The Planets Bend Between Us
Title: The Planets Bend Between Us
Fandom: Super Junior
Rating: PG
Pairing: Hanchul
Summary: The first time Heechul has a fight with Hankyung is also the first time he shifts between alternate realities.
The first time Heechul has a fight with Hankyung is also the first time he shifts between alternate realities.
It wasn't one of their usual lighthearted tiffs that carried little malice or meaning behind the seemingly harsh words. This was a real argument where Heechul knows he tested Hankyung's patience to the limit. He knows it by the way Hankyung went silent and walked out of their room, slamming the door with a finality that caused Heechul to visibly flinch. He's actually forgotten what they were arguing about, there had been so many twists and turns in his desire to get the last word, but that didn't stop him from realizing that this is the first time he's ever seen Hankyung this angry, at him or otherwise. Heechul knows he's always too quick with his words, and even though that quality about him serves him well most of the time, he knows it can also hurt those around him, even when he doesn't mean to.
He remains sitting for a moment, his chest continuing to tighten at the growing realization of just how badly he'd handled the situation and how far he'd allowed his temper to get out of control. He feels helpless as to where to go from here, and he's always hated that feeling, so he does the first thing that comes to mind. He goes to see if Kangin is free for a drink.
He isn't, but that doesn't stop him from wanting to get some alcohol in him to dull the discomfort nonetheless. On the way out, he notices that Hankyung is nowhere to be seen and a part of him worries. Korea is not kind to people like Hankyung, that much he knows.
He doesn't notice the change, not at first. He goes straight for the neighborhood bar, just around the corner from their dorms, where he and Hankyung sometimes like to sneak to in the dark and anonymity of night for a quick drink or two, attempted whispers and boisterous, giddy laughter. When he enters the establishment, he stops because he sees Hankyung sitting there by the counter, a sweating beer in front of him. His initial impulse is to leave and find someplace else to drink. He doesn't know why he's feeling this way, maybe because talking to him now means he'll have to apologize, and that's probably the only time words escape him. He traces the outline of Hankyung's wiry frame with his eyes, grace in every line and contour, and sighs. He is weak, he will readily admit, closing the distance and plopping down on the available stool next to Hankyung. "I figured you'd be here."
Hankyung looks up at him and instead of a glare, look of disappointment or hurt, or anything, all Heechul gets is a confused stare. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" Hankyung asks with a polite yet distant smile.
"Yah, very funny, Hankyung," Heechul says. "I know you're mad, but pretending not to know me must be the oldest trick in the book and it's not going to work on me."
Hankyung's face remains unchanged and it reminds Heechul of when he first met him. "I'm sorry, sir, but I think you've mistaken me for someone else because my name's not Hankyung."
Heechul isn't buying it and he expresses it with a scoff. "Yes, yes, you'd really rather be called Han Geng, I know. But don't you realize how difficult that is for Koreans to say and I've tried, okay, practicing till my mouth goes dry-"
He manages that much before his words are cut off by a warm hand gripping his wrist. "Wait, how do you know my name?"
"What do you mean how do I know your name? Of course-" He realizes he's getting progressively louder and stops to compose himself. "Of course I know your name, Hankyung. I know you've been wanting to go into acting, but this isn't funny anymore."
"But I'm not trying to be funny," Hankyung says, his voice gone soft and Heechul can't help but strike out the possibility of a doppelganger because no one is as unwilling for confrontation as the real Hankyung. Yes, he knows how to silently bear the burdens that life has heaped upon him just fine, but he always chose his battles. He thinks that's one of the many reasons why they get along so well. The realization of that makes Heechul more determined to get to the bottom of this.
If Hankyung insists on keeping up the charade, he might as well just play along. So he takes out his mobile and opens up a browser window and proceeds to google himself. Let's see him try to deny the Internet, Heechul thinks with a smirk. Okay, well, he is still Kim Heechul, incorrigibly loudmouth member of Super Junior, biggest boyband in Asia comprising of twelve members. Wait, twelve? He double-checks the article, skimming until he gets to the part where it lists the names. Leeteuk, Donghae, Kangin...and sure enough, Hankyung's name is nowhere to be seen. No mention of the Chinese foreigner who won a spot in the band out of 3,000 other people. He frantically clicks on a couple more websites to corroborate this and realizes with a sickening feeling in his stomach that he's either gone stark raving mad and is currently frolicking in depths of his own mind or...well, what else could it be?
"What the hell," he says to no one in particular. He swallows and turns to Hankyung, who has shed the look of inquisitive confusion and is now staring at Heechul with wide-eye concern, and it makes Heechul wish more than ever that this is not happening.
"Hankyung, I mean, Han Geng." He knows he's butchering the name. Even on the best of days, his mouth refuses to cooperate. "Have you ever auditioned for SM Entertainment?" He figures he has to start somewhere.
"SM Entertainment?" Hankyung repeats. "No, what is it?"
Heechul launches into his next question before he can answer Hankyung. "What do you do for a living?"
Heechul figures Hankyung must've been so taken aback by the sudden line of interrogation that he answers his question without resistance. "I'm a Chinese teacher."
"A Chinese teacher," it was Heechul's turn to repeat after Hankyung. He isn't sure what else to say. He isn't even sure what the hell is going on. He stares at Hankyung, who is busy settling his bill with the bartender, silently willing him to remember. But remember what, a past that never happened at all, a past that Hankyung never experienced? All he remembers is one that didn't have Heechul in it, one without late nights and early mornings in bed. Heechul isn't sure if that is the kind of reality he wants to live in.
