the world--until an explosion rocks the building. Everyone starts panicking, thinking terrorism or something--until Rodney McKay, co-owner and co-chief mad scientist of the company--comes running into the room, soot-stained and bloody, screaming for help. Apparently one of their experiments has gone wrong, killing his ex-wife, Samantha Carter, in the process.
The police investigate and, with the help of independent scientist-consultant, Radek Zelenka, discover that it wasn't an accident. Someone sabotaged the equipment. The police have two primary suspects: Rodney McKay himself, and his current spouse, John Sheppard. Kate doesn't think that's possible, though. Besides liking the pair, she has a side interest in psychology, and she doesn't think that either of capable of cold-blooded murder. Killing someone to defend the other, yes, but they both got along with Sam, even if they did bicker like cats and dogs.
Teyla ponders this. She has a good feel for people, and the brief amount of time in which she saw John and Rodney has led her to believe that Kate's right. She gets drawn further into the case when she hears a rumor that Sam was going to testify against a shady former acquaintance in a trade secrets case, a man by the name of Simmons. Teyla goes to the police with the rumor, and talks to a Detective Lorne. He's polite and says they'll check it out, but she can tell that it's not enough to clear John and Rodney.
Rodney, meanwhile, is convinced that a former employee by the name of Kavanaugh is to blame. Probably through incompetence, though possibly through intent. Teyla winds up talking to Kavanaugh more or less through accident. She thinks he's hiding something, but isn't sure what.
Since the police have no real evidence against John or Rodney, they're not holding them. Kate invites her over for lunch at the company, and more less convinces both Teyla and John and Rodney that Teyla is their best option. Teyla takes a look at the crime scene, and spots something curious.
She's convinced that Kavanaugh is the culprit--when he turns up dead in the lobby. Now she's more confused than ever. But the guy who discovered him, Aiden Ford, arouses her suspicions. The guy is on something, she can tell, and apparently is only keeping his job because he's an old friend of John's. He doesn't really have motive to kill Sam, but as messed up as he is, who knows.
She goes back to the crime scene, where she finds Lorne. They talk, getting to know each other. That's when it all clicks for her. Together, she and Lorne come up with a plan to out the culprit.
They gather the suspects down at the station. Teyla reveals that it was an accident that Sam died. There's a bit of an uproar, and Rodney is like 'no, no, I know our calculations were right'. Then Teyla says that that doesn't mean there wasn't sabotage. She and Lorne put their ingenious plan into action, causing the real killer to spook. John's secretary, Larrin, bolts for the door, but Teyla brings her down with a swift kick to the head. Apparently Larrin was terribly jealous and had tried to kill Rodney. She got Sam instead. Ford had discovered her on the security tapes, heading in to the lab hours before the explosion, and was on his way to tell John. Larrin got to him first, and that was the end of Aiden Ford.
John and Rodney go free, living happily ever after with their company. Teyla gets praise for a job well done, a job offer, and offers for dinner dates from both Lorne and Kate.
All is well--until the next book.
For unaccompanied_g, who wanted
John, Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon are hamsters. Yes, hamsters. See, they started out in the lab of a mad scientist named Carson Beckett. (He had originally considered going with turtles as a pet, but decided that hamsters were a bit more lovable. And his mom always did like furry wee beasties.) Now, I know what you're thinking, but these hamsters weren't for experimenting on. Carson got these purely to keep him company while he worked with his genetic experiments--on his mice.
Now, the thing is, hamsters typically don't get along well with others of their kind. Not unless they're raised together from a young age. In fact, Ronon wasn't originally part of the group. There was another hamster--Aiden--but he reacted badly and escaped the cage one day, taking off for parts unknown. That's when Carson added Ronon to the bunch. He'd found the poor little guy being chased by a bunch of goth kids, and he rescued him.
So, anyway. It's the four of them, and by nature, they're loners. Well, except for Teyla, who has a remarkable equanimity. In fact, she winds up playing the peacemaker at first, especially between Rodney and Ronon. John kind of sulks for a bit on his lonesome, but he gets fascinated by the way Rodney constructs his burrows in the bedding. It's truly hamster genius, and John just has to give his input. And before long he and Rodney are best buddies. And Ronon and Teyla are just too much fun to tussle with to keep ignoring. So despite the fact that hamsters can be bitchy to each other, before long the four of them are one big happy family.
But as you know, things can't stay that way forever. One night, some crazy people break into Carson's lab, intent on stealing his research. But they're interrupted by security, and in the ensuing fight, some of Carson's magic formula gets spilled--all over the hamster habitat. Nobody really thinks anything of it. They get the bad guys secured, clean up the lab, and go home.
