Another Day
Title: Another Day
Pairing: Krystal-centric, Krystal/Sehun, Sehun/Lu Han
Rating: R
Summary: Krystal had grown up a lot in the last four years. She still had a temper, still stubborn and too quick with her words, but she had learned to harness these qualities to tame what life threw at her, because it could be so unexpected, difficult, and amazing. AU.
~11,000w.
This is a companion piece to Hit the Ground Running and there are a few references, but reading that fic is not strictly necessary to understand this one.
Krystal watched the boy clamor clumsily and loudly into the desk in front of hers.
"You're late," the teacher said, her voice sharp with disapproval. "And you're disturbing the class. Not a great start to your first day of high school, young man."
"I'm sorry," the boy said, bowing repeatedly and remorsefully in his seat.
"Alright class, now that we're all here," the teacher began, rising from her desk in front of the classroom. "My name is Ms. Lee and I will be your homeroom teacher this year. I will not tolerate tardiness." She paused to glare pointedly at the boy to make an example of him before continuing. Wow, what a bitch, Krystal couldn't help but think. "I will not tolerate disrespect to myself or to your fellow students. I expect proper decorum and attitude in this class and I will not hesitate to punish anyone who doesn't want to follow these rules. Now, I'm going to take roll call."
Krystal could tell it was going to be a fun year. The boy in front of her was now rifling through his book bag, his movements growing more and more harried and panicking.
"Here, use mine," Krystal whispered, poking him in the back with her pencil and when he turned around, motioning for him to take it. She flashed him a reassuring smile. He stared impassively back at her, seeming like he was still half asleep, before nodding slightly, taking the pencil, and turning back to face the front of the class.
During roll call, Krystal found out that his name was Oh Sehun.
"Jung Soojung."
"Present," Krystal said.
"You wouldn't happen to be related to Jung Sooyeon, would you?" Ms. Lee asked.
It was already starting, Jessica's legacy casting its shadow over everything in Krystal's life. "Yes, she's my sister," Krystal said, trying to keep the irritation from her voice.
Ms. Lee nodded. "She's made our entire school very proud with her achievements."
It took all of Krystal's effort not to roll her eyes.
---
"I should just have the words 'Jessica's sister' tattooed to my forehead," Krystal said bitterly to Sunyoung when they met up in the cafeteria during lunch period. "She was scouted on the street one day and now she's a member of a popular girl group. End of story. Why is everyone making such a big deal about it? It's not like she found the cure for cancer. I mean, she's an alright singer, but still..."
Sunyoung nodded sympathetically. "It's hard when your sister's super famous and pretty and amazing and everyone wants to be just like her." She sighed dreamily.
Krystal threw up her hands. "Why do I even bother?" She groused.
Sunyoung emerged out of her fangirling long enough to nudge Krystal and point behind her. Krystal turned her head.
Sehun hovered nearby, fidgeting nervously with the shoulder straps of his book bag.
"Can I help you?" Krystal asked, feeling just the slightest bit creeped out.
Sehun looked down at his feet, sheepish. "Um, I was wondering if I can sit with you? You're the only person I know so far."
Krystal paused briefly. He looked harmless. "Sure," she said, clearing the chair next to her of her school satchel. "Have a seat."
Sehun slid into the chair and didn't say or do anything further.
"Your name is Sehun, right?" Krystal said redundantly, but she had to start the conversation somewhere and this was the only way she knew how.
Sehun looked at her blankly. "How did you know my name?"
Not the sharpest tool in the shed, Krystal noted. "During roll call."
"Oh," Sehun said, looking back down at his hands.
"Didn't you bring any food?" Sunyoung asked.
"Um, my parents were too busy to pack something for me and forgot to give me money for lunch," Sehun replied, his voice so low and quiet that he was practically mumbling.
"Awwww," Sunyoung cooed sympathetically. "You poor thing. Here, have some of my kimbap." She leaned past Krystal, spread out a napkin in front of him and unloaded half her portion onto it. "Here you go, Sehunnie."
"Thank you," Sehun said meekly before tentatively picking one up with his fingers and nibbling on it.
"My name is Sunyoung, by the way," Sunyoung said cheerfully, undeterred by the awkwardness of the young ones in front of her. "And this is Soojung."
"Krystal," Krystal interjected, seeing an opportunity to forge a new identity, separate from her sister's, starting one person at a time. "You can call me Krystal."
---
No one knew the real reason why Krystal liked people to call her by her English name. It wasn't only because she never did get used to her Korean name, but because it was too similar to her sister's. Soojung and Sooyeon. Why would her parents do that, Krystal wanted to know. She guessed that they had no idea what was in store for her sister in the future and what it would come to mean for Krystal.
After that first day of class, news that Jessica was her sister spread like wildfire throughout the whole school, and even the faculty knew about it, probably instigated by her homeroom teacher. Whenever Krystal walked down the halls, she would inevitably get impressed or envious stares, and even people who were audacious enough to come up to her and casually ask for her sister's autograph. This was when Krystal learned how to say Fuck off in Korean.
---
School fell into a predictable pattern, as it always did before. Krystal went to class, met up with Sunyoung for lunch, went to classes some more, head home, do homework, watch a little TV, and went to bed. Lather, rinse, and repeat.
Sehun popped up occasionally on her radar because he kept dropping by to sit with them at lunch, to which Sunyoung enthusiastically welcomed him with open arms and more food. Krystal was glad to see that he mostly got his shit together since the first day of class. He still looked sleepy all the time and always seemed to be looking past everyone he spoke to, never fully there in the present.
"No, you have to be committed to the aegyo," Krystal explained to Sehun one day. She put her fists close to her face and buing buing-ed at him as a demonstration. "Remember, committed. That's the only way it won't look weird."
Sehun nodded and repeated her gestures.
"Good, good." Krystal nodded approvingly. "You show a lot of promise. Someday, you might even be able to surpass Sunyoung unnie as master of aegyo."
Sunyoung flashed them a wide grin and a victory sign.
Eventually, Sehun naturally found his own group of friends and stopped wandering over to Krystal and Sunyoung's table. Krystal tried not to be disappointed.
---
One day, Sehun showed up at Krystal's lunch table with someone in tow.
"His name is Jongin," he introduced, poking the sleepy looking kid beside him. The kid yawned.
"It's still too goddamn early in the morning," he complained.
Krystal's life took on a new, slightly different pattern.
Even at fifteen, Jongin was already starting to display the qualities that will break the hearts of girls everywhere he goes, with his incurable swagger and cocky, devastating grin (when he was fully awake). He would only perfect and refine these qualities as the years progressed, like diamonds emerging from the coal dust, diamonds that awed and cut with sharp edges in equal measure. Krystal didn't want her heart broken that way and she valued his friendship, so she kept him at arm's length. Eventually, he got the idea and backed off.
Sehun, on the other hand, was the brooding, awkward kid and that was really all there was to say about him. He kept a low profile and apparently, that translated to being "mysterious" and "having a bad boy quality about him, don't you think?," attracting his own set of girls this way. His slight lisp only made him more appealing. Krystal couldn't help but snort at the ludicrous thought of Sehun being "a bad boy." He had trouble tying his own shoe laces half the time.
Krystal's friends would swoon and tell her how lucky she was to be friends with two of the most attractive guys in school. Combined with being Jessica's sister, they were convinced that she was the luckiest girl in the whole world. She really didn't see what the big deal was. Sehun and Jongin were two kids who were completely helpless about taking care of themselves, spoiled by their childhoods and their easy lot in life. Krystal had to remind them about everything, remind them that the science project was due in a week, have they started on it yet, remind them that they had a reading quiz tomorrow, did they even bother listening in class, even had to remind them that they needed to bring lunch money everyday, because she and Sunyoung weren't going to feed them forever.
But she learned to love them. They were a lot of work, but she loved them.
---
Tenth year passed in a blur, more quickly than Krystal expected.
Krystal said goodbye to Sehun and Jongin and had one last sleepover with Sunyoung before school let out for the summer. She went with her parents back to San Francisco to visit their relatives and spent one entire, glorious month running around the open space that she remembered so well about America and which she got so precious little of in Korea. She took the opportunity to hit up every museum and all the eateries that she remembered the food being good, stuffing herself with hamburgers and pizza and salad. She made daily pilgrimages to Chinatown to get bubble tea and egg tarts. She even headed down to San Diego with her cousins for a week to surf and bake in the sun. She wished her sister had been able to come, but Jessica had her own glamorous life to live now.
When it came time to go back to Korea, it took almost everything in Krystal not to break down in tears at the airport. At the waiting area of the terminal, while she was waiting for the flight to board, she stared forlornly at the pristine blue sky of the California horizon and promised herself that she'll be back.
---
Krystal started eleventh year with a deep tan, earning shocked stares from Sehun and a mildly interested glance from Jongin. The tan would be gone by the end of the month. Korea always did a thorough job of getting rid of everything American about Krystal.
"So, how was your summer?" She asked them.
Sehun shrugged listlessly. Jongin said, "I joined a dance group. I think I might want to go audition at the end of the year if I get good enough."
Krystal nodded. "Let me know if you need more information about the audition process. I can always sit on my sister and get it out of her when she comes home to visit."
To beef up her extracurricular activities, Krystal tried out for the track team and made it in. She and the couch noticed that she did particularly well with the high jump and so that was what she trained for. It kept her busy, having to wake up at the crack of dawn to go running and training long into the evenings after school. Sehun started staying behind to accompany her home.
"You really don't have to do that, Sehunnie," Krystal said, stretching her now toned but very sore legs. She thought she could even leg press Sehun with them. The summer between tenth and eleventh year had done nothing for Sehun, still too thin for his tall body. He was still quiet and had an air of melancholy that Krystal had long become used to and didn't bother to try to shake him out of anymore. Sometimes he would surprise her though, do or say something that had Krystal snorting soy milk out of her nose. She idly wondered what he would be like if he didn't mope around so much and sometimes, she wanted to ask why he was so sad all the time. She kept her mouth shut though, not wanting to pry into his business.
She was grateful for the track team. It was an activity that helped her create a new identity for herself, one that she had to work hard for and was proud of, and most importantly, was her own. She was no longer only Jessica's sister, Sehun and Jongin's friend, but Krystal, bitching track runner and high jump extraordinaire.
---
Jongin auditioned with SM in December just like he said he would and got the call back to become a trainee. Krystal, Sunyoung, and Sehun threw him a party in celebration.
"Sehunnie, now that Jongin's going to be busy becoming a star, you should think about finding a hobby for yourself, too," Krystal urged.
"What should I do?" He asked.
He and Krystal started to brainstorm and try out different things that he could be interested in doing.
After leaving a scorch mark on the wall of Sehun's kitchen, they ruled out cooking (and subsequently baking).
"My kitchen," Mrs. Oh wailed inconsolably.
"Sorry, so sorry," Krystal and Sehun mumbled profusely while inching discreetly out of the kitchen.
They tried sports.
"My god, you have the worst hand-eye coordination of anyone I've ever met," Krystal said when Sehun missed hitting the ball for the tenth time at the batting cage. "And that includes my cousin's legally blind dog, who has no hands."
The arts came next.
"I wouldn't mind the fact that you wrote an ode to milk if it was actually good," Krystal said to a very discouraged Sehun.
In the end, they discovered by accident that Sehun was also pretty good at dancing when Jongin came back after the initial bout of training, his eyes glowing with excitement. Jongin showed them some moves that he had learned while away and Sehun had jumped up one day and imitated the steps, his limbs rough around the edges, but his rhythm was surprisingly good. Jongin proudly clasped him on the back and said he should audition as well and maybe they can debut together.
Meanwhile, Krystal was shaking her head ruefully. "So all this time, we could've saved ourselves all this trouble and the destruction of Mrs. Oh's kitchen if Jongin could've just invested a little interest in the welfare of our Sehunnie."
"Hey, I would've kicked Sehun's ass into shape if I had known," Jongin said, turning to Sehun. "You just never seemed to have an interest in doing anything."
Krystal watched as Sehun looked down at his feet. "That's going to change," he said quietly.
---
The last month of eleventh year arrived like an unexpected relative coming to visit.
"Man, time really flies," Krystal mused.