He's beginning to find it difficult to breathe in the increasingly shrinking space of the bar, so he mumbles a quick apology and excuses himself to step outside for some badly needed fresh air.
The street that he walks out onto isn't one in Seoul. Instead, he finds himself being pushed and jostled every which way by a wave of people on a street he does not recognize. He turns back, but the bar is no where to be seen, replaced instead by a gray office building. He somehow finds it within himself to walk the few steps to a small empty space by the side of the building. That's when he notices that the street signs and awnings are written not in Korean, but in Chinese. "Okay, seriously, what the hell is going on today?"
He watches the hustle and bustle of people walking by, trying to gather his wits enough to figure out what to do next. He can't keep standing there in the dirty corner that smelled faintly of urine, as much as he doesn't want to take another step in the event that the world upends on him again.
He's in a city in China, that much he can make out, or someplace where there are a lot of Chinese people, a lot. Strictly out of impulse, he stops the nearest person walking in front of him, but it quickly occurs to him that he never asked Hankyung how to say "Where am I?" in Chinese.
"Um," he says, getting nervous when he sees the middle aged man he'd pulled over shifting impatiently. He settles for English, hoping that the man will understand. "Where?" He makes a motion with his hand for emphasis.
The man looks at him strangely, but appears to understand because he replies with strongly accented English, "Near Four Ring Road."
That means he's in Beijing, Heechul concludes, having recognize the name of the highway from their last Super Show tour. His bow to the man is quick and cursory. "Thank you." That much he knows how to say in Chinese.
Despite the general perception of him as an eccentric guy, an image that he has carefully crafted for himself, Heechul is actually, or so he likes to believe, a fairly rational person. But the events of the last half hour has sorely tested his own confidence in his sanity. If his brain is playing an elaborate trick on him, it feels very, very real. If this truly is a dream, Beijing must mean something to him for his brain to be conjuring it and the only thing he can associate this city with is...Hankyung. He takes out his mobile and calls him, hoping that his brain will take pity on him and in this scenario, he and Hankyung actually knew each other.
"Hello?"
"Hankyung." Heechul can't help the tentativeness sneaking into his voice.
"Heechul?" Hankyung says and Heechul feels his legs almost going weak with relief that this Hankyung knew him.
"Hankyung, I don't know what's going on, but I'm in Beijing and I have no idea how I got here, especially since I was just at a bar in Seoul where I met you or someone who looks awfully a lot like you but you didn't know me and I don't care if you're not real either, but at least you know who I am. I don't even know if you're in Beijing right now, but if you are, pleasecomepickmeup."
Hankyung seems unfazed by Heechul's outburst. "Heechul! You're in Beijing? You should've told me you were coming. I would have gone to pick you up." He hears shuffling. "What terminal are you in?"
Heechul is willing to forgive Hankyung's inability to hear a word he just said because granted, what he said did seem just a bit out of ordinary. "I'm actually in the city right now, near the 4th Ring Road? But I'm don't know how to read the street names, so I can't tell you exactly where...."
"Don't worry, I'll find my way to you. Just stay right there," Hankyung replies and Heechul thinks he's never heard more comforting words.
He waits. And waits. By the time Hankyung arrives in his car, Heechul's bewilderment is replaced by impatience and the first thing he says to Hankyung when he climbs out is, "Took you long enough."
"I'm sorry, I was tied up in traffic," Hankyung replies apologetically and this is the Hankyung, the one always willing to let Heechul have his way that he remembers, and it makes Heechul miss him with a fierceness so sharp that without another thought, he wraps his arms around him and snuggles into his shoulder and breathes him in.
"Heechul." He feels arms coming up to return his embrace and it's warm and sure and like home, especially after the day Heechul's just had and he forgets that he still hasn't found an explanation as to how he got to Beijing from a bar in Seoul.
"You smell different," Heechul notes and he pulls away just a little. "And you look different."
Hankyung looks...older, is the best way to describe it, Heechul decides. His eyes travels over Hankyung's face and traces the lines by his eyes that he's never seen before and his hair is longer.
"It's good to see you too, Heechul," Hankyung replies with an affectionate smile and they take in each other for a while. "You look different too."
"I do?" Heechul asks, surprised. What exactly does he mean by that? "Let me see." He lets go of Hankyung to check his reflection in the black tint of Hankyung's car window.
"What the hell?" Heechul exclaims, touching his face. Miraculously it seems, his hair has been cut short to a length he would never voluntarily agree to and age has filled out his face just a little bit, just enough for Heechul to realize that something is very, very wrong.
"Hankyung, what year is this?" He asks slowly and deliberately.
Hankyung just looks at him strangely and doesn't reply. "Hankyung, please just answer the question," Heechul says frantically.
"2015."
"2015," Heechul repeats slowly, struggling to let it sink in. "I'm just...what?!"
"Heechul, is everything okay?" Hankyung asks, reaching for him.
"I don't know, Hankyung, I don't know." Heechul is fighting to keep down the rising burst of hysteria, but it isn't working. "How did so much time pass without me knowing? Why do I look like this? Why is my hair so short? Can I just wake up now?"