Overnight, the formula goes to work. Changing the hamsters. Making them grow. Making their brains grown. Enhancing their natural abilities, and giving them new ones. Rodney is the first to wake up, screeching in terror as their growing bodies push into each other and finally shatter the tank. John tries to calm him down, but he's pretty damn terrified himself. (Especially since he's realizing he's never going to be able to spin really fast in the hamster wheel until he launches himself out of it again. Which is a total bummer.)
Finally, the changes stop. They look at each other, completely shocked. They're still hamsters, with furry faces and grasping paw hands, and tiny little tails wiggling behind them. But they're human, too. Their legs and arms are so much longer now, and their waists have tucked in to give them a human shape.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Rodney squawks--and hey, they can speak now, too.
"That's totally cool, man," Ronon says. He's grinning from pointed ear to pointed ear, swinging his arms and kind of jogging in place.
"It is different," Teyla says cautiously, but she starts smiling too. Ronon catches her wrist and starts dancing her around the room. They're both graceful right from the start.
"I really don't think that's a good idea," Rodney says, but John nudges his shoulder.
"Come on, Rodney. Lighten up a little." And he grabs Rodney's hand and draws him in for a celebratory dance of their own. (Take that however you want.)
And thus the Middle-Aged Mutant Fighting Hamsters were born. Together, they fight crime. (And eat a lot of whatever's good in the cafeteria.)
For celli, who wanted
Once upon a time, there was a knight who was greatly feared and respected across all the lands. His name was Sir Gibbs, and he served his kingdom with more devotion than any knight of legend. He was the chief of the knights (though not head of the round table, because Gibbs thought round tables were completely inefficient and a waste of his time) and did his best to gather the best to himself.
His right hand man was Sir Tony. Sir Tony was a bit of a rogue, playing fast and loose with the bounds of chivalry. But all the ladies loved him anyway, and he was constantly showered with tokens of esteem whenever he went off to battle. Despite his reputation with the ladies of the realm, Sir Tony was truly devoted to his calling, which was why Gibbs thought so highly of him.
Gibbs also put a lot of faith in the court alchemist, Duc du Mallard. (Gibbs insisted on mangling the French by calling him Ducky.) Ducky had many interests, and shared them through long, winding reminiscences, but he could draw most any secret out of the body and he could imbue metal with amazing abilities in order to protect that body. Ducky had an apprentice named Jimmy the Palm. He was also aided by a beautiful young woman who was rumored to be a mage, or possibly an alchemist like Ducky himself. Abigail was very mysterious, and tended to frighten the ladies of the court. But Gibbs loved her dearly, and always consulted with her whenever he had any type of problem in battle.
The youngest knight was Sir Tim. Sir Tim was of common birth, and had frequently been made fun of for his dreams of becoming a knight. But Sir Tim had determination like none other, and long before he was a man, he set off on a journey to make his dreams come true. He studies with the mages and alchemists for many years, and thus had much in common with Abigail. Despite his talents in these areas, he still longed to become a knight. So he returned to the kingdom, and fought his way to Gibbs's side several times. Gibbs rewarded his perseverance by giving him more opportunities to prove himself. The good King Morrow eventually heeded Gibbs's advice, and made Tim a knight. Sir Tony wasn't sure about him at first, and took to calling him Sir Probie to remind him of his roots. But Sir Tony also fell into a role of mentor and protector, and despite their rough beginnings, the two became extremely close.
Once upon a time, there was also Sir Kat. Sir Kat was much beloved by his fellow knights, and served well amongst their ranks, although he never really participated in the good-humored joking and games that the other nights played. That could have made him seem standoffish, or a prude, but his devotion and skill recalled that of Sir Galahad in the tales. One day, however, Sir Kat was struck a mortal blow--and it was discovered that Sir Kat was really a Kate! The rumor of Kat's true gender spread amongst the court and common people both, and it was a great scandal. But her fellow knights only came to love her more because of it, and mourned her deeply.
Shortly after Sir Kat fell, good King Morrow succumbed to a mysterious illness. Gibbs mourned his long time friend. But to his surprise, instead of the crown passing to the king's brother, the princess, Morrow's daughter, returned from abroad to rule the kingdom. Queen Genevieve, or Gen, as she was frequently called, was a beautiful woman, tough and brittle both. And Gibbs had loved her desperately in his youth. They were never meant to be, however, because she could never marry a knight--even if he was the premier knight of the realm. His heart had broken over Gen, and now that she was back, he was torn between resentment and the need to serve her even more devoutly than before.