Her grades had started to slip after joining the track team because all that training had been cutting into her study time. She realized with slight panic that she really had to step it up with her academics if she wanted to apply to college in America. She knew that her parents were going to raise a ruckus about her going so far away for college, but she wanted to go back to America. She still missed it with a ferocity that motivated her marathon studying. She sometimes thought about the home they had back in San Francisco, a two-story narrow house painted the color of cornflower blue sandwiched between two other houses that were different colors from hers. Krystal had forgotten what they were now.
America also has the benefit of not knowing who Jessica is.
"I'm going to apply to college in America," Krystal announced to Sehun when they were taking a break from studying in the school library. "I think it's going to be the best option for me."
"Why is everyone always trying to get out of here?" Sehun asked. "Is Korea such a terrible place to live?"
Krystal looked at him, confused. "Why? You know someone else who's applying to college overseas?"
Sehun hesitated briefly, only to shake his head and he didn't say anything further.
"Look, Sehunnie, it's not that I don't like living here. I just miss the States, that's all," Krystal said, trying to fill the awkward silence. "I miss the big attic that my parents let me have as my bedroom back in San Francisco. It was humongous and it had a floor-to-ceiling window that looked out into the bay. I mean, like, the room was so big, I could've had you, Jongin, and Sunyoung unnie over and we still would've had room to lay out a picnic. That's how big it was. I miss hamburgers and fries. The ones here just can't compare. I miss mangoes, for god's sakes. I miss speaking English." Krystal realized that she'd been rambling and she let out an embarrassed chuckle, covering her mouth. "I'm sorry for boring you. Let's just get back to work, okay?"
"No, no," Sehun said, uncharacteristically quick to interject. "I think I'm beginning to understand. Thank you for that."
Krystal was baffled by Sehun's strange response, but she shrugged anyway. "You're welcome."
With Jongin now preoccupied with intensive dance practice, Sehun drifted back to spending most of his time with Krystal. He was still interested in dancing, but it only extended to youtubing music videos and memorizing the choreography during his free time. He had no real desire to debut, but Krystal thought he stood a good chance getting in if he auditioned because he was kind of...cute, in a way.
"Oh shit," Krystal said to Sunyoung. "We've been spending so much time together, I'm starting to find Sehunnie attractive."
"You're just figuring that out now?" Sunyoung said, incredulous. "Everyone else got the memo in the first year of high school."
---
Krystal mulled over the essay that she had to write on the benefits of a open market capitalist economy in comparison to one that is not. She didn't think the teacher could get more obvious about his agenda. She was having a lot of difficulty with it. Even after all these years in Korea, Krystal still had trouble expressing herself when it came to more complex topics and this one wasn't even particularly advanced, but having Sehun in the corner of her vision wiping the sweat from his forehead after a dance video, breathless from the exertion, was really distracting.
Finally, Krystal couldn't take it anymore. "Sehun, come over here."
Sehun padded over to her and waited expectantly while Krystal rummaged around her bag to pull out a bottle of water, which she handed to him. He accepted it with a small, grateful smile and sat cross legged by her feet and happily drank his water. He's like a puppy, Krystal thought, letting the fondness she had for him warm her without resisting it.
She reached to brush Sehun's bangs from his eyes. He turned his head to stare up at her, his face still as impassive as ever, but his sleepy gaze was unwavering.
"What?" Krystal said, her voice coming out in a whisper, her fingers lingering, brushing lightly against the soft strands of his hair.
It was Sehun who looked away first. "Nothing," he said softly. "Nothing."
Krystal withdrew her hand.
---
Sehun came back twelfth year, completely changed. Puberty had finally decided to pay him a visit and it transformed him. Armed with his new body and his newfound self-confidence, he started wooing Krystal in earnest.
"Wooing?" Sunyoung inquired. "What a strange, antiquated choice of words."
"Yes, unnie, wooing," Krystal said solemnly. "What am I going to do?"
"Don't you like him, too?" Sunyoung pointed out.
"Yes, but he's Sehunnie," Krystal said, as if that was the entire crux of the problem. It kind of was.
Krystal agreed to have him take her out on a date to the amusement park. She debated whether to dress up or just go casual, and finally decided to settle for jeans and her favorite blouse. It was Sehun, for goodness sakes. She didn't even bother putting on make up.
Sehun insisted on picking her up at her home, a notion that Krystal found kind of ridiculous since she knew the way to the amusement park. Sunyoung had shook her head and said, "Girl, you are so young and inexperienced in the matters of dating and romance. Let unnie teach you."
Sehun showed up, shuffling his feet nervously at the door. Krystal's mother cooed at them while her dad just grunted and went back to his newspaper. They'd known Sehun since tenth year when her parents attended one of her local track meets and Krystal had introduced Sehun and Jongin to them. Her mother had wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at her when she saw Jongin and Krystal had been horrified that her mother had just wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Her mother made her disappointment clear that it wasn't Jongin when Krystal told her that Sehun was picking up her for a date, but quickly changed her mind when she saw the physical change in Sehun. Krystal had rolled her eyes, but kept her mouth shut.
"You kids have fun now," her mother chirped as she ushered them out the door.
Krystal was determined for this entire situation not to be awkward, so she pretended that they were doing this as friends. Fortunately, Sehun went along with it, letting her do most of the talking as they took the train to the amusement park. She babbled about how hard the classes were getting because they were being prepared for college entrance exams and that it really shouldn't matter for her because she's applying to college in America anyway, and about how she barely gets to see Sunyoung because she's in her first year of college and too busy to hang out anymore, and about how excited Krystal was that she might be going back to California, but let's stop talking about her. She wanted to know more about how Sehun was doing.
"I've been kind of nervous about college actually," he admitted. "What if I can't get in anywhere?"
Krystal didn't want to be trite about her response, so she said, "If you need a tutor, you can come to me, if you like. We're already studying together anyway."
Sehun nodded, but still looked worried.
When they got to the park, they discussed where they wanted to go first.
"Let's start with the rollercoasters first," Krystal suggested. "That way, we can wind down with the less awesome rides."
"Okay, but are you sure you don't want to eat something first?" Sehun asked. "You're not hungry or anything?"
The swell of affection Krystal felt for Sehun at that moment bloomed warm and solid in her chest. "Maybe later?"
They ran around the park, no one attraction being able to hold Krystal's attention for long. Sehun won her a giant stuffed panda at the shoot-the-swimming-duck game and in return, Krystal won him a giant rubber duck at the whack-the-alligator game.
"I have a lot of pent-up rage," Krystal said by way of explanation to the startled employee. She hefted the duck into Sehun's arms. "Here, now you have a companion when you take a bath."
"It's going to take up more room than I do," Sehun said doutbtfully, eyeing the rubber duck that he had to carry with both hands.
By the time they'd tired themselves out, it was late into the evening.
"I think I am a little bit hungry now," she said, her stomach grumbling its displeasure.
"How do you feel about dukkbokki?" Sehun suggested. "And we should go get some ice cream afterwards. It's the best combination."
Krystal found he was right about that.
---
Six dates after the amusement park, as they were standing in front of Krystal's apartment door after going to see a movie, Sehun leaned in and kissed Krystal, hesitating right before his lips touched hers, giving her a chance to pull away.
She didn't.
---
"So, now that we're official, am I supposed to call you oppa?" Krystal asked.
"Please do," Sehun said, hopeful.
"I think I'm just going to stick with Sehunnie," she decided.
Sehun visibly deflated.
---
It was strange being someone's girlfriend. Stranger still that it was with Sehun. She had taken care of him for so long that it was the strangest thing now that she was the recipient. He had always walked her home in the evenings whenever she had track practice, well into his second year of doing so, but being his girlfriend now added significance to that gesture. Every time he handed her a towel to wipe away her sweat, or waited patiently in front of the school while she showered and talked stats with her teammates, or hesitated shyly before taking her hand, their fingers lacing together, his hand warm and gentle in his grip, she fell a little bit more in love with him.
---
The first time they had sex, Krystal naturally had it planned down to the smallest detail. She decided that it had to take place in her room, not his, because she had to make sure she was in her comfort zone. She got rid of her parents by getting Jessica to convince them to stay one more day in Gwangju after attending her concert to tour around the city or something, just come up with something. Jessica had grinned understandingly and agreed, and good god, gave her a hug before bouncing out of her room to speak to their parents.
She made sure Sehun brought condoms with him when she invited him over.
Sehun looked as nervous as she felt when he came over, and couldn't stop licking his lips anxiously as he hovered while Krystal busied herself getting them drinks, asking if he was hungry, asking if he was comfortable, running around the apartment straightening stuff and showing her stuffed animal collection to him, including the panda he got for her, until Sehun grasped her wrist gently and looked her in the eyes.
"We don't have to do this," he said. "Let's go get something to eat."
Krystal looked back at Sehun, feeling the warmth of certainty down to her very core that it was Sehun who was standing here in front of her and no one else, because there was no one she trusted more to take care of her.
She pressed into him and kissed him and waited until his arms slipped around her before she took him by the hand to bring him into her bedroom.
Sehun fumbled unwrapping Krystal from her clothes, and Krystal didn't fare any better, her heart pounding so hard that the room was spinning and making it hard to focus on unzipping the fly of his jeans, her fingers clumsy and heavy.
Watching Sehun staring and grazing his fingers against the slope of her stomach, the contour of her collarbone wonderingly, worshipfully, Krystal felt laid open, completely vulnerable to him.
Sehun was careful about their first time, making sure Krystal was wet and gasping and whimpering into his mouth when he pushed in, mercifully and tortuously slow.
---
For Sehun's eighteenth birthday, Krystal took him to the park at midnight and danced to Gee for him with a giant bow in her hair, the music sounding small and squeaky from the ipod that she'd brought with her. He couldn't stop laughing and covering his face, but yet, still peeking out to look at her from behind his fingers. Krystal called him a pervert and kissed him.
"Happy birthday, Sehunnie," she said.
"It is a happy birthday," he murmured, leaning in for another kiss, and for a moment, Krystal thought she saw the distant look in his eyes disappear.
---
A few months into dating Sehun, he invited her up to his apartment on a Saturday morning to study.
"My parents have stuff to do over at the college, so they aren't going to be around," Sehun explained. "But I told them you were coming over, so they bought some snacks for us." He proudly produced a bag of shrimp chips, some tortilla chips and salsa dip, and sandwiches.
Krystal knew Sehun's parents weren't around much. They were lovely people and they obviously loved Sehun, but they sometimes get too immersed in their academic research and forget that they have a kid. Krystal had stopped keeping count of how many times Sehun had came to school without lunch or money to buy lunch and she just wound up packing an extra portion for him ever since the second month of tenth year. Combined with Sunyoung's contribution, they've been able to keep Sehun well fed. He really was like a puppy.
They made out on the couch for a bit before Krystal pushed Sehun away, his face flushed a very cute pink. "You need to study. The college entrance exams are getting really close," she reminded him, regretfully.
She checked his answers to the practice questions and cleared up some of the confusion he had regarding them in between browsing the website of the school she will be going to in the fall. She had hoped to get into UC Berkeley, wanting to be near her old home, but was rejected. Embarrassingly, she had started crying in front of Sehun right in the middle of the street when he had asked her about it. He had gathered her up in his arms and held her while she wept into his shoulder, hating herself for being so melodramatic but unable to stop feeling like she should've worked harder, studied more, been smarter. The regret had ate at her.
Instead, she made it into UCLA and decided to go there. It was her next option anyway and at least she had obtained her ticket out of here. The only thing now was what she was going to do with Sehun. She wanted for them to stay together, but realistically, she thought he would have second thoughts about that. She was going to be so far away and long distance relationships never work out. She didn't want to lose him as a friend either and being so far away will prevent her from being able to repair anything if it didn't work out. This too was eating at her.
"Do you want to see my room?" Sehun asked when they took a break and ate the sandwiches.
"If that's an euphemism for something, then no," Krystal said, narrowing her eyes at him. "The exams are serious business, Sehunnie. You need to be able to get into college."
"Sometimes seeing a room is just seeing a room," Sehun said dryly.
Sehun's room was sparse and airy, and Krystal noted with envy that his room has a window door leading out to a terrace. She also noticed, with amusement and satisfaction, that he still had the rubber duck she got for him, sitting in the corner of his room.