"Alright, alright, let's just head over to my place, and we'll try figuring everything out, okay?" Hankyung soothes, herding Heechul into the car before getting in himself and starting the car.
Heechul turns to Hankyung once they start moving. "Hankyung, I know this is going to sound really strange, but you have to tell me everything's that's happened to me in the last six years. What happens to Super Junior?"
Hankyung doesn't answer at first, as if trying to decide where to begin. "We had our last concert right before you and Leeteuk began your military service and after that, we officially disbanded, but you had a radio DJ position and a variety talk show lined up once you get out, which was six months ago and your hair's finally grown out." Heechul watches Hankyung chew the bottom of his lip. "That's pretty much it in a nutshell."
Heechul touches his cropped hair. "Was I complaining about it much?"
"I don't know, we haven't spoken since you went in," Hankyung replies, his voice sounding even softer than usual and Heechul looks at him, wide eyed in surprise.
"What? But that means this is the first time we've seen each other in...," he trails off.
"In three years," Hankyung finishes.
"But why would we...you know what, never mind," Heechul gives up trying to question and rationalize what's happening to him and tries to roll with it. If this world is to fade away like the last one, it's best not to worry himself into a headache over it. He pauses and gives his changed appearance a second glance in the rearview mirror. "Hmm, I don't look so bad at thirty-two." Another pause. "Oh my god, I'm thirty-two!" He tries not to dwell on that too much and turns back to Hankyung. "What about you?"
Hankyung spares a quick glance at Heechul before asking, "Do you really not remember the last six years?"
"I don't know, Hankyung," Heechul rubs his eyes tiredly, suddenly feeling exhausted to the bone. "I know I sound completely off my rocker, but I swear I was just at a bar in Seoul and suddenly I find myself in the middle of Beijing and it's six years later." He wonders if he should tell Hankyung about what had happened before that, but decides against it. He doesn't want him to think he's being weirder than he already is, if that's even possible. He feels the car come to a stop and glances back up, but Hankyung doesn't make to get out. Instead, he turns to Heechul and his eyes bore into his. "Heechul, there's something I have to tell you. You should already know though, since it was in the news everywhere and Siwon told me he told you. But you say you don't remember." The words pour out of him and just as quickly, they are dammed up by Hankyung's hesitance, and Heechul knows right away that it's something he doesn't want to hear.
And yet, Heechul finds his mouth moving on its own accord. "Hankyung, what is it?"
It doesn't escape Heechul that Hankyung does not look at him when he answers. "I'm married."
The interior of Hankyung's spacious apartment is nice, and so is his wife.
Her grip is firm and warm when Heechul takes her extended hand. "It's so good to finally meet you, Xi Che sshi," she greets in halting, mangled Korean and behind her, Hankyung is trying to hide his laughter behind his hand. With a sheepish grin, she mimes drinking and looks inquisitively at Heechul. He shakes his head and mirrors her smile, instantly takes a liking to her, in spite of himself.
Heechul tries to remind himself that what he's experiencing, this reality or whatever, might not necessarily be real, that this is all just a figment of his imagination. But still, seeing Hankyung tangling his fingers with his wife's before she pads out of the living room, it's leaving cracks in the emotional wall Heechul had tried to steel himself with in the short time it took for them to get from the car to the apartment.
"She insisted on trying to speak to you herself without using me as a translator if you ever came to visit," explains Hankyung.
"She's actually better than you. At least she got the grammar right," Heechul says as airily as he can and walks about the room. Now would be a great time to wake up, he can't help but think when he sees the happily married life that Hankyung has created for himself. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Heechul wonders if it's better to live in a world where Hankyung never knew him or one where Hankyung has a wife, but they were still friends. Just friends. The more fitting question, Heechul thinks bitterly, is which one is worse. "So, you're married," he whispers and the words get caught in his throat.
"I am," Hankyung's voice is right behind him and he turns around to look at him and they stare at each other. And he must be asking why because Hankyung looks away first.
"Is this the reason we never spoke in the two years that I was in the military?" Heechul finally breaks the heavy silence that hangs between them.
"No," Hankyung denies quickly but he struggles to continue. "I don't know, we stayed in touch for a while with letters and the occasional phone calls, but eventually, I don't know, we just drifted apart."
"No, that's not possible," Heechul says fiercely. "I wouldn't just let us drift apart like this. That's not the kind of person I am and neither are you, not when it comes to us, unless-unless something major happened that neither one of us could repair. It did, didn't it?"
Hankyung studies Heechul. "You really don't remember?"
"I don't know, I feel like I'm in a nightmare I can't wake up from," admits Heechul. "And that maybe my real body's actually back in our bed at the dorms and maybe you're trying to wake me up right now. But I've never had a dream that feels this real." He looks helplessly at Hankyung. "You must think I'm crazy."
Hankyung remains silent as he considers Heechul. "What else do you think it could be? If it isn't a dream?"
Heechul barks out an incredulous laugh. "Are you actually indulging me in this?"
"Well, I know that I'm perfectly real and that I can do this," Hankyung says before reaching over to pinch Heechul's arm, hard. Heechul yelps in pain and swipes his hand away. "See? Not a dream."
Heechul glares at a grinning Hankyung while he rubs the sore spot. "If you didn't have a wife who might notice you missing, you'd be so dead right now, Hankyung," Heechul sobers. "But what else could explain what's been happening to me?"
