(no subject)
no idea what is going on with life at all
dont know how to even express what is going on in my head
confusion is probably the word that comes close to how i feel about everything
i dont even think i should drink tonight
im too depressed, too fucked up to think straight
i just want to lay in bed and puke my guts out til something makes sense
i hate being emotional, why cant i be indifferent about everything and not let trivial things bring me down
because as soon as thing are resolved i realized i wasted clean sheets to cry on
and things were never as significant as i thought the night before
my friends are dropping like flys but they don't know it yet
i know who i am
i know that if you change who you are then you lose my respect
and now my closest friends have fallen into that category
so what, im a fuck up, but im still the same fucking person i was 3 years ago to date
im not kissing asses and holding a plastic smile
i have emotions, i know what i am and i stick to it
i dont change day to day to please
disappointment has never bothered me this much.
maybe i shouldnt get so close to people then id never have anything to lose
but then nothing to gain
but if great fucking memories are all you have to recall then what makes that so special
because good memories are really just laughing in your face when theres nothing left to cherish
so what do to now?
keep on calling and seeing things for what they are and dealing with it or just turn my head and walk the other way
theres so much up at stake right now but its come to the point where i dont think i can see people i care about mutating into people that 3 years ago we would have spit on
if i keep on seeing them change and admitting there is nothing i can do about it.. well that would kill me
because im usually there for them and now im not
so i cant do anything
its take it or leave it
and for my own sake i think i should be the bigger person and walk away
dont know how to even express what is going on in my head
confusion is probably the word that comes close to how i feel about everything
i dont even think i should drink tonight
im too depressed, too fucked up to think straight
i just want to lay in bed and puke my guts out til something makes sense
i hate being emotional, why cant i be indifferent about everything and not let trivial things bring me down
because as soon as thing are resolved i realized i wasted clean sheets to cry on
and things were never as significant as i thought the night before
my friends are dropping like flys but they don't know it yet
i know who i am
i know that if you change who you are then you lose my respect
and now my closest friends have fallen into that category
so what, im a fuck up, but im still the same fucking person i was 3 years ago to date
im not kissing asses and holding a plastic smile
i have emotions, i know what i am and i stick to it
i dont change day to day to please
disappointment has never bothered me this much.
maybe i shouldnt get so close to people then id never have anything to lose
but then nothing to gain
but if great fucking memories are all you have to recall then what makes that so special
because good memories are really just laughing in your face when theres nothing left to cherish
so what do to now?
keep on calling and seeing things for what they are and dealing with it or just turn my head and walk the other way
theres so much up at stake right now but its come to the point where i dont think i can see people i care about mutating into people that 3 years ago we would have spit on
if i keep on seeing them change and admitting there is nothing i can do about it.. well that would kill me
because im usually there for them and now im not
so i cant do anything
its take it or leave it
and for my own sake i think i should be the bigger person and walk away