Jan 11, 2008 04:25
Read somewhere that writing down your thoughts help you better understand yourself.. Its been a long time since I have taken the time to do something so self-productive. I suppose extreme dieting and criticism don't cut it. I've been very depressed, at least that's my self diagnosis. Having a difficult time getting out of bed, and an empty feeling trailing me all day. Even drinking towards complete unconsciousness does not hold the great appeal it once did. Seems like nothing makes me feel better unless I'm with jared for that whole hour a day. That there is some of it. Loving someone you know is so different than you and not giving you the time to allow the relationship to grow. Lust. Who in the fuck knows. I know that's not the main problem because I have never needed someone else in my life to make me happy. I strive independently and try to maintain privacy in most aspects of my life. Its just so must easier to spare others the mudane details of my life and in turn be bored by their own. Though sometimes listening to others gives good perspective towards my own. I am always trying to grow, to better myself. Try to figure myself out. Is there ever a definite answer towards the motives of my behaviour or feelings. Step one towards improvement is to be completely honest. I can say that much without compromising my dignity.