"So, this is my room," Sehun said.
"For some reason, I was expecting it to be messy," Krystal admitted.
Sehun pretended to be stabbed in the heart. "You wound me."
"In that case, I'm just going to stab you one more time, hide the body, and then take this room for myself," Krystal said cheerfully.
"My parents are going to notice that you're not me, you know," Sehun pointed out.
"Can we make out in your magnificent room now?" Krystal said, changing the subject. She was about to pounce on him when the house phone rang.
"Damn," she said sadly. Sehun chuckled and pressed a kiss to the bridge of her nose before heading out of the room to pick up the call.
Krystal took the opportunity to snoop around. He had a closet built into the wall, the doors a dark, finished wood somewhat matching the blue-gray walls of his room, that contained his clothes and shoes. She was also jealous of him for having such a nice closet. His bed was a full size, just like hers, and it had a navy blue comforter that was still rumpled because Sehun had not made the bed this morning. The thought of waking up in that bed, wrapped in Sehun's arms, the morning light streaming in through the window flashed across Krystal's mind and she felt herself blushing hot. She wanted to drag Sehun back into the room and push him into bed. Fuck the entrance exams.
To distract herself from these thoughts, she turned her attention away from the bed and onto his desk, stationed by the window. On top of Sehun's desk was a framed photograph. Krystal picked it up and studied it.
She recognized Sehun immediately. It must've been taken shortly before high school because he looked the same as the first time Krystal watched Sehun plop down into the seat in front of her on the first day of school. Krystal found herself smiling at the memory.
Sehun wasn't looking at the camera. Instead, his attention was turned towards an older boy on his right. The boy was looking back at him, the edges of his eyes crinkled as he grinned at Sehun. It looked like they were at a park, the leaves of the trees behind them bordering the edges of the photograph.
It occurred to Krystal, as she traced Sehun's face in the photo, that she had never seen him smile like that before.
---
Sehun made it into a second tier college with the marks he got back from the entrance exams. Krystal happily pressed kiss after kiss against his mouth, giddy with excitement for him.
"Jongin decided to go to the same college, too," Sehun said after Krystal had exhausted herself from congratulating him, leaning back against him as he wrapped his arms around her.
"That's great, Sehunnie," Krystal said. "It's good to have someone you know on the first day of school, especially for college." She sobered at the thought that she wouldn't have the same advantage when she gets to UCLA, alone in a country that had become foreign to her even though she was born there.
Sehun must've sensed her change in mood because he nuzzled playfully against her ear. She giggled and snuggled deeper into him, both of them wrapped up in a thin blanket on the couch. They were home alone again in Sehun's apartment, his parents making an overnight trip to Busan for a tour of an archaeological dig. Krystal had arrived to the apartment just as they were getting ready to depart.
"Dinner's in the fridge, stay safe, and use condoms!" Mr. Oh had said before waving good bye and heading out the door with Mrs. Oh.
Krystal had wanted to die of embarrassment, but Sehun had remained heroically unfazed. She supposed he must be used to it by now. Thankfully, Sehun had chosen that moment to break the news to her.
They were deciding to migrate to his room when Krystal remembered the photograph on his desk.
"Sehunnie, you know that picture you have on your desk?" Krystal said. "Who's the guy next to you? You guys seem really close."
Krystal could feel Sehun's body instantly tense, the change so swift that she had to turn around to look at him, to make sure he's okay.
"He's no one," Sehun said, his voice gone quiet.
For some reason, Krystal felt the need to press further. "He can't be no one, Sehunnie. You have his picture on your desk. Is he your friend or something? How come I've never seen him around school before?"
Sehun's face revealed nothing. "He's no one," he repeated. Krystal couldn't help feeling like he was saying it, not to convince her, but himself.
---
Krystal felt ridiculous for not being able to stop thinking about the boy in the photo. He's a childhood friend of Sehun's, that's all. But she could not let go of the way Sehun had reacted to her question, couldn't forget the way he completely shut down, retreating back to the way he was when she first met him, sad and withdrawn. It hurt her to see him like this, and remembering that he was like this for two whole years made her want to know what exactly happened, and it made her want to fix it so she would never have see that look on his face again. It must have something to do with the boy.
She called Jongin.
"Did Sehun ever talk about the friends he had before us?" Krystal asked.
"He did have friends before he knew us, if that's what you want to know," Jongin said, sounding cautious, which only piqued Krystal's curiosity.
"Did he talk about someone in particular?" Krystal persisted.
Jongin didn't say anything for a while. "Jongin, please," Krystal said.
"Why?" Jongin said. "Why is it that you want to know so badly?"
Krystal decided to tell him about the photograph, hoping that Jongin would be more inclined to tell her if he knew that she had a concrete reason for being curious. "So, who is he?" She asked again.
Jongin paused before he spoke. "Sehun didn't say much to me either, but he told me that he used to have a friend, and they used to do everything together, but then he went away or something. It wasn't really the things he said, but the way he said it that I thought was really weird. He said it like-I don't know, Krystal. It made me think that-" Jongin stopped short.
"What?" Krystal asked, her breath caught.
"Nothing," Jongin said quickly. "It's nothing."
It was too late. Krystal already knew what Jongin was going to say. She'd always been too observant for her own good.
"Did Sehun ever tell you his name?" Krystal said, the words heavy on her tongue.
Jongin sighed softly, one of resignation and foreboding. "He wasn't Korean. Sehun said his name is Lu Han."
Krystal couldn't remember what else she said to Jongin before she said goodbye to him and hung up the phone, feeling numb.
She knew it was possible for guys to fall in love with other guys, no matter what the pastor at her parents' church said. One of her cousins was gay and living with her girlfriend in Seattle, last she heard. It started to add up, the smile Krystal saw on Sehun's face when he looked at Lu Han in the photo, the picture having been taken before high school, Sehun arriving on the first day of school like he had been through some traumatic event and trying to piece himself back together, the two years he spent walking around like a zombie. Lu Han was someone important in Sehun's life, significant to the point that when he left for whatever reason, Sehun sank into an abyss so deep, he was still trying to climb out of it. And the worst part was, there was nothing Krystal could do to help him. Because she wasn't as important.
---
The elevator ride up to Sehun's apartment felt like an eternity, yet at the same time, Krystal never wanted it to end because of what she was going to do. Krystal hated that when she set her mind to do something, there was nothing that could stop her, not even herself. She hated it most now because she knew she was going to hurt Sehun, the same way Lu Han did.
Sehun was home alone again and he gave her a warm smile before pressing a quick kiss to her lips. "Are you hungry?" He asked when they'd made their way to his living room.
Krystal shook her head, the knowledge of what she now knew weighing like a pressure on her chest.
She took a deep breath. "Who's Lu Han?"
Sehun turned to stare at her. "How do you know his name?"
"Jongin told me," Krystal said simply, bulldozing ahead. "Who is he, Sehun?"
Sehun looked away. "I told you, he's no one. I don't want to talk about it anymore, Krystal." His voice was bordering on desperation. "Why do you even want to know?"
"Because you're in love with him," Krystal shouted abruptly, her voice loud and harsh in the dense silence of the room.
Even now, Sehun's face was impassive. It was infuriating sometimes that Krystal could never tell what was going on in his head, especially when he was upset. She wondered if she ever really knew the boy in front of her. Sehun sat down heavily onto the couch and his shoulders slumped, as if in defeat. That was when Krystal could finally decipher him. He was grieving.
"I'm such an idiot," Krystal said, feeling the momentum of her turbulent emotions build. "I'm such an idiot. I knew, I knew Lu Han was someone important in your life, but I never thought he would be more important than the people who are in your life right now." She wielded her words like knives, vengeful in her wrath.
"Please stop," Sehun said, quietly and in pain. Her words had done their job, efficiently and cruelly.
The room was starting to spin. 'I have to go," Krystal said softly. "I can't-I can't even look at you right now."
She turned around and hurried out of the room, without looking back. She couldn't bear to look at the mess she was leaving behind.
She bumped into his mother on the way out the front door. "Soojung, what a pleasant surprise," Mrs. Oh said. "Will you be staying for-"
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Oh. I can't stay," Krystal said, hastily brushing past her because she couldn't stay another second there, reminded in every way that once again, she will never escape the shadow of someone else, someone better than her.
When she got back home and safely ensconced in her own room, Krystal finally let go of her tears.
---
For the next two weeks, Krystal ignored Sehun's calls and and deleted his text messages without looking at them. She had Jessica scare him away at the door when he tried to see her at home. She let Sunyoung and Jessica, whenever she was free to come home, coddle her during this time. Feeling sorry for herself, she didn't resist when they dragged her out to the movies and bought her copious amounts of food.
"Food is the cure for all woes," Sunyoung said sagely, placing another helping of japchae onto Krystal's plate.
"Thanks, unnie," Krystal said glumly between mouthfuls of japchae.
---
It took another week before Krystal felt like she could look at Sehun without hurting. She was wrong.
School activities were starting to wind down for summer break, but for Krystal and her classmates, the flurry of activity only sped up in preparation for graduation. Krystal kept busy to distract herself from having to think about Sehun, but she sometimes found herself wondering if he had remembered to put in his order for his cap and gown, whether he needed help remembering the formation of how they were going to walk down the aisle on graduation day, or whether he missed her at all. That's when she was hit with a renewed sense of overwhelming loss. It couldn't go on like this.
She sucked it up and texted Sehun. Calling him was out of the question. She was afraid she would hang up before he picks up.
He was waiting for her at the area of the park where Krystal had brought him on his birthday. It wasn't even more than a month ago, but everything had changed since then. Krystal never imagined that she would have to do this with Sehun. She'd imagined them drifting apart because of distance, and that would've hurt all the same, but she never thought that she would ever voluntarily break up with Sehun, maybe even lose his friendship along with it. Despite the pain he was causing her, she still loved him. She felt so pathetic.
Sehun didn't look any better than how she felt. He was sitting on the bench, fidgeting nervously with the tie of his school uniform, his head bowed.
"Sehun," Krystal said, his name caught in her throat.
Sehun looked up and his eyes widened when he saw Krystal. He quickly got to his feet, but looked like he was unsure what to do next. Krystal was struck by how young he still seemed. She was younger than he was by a few months, but she felt so much older.
"Krystal," Sehun began. "Krystal, I-"
Krystal knew she was not going to be prepared for anything that Sehun had to say. She only came here to meet him for one reason. She gathered her fortitude, so her next words wouldn't come out shaking.
"Sehunnie, I think we should break up."
His eyes were huge as he stood there staring at her, dumbstruck. "But, why?" Sehun finally said, the only thing he could say, Krystal supposed, given the absurdity of the entire situation. She was competing with a ghost for her boyfriend's attention.
"You're in love with your Lu Han hyung," Krystal said as gently as she could, feeling so odd that it was she who had to explain this to him.
"I'm not," Sehun insisted. "I like girls. I like you. How would that be possible if I was-if I liked guys?"
Krystal swallowed the lump in her throat. This didn't have to be a messy break up. "Whatever he is, he obviously still means a lot to you."
Sehun ran his hand through his hair, flustered and frustrated. "I don't know what he is to me," he said, suddenly looking really tired and resigned, seeming far older than he had any right to be. "He was my friend for a long time. But he left four years ago for college and never came back. And what I don't understand is, if he really was my friend, why did he just forget about me? Was it that easy for him to forget?" He sounded lost.
"Sehun," Krystal said, her heart breaking for him, despite everything. "I can't-I can't talk about this with you right now. I know you're hurting really badly about Lu Han. Just give me a few days and maybe we can talk about it, okay?"
Sehun nodded miserably. Even after all of this, Krystal still wanted to take care of him, but she had to take care of herself first.
---
Krystal waited until after the stress and exhilaration of graduation was over before she went up to Sehun's place. She had caught brief glances of Sehun during the ceremony and afterwards, accepting his diploma, taking pictures with his parents, talking with Jongin, all with the same dead expression that she had saw on the very first day of high school. It was strange how far they'd come, and yet, hadn't moved at all.
Krystal stepped into Sehun's apartment, feeling like an intruder now. His parents were out. Krystal had made sure of it.
"Are-are you hungry?" Sehun asked, as always, but his voice was now tentative and unsure.