"You make it sound like it's happened to you before."
"Oh yeah, I guess I forgot to tell you what happened before I got here." And there's a sense of relief and burden lifted as Heechul tells Hankyung what had happened at the bar.
Hankyung contemplates this. "So you've been meeting different me's and each time, I'm not the same as the Hankyung that you know. Okay, you're probably going to think I'm nuts, and I'm just throwing this out there, but maybe you're traveling through different alternate realities."
"Alternate realities," Heechul repeats dumbly.
"I'm not sure how to describe it, but some people believe that there are other realities where each of us exist, but we're different in some way because of the different choices we made," Hankyung tries to explain. "Like the one where you met me, but I didn't know you because I never auditioned for SM and never made it into Super Junior."
"And how do you know so much about this?"
"Um, I may have acted in a movie with a similar premise," Hankyung admits sheepishly. "But I never expected it to actually be true in real life."
Heechul snorts. "You're preaching to the choir. But why me?"
"The universe works in mysterious ways?"
"Is that a line from the movie as well?"
"Maybe."
"...You're an idiot, Hankyung. And it sounds like a terrible movie." The silly grins on their faces match.
"So say what you're suggesting is true. What happened in this reality that we drifted apart so badly, Hankyung? You still haven't answered my question." He sees Hankyung's face fall quickly. "Well, can you at least answer me this...did you, did we care about each other?"
Hankyung's eyes are soft as they search Heechul's. "Yes, very much."
"Then what happened? Why did you leave me behind? Did you even bother to make us work before you went off to get married?"
"We did try to make it work," says Hankyung, "But you said that you didn't want to jeopardize your career and both of us were so afraid of the consequences."
"I really said that?" But the truth is, he can see himself - his counterpart in this universe - telling Hankyung that his career was more important because there are nights, lying in the still darkness, wrapped in Hankyung and the sheets, when he thinks about his future beyond Super Junior and it scares the hell out of him. But he always saw Hankyung in whatever future he imagined. It was not like this, never like this, where Hankyung is so far out his reach.
He knows what he's doing is inappropriate, when Hankyung's wife is just in the next room, but his hands reach to hold Hankyung's face in them, to make sure he sees him, understands him. Hankyung doesn't pull away nor does he stop him. There is a hitch in Heechul's voice when he speaks. "You have to know that if I have to make that choice again, it will be different. I would choose you. I would choose us."
Hankyung slides his hands up to grip Heechul's wrists. "Then I hope when you return to whatever universe you came from, you - we - will make the right choices this time." And Hankyung smiles and it speaks so much of regrets and time lost that Heechul can actually feel his heart ache. Heechul feels, and never more so than when he sees his friends hurt, and no one's affected him more than Hankyung, with his perpetually sad eyes and earnest gaze. And seeing him now, knowing that he was the cause of Hankyung's heartbreak, he wants so much to go back to his own reality and mend things with his Hankyung.
"I will, Hankyung, I will," Heechul says earnestly. "I promise." He pauses, unsure what to do next. "But how do I get back?"
"Maybe you have to walk through a threshold again like last time at the bar," Hankyung suggests.
"I guess I can give it a shot," Heechul says uncertainly.
Hankyung follows Heechul to the front door. "It was good to see you again, Heechul."
"Give my counterpart a call, Hankyung," Heechul says, turning to him. "And go kick his ass if he doesn't come to see you and your wife. You have my permission."
"Why do I feel like that will end badly for me regardless whether I get your permission or not?" Hankyung replies with a knowing smile. He looks wistfully at Heechul before giving him a small nudge. "You should go."
"This is going to look incredibly stupid if it doesn't work," Heechul can't help but comment, eyeing the threshold suspiciously.
"Have a little faith." Behind him, Hankyung whispers into his ear before giving his hand a squeeze and pushing him through. In us is implicit.
Heechul will never get used to this travelling between realities, that much he is able to determine when he finds himself, not in the hallway of Hankyung's apartment building, but back in their room at the dorm. He isn't able to tell if he's truly back in his own universe or is this just another reality where he will find a Hankyung who can hurt him more deeply and in more ways than he thought possible. He hears the door of the bedroom creak open and turns to see Hankyung coming in. Heechul sees the wariness in Hankyung as he wavers by the door.
"Listen, Heechul, I'm-" Hankyung starts.
"You know who I am? And you're not married?" Heechul blurts out, staring at him, willing it to be true.
There is a brief moment of stunned silence before Hankyung answers with a laugh. "Yes, I know who you are and no, I'm not married, Heechul. Have you been drinking?"
Heechul is almost giddy with relief and the words spill out of him and he doesn't care if he's not making sense. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have fought with you this morning. And I know I'm not a nice Chinese girl that you can settle down and be happy with, but I can make you happy. And I know I can be an asshole sometimes and I yell at you and use you as a punching bag and I take you for granted, but I also care about you, and I worry when you're not with me, and I love you and I'm sorry-"
But he can't say anymore because the rest of his words are swallowed up by Hankyung's mouth on his. Heechul nearly whimpers as he presses himself into Hankyung and clings desperately to him, as if this, his, Hankyung will also disappear.
"Were you crying?" Hankyung asks softly when he pulls away a little.
"No," Heechul scoffs. "I just had something in my eyes."
"Oh okay."
