Hit the Ground Running (2/2)

May 24, 2012 15:57


Part 1

They stopped for gas and to stock up on (junk) food after regrettably driving on from the beach.

The neon sign of the 24-hour supermarket buzzed pleasantly into the warm, quiet night. Lu Han loved staying up for summer nights like this, when he used to sneak out with Sehun for midnight snacks and later, when he was in China, heading out with Yixing and Wu Fan to wind down from another day of marathon studying. The cover of the night felt like a cozy blanket that Lu Han can curl himself under.

"My dad gave me his credit card, so feel free to go nuts," Sehun said, spreading out his arms to encompass the entire store. "The world is but our oyster."

"Ugh, the accountant in me is weeping at your lack of financial responsibility," Lu Han said, shaking his head. Not one yet, the back of his mind helpfully provided. He tried to make it shut up.

Once they felt they'd loaded up enough food to last them until the next rest stop, they headed towards the checkout line.

"Hello, you boys are out late, huh?" The ahjumma ringing up their purchases said.

"Yes, we're on a road trip," Sehun said cheerfully. He proudly added, "By ourselves!"

Lu Han poked Sehun in the ribs with his elbow. "You shouldn't announce these things to the whole world. What if the person behind us is a serial killer?"

"But...hyung, there's no one behind us."

The ahjumma eyed Lu Han. "You're not Korean, are you?"

Lu Han got enough of this question not to let it faze him. "No, ahjumma, I'm not. I'm Chinese."

The ahjumma nodded. "Your Korean is really good, for a Chinese person."

The thing about comments like these was that it always hit Lu Han from left field, out of nowhere from the people he least expects, so he can never prepare for it, shield himself from it, or at least come up with a witty comeback. He could only stand there, dumbfounded, wanting to crawl out of his own skin.

"Ahjumma, you shouldn't say things like that," Sehun chided.

"No, it's okay," Lu Han said, seeing the shocked look on the ahjumma's face from being reprimanded by an impertinent teenager for something that she must've thought would be a compliment. It didn't matter that Lu Han has lived here for a good portion of his life. He would always be made to feel different, that this was not his real home and never will be. Lu Han knew how it worked. He'd been through enough of it, but he still had to play by their rules. "Thank you, ahjumma." He bowed, lifting the plastic bag of their purchases from the counter and heading towards the exit without a backward glance.

He could hear Sehun catching up and falling in step beside him.

"I'm sorry," Sehun said quietly.

"Why are you apologizing?" Those words came out of Lu Han more terse than he himself expected. And he quickly regretted it, seeing the look on Sehun's face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let's just get back to the RV."

Lu Han let Sehun take over driving duty until they can park somewhere for the night. He let Sehun know he was feeling better by shooting a rubber band at him, which Sehun deflected with an arm and a laugh.

"What was it like going back home to China?" Sehun asked, broaching the subject. He said the word home like he wasn't sure if that was the right one to use.

Lu Han took the time to think about it. "I hated that my Korean was better than my Chinese. It was really embarrassing when I first arrived in Beijing. Everyone thought I was trying to be Korean, that I was ashamed and rejecting who I really was. It hurt, because all this time, I thought going back to China would be like going home where I would feel like I belonged. But I didn't. And it hurt worse than being rejected by people here because these people were supposed to be my family, you know what I mean?"

Sehun nodded slowly, as if he was trying to understand.

---

They hit up more beaches and Lu Han spent more time than was advisable with his head sticking out the window when he's not the one driving, feeling the wind whip through his hair. When he drew his head back in, his ears ringing and his face feeling like it was drained of all moisture, Sehun would point to his hair and laugh.

"It looks like a potted plant," Sehun astutely observed.

They attempted to build their own fire.

"Okay, google it again. I don't think this website is giving us the right instructions," Lu Han insisted when his hands started to blister from rolling the twig between them for the last half hour, trying to spark a flame. In the end, he had to admit defeat and threw down the stick into the pile of dry leaves and bark in frustration.