Krystal shook her head. "Can you get me some water, though?"
She took a seat on the couch in the living room while Sehun went to get her a glass of water. She needed a moment of respite.
After placing the glass of water in front of her on the coffee table, Sehun took a seat on the recliner. Away from her, Krystal noticed bitterly. Deep down, she knew that he was trying to respect her personal space, which was no longer part of his, but it still hurt.
Krystal braced herself. "Do you want to talk about Lu Han?"
It was like watching a Pavlovian response by now, how quickly Sehun tensed even at the mention of Lu Han's name. He hesitated.
"I know this is really weird, Sehunnie. Believe me, I do," Krystal said. "But I still care about you and it's hurting me to see you like this. If it makes you feel better to talk about it, you should. I'm still your friend, no matter what."
This seemed to sway Sehun. He relaxed slightly and after a brief pause, he began. He told her about growing up with Lu Han, who had moved to Korea from China when Sehun had been no more than six, so it felt like Sehun had known Lu Han his whole life, which he kind of did. Lu Han was so much bigger than he was because he was ten when they met and Sehun remembered having to strain his neck to look up at him. Sehun would never forget the time when these kids had been making fun of him when he was just minding his own business playing with his toy bus at the park. Suddenly, this giant shadow fell over them and it was Lu Han. That was enough to chase the bullies away. Lu Han walked over to Sehun and asked him if the bus was taking any more passengers. Sehun nodded and that was how it began. Lu Han would tell Sehun over and over again as the years went by that there was nothing wrong with the way he spoke, and that any kids who bothered him because of it were dumb and stupid. He insisted that because he was four years older than Sehun, he was right about these matters. In fact, he was right about most things. Sehun found this to be true. In retrospect, he spent the last four years since Lu Han left wondering whether Lu Han found him annoying for following him around all the time and he thought that maybe this was the reason why Lu Han decided to leave without telling him, because he wanted to get away from Sehun.
"Oh my god, of course not, Sehun," Krystal said, her voice hushed.
"But that's the only reason I could think of why he didn't stay in touch," Sehun said. "That's why I didn't contact him myself all these years. If he wanted to get away from me, then maybe I should let him."
Krystal didn't know what else to do, and the distance between her and Sehun was now much farther than the two steps from the couch to the recliner, but all she could do was take those two steps and wrapped her arms around Sehun.
Sehun sniffed and clung to her. After a while, he said softly, "Why does it have to be this way?" He wasn't talking about Lu Han anymore.
She ran her fingers through his hair. "Because you're in love with someone else, you idiot," Krystal said, her voice affectionate. She felt sorry for him. He was in love with someone who was too far away to know that there was a heartbroken boy still waiting for him, who didn't care to know. She probably hated Lu Han most for this reason, not because he was the reason why Krystal will never have all of Sehun, only bits and pieces left over, but because he was hurting Sehun like this and will never know. Maybe she hated him a little because she was jealous, too.
"I liked you so much," Krystal suddenly said. Her voice came out trembling because fuck, she was starting to cry. She was horrified. She started to push Sehun off her shoulder to go cry in the bathroom or something,
And then Sehun was kissing her, urgent presses of his lips against hers, swallowing up her tears. Krystal let him.
They slept together for the last time, Krystal clinging to him as he thrusted slowly into her, as if he didn't want it to end.
After, when she was curled up in his arms in his bed, the sweat cooling off her back and feeling brazen, she said, "I think I'm going to miss this most."
"You mean, not my debonair good looks and charming personality?" Sehun said, sounding wounded.
"What debonair good looks? What charming personality?" Krystal asked innocently.
Sehun proceeded to tickle her until she's squirming and squealing for him to stop. He eventually did, laying back and shifting so that Krystal would be comfortable with her head resting against his shoulder, his arms wrapped around her.
"I kind of want to punch Lu Han in the face," Krystal admitted.
Sehun laughed softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Believe me, me too. But I don't think he will ever come back to give me the chance to do it."
Krystal raised her head to look at him, the strands of her hair brushing against his cheek. "You are hopeless, Sehunnie. I don't know what I'm going to do with you."
He looked up at her, his face flushed and Krystal could see, still so full of love for her. She was going to take this moment and keep it safe, deep in her heart, where no one can ever take it from her. It would be hers alone even if the rest belonged to Lu Han.
---
Krystal was packing the last of her things to bring with her to UCLA when Sehun called her in the middle of August.
"Krystal, he came back," Sehun told her, and even over the phone, Krystal noticed the change in him, no longer dead to the world.
Krystal was shocked, frankly, but was happy for him. "Really? That's great, Sehunnie." It was amazing how effective time and distance was able to heal her wounds, or at the very least, provided a scab so she didn't feel it so keenly.
"Yes, but he has to go back to China to work," Sehun continued. "But...he came back." He sounded dazed, like he himself still couldn't believe it was true.
"Sehunnie," Krystal began, knowing that at this moment, they're at a crossroads. Their lives would be taking very different directions from this point forward and she wondered if they would ever cross each other's paths again. "Sehunnie, I want the best for you, okay? I hope you will always be happy."
There was a long pause before Sehun spoke. "Soojung," he said, his voice now small and uncertain. "You make it sound like we're never going to see each other again. We'll always be friends, won't we?"
He could still be so obliviously cruel, Krystal couldn't help but think. "Yes, we'll always be friends," she assured him. It was a promise and someday, it will be the truth.
---
She met Lu Han for the first time when she returned to Korea for the summer after her first year in college and Sehun called her up on her second day back. It had been a long year of transitions and homesickness and it felt really good to hear Sehun's voice again.
"Do you want to meet him?" Sehun said. "He's visiting me for the week."
"I don't know, Sehunnie," Krystal said dubiously. "What if I still have the desire to punch him in the face?"
"I will allow a kick in the shins, but no more," Sehun replied firmly.
"Spoilsport," Krystal said, smiling.
---
The meeting place was at Krystal's favorite cafe in Korea.
You conniving, manipulative bastard, Krystal thought admiringly. Sometimes Sehun still had the ability to surprise her.
They were sitting next to each other in a table near the back of the cafe, shoulders pressed together. Sehun was saying something to Lu Han, their heads close. Even from afar, Krystal could feel it radiating off Sehun. Happiness. The way he looked at Lu Han, completely in the present.
Krystal was about to turn around and go back out, call Sehun and tell him that she had changed her mind, she was a coward, she's sorry, when Sehun caught sight of her and his face broke into a bright smile.
Krystal mustered a feeble smile and forced her feet to move towards their table. Sehun scrambled to his feet to pull her into his embrace.
"It's good to see you, Krystal," Sehun said.
"Yeah, me too," Krystal whispered back, meaning every word. Sehun released her and she turned to Lu Han, who had stood up to greet her as well. They stared at each other, frozen in a moment that felt both surreal and inevitable.
"I always knew you traded down, Sehun," Lu Han finally said, staring wide eyed at her. Krystal tried to detect any insincerity in his comment, that he was being condescending or worse, ingratiating, but she couldn't find any.
Krystal stood there awkwardly, unsure how to respond. She never quite pictured herself having to be in the position of meeting her ex-boyfriend's boyfriend.
"Ah, I see you've noticed that I only date beautiful people," Sehun said, giving both of them a fond look before scrambling again across the table to pull out the chair for Krystal to slip into.
Krystal ordered herself a soy chai latte when a waitress came over before turning to them again. This will never not be awkward and she'd never been particularly good at interpersonal skills, preferring to observe silently on the sidelines rather than be in the midst of things like Sunyoung. Suddenly, she wished that her old friend was here to diffuse the situation.
"Whoa," Sehun suddenly said.
"What is it?" Krystal asked.
"I just realized that I've slept with everyone in this table," he replied, sounding awestruck.
"Oh god," Lu Han groaned in mortification, hiding his face in his hands. Krystal couldn't agree more.
"What?" Sehun said, oblivious.
At least the ice was broken.
---
Lu Han, Krystal came to discover, was a lot like herself. He was quiet, until you get to know him. His smiles and laughs were quick and generous, but there was an air of wariness about him, like he could never be off his guard. He seemed so young, unchanged from the photograph, but when she looked at his eyes, she saw the years in them. And he loved Sehun. Krystal saw it in the way he shook his head with a smile and helped Sehun opened his packet of jam when he had trouble tearing off the foil lid, or the way he knew that Sehun takes his coffee with a lot of sugar and a little bit of milk, and the way he idly brushed Sehun's hair from his eyes. Like the way she used to. Krystal had to look away at that.
She felt Sehun's shoe poke her leg gently under the table and when she turned to him, he gave her a worried look.
Sehun, Krystal could see now more than ever, was like a fat, content cat basking in the attention and care of the people who loved him, but he also loved them fiercely in return, his loyalty to them running strong and deep. He glanced over to her in frequent intervals and grinned at her whenever he caught her attention and Krystal realized with startling clarity that he still loved her. He loved both of them, in different ways, no less intensely.
She smiled back at him and shook her head.
"Sehunnie, can you go get me another soy chai latte?" Krystal said when her cup had been sitting empty for a while.
"Please don't punch him in the face while I'm gone," Sehun said in a stage whisper before taking his leave.
Both Krystal and Lu Han watched him head out of earshot before Lu Han turned to her. "I deserve it, though," he said.
"Yes, you do," Krystal said, never one to have been able to mince her words. "You owe him four years of his life back for every fucking day that he pined for you. I always wondered why he always looked so sad and miserable all the time and it hurt me to see him like this. A part of me wants you to go through what I had to go through, knowing that I can never pick up the pieces you left behind. I loved him. I really did. And sometimes I wished-I wished that he had learned to love me too, because I don't think I would've left him behind like that." Unlike you was left unsaid, but it was implicit.
Lu Han had remained quiet through this. Krystal watched him swallowed hard and bowed his head. He was trying to keep himself together, she realized.
She watched as Sehun returned with her drink and after taking in the scene before him, wordlessly sat down beside Lu Han and rested his hand on his back.
"He had his reasons," Sehun said softly, never taking his eyes off Lu Han. "At the time, I didn't realize just how miserable he was living in Korea. Growing up, I knew people weren't nice to him because he was different, but after what happened last year, I realized that it wasn't even safe for him to be here. I don't blame him for what he did, and I don't think you should either, Krystal."
Lu Han reached over and grasp Sehun's free hand, Sehun automatically closing it around Lu Han's. "I'm sorry," Lu Han said, looking up, not at Sehun, but at Krystal.
Krystal knew that his apology was to both of them.
---
Before going their separate ways, Krystal had pulled Lu Han aside, requesting that Sehun get one final drink for her. One for the road, she insisted. Sehun had given her a mild warning look before he went.
Krystal turned to Lu Han, who looked like he was ready and willing to bear more punishment from her. She had to smile at that. "Lu Han-sshi, both of us are more similar than you think. That's why I couldn't stay with him," Krystal said. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."
Lu Han looked at her, eyes wide with surprise. Right before she left the both of them at the corner to catch a cab back to her parents' apartment, Lu Han bowed deeply to her when he bid her goodbye. She stood there, shocked, but bowed back to him. Despite everything, despite their differences, despite what they were to each other, despite their shared heartache of being uprooted from their original homes, they were both children of Korea, for better or worse.
---
Krystal looked out the window of the cab, watching the bustling world of her home go by in stops and starts. She had it missed it, had missed Sehun and Sunyoung unnie and Jongin, and even her parents and Jessica, being so far away from them now, but she was finally getting to live her own life, the way she had always wanted.
She had grown up a lot in the last four years. She still had a temper, still stubborn and too quick with her words, but she had learned to harness these qualities to tame what life threw at her, because it could be so unexpected, difficult, and amazing.
A/N: Originally, I didn't intend on writing a companion piece, but after bumbling around for a plot bunny for a kryber fic, I stumbled on the thought that I wanted to tell Krystal's side of the story from Hit the Ground Running as well. Next time, Amber, next time.
I took some artistic license regarding the college entrance exams. Let's pretend that Korean students take them in the spring rather than winter XD. orz.
Blatantly took the part about Sehun's eighteenth birthday from one of Krystal's kdramas. I forgot which. /O\
Yes, I like comparing Sehun to various household pets.