Gen brought someone with her. At first everyone thought Ziva was simply another lady's maid, an exotic find from the mysterious lands of the east. But Gibbs soon discovered that Ziva was actually a fierce fighter, and an assassin by trade. They were suspicious of each other at first, but when they discovered that they were both devoted to Queen Genevieve, they found much to like in each other. Gibbs soon took to using Ziva to fight battles that could not be fought with a complement of knights.
And thus, the most magnificent team of defenders was assembled. They fought many battles together, and gained many victories. They came to feel that they were family to each other, bonds deeper than blood--and in some cases, became lovers. (Don't look at me that way, Sir Tony. I know what you and Sir Probie got up to on that last campaign.) All was well--until tragedy struck the kingdom once again, and left the team in shambles.
What will happen? You'll have to wait until the season opener to find out.
For darsynia, who wanted
Rodney McKay, of course, is the crazy inventor who's taken up residence in the Southwestern desert (I almost wrote 'dessert'. That's a whole different AU.) so he can perform his experiments without those annoying government types and, you know, people getting in his way. The exception to that whole 'people' thing is Radek Zelenka, his assistant. Radek followed him West more or less because they were having a heated argument about whether power loss was absolutely inherent when decreasing the size of the engine, and once they both realized he'd done so, Rodney couldn't be bothered to kick him out and Radek couldn't be bothered to leave.
One day a man dressed all in black wanders onto their land, half-starved, sunburnt and dehydrated. Rodney assumes that he's a half-assed ranch-hand who got bucked off his horse on the way into town. But he takes him in anyway--not the least because the guy is really hot under that sunburn.
Well, the guy wakes up. His name is John Sheppard, and he can't remember much beyond that. Turns out he's pretty good with engines, though. So Rodney lets him stick around. They have an especially memorable time the day after Rodney gets his steam-powered trackless locomotive going, and John races it across the flats. A very memorable evening, if you get my meaning.
There's a local woman named Teyla who pops in now and then with food that Rodney's bartered for. Rodney assumes she's a less-than-educated backwards type, and he doesn't really have much time for her. But she gets to talking to John one day, and she shows a real interest in his projects. John and she get to be good friends, talking weapons and stuff together. Rodney's jealous at first, but once she saves his life when one of his engines explodes, they reach a good place.
Of course, things can't be too good for too long. John's past catches up with him, in the form of a big scary tracker named Ronon. They have a huge fight, and Ronon's got him cornered--when Rodney bops him on the head with a pipe. Rodney's all for getting rid of the guy, but John thinks they can get information out of him.
Turns out, Ronon's being forced into the job by the bad guys, who are holding his family hostage. John and Teyla decide they need to help him out--and Rodney reluctantly saves the day with one of his inventions. They defeat the bad guys, John gets his memory back--but unfortunately, they couldn't save Ronon's family. They were killed long before the team got there. Ronon decides to stay with Rodney. Rodney's not sure what to think about that, but since John's sticking around too, he figures it's okay.
And after all, what more could happen? ;)
For ravenlore, who wanted Agatha Christi-style in a fandom we share.
Teyla Emmagan is the high-powered head of sales and marketing for a technologies firm. She's attending a meet-and-greet party at the company her best friend, Kate Heightmeyer, works at. It's pretty standard big corporate stuff--hor d'oevres, drinks, people in suits standing around promising you the world--until an explosion rocks the building. Everyone starts panicking, thinking terrorism or something--until Rodney McKay, co-owner and co-chief mad scientist of the company--comes running into the room, soot-stained and bloody, screaming for help. Apparently one of their experiments has gone wrong, killing his ex-wife, Samantha Carter, in the process.
The police investigate and, with the help of independent scientist-consultant, Radek Zelenka, discover that it wasn't an accident. Someone sabotaged the equipment. The police have two primary suspects: Rodney McKay himself, and his current spouse, John Sheppard. Kate doesn't think that's possible, though. Besides liking the pair, she has a side interest in psychology, and she doesn't think that either of capable of cold-blooded murder. Killing someone to defend the other, yes, but they both got along with Sam, even if they did bicker like cats and dogs.