"Someday," he vowed.

On some nights, when the summer heat became too unbearable and stifling inside the RV, they would drag the air mattress outside and inflate it on the grass or the sand and sleep out in the open air, stars shining bright like jewels above them. Sehun would tell Lu Han about what he had missed in the last four years, about the speech therapist that his parents hired to get rid of his lisp, although it never quite went away but that's okay because it endeared himself to girls, and about Jongin, the best friend he made in high school who usurped Lu Han's previously held position and will be going to the same university in the fall, and about his ex-girlfriend, who grew up in America, so she liked people to call her by her English name, Krystal, instead.

"I missed a lot," Lu Han said.

Sehun looked at him. "Yeah, you did."

Something about the tone of Sehun's voice rubbed Lu Han the wrong way. "In my defense, I had to go live my own life, too," he said.

"But you could've kept in touch," Sehun said, sitting up on the mattress. "You didn't even say goodbye when you left and I only found out about it from your mom when I came over to hang out. Imagine how that felt."

"You knew I was going away to college," Lu Han said, sitting upright as well and staring at the tense line of Sehun's turned back. "And it wasn't like I could've called you at the crack of dawn just to say goodbye. You were never a morning person and I don't think your parents would've appreciated it."

"This is all just a joke to you, isn't it?" Sehun snapped, turning to glare at him. "Sometimes you can be so selfish."

Lu Han jerked back, stunned. They'd never spoken to each other like this before, Lu Han having always let Sehun have his way because he was the older one and any arguments they had quickly forgotten by Sehun's short attention span as a kid.

"Sehun-ah," Lu Han said softly, reaching for him. Sehun stood up to avoid his touch.

"I'm going back in to sleep," Sehun said, turning and walking away.

---

Sehun still gets nightmares. Lu Han found this out the next night after a day of silent treatment from Sehun, which Lu Han found both bewildering and troubling. He didn't try to initiate conversation or try to defend himself, hoping that time would fix matters.

He was awoken by soft whimpers coming from the bed, having volunteered to sleep below on the air mattress, hoping that it would be like a peace offering between them. Sehun had just crawled into bed without a word and turned away from Lu Han.

Lu Han climbed onto the bed, his eyes adjusting to the darkness to find Sehun still asleep, but his face was contorted in fear.

"Shhh, Sehun, it's alright, it's me," Lu Han whispered, dodging Sehun's flailing limbs and wrapping his body around Sehun's.

Curling his body around Sehun felt different now than when they were kids. Sehun used to be so much smaller than Lu Han that he was able to shield Sehun completely from those nightmares when he had them during their sleepovers, calming him with words murmured into his ear. Sehun was a lot bigger now, all hard lines and taut strength under lean muscles. And Christ, Lu Han could feel his body responding to it. Fuck fuck fuck. He never hated being gay more than he did right now.

Hoping that it would help, he thought back to when he used to do this when Sehun was younger and he would sing him Korean lullabies to get him back to sleep. He didn't know any Chinese ones. His mother had not exactly been the sing lullabies to her child type. He didn't realize he'd been singing until he felt Sehun's hand wrap around his wrist, as if it helped ground him back to reality.

"Why'd you stop singing?" Sehun asked, his voice muffled from sleep and his eyes half-lidded as he stared up at Lu Han.

"You're getting too old for this," Lu Han said gently.

Sehun turned his face away. "I'm always either too young or too old. When will I ever be the right age for you?"

Lu Han wasn't sure how to answer that. So, instead he said, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, stay," Sehun said petulantly, tightening his grip of Lu Han's wrist.

"So, does this mean I'm forgiven?" Lu Han asked.

"No comment," Sehun said.

Lu Han could've sworn he saw a smile in the darkness.

---

"A road trip wouldn't be complete without alcohol," Lu Han said when he saw the neon sign of a bar flashing on their way through the next town. He was going to be a bad influence for once, wanting to take the edge off the last couple of days. He and Sehun seemed to have come to a tentative truce, Sehun slowly warming to him again, but still, a drink would be nice.