He knows by their kisses that he's finally returned to the right universe.
Fandom: Super Junior
Rating: PG
Pairing: Hanchul
Summary: The first time Heechul has a fight with Hankyung is also the first time he shifts between alternate realities.
The first time Heechul has a fight with Hankyung is also the first time he shifts between alternate realities.
It wasn't one of their usual lighthearted tiffs that carried little malice or meaning behind the seemingly harsh words. This was a real argument where Heechul knows he tested Hankyung's patience to the limit. He knows it by the way Hankyung went silent and walked out of their room, slamming the door with a finality that caused Heechul to visibly flinch. He's actually forgotten what they were arguing about, there had been so many twists and turns in his desire to get the last word, but that didn't stop him from realizing that this is the first time he's ever seen Hankyung this angry, at him or otherwise. Heechul knows he's always too quick with his words, and even though that quality about him serves him well most of the time, he knows it can also hurt those around him, even when he doesn't mean to.
He remains sitting for a moment, his chest continuing to tighten at the growing realization of just how badly he'd handled the situation and how far he'd allowed his temper to get out of control. He feels helpless as to where to go from here, and he's always hated that feeling, so he does the first thing that comes to mind. He goes to see if Kangin is free for a drink.
He isn't, but that doesn't stop him from wanting to get some alcohol in him to dull the discomfort nonetheless. On the way out, he notices that Hankyung is nowhere to be seen and a part of him worries. Korea is not kind to people like Hankyung, that much he knows.
He doesn't notice the change, not at first. He goes straight for the neighborhood bar, just around the corner from their dorms, where he and Hankyung sometimes like to sneak to in the dark and anonymity of night for a quick drink or two, attempted whispers and boisterous, giddy laughter. When he enters the establishment, he stops because he sees Hankyung sitting there by the counter, a sweating beer in front of him. His initial impulse is to leave and find someplace else to drink. He doesn't know why he's feeling this way, maybe because talking to him now means he'll have to apologize, and that's probably the only time words escape him. He traces the outline of Hankyung's wiry frame with his eyes, grace in every line and contour, and sighs. He is weak, he will readily admit, closing the distance and plopping down on the available stool next to Hankyung. "I figured you'd be here."
Hankyung looks up at him and instead of a glare, look of disappointment or hurt, or anything, all Heechul gets is a confused stare. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" Hankyung asks with a polite yet distant smile.
"Yah, very funny, Hankyung," Heechul says. "I know you're mad, but pretending not to know me must be the oldest trick in the book and it's not going to work on me."
Hankyung's face remains unchanged and it reminds Heechul of when he first met him. "I'm sorry, sir, but I think you've mistaken me for someone else because my name's not Hankyung."
Heechul isn't buying it and he expresses it with a scoff. "Yes, yes, you'd really rather be called Han Geng, I know. But don't you realize how difficult that is for Koreans to say and I've tried, okay, practicing till my mouth goes dry-"
He manages that much before his words are cut off by a warm hand gripping his wrist. "Wait, how do you know my name?"
"What do you mean how do I know your name? Of course-" He realizes he's getting progressively louder and stops to compose himself. "Of course I know your name, Hankyung. I know you've been wanting to go into acting, but this isn't funny anymore."
"But I'm not trying to be funny," Hankyung says, his voice gone soft and Heechul can't help but strike out the possibility of a doppelganger because no one is as unwilling for confrontation as the real Hankyung. Yes, he knows how to silently bear the burdens that life has heaped upon him just fine, but he always chose his battles. He thinks that's one of the many reasons why they get along so well. The realization of that makes Heechul more determined to get to the bottom of this.
If Hankyung insists on keeping up the charade, he might as well just play along. So he takes out his mobile and opens up a browser window and proceeds to google himself. Let's see him try to deny the Internet, Heechul thinks with a smirk. Okay, well, he is still Kim Heechul, incorrigibly loudmouth member of Super Junior, biggest boyband in Asia comprising of twelve members. Wait, twelve? He double-checks the article, skimming until he gets to the part where it lists the names. Leeteuk, Donghae, Kangin...and sure enough, Hankyung's name is nowhere to be seen. No mention of the Chinese foreigner who won a spot in the band out of 3,000 other people. He frantically clicks on a couple more websites to corroborate this and realizes with a sickening feeling in his stomach that he's either gone stark raving mad and is currently frolicking in depths of his own mind or...well, what else could it be?
"What the hell," he says to no one in particular. He swallows and turns to Hankyung, who has shed the look of inquisitive confusion and is now staring at Heechul with wide-eye concern, and it makes Heechul wish more than ever that this is not happening.
"Hankyung, I mean, Han Geng." He knows he's butchering the name. Even on the best of days, his mouth refuses to cooperate. "Have you ever auditioned for SM Entertainment?" He figures he has to start somewhere.
"SM Entertainment?" Hankyung repeats. "No, what is it?"
Heechul launches into his next question before he can answer Hankyung. "What do you do for a living?"
Heechul figures Hankyung must've been so taken aback by the sudden line of interrogation that he answers his question without resistance. "I'm a Chinese teacher."
"A Chinese teacher," it was Heechul's turn to repeat after Hankyung. He isn't sure what else to say. He isn't even sure what the hell is going on. He stares at Hankyung, who is busy settling his bill with the bartender, silently willing him to remember. But remember what, a past that never happened at all, a past that Hankyung never experienced? All he remembers is one that didn't have Heechul in it, one without late nights and early mornings in bed. Heechul isn't sure if that is the kind of reality he wants to live in.