Teyla ponders this. She has a good feel for people, and the brief amount of time in which she saw John and Rodney has led her to believe that Kate's right. She gets drawn further into the case when she hears a rumor that Sam was going to testify against a shady former acquaintance in a trade secrets case, a man by the name of Simmons. Teyla goes to the police with the rumor, and talks to a Detective Lorne. He's polite and says they'll check it out, but she can tell that it's not enough to clear John and Rodney.
Rodney, meanwhile, is convinced that a former employee by the name of Kavanaugh is to blame. Probably through incompetence, though possibly through intent. Teyla winds up talking to Kavanaugh more or less through accident. She thinks he's hiding something, but isn't sure what.
Since the police have no real evidence against John or Rodney, they're not holding them. Kate invites her over for lunch at the company, and more less convinces both Teyla and John and Rodney that Teyla is their best option. Teyla takes a look at the crime scene, and spots something curious.
She's convinced that Kavanaugh is the culprit--when he turns up dead in the lobby. Now she's more confused than ever. But the guy who discovered him, Aiden Ford, arouses her suspicions. The guy is on something, she can tell, and apparently is only keeping his job because he's an old friend of John's. He doesn't really have motive to kill Sam, but as messed up as he is, who knows.
She goes back to the crime scene, where she finds Lorne. They talk, getting to know each other. That's when it all clicks for her. Together, she and Lorne come up with a plan to out the culprit.
They gather the suspects down at the station. Teyla reveals that it was an accident that Sam died. There's a bit of an uproar, and Rodney is like 'no, no, I know our calculations were right'. Then Teyla says that that doesn't mean there wasn't sabotage. She and Lorne put their ingenious plan into action, causing the real killer to spook. John's secretary, Larrin, bolts for the door, but Teyla brings her down with a swift kick to the head. Apparently Larrin was terribly jealous and had tried to kill Rodney. She got Sam instead. Ford had discovered her on the security tapes, heading in to the lab hours before the explosion, and was on his way to tell John. Larrin got to him first, and that was the end of Aiden Ford.
John and Rodney go free, living happily ever after with their company. Teyla gets praise for a job well done, a job offer, and offers for dinner dates from both Lorne and Kate.
All is well--until the next book.
For unaccompanied_g, who wanted
John, Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon are hamsters. Yes, hamsters. See, they started out in the lab of a mad scientist named Carson Beckett. (He had originally considered going with turtles as a pet, but decided that hamsters were a bit more lovable. And his mom always did like furry wee beasties.) Now, I know what you're thinking, but these hamsters weren't for experimenting on. Carson got these purely to keep him company while he worked with his genetic experiments--on his mice.
Now, the thing is, hamsters typically don't get along well with others of their kind. Not unless they're raised together from a young age. In fact, Ronon wasn't originally part of the group. There was another hamster--Aiden--but he reacted badly and escaped the cage one day, taking off for parts unknown. That's when Carson added Ronon to the bunch. He'd found the poor little guy being chased by a bunch of goth kids, and he rescued him.
So, anyway. It's the four of them, and by nature, they're loners. Well, except for Teyla, who has a remarkable equanimity. In fact, she winds up playing the peacemaker at first, especially between Rodney and Ronon. John kind of sulks for a bit on his lonesome, but he gets fascinated by the way Rodney constructs his burrows in the bedding. It's truly hamster genius, and John just has to give his input. And before long he and Rodney are best buddies. And Ronon and Teyla are just too much fun to tussle with to keep ignoring. So despite the fact that hamsters can be bitchy to each other, before long the four of them are one big happy family.
But as you know, things can't stay that way forever. One night, some crazy people break into Carson's lab, intent on stealing his research. But they're interrupted by security, and in the ensuing fight, some of Carson's magic formula gets spilled--all over the hamster habitat. Nobody really thinks anything of it. They get the bad guys secured, clean up the lab, and go home.
Overnight, the formula goes to work. Changing the hamsters. Making them grow. Making their brains grown. Enhancing their natural abilities, and giving them new ones. Rodney is the first to wake up, screeching in terror as their growing bodies push into each other and finally shatter the tank. John tries to calm him down, but he's pretty damn terrified himself. (Especially since he's realizing he's never going to be able to spin really fast in the hamster wheel until he launches himself out of it again. Which is a total bummer.)
Finally, the changes stop. They look at each other, completely shocked. They're still hamsters, with furry faces and grasping paw hands, and tiny little tails wiggling behind them. But they're human, too. Their legs and arms are so much longer now, and their waists have tucked in to give them a human shape.
"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" Rodney squawks--and hey, they can speak now, too.
"That's totally cool, man," Ronon says. He's grinning from pointed ear to pointed ear, swinging his arms and kind of jogging in place.