The bar was crowded that evening, but Lu Han and Sehun were able to find a seat on the counter and order themselves some beer. Lu Han was the one who got carded.

"Whyyyyy?" Lu Han lamented after the bartender had looked over his ID and walked away to take care of their order.

Sehun smirked. Lu Han brightened up. "But at least he didn't check your ID."

Lu Han knew for a fact that Sehun must've drank before. He remembered being fourteen and taking his first swig of beer offered to him by a classmate at a party, choking on the bitterness and the way it burned his throat on the way down. It felt really good afterwards though, his insides warm and fuzzy and the constant storm of anxiety in him dulled by the alcohol.

"Here's to making it this far and not dying," he said, clinking his bottle with Sehun's and downing half of it under Sehun's awed watch.

"Oh my god, hyung," Sehun said.

"Free Tibet!" Lu Han said out of the blue, already feeling the buzz. He really did mean that though. Tibet needs to be freed from the evil clutches of the Chinese government. He could see Sehun shake his head and take a drink from his beer. He must really be on his way to inebriation because Sehun's lips should not be this fascinating, red, almost obscene pressed against the mouth of the bottle. He truly, truly hated being gay. It tainted everything, even childhood friendships with someone who was half his height when he was fifteen and Sehun was, Jesus Christ, eleven.

He saw Sehun make eye contact with a girl across the room and then shyly look away. He grinned.

"She's pretty. Why don't you go talk to her?" Lu Han said, nodding in her direction. "She's making eyes at you."

Sehun turned to look at him, eyes seeming strangely intense, as if looking right into him. "Do you want me to?"

That was a strange question. Sehun has been asking a lot of strange questions lately. "Of course. Why shouldn't you? You're pretty, she's pretty. I might not be an accountant yet, but even I can do the math on this one."

Sehun was quiet as he kept looking at Lu Han. Lu Han started to get a little nervous. "Come with me," Sehun finally said. "She has a friend."

Lu Han shook his head. "Why not?" Sehun asked.

"Because I only date Chinese girls and they're kind of in short supply around here," Lu Han said, congratulating himself on coming up with that quickly.

Sehun stuck his tongue out to lick his lips, as he always did when he was thinking. Lu Han gritted his teeth. "Okay," Sehun said, slipping off the stool and standing. "Okay. Wish me luck, hyung."

"Good luck," Lu Han whispered to Sehun's departing back. He felt awful and he wasn't sure why. He gulped down the rest of his beer to try to make the feeling go away.

He was sitting there, determinedly trying not to look in the direction of where Sehun was flirting with the girl, when he heard snatches of words that made his blood run cold, words like Chinaman over there and You think so? and When have you ever seen Korean men look so girly?

He swallowed the burning bile rising in his throat and turned his head towards the direction where this conversation was taking place. Two men were standing against the wall closest to him, straightening when they caught him looking at them. Propelled by alcohol and the familiar rage stirring deep inside him, he stood up and made his way over to them, his fists clenched so tight, he was surprised his nails were not drawing blood. He could see the two men take defensive stances as he neared enough to stand in front of them.

"Something I can help you with, Chinaman?" The man who made the comment said coolly.

"If you have something to say, say it to my face," Lu Han said, surprising himself with how steady his voice came out. "Unless Korean men don't have the balls to do that."

That raised the man's hackles. "Fucking Chinaman," the man spat out. "You're probably a fucking faggot too, aren't you? Chinese flower boys like you probably like to take it up the ass like a girl."

Lu Han took a swing and his fist made solid contact with the man's jaw and it must've caught him by surprise because that, Lu Han was loathed to admit, was the only reason why he was still standing.

The next thing he knew, he was tackled to the floor, the wind knocked completely out of him. He thought he might've even blacked out for a moment. He barely had time to gulp for air before a fist hit the side of his head with the force of what seemed like a brick to the face. The man was now on top of him, suffocating him, and the fists never stopped coming. He tried to hold out his arms to try to block them, but they never stopped coming, punches to his face and ribs that made Lu Han wondered if the next one would be the last because it would be the one that kills him.

