Finally I figured it out, but it took a long long time...
I sat up in bed this morning at 3:45, which is surprising since I had only slid into bed 3 hours earlier--either way I was awake and ready to start the day.
First off I watched an episode of My So-Called Life. God how I loved that show when it was first on. It's so strange to see it now and think back on when I was first watching it at 13, and thinking "that's what high school is like" unfortunately, it's not. Or at least mine wasn't. The relationships weren't as intense and dramatic, the boys eyes weren't as blue.
This all got me to thinking about relationships in my life NOW. There are so many different dynamics to my life, and it feels like for the first time in, well, ever all of the pieces are starting to fit. Things are coming together, and making sense that I thought never would. Wounds are healing that I thought would forever be painful reminders of things gone wrong, days gone by, and people that never said goodbye.
Brief timeline :
-In the past six months, one of the most intense and chaotic pseudo-relationships I've ever had, came apart at the seams.
-In the past month, the closest friendship I've ever had, fell by the wayside.
-In the past week, I've gotten over it.
At first I was angry, and sad. I had been abandoned, I had a right to be upset but over time, all the negative gave way to much more positive feelings. Understanding, and contentment. What I mean is, if all of your compartments are full, there isn't room for anything new. In the past month I have rekindled friendships, harvested new ones out of people I've known for a while, and met brand new people. I'm so horrible because I throw myself completely into people who don't even notice I'm there, and turn my back on the people who stand there beside me all along. There are still a few friendships, left to rekindle and with time that will be done. People aren't replaced, they are regrouped. It's hard to believe that barely two weeks ago I was weeping over lost people, and now I'm rejoicing at the opportunity for growth.
Growth. Haha, I always talk about how much I think I've grown, or how far I've progressed but when I look at where I was a year ago today it looks much the same. My feet are definitely the same size, and my heart certainly bleeds over common dilemmas. In fact, I wrote this one year ago over in good ole ramenisgood :
Inspiration can be found in anything and everything.
Things always work out-- how they should--no matter what you do.
Months of being off track can be washed away in an instant.
Finally coming to terms with the past is one of the best feelings ever.
It's not time wasted, it's lessons learned.
See? I'm the same today, as I was a year ago--where's the growth? In my ass. =)
Seriously though, stop talking and start doing. Make something worthwhile, and don't be afraid of stepping out. You never see the end of the road while you're traveling the course.
Now for some basic info :
-I washed and waxed my car at around 7:15 am
-I'm supposed to be getting a drink with this boy I have a crush on, tonight.*
-I think I'm going to the beach today to read I haven't done that in awhile.
-I didn't cut this, cause Rick can't read things behind cuts at work so deal with it.
*I think I could actually like like this boy, so holy carp!
First off I watched an episode of My So-Called Life. God how I loved that show when it was first on. It's so strange to see it now and think back on when I was first watching it at 13, and thinking "that's what high school is like" unfortunately, it's not. Or at least mine wasn't. The relationships weren't as intense and dramatic, the boys eyes weren't as blue.
This all got me to thinking about relationships in my life NOW. There are so many different dynamics to my life, and it feels like for the first time in, well, ever all of the pieces are starting to fit. Things are coming together, and making sense that I thought never would. Wounds are healing that I thought would forever be painful reminders of things gone wrong, days gone by, and people that never said goodbye.
Brief timeline :
-In the past six months, one of the most intense and chaotic pseudo-relationships I've ever had, came apart at the seams.
-In the past month, the closest friendship I've ever had, fell by the wayside.
-In the past week, I've gotten over it.
At first I was angry, and sad. I had been abandoned, I had a right to be upset but over time, all the negative gave way to much more positive feelings. Understanding, and contentment. What I mean is, if all of your compartments are full, there isn't room for anything new. In the past month I have rekindled friendships, harvested new ones out of people I've known for a while, and met brand new people. I'm so horrible because I throw myself completely into people who don't even notice I'm there, and turn my back on the people who stand there beside me all along. There are still a few friendships, left to rekindle and with time that will be done. People aren't replaced, they are regrouped. It's hard to believe that barely two weeks ago I was weeping over lost people, and now I'm rejoicing at the opportunity for growth.
Growth. Haha, I always talk about how much I think I've grown, or how far I've progressed but when I look at where I was a year ago today it looks much the same. My feet are definitely the same size, and my heart certainly bleeds over common dilemmas. In fact, I wrote this one year ago over in good ole ramenisgood :
Inspiration can be found in anything and everything.
Things always work out-- how they should--no matter what you do.
Months of being off track can be washed away in an instant.
Finally coming to terms with the past is one of the best feelings ever.
It's not time wasted, it's lessons learned.
See? I'm the same today, as I was a year ago--where's the growth? In my ass. =)
Seriously though, stop talking and start doing. Make something worthwhile, and don't be afraid of stepping out. You never see the end of the road while you're traveling the course.
Now for some basic info :
-I washed and waxed my car at around 7:15 am
-I'm supposed to be getting a drink with this boy I have a crush on, tonight.*
-I think I'm going to the beach today to read I haven't done that in awhile.
-I didn't cut this, cause Rick can't read things behind cuts at work so deal with it.
*I think I could actually like like this boy, so holy carp!