He's beginning to find it difficult to breathe in the increasingly shrinking space of the bar, so he mumbles a quick apology and excuses himself to step outside for some badly needed fresh air.
The street that he walks out onto isn't one in Seoul. Instead, he finds himself being pushed and jostled every which way by a wave of people on a street he does not recognize. He turns back, but the bar is no where to be seen, replaced instead by a gray office building. He somehow finds it within himself to walk the few steps to a small empty space by the side of the building. That's when he notices that the street signs and awnings are written not in Korean, but in Chinese. "Okay, seriously, what the hell is going on today?"
He watches the hustle and bustle of people walking by, trying to gather his wits enough to figure out what to do next. He can't keep standing there in the dirty corner that smelled faintly of urine, as much as he doesn't want to take another step in the event that the world upends on him again.
He's in a city in China, that much he can make out, or someplace where there are a lot of Chinese people, a lot. Strictly out of impulse, he stops the nearest person walking in front of him, but it quickly occurs to him that he never asked Hankyung how to say "Where am I?" in Chinese.
"Um," he says, getting nervous when he sees the middle aged man he'd pulled over shifting impatiently. He settles for English, hoping that the man will understand. "Where?" He makes a motion with his hand for emphasis.
The man looks at him strangely, but appears to understand because he replies with strongly accented English, "Near Four Ring Road."
That means he's in Beijing, Heechul concludes, having recognize the name of the highway from their last Super Show tour. His bow to the man is quick and cursory. "Thank you." That much he knows how to say in Chinese.
Despite the general perception of him as an eccentric guy, an image that he has carefully crafted for himself, Heechul is actually, or so he likes to believe, a fairly rational person. But the events of the last half hour has sorely tested his own confidence in his sanity. If his brain is playing an elaborate trick on him, it feels very, very real. If this truly is a dream, Beijing must mean something to him for his brain to be conjuring it and the only thing he can associate this city with is...Hankyung. He takes out his mobile and calls him, hoping that his brain will take pity on him and in this scenario, he and Hankyung actually knew each other.
"Hello?"
"Hankyung." Heechul can't help the tentativeness sneaking into his voice.
"Heechul?" Hankyung says and Heechul feels his legs almost going weak with relief that this Hankyung knew him.
"Hankyung, I don't know what's going on, but I'm in Beijing and I have no idea how I got here, especially since I was just at a bar in Seoul where I met you or someone who looks awfully a lot like you but you didn't know me and I don't care if you're not real either, but at least you know who I am. I don't even know if you're in Beijing right now, but if you are, pleasecomepickmeup."
Hankyung seems unfazed by Heechul's outburst. "Heechul! You're in Beijing? You should've told me you were coming. I would have gone to pick you up." He hears shuffling. "What terminal are you in?"
Heechul is willing to forgive Hankyung's inability to hear a word he just said because granted, what he said did seem just a bit out of ordinary. "I'm actually in the city right now, near the 4th Ring Road? But I'm don't know how to read the street names, so I can't tell you exactly where...."
"Don't worry, I'll find my way to you. Just stay right there," Hankyung replies and Heechul thinks he's never heard more comforting words.
He waits. And waits. By the time Hankyung arrives in his car, Heechul's bewilderment is replaced by impatience and the first thing he says to Hankyung when he climbs out is, "Took you long enough."
"I'm sorry, I was tied up in traffic," Hankyung replies apologetically and this is the Hankyung, the one always willing to let Heechul have his way that he remembers, and it makes Heechul miss him with a fierceness so sharp that without another thought, he wraps his arms around him and snuggles into his shoulder and breathes him in.
"Heechul." He feels arms coming up to return his embrace and it's warm and sure and like home, especially after the day Heechul's just had and he forgets that he still hasn't found an explanation as to how he got to Beijing from a bar in Seoul.
"You smell different," Heechul notes and he pulls away just a little. "And you look different."
Hankyung looks...older, is the best way to describe it, Heechul decides. His eyes travels over Hankyung's face and traces the lines by his eyes that he's never seen before and his hair is longer.
"It's good to see you too, Heechul," Hankyung replies with an affectionate smile and they take in each other for a while. "You look different too."
"I do?" Heechul asks, surprised. What exactly does he mean by that? "Let me see." He lets go of Hankyung to check his reflection in the black tint of Hankyung's car window.
"What the hell?" Heechul exclaims, touching his face. Miraculously it seems, his hair has been cut short to a length he would never voluntarily agree to and age has filled out his face just a little bit, just enough for Heechul to realize that something is very, very wrong.
"Hankyung, what year is this?" He asks slowly and deliberately.
Hankyung just looks at him strangely and doesn't reply. "Hankyung, please just answer the question," Heechul says frantically.
"2015."
"2015," Heechul repeats slowly, struggling to let it sink in. "I'm just...what?!"
"Heechul, is everything okay?" Hankyung asks, reaching for him.
"I don't know, Hankyung, I don't know." Heechul is fighting to keep down the rising burst of hysteria, but it isn't working. "How did so much time pass without me knowing? Why do I look like this? Why is my hair so short? Can I just wake up now?"