This was it. He was going to die in some fucking backwater hick town in fucking Korea, killed by some fucking racist Korean and Sehun's going to have to take his body back to his parents. He hoped his parents would remember to bury him in China, make his death seem a little less meaningless and tragic.

Then suddenly, he felt fresh air rushing back into the empty space that the man vacated, feeling weightless now that the man was off him.

He heard the sound of glass shattering and the thud of something heavy falling, the vibrations against the hardwood floor making his aching bones shake. Arms suddenly wound around him. His first instinct was to resist, worried that it was the man coming back to finish him off, but he heard Sehun murmuring: "It's okay, it's okay, hyung. It's me, it's me."

The relief that flooded through him almost made him sob. He let Sehun pull him back to his feet and he wound his arm around Sehun's neck for support, leaning against him as Sehun guided them out of the bar because the blood rushing to his head was making everything a blur.

It seemed like forever before they made their way back into the RV. Lu Han was surprised that no one has stopped them to either complete the task of beating the impetuous foreigner to death or demand that they compensate for the property they no doubt damaged.

He finally felt the soft fabric of the bedsheets under him and he sank into the mattress, curling into himself, hoping that would alleviate some of the pain. He felt the warm press of Sehun's hand in the space between his shoulderblades and suddenly, inexplicably, the rage that got him into this mess in the first place came back in full force. He shrugged off Sehun's hand and surged up. He was ready to tear the world to shreds.

"I hate this fucking country. I hate being here. I hate that I can't move on with my life because I live in this fucking country. I'm sick of being in a place that hates me just because all of you are xenophobic, racist pricks," Lu Han spat out, and because he was on a roll, before he could stop himself, he said, "I hate being gay."

His stomach lurched violently and he barely had time to shove Sehun out of the way before making it outside to throw up everything he ate that day on the side of the road. He gagged when there was nothing left to come up, but his stomach seemed determined to want to exit his body as well, along with the rest of his organs. He couldn't stop shaking and it was so cold.

In his periphery, he could just barely make out Sehun coming out of the RV. Sehun took a step forward, cautious, skittish like a scared animal, but his face. His face was the worst. It was sympathetic, compassionate.

"Please don't come any closer." Lu Han's voice came out small, defeated. He'd been through enough humiliation for one day. "I'm okay. Just go back inside. I just need a moment."

Sehun stared at him with those half-lidded, indecipherable eyes before he turned around to climb back up the steps of the RV. Lu Han waited until the door was closed behind Sehun before facing away from the RV so that Sehun wouldn't see the tears sliding down hot against his face. He pressed the back of his hand to his mouth to try to stifle the sobs that threatened to escape. It seemed impossible to be in this much pain. His whole body felt like it had been run over by the RV several times from getting the shit beaten out of it, his left eye was throbbing hot, spots flashing with each pulse, but the worst pain was the crushing pressure in his chest threatening to suffocate him. He wanted to curl into himself and disappear.

What happened at the bar had been the culmination of Lu Han's worst fears, that his sexuality was as obvious as the shade of his skin, and being surrounded by people who condemned him for both. He felt like a trapped animal, wounded and ready to destroy everything in his path to escape, even himself.

After a while, he wasn't sure how long, but long enough for the initial wave of panic to subside a bit, Lu Han straightened. He still felt like shit, but he felt he could at least face Sehun again. It was having to face everything else that worried Lu Han.

He walked slowly back to the RV, dreading the moment when he has to look Sehun in the face and endure his judgment. He was careful to avoid Sehun's gaze when he entered the RV. The first thing he had to do before anything else was rinse his mouth out, moving silently past Sehun on the bed to pour himself a glass of water. After he'd spat the water into the sink, he finally turned around, but he still didn't have the courage to meet Sehun's eyes.

