(no subject)
Last night Claire was really dehydrated and she passed out in my arms after passing out on the roof. I couldn't hold her weight, as I dropped my two glasses of liquid and she ended up hitting her chin on the floor. I fell on top of her. We were both soaked in beer and water. At least it was carpet. Me and Jenna fed her in gus's bedroom, put her to bed, and then I went back outside where my heart was pounding for some time after.
Later, I had a nightmare where I woke up at Matts house in the morning and realized that I didn't know where margo was. I went out to the roof and saw her mangled body so low below, squeezed and splattered into the staircase leading down to Michael's apartment. I started to scream. Maybe I was screaming in the real world, in my big bed. What killed me to see her there, was that while dream-me had been falling asleep, Margo had been falling to her death. How could dream-me have fallen asleep so easily, when my dream-awake self was needed out on that roof? I wondered what those moments were like for her, as I have wondered for myself nearly every time I'm on a roof. Would the seconds of falling be terrifying? Would you realize you were going to die? All this was not pleasant, but rather haunting to me in the dream, though I figured that Margo would have had a pretty optimistic view of the whole thing in those few moments. I met her mom at a farm for the funeral. Matt Lohry hugged me by a bale of straw. Nothing felt better. Nothing ever was going to be ok, and anyways, her body looked gnarled as hell.
But the new apartment is nice. Three weeks from now I should be in Korea, but first I have to finish this animation for Soft Cat, and I also just took a third job; I'll be working both markets this week. What? What, Miranda? Hugh's class came to the garden yesterday. It was incredible to see so many people out there. I will miss seeing the full squash harvest come in. I love the bees, but maybe I'm not good enough for them. Today I made them a little angry and they crawled all over my face. Still no stings, yet.
Later, I had a nightmare where I woke up at Matts house in the morning and realized that I didn't know where margo was. I went out to the roof and saw her mangled body so low below, squeezed and splattered into the staircase leading down to Michael's apartment. I started to scream. Maybe I was screaming in the real world, in my big bed. What killed me to see her there, was that while dream-me had been falling asleep, Margo had been falling to her death. How could dream-me have fallen asleep so easily, when my dream-awake self was needed out on that roof? I wondered what those moments were like for her, as I have wondered for myself nearly every time I'm on a roof. Would the seconds of falling be terrifying? Would you realize you were going to die? All this was not pleasant, but rather haunting to me in the dream, though I figured that Margo would have had a pretty optimistic view of the whole thing in those few moments. I met her mom at a farm for the funeral. Matt Lohry hugged me by a bale of straw. Nothing felt better. Nothing ever was going to be ok, and anyways, her body looked gnarled as hell.
But the new apartment is nice. Three weeks from now I should be in Korea, but first I have to finish this animation for Soft Cat, and I also just took a third job; I'll be working both markets this week. What? What, Miranda? Hugh's class came to the garden yesterday. It was incredible to see so many people out there. I will miss seeing the full squash harvest come in. I love the bees, but maybe I'm not good enough for them. Today I made them a little angry and they crawled all over my face. Still no stings, yet.