Thank you so much for reading!
Pairing: Krystal-centric, Krystal/Sehun, Sehun/Lu Han
Rating: R
Summary: Krystal had grown up a lot in the last four years. She still had a temper, still stubborn and too quick with her words, but she had learned to harness these qualities to tame what life threw at her, because it could be so unexpected, difficult, and amazing. AU.
~11,000w.
This is a companion piece to Hit the Ground Running and there are a few references, but reading that fic is not strictly necessary to understand this one.
Krystal watched the boy clamor clumsily and loudly into the desk in front of hers.
"You're late," the teacher said, her voice sharp with disapproval. "And you're disturbing the class. Not a great start to your first day of high school, young man."
"I'm sorry," the boy said, bowing repeatedly and remorsefully in his seat.
"Alright class, now that we're all here," the teacher began, rising from her desk in front of the classroom. "My name is Ms. Lee and I will be your homeroom teacher this year. I will not tolerate tardiness." She paused to glare pointedly at the boy to make an example of him before continuing. Wow, what a bitch, Krystal couldn't help but think. "I will not tolerate disrespect to myself or to your fellow students. I expect proper decorum and attitude in this class and I will not hesitate to punish anyone who doesn't want to follow these rules. Now, I'm going to take roll call."
Krystal could tell it was going to be a fun year. The boy in front of her was now rifling through his book bag, his movements growing more and more harried and panicking.
"Here, use mine," Krystal whispered, poking him in the back with her pencil and when he turned around, motioning for him to take it. She flashed him a reassuring smile. He stared impassively back at her, seeming like he was still half asleep, before nodding slightly, taking the pencil, and turning back to face the front of the class.
During roll call, Krystal found out that his name was Oh Sehun.
"Jung Soojung."
"Present," Krystal said.
"You wouldn't happen to be related to Jung Sooyeon, would you?" Ms. Lee asked.
It was already starting, Jessica's legacy casting its shadow over everything in Krystal's life. "Yes, she's my sister," Krystal said, trying to keep the irritation from her voice.
Ms. Lee nodded. "She's made our entire school very proud with her achievements."
It took all of Krystal's effort not to roll her eyes.
---
"I should just have the words 'Jessica's sister' tattooed to my forehead," Krystal said bitterly to Sunyoung when they met up in the cafeteria during lunch period. "She was scouted on the street one day and now she's a member of a popular girl group. End of story. Why is everyone making such a big deal about it? It's not like she found the cure for cancer. I mean, she's an alright singer, but still..."
Sunyoung nodded sympathetically. "It's hard when your sister's super famous and pretty and amazing and everyone wants to be just like her." She sighed dreamily.
Krystal threw up her hands. "Why do I even bother?" She groused.
Sunyoung emerged out of her fangirling long enough to nudge Krystal and point behind her. Krystal turned her head.
Sehun hovered nearby, fidgeting nervously with the shoulder straps of his book bag.
"Can I help you?" Krystal asked, feeling just the slightest bit creeped out.
Sehun looked down at his feet, sheepish. "Um, I was wondering if I can sit with you? You're the only person I know so far."
Krystal paused briefly. He looked harmless. "Sure," she said, clearing the chair next to her of her school satchel. "Have a seat."
Sehun slid into the chair and didn't say or do anything further.
"Your name is Sehun, right?" Krystal said redundantly, but she had to start the conversation somewhere and this was the only way she knew how.
Sehun looked at her blankly. "How did you know my name?"
Not the sharpest tool in the shed, Krystal noted. "During roll call."
"Oh," Sehun said, looking back down at his hands.
"Didn't you bring any food?" Sunyoung asked.
"Um, my parents were too busy to pack something for me and forgot to give me money for lunch," Sehun replied, his voice so low and quiet that he was practically mumbling.
"Awwww," Sunyoung cooed sympathetically. "You poor thing. Here, have some of my kimbap." She leaned past Krystal, spread out a napkin in front of him and unloaded half her portion onto it. "Here you go, Sehunnie."
"Thank you," Sehun said meekly before tentatively picking one up with his fingers and nibbling on it.
"My name is Sunyoung, by the way," Sunyoung said cheerfully, undeterred by the awkwardness of the young ones in front of her. "And this is Soojung."
"Krystal," Krystal interjected, seeing an opportunity to forge a new identity, separate from her sister's, starting one person at a time. "You can call me Krystal."
---
No one knew the real reason why Krystal liked people to call her by her English name. It wasn't only because she never did get used to her Korean name, but because it was too similar to her sister's. Soojung and Sooyeon. Why would her parents do that, Krystal wanted to know. She guessed that they had no idea what was in store for her sister in the future and what it would come to mean for Krystal.
After that first day of class, news that Jessica was her sister spread like wildfire throughout the whole school, and even the faculty knew about it, probably instigated by her homeroom teacher. Whenever Krystal walked down the halls, she would inevitably get impressed or envious stares, and even people who were audacious enough to come up to her and casually ask for her sister's autograph. This was when Krystal learned how to say Fuck off in Korean.
---
School fell into a predictable pattern, as it always did before. Krystal went to class, met up with Sunyoung for lunch, went to classes some more, head home, do homework, watch a little TV, and went to bed. Lather, rinse, and repeat.
Sehun popped up occasionally on her radar because he kept dropping by to sit with them at lunch, to which Sunyoung enthusiastically welcomed him with open arms and more food. Krystal was glad to see that he mostly got his shit together since the first day of class. He still looked sleepy all the time and always seemed to be looking past everyone he spoke to, never fully there in the present.
"No, you have to be committed to the aegyo," Krystal explained to Sehun one day. She put her fists close to her face and buing buing-ed at him as a demonstration. "Remember, committed. That's the only way it won't look weird."
Sehun nodded and repeated her gestures.
"Good, good." Krystal nodded approvingly. "You show a lot of promise. Someday, you might even be able to surpass Sunyoung unnie as master of aegyo."
Sunyoung flashed them a wide grin and a victory sign.
Eventually, Sehun naturally found his own group of friends and stopped wandering over to Krystal and Sunyoung's table. Krystal tried not to be disappointed.
---
One day, Sehun showed up at Krystal's lunch table with someone in tow.
"His name is Jongin," he introduced, poking the sleepy looking kid beside him. The kid yawned.
"It's still too goddamn early in the morning," he complained.
Krystal's life took on a new, slightly different pattern.
Even at fifteen, Jongin was already starting to display the qualities that will break the hearts of girls everywhere he goes, with his incurable swagger and cocky, devastating grin (when he was fully awake). He would only perfect and refine these qualities as the years progressed, like diamonds emerging from the coal dust, diamonds that awed and cut with sharp edges in equal measure. Krystal didn't want her heart broken that way and she valued his friendship, so she kept him at arm's length. Eventually, he got the idea and backed off.
Sehun, on the other hand, was the brooding, awkward kid and that was really all there was to say about him. He kept a low profile and apparently, that translated to being "mysterious" and "having a bad boy quality about him, don't you think?," attracting his own set of girls this way. His slight lisp only made him more appealing. Krystal couldn't help but snort at the ludicrous thought of Sehun being "a bad boy." He had trouble tying his own shoe laces half the time.
Krystal's friends would swoon and tell her how lucky she was to be friends with two of the most attractive guys in school. Combined with being Jessica's sister, they were convinced that she was the luckiest girl in the whole world. She really didn't see what the big deal was. Sehun and Jongin were two kids who were completely helpless about taking care of themselves, spoiled by their childhoods and their easy lot in life. Krystal had to remind them about everything, remind them that the science project was due in a week, have they started on it yet, remind them that they had a reading quiz tomorrow, did they even bother listening in class, even had to remind them that they needed to bring lunch money everyday, because she and Sunyoung weren't going to feed them forever.
But she learned to love them. They were a lot of work, but she loved them.
---
Tenth year passed in a blur, more quickly than Krystal expected.
Krystal said goodbye to Sehun and Jongin and had one last sleepover with Sunyoung before school let out for the summer. She went with her parents back to San Francisco to visit their relatives and spent one entire, glorious month running around the open space that she remembered so well about America and which she got so precious little of in Korea. She took the opportunity to hit up every museum and all the eateries that she remembered the food being good, stuffing herself with hamburgers and pizza and salad. She made daily pilgrimages to Chinatown to get bubble tea and egg tarts. She even headed down to San Diego with her cousins for a week to surf and bake in the sun. She wished her sister had been able to come, but Jessica had her own glamorous life to live now.
When it came time to go back to Korea, it took almost everything in Krystal not to break down in tears at the airport. At the waiting area of the terminal, while she was waiting for the flight to board, she stared forlornly at the pristine blue sky of the California horizon and promised herself that she'll be back.
---
Krystal started eleventh year with a deep tan, earning shocked stares from Sehun and a mildly interested glance from Jongin. The tan would be gone by the end of the month. Korea always did a thorough job of getting rid of everything American about Krystal.
"So, how was your summer?" She asked them.
Sehun shrugged listlessly. Jongin said, "I joined a dance group. I think I might want to go audition at the end of the year if I get good enough."
Krystal nodded. "Let me know if you need more information about the audition process. I can always sit on my sister and get it out of her when she comes home to visit."
To beef up her extracurricular activities, Krystal tried out for the track team and made it in. She and the couch noticed that she did particularly well with the high jump and so that was what she trained for. It kept her busy, having to wake up at the crack of dawn to go running and training long into the evenings after school. Sehun started staying behind to accompany her home.
"You really don't have to do that, Sehunnie," Krystal said, stretching her now toned but very sore legs. She thought she could even leg press Sehun with them. The summer between tenth and eleventh year had done nothing for Sehun, still too thin for his tall body. He was still quiet and had an air of melancholy that Krystal had long become used to and didn't bother to try to shake him out of anymore. Sometimes he would surprise her though, do or say something that had Krystal snorting soy milk out of her nose. She idly wondered what he would be like if he didn't mope around so much and sometimes, she wanted to ask why he was so sad all the time. She kept her mouth shut though, not wanting to pry into his business.
She was grateful for the track team. It was an activity that helped her create a new identity for herself, one that she had to work hard for and was proud of, and most importantly, was her own. She was no longer only Jessica's sister, Sehun and Jongin's friend, but Krystal, bitching track runner and high jump extraordinaire.
---
Jongin auditioned with SM in December just like he said he would and got the call back to become a trainee. Krystal, Sunyoung, and Sehun threw him a party in celebration.
"Sehunnie, now that Jongin's going to be busy becoming a star, you should think about finding a hobby for yourself, too," Krystal urged.
"What should I do?" He asked.
He and Krystal started to brainstorm and try out different things that he could be interested in doing.
After leaving a scorch mark on the wall of Sehun's kitchen, they ruled out cooking (and subsequently baking).
"My kitchen," Mrs. Oh wailed inconsolably.
"Sorry, so sorry," Krystal and Sehun mumbled profusely while inching discreetly out of the kitchen.
They tried sports.
"My god, you have the worst hand-eye coordination of anyone I've ever met," Krystal said when Sehun missed hitting the ball for the tenth time at the batting cage. "And that includes my cousin's legally blind dog, who has no hands."
The arts came next.
"I wouldn't mind the fact that you wrote an ode to milk if it was actually good," Krystal said to a very discouraged Sehun.
In the end, they discovered by accident that Sehun was also pretty good at dancing when Jongin came back after the initial bout of training, his eyes glowing with excitement. Jongin showed them some moves that he had learned while away and Sehun had jumped up one day and imitated the steps, his limbs rough around the edges, but his rhythm was surprisingly good. Jongin proudly clasped him on the back and said he should audition as well and maybe they can debut together.
Meanwhile, Krystal was shaking her head ruefully. "So all this time, we could've saved ourselves all this trouble and the destruction of Mrs. Oh's kitchen if Jongin could've just invested a little interest in the welfare of our Sehunnie."
"Hey, I would've kicked Sehun's ass into shape if I had known," Jongin said, turning to Sehun. "You just never seemed to have an interest in doing anything."
Krystal watched as Sehun looked down at his feet. "That's going to change," he said quietly.
---
The last month of eleventh year arrived like an unexpected relative coming to visit.
"Man, time really flies," Krystal mused.
