(no subject)
have you ever felt like you were the most beautiful girl in the world for one moment? and then all of a sudden reality hit, and you realized you were far from the most beautiful girl in the world. i felt like that for a brief moment today. sometimes i wish i was who i used to be. i was so confident. i didnt let anything bother me. but now, the littlest things hurt my feelings and i dont know how to explain that. its just like you could be joking around and say something mean, and it taunts me forever. im just a simple minded girl, with a big heart, that gets hurt easily. im so in love with dennis, its hard to explain the love i feel for him, but im begining to think that i love him more than he loves me. and it kind of hurts, well it hurts a lot to think that. :/ and its really sad to think too. i mean i know he loves me, but im second in his life. he comes first in my life right along with my mother and little brother. hes right up there .. and im second, to skating.. i know that skating has been his life , and the only thing he has had his whole life, but sometimes, i know he'd rather be skating than be with me, and i guess thats what hurts me. maybe im not the girl for him? maybe im keeping him for big dreams? and big things in life? maybe im just his anchor in life, and he doesnt really know how to cut me loose? could that really be the possiblity? i guess it could, i dont know what to think anymore. maybe i wasnt mean to have such an amazing boy in my life. maybe i was meant to be one of those old ladies who are single and lonely their whole life, and die alone, no children, no money, nothing but my old trashy house, and my memories of my past. not a good past either. i dont know, i wish i could wake up sometimes and everything be the way i want it to be. im begining to realize how unperfect i am. it fucking sucks too.