"It is different," Teyla says cautiously, but she starts smiling too. Ronon catches her wrist and starts dancing her around the room. They're both graceful right from the start.
"I really don't think that's a good idea," Rodney says, but John nudges his shoulder.
"Come on, Rodney. Lighten up a little." And he grabs Rodney's hand and draws him in for a celebratory dance of their own. (Take that however you want.)
And thus the Middle-Aged Mutant Fighting Hamsters were born. Together, they fight crime. (And eat a lot of whatever's good in the cafeteria.)
For celli, who wanted
Once upon a time, there was a knight who was greatly feared and respected across all the lands. His name was Sir Gibbs, and he served his kingdom with more devotion than any knight of legend. He was the chief of the knights (though not head of the round table, because Gibbs thought round tables were completely inefficient and a waste of his time) and did his best to gather the best to himself.
His right hand man was Sir Tony. Sir Tony was a bit of a rogue, playing fast and loose with the bounds of chivalry. But all the ladies loved him anyway, and he was constantly showered with tokens of esteem whenever he went off to battle. Despite his reputation with the ladies of the realm, Sir Tony was truly devoted to his calling, which was why Gibbs thought so highly of him.
Gibbs also put a lot of faith in the court alchemist, Duc du Mallard. (Gibbs insisted on mangling the French by calling him Ducky.) Ducky had many interests, and shared them through long, winding reminiscences, but he could draw most any secret out of the body and he could imbue metal with amazing abilities in order to protect that body. Ducky had an apprentice named Jimmy the Palm. He was also aided by a beautiful young woman who was rumored to be a mage, or possibly an alchemist like Ducky himself. Abigail was very mysterious, and tended to frighten the ladies of the court. But Gibbs loved her dearly, and always consulted with her whenever he had any type of problem in battle.
The youngest knight was Sir Tim. Sir Tim was of common birth, and had frequently been made fun of for his dreams of becoming a knight. But Sir Tim had determination like none other, and long before he was a man, he set off on a journey to make his dreams come true. He studies with the mages and alchemists for many years, and thus had much in common with Abigail. Despite his talents in these areas, he still longed to become a knight. So he returned to the kingdom, and fought his way to Gibbs's side several times. Gibbs rewarded his perseverance by giving him more opportunities to prove himself. The good King Morrow eventually heeded Gibbs's advice, and made Tim a knight. Sir Tony wasn't sure about him at first, and took to calling him Sir Probie to remind him of his roots. But Sir Tony also fell into a role of mentor and protector, and despite their rough beginnings, the two became extremely close.
Once upon a time, there was also Sir Kat. Sir Kat was much beloved by his fellow knights, and served well amongst their ranks, although he never really participated in the good-humored joking and games that the other nights played. That could have made him seem standoffish, or a prude, but his devotion and skill recalled that of Sir Galahad in the tales. One day, however, Sir Kat was struck a mortal blow--and it was discovered that Sir Kat was really a Kate! The rumor of Kat's true gender spread amongst the court and common people both, and it was a great scandal. But her fellow knights only came to love her more because of it, and mourned her deeply.
Shortly after Sir Kat fell, good King Morrow succumbed to a mysterious illness. Gibbs mourned his long time friend. But to his surprise, instead of the crown passing to the king's brother, the princess, Morrow's daughter, returned from abroad to rule the kingdom. Queen Genevieve, or Gen, as she was frequently called, was a beautiful woman, tough and brittle both. And Gibbs had loved her desperately in his youth. They were never meant to be, however, because she could never marry a knight--even if he was the premier knight of the realm. His heart had broken over Gen, and now that she was back, he was torn between resentment and the need to serve her even more devoutly than before.
Gen brought someone with her. At first everyone thought Ziva was simply another lady's maid, an exotic find from the mysterious lands of the east. But Gibbs soon discovered that Ziva was actually a fierce fighter, and an assassin by trade. They were suspicious of each other at first, but when they discovered that they were both devoted to Queen Genevieve, they found much to like in each other. Gibbs soon took to using Ziva to fight battles that could not be fought with a complement of knights.
And thus, the most magnificent team of defenders was assembled. They fought many battles together, and gained many victories. They came to feel that they were family to each other, bonds deeper than blood--and in some cases, became lovers. (Don't look at me that way, Sir Tony. I know what you and Sir Probie got up to on that last campaign.) All was well--until tragedy struck the kingdom once again, and left the team in shambles.
What will happen? You'll have to wait until the season opener to find out.