Her grades had started to slip after joining the track team because all that training had been cutting into her study time. She realized with slight panic that she really had to step it up with her academics if she wanted to apply to college in America. She knew that her parents were going to raise a ruckus about her going so far away for college, but she wanted to go back to America. She still missed it with a ferocity that motivated her marathon studying. She sometimes thought about the home they had back in San Francisco, a two-story narrow house painted the color of cornflower blue sandwiched between two other houses that were different colors from hers. Krystal had forgotten what they were now.
America also has the benefit of not knowing who Jessica is.
"I'm going to apply to college in America," Krystal announced to Sehun when they were taking a break from studying in the school library. "I think it's going to be the best option for me."
"Why is everyone always trying to get out of here?" Sehun asked. "Is Korea such a terrible place to live?"
Krystal looked at him, confused. "Why? You know someone else who's applying to college overseas?"
Sehun hesitated briefly, only to shake his head and he didn't say anything further.
"Look, Sehunnie, it's not that I don't like living here. I just miss the States, that's all," Krystal said, trying to fill the awkward silence. "I miss the big attic that my parents let me have as my bedroom back in San Francisco. It was humongous and it had a floor-to-ceiling window that looked out into the bay. I mean, like, the room was so big, I could've had you, Jongin, and Sunyoung unnie over and we still would've had room to lay out a picnic. That's how big it was. I miss hamburgers and fries. The ones here just can't compare. I miss mangoes, for god's sakes. I miss speaking English." Krystal realized that she'd been rambling and she let out an embarrassed chuckle, covering her mouth. "I'm sorry for boring you. Let's just get back to work, okay?"
"No, no," Sehun said, uncharacteristically quick to interject. "I think I'm beginning to understand. Thank you for that."
Krystal was baffled by Sehun's strange response, but she shrugged anyway. "You're welcome."
With Jongin now preoccupied with intensive dance practice, Sehun drifted back to spending most of his time with Krystal. He was still interested in dancing, but it only extended to youtubing music videos and memorizing the choreography during his free time. He had no real desire to debut, but Krystal thought he stood a good chance getting in if he auditioned because he was kind of...cute, in a way.
"Oh shit," Krystal said to Sunyoung. "We've been spending so much time together, I'm starting to find Sehunnie attractive."
"You're just figuring that out now?" Sunyoung said, incredulous. "Everyone else got the memo in the first year of high school."
---
Krystal mulled over the essay that she had to write on the benefits of a open market capitalist economy in comparison to one that is not. She didn't think the teacher could get more obvious about his agenda. She was having a lot of difficulty with it. Even after all these years in Korea, Krystal still had trouble expressing herself when it came to more complex topics and this one wasn't even particularly advanced, but having Sehun in the corner of her vision wiping the sweat from his forehead after a dance video, breathless from the exertion, was really distracting.
Finally, Krystal couldn't take it anymore. "Sehun, come over here."
Sehun padded over to her and waited expectantly while Krystal rummaged around her bag to pull out a bottle of water, which she handed to him. He accepted it with a small, grateful smile and sat cross legged by her feet and happily drank his water. He's like a puppy, Krystal thought, letting the fondness she had for him warm her without resisting it.
She reached to brush Sehun's bangs from his eyes. He turned his head to stare up at her, his face still as impassive as ever, but his sleepy gaze was unwavering.
"What?" Krystal said, her voice coming out in a whisper, her fingers lingering, brushing lightly against the soft strands of his hair.
It was Sehun who looked away first. "Nothing," he said softly. "Nothing."
Krystal withdrew her hand.
---
Sehun came back twelfth year, completely changed. Puberty had finally decided to pay him a visit and it transformed him. Armed with his new body and his newfound self-confidence, he started wooing Krystal in earnest.
"Wooing?" Sunyoung inquired. "What a strange, antiquated choice of words."
"Yes, unnie, wooing," Krystal said solemnly. "What am I going to do?"
"Don't you like him, too?" Sunyoung pointed out.
"Yes, but he's Sehunnie," Krystal said, as if that was the entire crux of the problem. It kind of was.
Krystal agreed to have him take her out on a date to the amusement park. She debated whether to dress up or just go casual, and finally decided to settle for jeans and her favorite blouse. It was Sehun, for goodness sakes. She didn't even bother putting on make up.
Sehun insisted on picking her up at her home, a notion that Krystal found kind of ridiculous since she knew the way to the amusement park. Sunyoung had shook her head and said, "Girl, you are so young and inexperienced in the matters of dating and romance. Let unnie teach you."
Sehun showed up, shuffling his feet nervously at the door. Krystal's mother cooed at them while her dad just grunted and went back to his newspaper. They'd known Sehun since tenth year when her parents attended one of her local track meets and Krystal had introduced Sehun and Jongin to them. Her mother had wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at her when she saw Jongin and Krystal had been horrified that her mother had just wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Her mother made her disappointment clear that it wasn't Jongin when Krystal told her that Sehun was picking up her for a date, but quickly changed her mind when she saw the physical change in Sehun. Krystal had rolled her eyes, but kept her mouth shut.
"You kids have fun now," her mother chirped as she ushered them out the door.
Krystal was determined for this entire situation not to be awkward, so she pretended that they were doing this as friends. Fortunately, Sehun went along with it, letting her do most of the talking as they took the train to the amusement park. She babbled about how hard the classes were getting because they were being prepared for college entrance exams and that it really shouldn't matter for her because she's applying to college in America anyway, and about how she barely gets to see Sunyoung because she's in her first year of college and too busy to hang out anymore, and about how excited Krystal was that she might be going back to California, but let's stop talking about her. She wanted to know more about how Sehun was doing.
"I've been kind of nervous about college actually," he admitted. "What if I can't get in anywhere?"
Krystal didn't want to be trite about her response, so she said, "If you need a tutor, you can come to me, if you like. We're already studying together anyway."
Sehun nodded, but still looked worried.
When they got to the park, they discussed where they wanted to go first.
"Let's start with the rollercoasters first," Krystal suggested. "That way, we can wind down with the less awesome rides."
"Okay, but are you sure you don't want to eat something first?" Sehun asked. "You're not hungry or anything?"
The swell of affection Krystal felt for Sehun at that moment bloomed warm and solid in her chest. "Maybe later?"
They ran around the park, no one attraction being able to hold Krystal's attention for long. Sehun won her a giant stuffed panda at the shoot-the-swimming-duck game and in return, Krystal won him a giant rubber duck at the whack-the-alligator game.
"I have a lot of pent-up rage," Krystal said by way of explanation to the startled employee. She hefted the duck into Sehun's arms. "Here, now you have a companion when you take a bath."
"It's going to take up more room than I do," Sehun said doutbtfully, eyeing the rubber duck that he had to carry with both hands.
By the time they'd tired themselves out, it was late into the evening.
"I think I am a little bit hungry now," she said, her stomach grumbling its displeasure.
"How do you feel about dukkbokki?" Sehun suggested. "And we should go get some ice cream afterwards. It's the best combination."
Krystal found he was right about that.
---
Six dates after the amusement park, as they were standing in front of Krystal's apartment door after going to see a movie, Sehun leaned in and kissed Krystal, hesitating right before his lips touched hers, giving her a chance to pull away.
She didn't.
---
"So, now that we're official, am I supposed to call you oppa?" Krystal asked.
"Please do," Sehun said, hopeful.
"I think I'm just going to stick with Sehunnie," she decided.
Sehun visibly deflated.
---
It was strange being someone's girlfriend. Stranger still that it was with Sehun. She had taken care of him for so long that it was the strangest thing now that she was the recipient. He had always walked her home in the evenings whenever she had track practice, well into his second year of doing so, but being his girlfriend now added significance to that gesture. Every time he handed her a towel to wipe away her sweat, or waited patiently in front of the school while she showered and talked stats with her teammates, or hesitated shyly before taking her hand, their fingers lacing together, his hand warm and gentle in his grip, she fell a little bit more in love with him.
---
The first time they had sex, Krystal naturally had it planned down to the smallest detail. She decided that it had to take place in her room, not his, because she had to make sure she was in her comfort zone. She got rid of her parents by getting Jessica to convince them to stay one more day in Gwangju after attending her concert to tour around the city or something, just come up with something. Jessica had grinned understandingly and agreed, and good god, gave her a hug before bouncing out of her room to speak to their parents.
She made sure Sehun brought condoms with him when she invited him over.
Sehun looked as nervous as she felt when he came over, and couldn't stop licking his lips anxiously as he hovered while Krystal busied herself getting them drinks, asking if he was hungry, asking if he was comfortable, running around the apartment straightening stuff and showing her stuffed animal collection to him, including the panda he got for her, until Sehun grasped her wrist gently and looked her in the eyes.
"We don't have to do this," he said. "Let's go get something to eat."
Krystal looked back at Sehun, feeling the warmth of certainty down to her very core that it was Sehun who was standing here in front of her and no one else, because there was no one she trusted more to take care of her.
She pressed into him and kissed him and waited until his arms slipped around her before she took him by the hand to bring him into her bedroom.
Sehun fumbled unwrapping Krystal from her clothes, and Krystal didn't fare any better, her heart pounding so hard that the room was spinning and making it hard to focus on unzipping the fly of his jeans, her fingers clumsy and heavy.
Watching Sehun staring and grazing his fingers against the slope of her stomach, the contour of her collarbone wonderingly, worshipfully, Krystal felt laid open, completely vulnerable to him.
Sehun was careful about their first time, making sure Krystal was wet and gasping and whimpering into his mouth when he pushed in, mercifully and tortuously slow.
---
For Sehun's eighteenth birthday, Krystal took him to the park at midnight and danced to Gee for him with a giant bow in her hair, the music sounding small and squeaky from the ipod that she'd brought with her. He couldn't stop laughing and covering his face, but yet, still peeking out to look at her from behind his fingers. Krystal called him a pervert and kissed him.
"Happy birthday, Sehunnie," she said.
"It is a happy birthday," he murmured, leaning in for another kiss, and for a moment, Krystal thought she saw the distant look in his eyes disappear.
---
A few months into dating Sehun, he invited her up to his apartment on a Saturday morning to study.
"My parents have stuff to do over at the college, so they aren't going to be around," Sehun explained. "But I told them you were coming over, so they bought some snacks for us." He proudly produced a bag of shrimp chips, some tortilla chips and salsa dip, and sandwiches.
Krystal knew Sehun's parents weren't around much. They were lovely people and they obviously loved Sehun, but they sometimes get too immersed in their academic research and forget that they have a kid. Krystal had stopped keeping count of how many times Sehun had came to school without lunch or money to buy lunch and she just wound up packing an extra portion for him ever since the second month of tenth year. Combined with Sunyoung's contribution, they've been able to keep Sehun well fed. He really was like a puppy.
They made out on the couch for a bit before Krystal pushed Sehun away, his face flushed a very cute pink. "You need to study. The college entrance exams are getting really close," she reminded him, regretfully.
She checked his answers to the practice questions and cleared up some of the confusion he had regarding them in between browsing the website of the school she will be going to in the fall. She had hoped to get into UC Berkeley, wanting to be near her old home, but was rejected. Embarrassingly, she had started crying in front of Sehun right in the middle of the street when he had asked her about it. He had gathered her up in his arms and held her while she wept into his shoulder, hating herself for being so melodramatic but unable to stop feeling like she should've worked harder, studied more, been smarter. The regret had ate at her.
Instead, she made it into UCLA and decided to go there. It was her next option anyway and at least she had obtained her ticket out of here. The only thing now was what she was going to do with Sehun. She wanted for them to stay together, but realistically, she thought he would have second thoughts about that. She was going to be so far away and long distance relationships never work out. She didn't want to lose him as a friend either and being so far away will prevent her from being able to repair anything if it didn't work out. This too was eating at her.
"Do you want to see my room?" Sehun asked when they took a break and ate the sandwiches.
"If that's an euphemism for something, then no," Krystal said, narrowing her eyes at him. "The exams are serious business, Sehunnie. You need to be able to get into college."
"Sometimes seeing a room is just seeing a room," Sehun said dryly.
Sehun's room was sparse and airy, and Krystal noted with envy that his room has a window door leading out to a terrace. She also noticed, with amusement and satisfaction, that he still had the rubber duck she got for him, sitting in the corner of his room.
