*choke* Must... vent...

[shesquint]

So, my friend has this girlfriend who's pretty awful. I get along with her. If I had only my interactions with her to go on, I'd probably like her. But the longer he dates her, the more she infuriates me

Comments

[freja999]

to add to the list
-She's butt ugly and he can do a hellavahlot better.
-She's friends with Crazy Racist Anti Metal Sara....'nuff said.

To add to what J said above, it is absolutely Dave's responsibility to take care of himself. And as mom, might I add that it is absolutely HER RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF HERSELF AND HER CHILD!!! Not HIS! He also needs to realize prolonging a bad relationship is a bad example to the child. If he also enabling his GF to be "helpless", than he is ALSO enabling her to be a bad example of what a woman should grow up to be.

Those are my personal opinions and mine alone as a mother who was "helpless" when she first got divorced...no four year degree...no stable work...a mortgage....and then I turned 30 and it's been uphill since then. My goal was to never need a man for financial reasons again. EVER. A Love in my life is a gift, not a vein to tap.

And feeling responsibility for someone else's child should never be a reason to stay. It's a big deal (SBT left my kids without even saying goodbye), but truly children need GOOD examples of healthy relationships and role models in their parental figures.

She needs to step up.

He needs to stand down.

[shesquint]

Agreed on all counts except for the butt ugly part. She is plain, it's true, but she definitely has moments where she shines. And Dave likes the plain girls. It's the weirdest things. He likes 'em meaty and ever so slightly homely.

I think he stays with her because he would not be able to live with himself if he put her and the kid into an untenable living situation. Being nice can really get a person into trouble.

You're right about love being a gift and not a vein to tap, of course. She sees it as a vein to tap. I don't know where she developed that notion or why no one has seen fit to disabuse her of it.

[freja999]

I'll tell ya why she's butt ugly to me; She always scowls. You may have seen her being all shiny and such, but as often as I've encountered her over the years and as often as I tried to talk to her (and I'm SHY, Damn it!), she has always given me the cold shoulder, even shrugged and turn away from me as I talked to her. And that scowl? It turns what might be an otherwise lovely face rather froggish.

Also, sometimes I wonder if I come across preachy and self righteous when it comes to the kids department. Again, my opinions are my own, though I may feel strongly about them. I *did* take a step back and ask someone who was raised by a single mother hovering on the poverty line whether he thought my assessment about the involvement of someone in their mother's lives was similar to mine. He felt strongly felt that the responsibility of a child rests ultimately and soley with the parent and that any unhealthy dependent relationship was a negative force in his life and his mother's ability to raise him. She got out of those and avoided them in the future. So now you have one single mother's POV and one child's raised by a struggling single mother (struggling is an understatement. I give that woman mad props for what she survived!) POV.

I wish them all the best. And she needs to start being nice to other people starting with returning a smile.

[shesquint]

She is not one to be gracious to the pretty girls, unfortunately. (One more black mark on her record, that, and it's stupid of her; my best friends are pretty girls, except the ones who aren't girls at all.)

Someday when it comes up--and it will--I will mention what you said to Dave. I won't quote you directly and it certainly won't change anything right off the bat, but at least the seed will be there. Here's hoping he'll eventually take it and run with it.