Open Wide and Say.....AhhhhhOwwww FuckShitOwwwwww
It is official. Bobbie Jean, my wacky country music loving dental hygenist, is a crackhead and the tooth nazi.
Today was my 2nd quadrant visit.
I am having a 4 part quadrant procedure where Bobbie Jean gets to stick needles in my gums and scrape all the nasty plaque off my teeth, 1 quadrant of my mouth at a time.
Of course, she numbs it first with this disgusting berry numbing gel. But Bobbi Jean-she NO NUMB IT COMPLETELY...Lori feel pain...bad scraping prickling
nerve tweaking pain..Plus Bobbie Jean wanted me to feel bad pain for long time so she suggested I stay a "little longer" (2 hours) and knock out 2 quadrants in 1 sitting.
I obliged, not knowing I had been cast in
LITTLE DENTAL SHOP OF HORRORS.
Here are some things that actually came out of my hygenist's mouth that a PATIENT just NEVER WANTS TO HEAR:
"Oh it would help, if I turned the machine on."
Her: "You're going to feel a LITTLE pinch now."
Me: "OWWWWWWWWWWWW HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK"
Her: "Okay, a big pinch."
"If I could be an octopus I would. I neeed more hands right about now."
"This little TOOTHY just wants to keep bleeding doesn't it?"
"OOPS" (this one was said more than once)
"Oh I really got you there with the water sprayer.
Hey it looks like tears running down your face. Don't cry. (starts breaking out into improv country song)Don't shed any tears, don't have any fear, wipe those tears
off your face, you're in a brand new place.
I guess I didn't tell you I was a country singer. hee hee heeee heee."
"You have a small mouth and at the moment, I'm afraid I can't really see in there."
As if all this wasn't frightening enough, at one point she practically strangled me with the vacuum suction thingee. The cord was LITERALLY wrapped around my neck and I was chocking...I'm like "um bobbie jean I can't breathe." She's like "shut up bitch-AND MAKE me a sandwich."
And speaking of sandwiches, I do believe she stopped in the middle of the procedure for 15 minutes to go have ONE. But she claimed what she was doing was giving me a break because it was such a long "session" and I deserved a break for being such a PATIENT PATIENT.
YEAH I'M SO PATIENT I'll need some sessions after this WITH A TOOTH THERAPIST GOD DAMNIT YOU TOOTH CUNT!!!!!!!
And speaking of sandwiches again, I won't be having any in the near future because bobbie jean said my mouth will be numb for the next few hours and if I try to eat anything I will end up eating my cheek and the food will just fly out of my mouth.
Right now, it feels and looks like I have a baseball in each cheek. BATTER UP-I LOOK HOT!
This brings me to an exciting and intriguing revelation. I have found a new way to diet. My retired doctor dad can prescibe some local mouth anesthetic and I will keep my mouth numb at all times and never be able to eat EVER AGAIN....I AM BRILLIANT!!!
Oh and the country music station they play in that god damn office...is that to purposely torture me even more when I'm trying desperately to mentally escape any which way I can from the clutch of the tooth nazi's chair? Which is the lessor evil between the maddening sounds and the pain from the scraping and the vacuuming by my evil hygenist or the SOUNDS AND THE PAIN of country music???? AT THE VERY LEAST THEY SHOULD SERVE ALCOHOL AT MY DENTIST'S, so it can be like a country music bar and I won't feel the pain!!!
Today was my 2nd quadrant visit.
I am having a 4 part quadrant procedure where Bobbie Jean gets to stick needles in my gums and scrape all the nasty plaque off my teeth, 1 quadrant of my mouth at a time.
Of course, she numbs it first with this disgusting berry numbing gel. But Bobbi Jean-she NO NUMB IT COMPLETELY...Lori feel pain...bad scraping prickling
nerve tweaking pain..Plus Bobbie Jean wanted me to feel bad pain for long time so she suggested I stay a "little longer" (2 hours) and knock out 2 quadrants in 1 sitting.
I obliged, not knowing I had been cast in
LITTLE DENTAL SHOP OF HORRORS.
Here are some things that actually came out of my hygenist's mouth that a PATIENT just NEVER WANTS TO HEAR:
"Oh it would help, if I turned the machine on."
Her: "You're going to feel a LITTLE pinch now."
Me: "OWWWWWWWWWWWW HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK"
Her: "Okay, a big pinch."
"If I could be an octopus I would. I neeed more hands right about now."
"This little TOOTHY just wants to keep bleeding doesn't it?"
"OOPS" (this one was said more than once)
"Oh I really got you there with the water sprayer.
Hey it looks like tears running down your face. Don't cry. (starts breaking out into improv country song)Don't shed any tears, don't have any fear, wipe those tears
off your face, you're in a brand new place.
I guess I didn't tell you I was a country singer. hee hee heeee heee."
"You have a small mouth and at the moment, I'm afraid I can't really see in there."
As if all this wasn't frightening enough, at one point she practically strangled me with the vacuum suction thingee. The cord was LITERALLY wrapped around my neck and I was chocking...I'm like "um bobbie jean I can't breathe." She's like "shut up bitch-AND MAKE me a sandwich."
And speaking of sandwiches, I do believe she stopped in the middle of the procedure for 15 minutes to go have ONE. But she claimed what she was doing was giving me a break because it was such a long "session" and I deserved a break for being such a PATIENT PATIENT.
YEAH I'M SO PATIENT I'll need some sessions after this WITH A TOOTH THERAPIST GOD DAMNIT YOU TOOTH CUNT!!!!!!!
And speaking of sandwiches again, I won't be having any in the near future because bobbie jean said my mouth will be numb for the next few hours and if I try to eat anything I will end up eating my cheek and the food will just fly out of my mouth.
Right now, it feels and looks like I have a baseball in each cheek. BATTER UP-I LOOK HOT!
This brings me to an exciting and intriguing revelation. I have found a new way to diet. My retired doctor dad can prescibe some local mouth anesthetic and I will keep my mouth numb at all times and never be able to eat EVER AGAIN....I AM BRILLIANT!!!
Oh and the country music station they play in that god damn office...is that to purposely torture me even more when I'm trying desperately to mentally escape any which way I can from the clutch of the tooth nazi's chair? Which is the lessor evil between the maddening sounds and the pain from the scraping and the vacuuming by my evil hygenist or the SOUNDS AND THE PAIN of country music???? AT THE VERY LEAST THEY SHOULD SERVE ALCOHOL AT MY DENTIST'S, so it can be like a country music bar and I won't feel the pain!!!