"So, this is my room," Sehun said.
"For some reason, I was expecting it to be messy," Krystal admitted.
Sehun pretended to be stabbed in the heart. "You wound me."
"In that case, I'm just going to stab you one more time, hide the body, and then take this room for myself," Krystal said cheerfully.
"My parents are going to notice that you're not me, you know," Sehun pointed out.
"Can we make out in your magnificent room now?" Krystal said, changing the subject. She was about to pounce on him when the house phone rang.
"Damn," she said sadly. Sehun chuckled and pressed a kiss to the bridge of her nose before heading out of the room to pick up the call.
Krystal took the opportunity to snoop around. He had a closet built into the wall, the doors a dark, finished wood somewhat matching the blue-gray walls of his room, that contained his clothes and shoes. She was also jealous of him for having such a nice closet. His bed was a full size, just like hers, and it had a navy blue comforter that was still rumpled because Sehun had not made the bed this morning. The thought of waking up in that bed, wrapped in Sehun's arms, the morning light streaming in through the window flashed across Krystal's mind and she felt herself blushing hot. She wanted to drag Sehun back into the room and push him into bed. Fuck the entrance exams.
To distract herself from these thoughts, she turned her attention away from the bed and onto his desk, stationed by the window. On top of Sehun's desk was a framed photograph. Krystal picked it up and studied it.
She recognized Sehun immediately. It must've been taken shortly before high school because he looked the same as the first time Krystal watched Sehun plop down into the seat in front of her on the first day of school. Krystal found herself smiling at the memory.
Sehun wasn't looking at the camera. Instead, his attention was turned towards an older boy on his right. The boy was looking back at him, the edges of his eyes crinkled as he grinned at Sehun. It looked like they were at a park, the leaves of the trees behind them bordering the edges of the photograph.
It occurred to Krystal, as she traced Sehun's face in the photo, that she had never seen him smile like that before.
---
Sehun made it into a second tier college with the marks he got back from the entrance exams. Krystal happily pressed kiss after kiss against his mouth, giddy with excitement for him.
"Jongin decided to go to the same college, too," Sehun said after Krystal had exhausted herself from congratulating him, leaning back against him as he wrapped his arms around her.
"That's great, Sehunnie," Krystal said. "It's good to have someone you know on the first day of school, especially for college." She sobered at the thought that she wouldn't have the same advantage when she gets to UCLA, alone in a country that had become foreign to her even though she was born there.
Sehun must've sensed her change in mood because he nuzzled playfully against her ear. She giggled and snuggled deeper into him, both of them wrapped up in a thin blanket on the couch. They were home alone again in Sehun's apartment, his parents making an overnight trip to Busan for a tour of an archaeological dig. Krystal had arrived to the apartment just as they were getting ready to depart.
"Dinner's in the fridge, stay safe, and use condoms!" Mr. Oh had said before waving good bye and heading out the door with Mrs. Oh.
Krystal had wanted to die of embarrassment, but Sehun had remained heroically unfazed. She supposed he must be used to it by now. Thankfully, Sehun had chosen that moment to break the news to her.
They were deciding to migrate to his room when Krystal remembered the photograph on his desk.
"Sehunnie, you know that picture you have on your desk?" Krystal said. "Who's the guy next to you? You guys seem really close."
Krystal could feel Sehun's body instantly tense, the change so swift that she had to turn around to look at him, to make sure he's okay.
"He's no one," Sehun said, his voice gone quiet.
For some reason, Krystal felt the need to press further. "He can't be no one, Sehunnie. You have his picture on your desk. Is he your friend or something? How come I've never seen him around school before?"
Sehun's face revealed nothing. "He's no one," he repeated. Krystal couldn't help feeling like he was saying it, not to convince her, but himself.
---
Krystal felt ridiculous for not being able to stop thinking about the boy in the photo. He's a childhood friend of Sehun's, that's all. But she could not let go of the way Sehun had reacted to her question, couldn't forget the way he completely shut down, retreating back to the way he was when she first met him, sad and withdrawn. It hurt her to see him like this, and remembering that he was like this for two whole years made her want to know what exactly happened, and it made her want to fix it so she would never have see that look on his face again. It must have something to do with the boy.
She called Jongin.
"Did Sehun ever talk about the friends he had before us?" Krystal asked.
"He did have friends before he knew us, if that's what you want to know," Jongin said, sounding cautious, which only piqued Krystal's curiosity.
"Did he talk about someone in particular?" Krystal persisted.
Jongin didn't say anything for a while. "Jongin, please," Krystal said.
"Why?" Jongin said. "Why is it that you want to know so badly?"
Krystal decided to tell him about the photograph, hoping that Jongin would be more inclined to tell her if he knew that she had a concrete reason for being curious. "So, who is he?" She asked again.
Jongin paused before he spoke. "Sehun didn't say much to me either, but he told me that he used to have a friend, and they used to do everything together, but then he went away or something. It wasn't really the things he said, but the way he said it that I thought was really weird. He said it like-I don't know, Krystal. It made me think that-" Jongin stopped short.
"What?" Krystal asked, her breath caught.
"Nothing," Jongin said quickly. "It's nothing."
It was too late. Krystal already knew what Jongin was going to say. She'd always been too observant for her own good.
"Did Sehun ever tell you his name?" Krystal said, the words heavy on her tongue.
Jongin sighed softly, one of resignation and foreboding. "He wasn't Korean. Sehun said his name is Lu Han."
Krystal couldn't remember what else she said to Jongin before she said goodbye to him and hung up the phone, feeling numb.
She knew it was possible for guys to fall in love with other guys, no matter what the pastor at her parents' church said. One of her cousins was gay and living with her girlfriend in Seattle, last she heard. It started to add up, the smile Krystal saw on Sehun's face when he looked at Lu Han in the photo, the picture having been taken before high school, Sehun arriving on the first day of school like he had been through some traumatic event and trying to piece himself back together, the two years he spent walking around like a zombie. Lu Han was someone important in Sehun's life, significant to the point that when he left for whatever reason, Sehun sank into an abyss so deep, he was still trying to climb out of it. And the worst part was, there was nothing Krystal could do to help him. Because she wasn't as important.
---
The elevator ride up to Sehun's apartment felt like an eternity, yet at the same time, Krystal never wanted it to end because of what she was going to do. Krystal hated that when she set her mind to do something, there was nothing that could stop her, not even herself. She hated it most now because she knew she was going to hurt Sehun, the same way Lu Han did.
Sehun was home alone again and he gave her a warm smile before pressing a quick kiss to her lips. "Are you hungry?" He asked when they'd made their way to his living room.
Krystal shook her head, the knowledge of what she now knew weighing like a pressure on her chest.
She took a deep breath. "Who's Lu Han?"
Sehun turned to stare at her. "How do you know his name?"
"Jongin told me," Krystal said simply, bulldozing ahead. "Who is he, Sehun?"
Sehun looked away. "I told you, he's no one. I don't want to talk about it anymore, Krystal." His voice was bordering on desperation. "Why do you even want to know?"
"Because you're in love with him," Krystal shouted abruptly, her voice loud and harsh in the dense silence of the room.
Even now, Sehun's face was impassive. It was infuriating sometimes that Krystal could never tell what was going on in his head, especially when he was upset. She wondered if she ever really knew the boy in front of her. Sehun sat down heavily onto the couch and his shoulders slumped, as if in defeat. That was when Krystal could finally decipher him. He was grieving.
"I'm such an idiot," Krystal said, feeling the momentum of her turbulent emotions build. "I'm such an idiot. I knew, I knew Lu Han was someone important in your life, but I never thought he would be more important than the people who are in your life right now." She wielded her words like knives, vengeful in her wrath.
"Please stop," Sehun said, quietly and in pain. Her words had done their job, efficiently and cruelly.
The room was starting to spin. 'I have to go," Krystal said softly. "I can't-I can't even look at you right now."
She turned around and hurried out of the room, without looking back. She couldn't bear to look at the mess she was leaving behind.
She bumped into his mother on the way out the front door. "Soojung, what a pleasant surprise," Mrs. Oh said. "Will you be staying for-"
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Oh. I can't stay," Krystal said, hastily brushing past her because she couldn't stay another second there, reminded in every way that once again, she will never escape the shadow of someone else, someone better than her.
When she got back home and safely ensconced in her own room, Krystal finally let go of her tears.
---
For the next two weeks, Krystal ignored Sehun's calls and and deleted his text messages without looking at them. She had Jessica scare him away at the door when he tried to see her at home. She let Sunyoung and Jessica, whenever she was free to come home, coddle her during this time. Feeling sorry for herself, she didn't resist when they dragged her out to the movies and bought her copious amounts of food.
"Food is the cure for all woes," Sunyoung said sagely, placing another helping of japchae onto Krystal's plate.
"Thanks, unnie," Krystal said glumly between mouthfuls of japchae.
---
It took another week before Krystal felt like she could look at Sehun without hurting. She was wrong.
School activities were starting to wind down for summer break, but for Krystal and her classmates, the flurry of activity only sped up in preparation for graduation. Krystal kept busy to distract herself from having to think about Sehun, but she sometimes found herself wondering if he had remembered to put in his order for his cap and gown, whether he needed help remembering the formation of how they were going to walk down the aisle on graduation day, or whether he missed her at all. That's when she was hit with a renewed sense of overwhelming loss. It couldn't go on like this.
She sucked it up and texted Sehun. Calling him was out of the question. She was afraid she would hang up before he picks up.
He was waiting for her at the area of the park where Krystal had brought him on his birthday. It wasn't even more than a month ago, but everything had changed since then. Krystal never imagined that she would have to do this with Sehun. She'd imagined them drifting apart because of distance, and that would've hurt all the same, but she never thought that she would ever voluntarily break up with Sehun, maybe even lose his friendship along with it. Despite the pain he was causing her, she still loved him. She felt so pathetic.
Sehun didn't look any better than how she felt. He was sitting on the bench, fidgeting nervously with the tie of his school uniform, his head bowed.
"Sehun," Krystal said, his name caught in her throat.
Sehun looked up and his eyes widened when he saw Krystal. He quickly got to his feet, but looked like he was unsure what to do next. Krystal was struck by how young he still seemed. She was younger than he was by a few months, but she felt so much older.
"Krystal," Sehun began. "Krystal, I-"
Krystal knew she was not going to be prepared for anything that Sehun had to say. She only came here to meet him for one reason. She gathered her fortitude, so her next words wouldn't come out shaking.
"Sehunnie, I think we should break up."
His eyes were huge as he stood there staring at her, dumbstruck. "But, why?" Sehun finally said, the only thing he could say, Krystal supposed, given the absurdity of the entire situation. She was competing with a ghost for her boyfriend's attention.
"You're in love with your Lu Han hyung," Krystal said as gently as she could, feeling so odd that it was she who had to explain this to him.
"I'm not," Sehun insisted. "I like girls. I like you. How would that be possible if I was-if I liked guys?"
Krystal swallowed the lump in her throat. This didn't have to be a messy break up. "Whatever he is, he obviously still means a lot to you."
Sehun ran his hand through his hair, flustered and frustrated. "I don't know what he is to me," he said, suddenly looking really tired and resigned, seeming far older than he had any right to be. "He was my friend for a long time. But he left four years ago for college and never came back. And what I don't understand is, if he really was my friend, why did he just forget about me? Was it that easy for him to forget?" He sounded lost.
"Sehun," Krystal said, her heart breaking for him, despite everything. "I can't-I can't talk about this with you right now. I know you're hurting really badly about Lu Han. Just give me a few days and maybe we can talk about it, okay?"
Sehun nodded miserably. Even after all of this, Krystal still wanted to take care of him, but she had to take care of herself first.
---
Krystal waited until after the stress and exhilaration of graduation was over before she went up to Sehun's place. She had caught brief glances of Sehun during the ceremony and afterwards, accepting his diploma, taking pictures with his parents, talking with Jongin, all with the same dead expression that she had saw on the very first day of high school. It was strange how far they'd come, and yet, hadn't moved at all.
Krystal stepped into Sehun's apartment, feeling like an intruder now. His parents were out. Krystal had made sure of it.
"Are-are you hungry?" Sehun asked, as always, but his voice was now tentative and unsure.