"Alright, alright, let's just head over to my place, and we'll try figuring everything out, okay?" Hankyung soothes, herding Heechul into the car before getting in himself and starting the car.
Heechul turns to Hankyung once they start moving. "Hankyung, I know this is going to sound really strange, but you have to tell me everything's that's happened to me in the last six years. What happens to Super Junior?"
Hankyung doesn't answer at first, as if trying to decide where to begin. "We had our last concert right before you and Leeteuk began your military service and after that, we officially disbanded, but you had a radio DJ position and a variety talk show lined up once you get out, which was six months ago and your hair's finally grown out." Heechul watches Hankyung chew the bottom of his lip. "That's pretty much it in a nutshell."
Heechul touches his cropped hair. "Was I complaining about it much?"
"I don't know, we haven't spoken since you went in," Hankyung replies, his voice sounding even softer than usual and Heechul looks at him, wide eyed in surprise.
"What? But that means this is the first time we've seen each other in...," he trails off.
"In three years," Hankyung finishes.
"But why would we...you know what, never mind," Heechul gives up trying to question and rationalize what's happening to him and tries to roll with it. If this world is to fade away like the last one, it's best not to worry himself into a headache over it. He pauses and gives his changed appearance a second glance in the rearview mirror. "Hmm, I don't look so bad at thirty-two." Another pause. "Oh my god, I'm thirty-two!" He tries not to dwell on that too much and turns back to Hankyung. "What about you?"
Hankyung spares a quick glance at Heechul before asking, "Do you really not remember the last six years?"
"I don't know, Hankyung," Heechul rubs his eyes tiredly, suddenly feeling exhausted to the bone. "I know I sound completely off my rocker, but I swear I was just at a bar in Seoul and suddenly I find myself in the middle of Beijing and it's six years later." He wonders if he should tell Hankyung about what had happened before that, but decides against it. He doesn't want him to think he's being weirder than he already is, if that's even possible. He feels the car come to a stop and glances back up, but Hankyung doesn't make to get out. Instead, he turns to Heechul and his eyes bore into his. "Heechul, there's something I have to tell you. You should already know though, since it was in the news everywhere and Siwon told me he told you. But you say you don't remember." The words pour out of him and just as quickly, they are dammed up by Hankyung's hesitance, and Heechul knows right away that it's something he doesn't want to hear.
And yet, Heechul finds his mouth moving on its own accord. "Hankyung, what is it?"
It doesn't escape Heechul that Hankyung does not look at him when he answers. "I'm married."
The interior of Hankyung's spacious apartment is nice, and so is his wife.
Her grip is firm and warm when Heechul takes her extended hand. "It's so good to finally meet you, Xi Che sshi," she greets in halting, mangled Korean and behind her, Hankyung is trying to hide his laughter behind his hand. With a sheepish grin, she mimes drinking and looks inquisitively at Heechul. He shakes his head and mirrors her smile, instantly takes a liking to her, in spite of himself.
Heechul tries to remind himself that what he's experiencing, this reality or whatever, might not necessarily be real, that this is all just a figment of his imagination. But still, seeing Hankyung tangling his fingers with his wife's before she pads out of the living room, it's leaving cracks in the emotional wall Heechul had tried to steel himself with in the short time it took for them to get from the car to the apartment.
"She insisted on trying to speak to you herself without using me as a translator if you ever came to visit," explains Hankyung.
"She's actually better than you. At least she got the grammar right," Heechul says as airily as he can and walks about the room. Now would be a great time to wake up, he can't help but think when he sees the happily married life that Hankyung has created for himself. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Heechul wonders if it's better to live in a world where Hankyung never knew him or one where Hankyung has a wife, but they were still friends. Just friends. The more fitting question, Heechul thinks bitterly, is which one is worse. "So, you're married," he whispers and the words get caught in his throat.
"I am," Hankyung's voice is right behind him and he turns around to look at him and they stare at each other. And he must be asking why because Hankyung looks away first.
"Is this the reason we never spoke in the two years that I was in the military?" Heechul finally breaks the heavy silence that hangs between them.
"No," Hankyung denies quickly but he struggles to continue. "I don't know, we stayed in touch for a while with letters and the occasional phone calls, but eventually, I don't know, we just drifted apart."
"No, that's not possible," Heechul says fiercely. "I wouldn't just let us drift apart like this. That's not the kind of person I am and neither are you, not when it comes to us, unless-unless something major happened that neither one of us could repair. It did, didn't it?"
Hankyung studies Heechul. "You really don't remember?"
"I don't know, I feel like I'm in a nightmare I can't wake up from," admits Heechul. "And that maybe my real body's actually back in our bed at the dorms and maybe you're trying to wake me up right now. But I've never had a dream that feels this real." He looks helplessly at Hankyung. "You must think I'm crazy."
Hankyung remains silent as he considers Heechul. "What else do you think it could be? If it isn't a dream?"
Heechul barks out an incredulous laugh. "Are you actually indulging me in this?"
"Well, I know that I'm perfectly real and that I can do this," Hankyung says before reaching over to pinch Heechul's arm, hard. Heechul yelps in pain and swipes his hand away. "See? Not a dream."
Heechul glares at a grinning Hankyung while he rubs the sore spot. "If you didn't have a wife who might notice you missing, you'd be so dead right now, Hankyung," Heechul sobers. "But what else could explain what's been happening to me?"
"You make it sound like it's happened to you before."
"Oh yeah, I guess I forgot to tell you what happened before I got here." And there's a sense of relief and burden lifted as Heechul tells Hankyung what had happened at the bar.
Hankyung contemplates this. "So you've been meeting different me's and each time, I'm not the same as the Hankyung that you know. Okay, you're probably going to think I'm nuts, and I'm just throwing this out there, but maybe you're traveling through different alternate realities."
"Alternate realities," Heechul repeats dumbly.
"I'm not sure how to describe it, but some people believe that there are other realities where each of us exist, but we're different in some way because of the different choices we made," Hankyung tries to explain. "Like the one where you met me, but I didn't know you because I never auditioned for SM and never made it into Super Junior."
"And how do you know so much about this?"
"Um, I may have acted in a movie with a similar premise," Hankyung admits sheepishly. "But I never expected it to actually be true in real life."
Heechul snorts. "You're preaching to the choir. But why me?"
"The universe works in mysterious ways?"
"Is that a line from the movie as well?"
"Maybe."
"...You're an idiot, Hankyung. And it sounds like a terrible movie." The silly grins on their faces match.
"So say what you're suggesting is true. What happened in this reality that we drifted apart so badly, Hankyung? You still haven't answered my question." He sees Hankyung's face fall quickly. "Well, can you at least answer me this...did you, did we care about each other?"
Hankyung's eyes are soft as they search Heechul's. "Yes, very much."
"Then what happened? Why did you leave me behind? Did you even bother to make us work before you went off to get married?"
"We did try to make it work," says Hankyung, "But you said that you didn't want to jeopardize your career and both of us were so afraid of the consequences."
"I really said that?" But the truth is, he can see himself - his counterpart in this universe - telling Hankyung that his career was more important because there are nights, lying in the still darkness, wrapped in Hankyung and the sheets, when he thinks about his future beyond Super Junior and it scares the hell out of him. But he always saw Hankyung in whatever future he imagined. It was not like this, never like this, where Hankyung is so far out his reach.
He knows what he's doing is inappropriate, when Hankyung's wife is just in the next room, but his hands reach to hold Hankyung's face in them, to make sure he sees him, understands him. Hankyung doesn't pull away nor does he stop him. There is a hitch in Heechul's voice when he speaks. "You have to know that if I have to make that choice again, it will be different. I would choose you. I would choose us."
Hankyung slides his hands up to grip Heechul's wrists. "Then I hope when you return to whatever universe you came from, you - we - will make the right choices this time." And Hankyung smiles and it speaks so much of regrets and time lost that Heechul can actually feel his heart ache. Heechul feels, and never more so than when he sees his friends hurt, and no one's affected him more than Hankyung, with his perpetually sad eyes and earnest gaze. And seeing him now, knowing that he was the cause of Hankyung's heartbreak, he wants so much to go back to his own reality and mend things with his Hankyung.
"I will, Hankyung, I will," Heechul says earnestly. "I promise." He pauses, unsure what to do next. "But how do I get back?"
"Maybe you have to walk through a threshold again like last time at the bar," Hankyung suggests.
"I guess I can give it a shot," Heechul says uncertainly.
Hankyung follows Heechul to the front door. "It was good to see you again, Heechul."
"Give my counterpart a call, Hankyung," Heechul says, turning to him. "And go kick his ass if he doesn't come to see you and your wife. You have my permission."
"Why do I feel like that will end badly for me regardless whether I get your permission or not?" Hankyung replies with a knowing smile. He looks wistfully at Heechul before giving him a small nudge. "You should go."
"This is going to look incredibly stupid if it doesn't work," Heechul can't help but comment, eyeing the threshold suspiciously.
"Have a little faith." Behind him, Hankyung whispers into his ear before giving his hand a squeeze and pushing him through. In us is implicit.
Heechul will never get used to this travelling between realities, that much he is able to determine when he finds himself, not in the hallway of Hankyung's apartment building, but back in their room at the dorm. He isn't able to tell if he's truly back in his own universe or is this just another reality where he will find a Hankyung who can hurt him more deeply and in more ways than he thought possible. He hears the door of the bedroom creak open and turns to see Hankyung coming in. Heechul sees the wariness in Hankyung as he wavers by the door.
"Listen, Heechul, I'm-" Hankyung starts.
"You know who I am? And you're not married?" Heechul blurts out, staring at him, willing it to be true.
There is a brief moment of stunned silence before Hankyung answers with a laugh. "Yes, I know who you are and no, I'm not married, Heechul. Have you been drinking?"
Heechul is almost giddy with relief and the words spill out of him and he doesn't care if he's not making sense. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have fought with you this morning. And I know I'm not a nice Chinese girl that you can settle down and be happy with, but I can make you happy. And I know I can be an asshole sometimes and I yell at you and use you as a punching bag and I take you for granted, but I also care about you, and I worry when you're not with me, and I love you and I'm sorry-"
But he can't say anymore because the rest of his words are swallowed up by Hankyung's mouth on his. Heechul nearly whimpers as he presses himself into Hankyung and clings desperately to him, as if this, his, Hankyung will also disappear.
"Were you crying?" Hankyung asks softly when he pulls away a little.
"No," Heechul scoffs. "I just had something in my eyes."
"Oh okay."
He knows by their kisses that he's finally returned to the right universe.