Krystal shook her head. "Can you get me some water, though?"
She took a seat on the couch in the living room while Sehun went to get her a glass of water. She needed a moment of respite.
After placing the glass of water in front of her on the coffee table, Sehun took a seat on the recliner. Away from her, Krystal noticed bitterly. Deep down, she knew that he was trying to respect her personal space, which was no longer part of his, but it still hurt.
Krystal braced herself. "Do you want to talk about Lu Han?"
It was like watching a Pavlovian response by now, how quickly Sehun tensed even at the mention of Lu Han's name. He hesitated.
"I know this is really weird, Sehunnie. Believe me, I do," Krystal said. "But I still care about you and it's hurting me to see you like this. If it makes you feel better to talk about it, you should. I'm still your friend, no matter what."
This seemed to sway Sehun. He relaxed slightly and after a brief pause, he began. He told her about growing up with Lu Han, who had moved to Korea from China when Sehun had been no more than six, so it felt like Sehun had known Lu Han his whole life, which he kind of did. Lu Han was so much bigger than he was because he was ten when they met and Sehun remembered having to strain his neck to look up at him. Sehun would never forget the time when these kids had been making fun of him when he was just minding his own business playing with his toy bus at the park. Suddenly, this giant shadow fell over them and it was Lu Han. That was enough to chase the bullies away. Lu Han walked over to Sehun and asked him if the bus was taking any more passengers. Sehun nodded and that was how it began. Lu Han would tell Sehun over and over again as the years went by that there was nothing wrong with the way he spoke, and that any kids who bothered him because of it were dumb and stupid. He insisted that because he was four years older than Sehun, he was right about these matters. In fact, he was right about most things. Sehun found this to be true. In retrospect, he spent the last four years since Lu Han left wondering whether Lu Han found him annoying for following him around all the time and he thought that maybe this was the reason why Lu Han decided to leave without telling him, because he wanted to get away from Sehun.
"Oh my god, of course not, Sehun," Krystal said, her voice hushed.
"But that's the only reason I could think of why he didn't stay in touch," Sehun said. "That's why I didn't contact him myself all these years. If he wanted to get away from me, then maybe I should let him."
Krystal didn't know what else to do, and the distance between her and Sehun was now much farther than the two steps from the couch to the recliner, but all she could do was take those two steps and wrapped her arms around Sehun.
Sehun sniffed and clung to her. After a while, he said softly, "Why does it have to be this way?" He wasn't talking about Lu Han anymore.
She ran her fingers through his hair. "Because you're in love with someone else, you idiot," Krystal said, her voice affectionate. She felt sorry for him. He was in love with someone who was too far away to know that there was a heartbroken boy still waiting for him, who didn't care to know. She probably hated Lu Han most for this reason, not because he was the reason why Krystal will never have all of Sehun, only bits and pieces left over, but because he was hurting Sehun like this and will never know. Maybe she hated him a little because she was jealous, too.
"I liked you so much," Krystal suddenly said. Her voice came out trembling because fuck, she was starting to cry. She was horrified. She started to push Sehun off her shoulder to go cry in the bathroom or something,
And then Sehun was kissing her, urgent presses of his lips against hers, swallowing up her tears. Krystal let him.
They slept together for the last time, Krystal clinging to him as he thrusted slowly into her, as if he didn't want it to end.
After, when she was curled up in his arms in his bed, the sweat cooling off her back and feeling brazen, she said, "I think I'm going to miss this most."
"You mean, not my debonair good looks and charming personality?" Sehun said, sounding wounded.
"What debonair good looks? What charming personality?" Krystal asked innocently.
Sehun proceeded to tickle her until she's squirming and squealing for him to stop. He eventually did, laying back and shifting so that Krystal would be comfortable with her head resting against his shoulder, his arms wrapped around her.
"I kind of want to punch Lu Han in the face," Krystal admitted.
Sehun laughed softly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Believe me, me too. But I don't think he will ever come back to give me the chance to do it."
Krystal raised her head to look at him, the strands of her hair brushing against his cheek. "You are hopeless, Sehunnie. I don't know what I'm going to do with you."
He looked up at her, his face flushed and Krystal could see, still so full of love for her. She was going to take this moment and keep it safe, deep in her heart, where no one can ever take it from her. It would be hers alone even if the rest belonged to Lu Han.
---
Krystal was packing the last of her things to bring with her to UCLA when Sehun called her in the middle of August.
"Krystal, he came back," Sehun told her, and even over the phone, Krystal noticed the change in him, no longer dead to the world.
Krystal was shocked, frankly, but was happy for him. "Really? That's great, Sehunnie." It was amazing how effective time and distance was able to heal her wounds, or at the very least, provided a scab so she didn't feel it so keenly.
"Yes, but he has to go back to China to work," Sehun continued. "But...he came back." He sounded dazed, like he himself still couldn't believe it was true.
"Sehunnie," Krystal began, knowing that at this moment, they're at a crossroads. Their lives would be taking very different directions from this point forward and she wondered if they would ever cross each other's paths again. "Sehunnie, I want the best for you, okay? I hope you will always be happy."
There was a long pause before Sehun spoke. "Soojung," he said, his voice now small and uncertain. "You make it sound like we're never going to see each other again. We'll always be friends, won't we?"
He could still be so obliviously cruel, Krystal couldn't help but think. "Yes, we'll always be friends," she assured him. It was a promise and someday, it will be the truth.
---
She met Lu Han for the first time when she returned to Korea for the summer after her first year in college and Sehun called her up on her second day back. It had been a long year of transitions and homesickness and it felt really good to hear Sehun's voice again.
"Do you want to meet him?" Sehun said. "He's visiting me for the week."
"I don't know, Sehunnie," Krystal said dubiously. "What if I still have the desire to punch him in the face?"
"I will allow a kick in the shins, but no more," Sehun replied firmly.
"Spoilsport," Krystal said, smiling.
---
The meeting place was at Krystal's favorite cafe in Korea.
You conniving, manipulative bastard, Krystal thought admiringly. Sometimes Sehun still had the ability to surprise her.
They were sitting next to each other in a table near the back of the cafe, shoulders pressed together. Sehun was saying something to Lu Han, their heads close. Even from afar, Krystal could feel it radiating off Sehun. Happiness. The way he looked at Lu Han, completely in the present.
Krystal was about to turn around and go back out, call Sehun and tell him that she had changed her mind, she was a coward, she's sorry, when Sehun caught sight of her and his face broke into a bright smile.
Krystal mustered a feeble smile and forced her feet to move towards their table. Sehun scrambled to his feet to pull her into his embrace.
"It's good to see you, Krystal," Sehun said.
"Yeah, me too," Krystal whispered back, meaning every word. Sehun released her and she turned to Lu Han, who had stood up to greet her as well. They stared at each other, frozen in a moment that felt both surreal and inevitable.
"I always knew you traded down, Sehun," Lu Han finally said, staring wide eyed at her. Krystal tried to detect any insincerity in his comment, that he was being condescending or worse, ingratiating, but she couldn't find any.
Krystal stood there awkwardly, unsure how to respond. She never quite pictured herself having to be in the position of meeting her ex-boyfriend's boyfriend.
"Ah, I see you've noticed that I only date beautiful people," Sehun said, giving both of them a fond look before scrambling again across the table to pull out the chair for Krystal to slip into.
Krystal ordered herself a soy chai latte when a waitress came over before turning to them again. This will never not be awkward and she'd never been particularly good at interpersonal skills, preferring to observe silently on the sidelines rather than be in the midst of things like Sunyoung. Suddenly, she wished that her old friend was here to diffuse the situation.
"Whoa," Sehun suddenly said.
"What is it?" Krystal asked.
"I just realized that I've slept with everyone in this table," he replied, sounding awestruck.
"Oh god," Lu Han groaned in mortification, hiding his face in his hands. Krystal couldn't agree more.
"What?" Sehun said, oblivious.
At least the ice was broken.
---
Lu Han, Krystal came to discover, was a lot like herself. He was quiet, until you get to know him. His smiles and laughs were quick and generous, but there was an air of wariness about him, like he could never be off his guard. He seemed so young, unchanged from the photograph, but when she looked at his eyes, she saw the years in them. And he loved Sehun. Krystal saw it in the way he shook his head with a smile and helped Sehun opened his packet of jam when he had trouble tearing off the foil lid, or the way he knew that Sehun takes his coffee with a lot of sugar and a little bit of milk, and the way he idly brushed Sehun's hair from his eyes. Like the way she used to. Krystal had to look away at that.
She felt Sehun's shoe poke her leg gently under the table and when she turned to him, he gave her a worried look.
Sehun, Krystal could see now more than ever, was like a fat, content cat basking in the attention and care of the people who loved him, but he also loved them fiercely in return, his loyalty to them running strong and deep. He glanced over to her in frequent intervals and grinned at her whenever he caught her attention and Krystal realized with startling clarity that he still loved her. He loved both of them, in different ways, no less intensely.
She smiled back at him and shook her head.
"Sehunnie, can you go get me another soy chai latte?" Krystal said when her cup had been sitting empty for a while.
"Please don't punch him in the face while I'm gone," Sehun said in a stage whisper before taking his leave.
Both Krystal and Lu Han watched him head out of earshot before Lu Han turned to her. "I deserve it, though," he said.
"Yes, you do," Krystal said, never one to have been able to mince her words. "You owe him four years of his life back for every fucking day that he pined for you. I always wondered why he always looked so sad and miserable all the time and it hurt me to see him like this. A part of me wants you to go through what I had to go through, knowing that I can never pick up the pieces you left behind. I loved him. I really did. And sometimes I wished-I wished that he had learned to love me too, because I don't think I would've left him behind like that." Unlike you was left unsaid, but it was implicit.
Lu Han had remained quiet through this. Krystal watched him swallowed hard and bowed his head. He was trying to keep himself together, she realized.
She watched as Sehun returned with her drink and after taking in the scene before him, wordlessly sat down beside Lu Han and rested his hand on his back.
"He had his reasons," Sehun said softly, never taking his eyes off Lu Han. "At the time, I didn't realize just how miserable he was living in Korea. Growing up, I knew people weren't nice to him because he was different, but after what happened last year, I realized that it wasn't even safe for him to be here. I don't blame him for what he did, and I don't think you should either, Krystal."
Lu Han reached over and grasp Sehun's free hand, Sehun automatically closing it around Lu Han's. "I'm sorry," Lu Han said, looking up, not at Sehun, but at Krystal.
Krystal knew that his apology was to both of them.
---
Before going their separate ways, Krystal had pulled Lu Han aside, requesting that Sehun get one final drink for her. One for the road, she insisted. Sehun had given her a mild warning look before he went.
Krystal turned to Lu Han, who looked like he was ready and willing to bear more punishment from her. She had to smile at that. "Lu Han-sshi, both of us are more similar than you think. That's why I couldn't stay with him," Krystal said. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."
Lu Han looked at her, eyes wide with surprise. Right before she left the both of them at the corner to catch a cab back to her parents' apartment, Lu Han bowed deeply to her when he bid her goodbye. She stood there, shocked, but bowed back to him. Despite everything, despite their differences, despite what they were to each other, despite their shared heartache of being uprooted from their original homes, they were both children of Korea, for better or worse.
---
Krystal looked out the window of the cab, watching the bustling world of her home go by in stops and starts. She had it missed it, had missed Sehun and Sunyoung unnie and Jongin, and even her parents and Jessica, being so far away from them now, but she was finally getting to live her own life, the way she had always wanted.
She had grown up a lot in the last four years. She still had a temper, still stubborn and too quick with her words, but she had learned to harness these qualities to tame what life threw at her, because it could be so unexpected, difficult, and amazing.
A/N: Originally, I didn't intend on writing a companion piece, but after bumbling around for a plot bunny for a kryber fic, I stumbled on the thought that I wanted to tell Krystal's side of the story from Hit the Ground Running as well. Next time, Amber, next time.
I took some artistic license regarding the college entrance exams. Let's pretend that Korean students take them in the spring rather than winter XD. orz.
Blatantly took the part about Sehun's eighteenth birthday from one of Krystal's kdramas. I forgot which. /O\
Yes, I like comparing Sehun to various household pets.
Thank you so much for reading!