"Christ, I can't believe I just came out to you," Lu Han said, huffing out a small humorless laugh. He wasn't sure what else to say.

It was quiet. The muffled sounds outside their RV, the whizzing of cars driving past, crickets buzzing, suddenly seemed too loud. Finally, "Hyung-"

"I hope this doesn't have to change anything between us," Lu Han said quickly. "But if me being...gay," Lu Han hated that it was still so difficult for him to say it out loud, "if it's making you uncomfortable, you can drop me off at the bus depot and I'll find a bus back to Seoul." He finally felt he could look up at Sehun, but now it was Sehun who wasn't looking at him.

"Hyung," Sehun said quietly, staring down at his lap. "It's okay."

Lu Han let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding.

---

He was careful not to make any physical contact with Sehun after that. He didn't want to have to see Sehun flinch away in disgust because seeing that would be worse than any pain he'd experienced so far.

"We should probably start heading back," Sehun said, eyes not meeting Lu Han's.

Lu Han nursed his wounds and agreed.

---

After consulting the map, they decided to take a different route going back, heading inland instead this time. Lu Han's black eye started to fade a bit, turning red and he had to keep putting ice on it to keep the swelling down. He still hadn't apologize to Sehun about what he said that night, words that would've made his blood boil if it had been directed at him, but he was afraid that any apology would come out insincere. And he had to admit, it felt good saying it, years of slights, snide remarks, and tightly contained rage unleashed, even if it was to the wrong person.

But something had changed between them. It was a change that felt tangible, a barrier between them that Lu Han knew would be there forever. Nothing would be the same after that night, but maybe Lu Han had it coming, too many things left unspoken on his part and too many things that he had taken for granted. This was his punishment and his penance. Lu Han silently mourned the loss of what they had, not realizing how important it was to him until it was gone.

He tried his best to make a poor imitation of it.

"I am determined to start this fire," Lu Han said one evening, the damned twig and a flat piece of cedar in his hands.

An hour later, they wound up having to use a match.

Sehun poked the fire with a long, slender branch, a small flame sitting atop a bed of dried leaves and thick strips of bark that they'd found lying around on the ground. "I feel like gathering around this fire calls for story time. I'd like to tell you a story-"

"Oh no, not a story," Lu Han said.

"No, listen, it's a good one," Sehun insisted. He paused for dramatic effect. "There once was a boy who had a lisp and was used to be made fun of in school because of it. People thought he was a little slow, and after a while, the boy started believing it to be true. That might've been the end of the story for our tragic hero, but then this other boy came along, and told him that there was nothing wrong with his lisp. And because this boy was also four years older, he was also a lot bigger than the bullies that have been tormenting our tragic hero. They were ants under his feet. The boy said his words differently too, but tragic hero thought there was nothing wrong with that either. Our tragic hero worshipped this boy and thought how incredibly lucky he was that the boy allows him to tag along wherever he goes. Of course, later, tragic hero finds out that it's because the boy has been tasked with babysitting him. But still, those were some of the best years of tragic hero's life. He really wants this boy to know that their childhood together is what shaped tragic hero into the person he is today. But then, they grow up, and the boy went off to college in another country and he didn't even say good bye to tragic hero before he left. Tragic hero is ashamed to admit that he did cry over this, like shed actual tears, because he was that upset over it. But tragic hero also wants this boy to know that he never stopped missing him. And he never stopped thinking about him."

Lu Han had sat through this, listening as if from far away, detached from his body. He felt light-headed and the heat from the crackling fire was getting unbearable. He stood up unsteadily, his legs feeling like they were about to collapse under him. He needed air, he needed to breathe.

"I-I need a moment," he could hear himself saying as he stumbled blindly into the dark, without looking back.

He didn't know where he was going and it was only blindly bumping into the trunk of a tree that stopped him from wandering too far from the campsite. He slid down onto the ground, legs finally giving out from under him, twigs poking into his calves and the dust and dirt rough against his skin.

Sehun really shouldn't say these things. Ridiculously, that was all Lu Han could think about. He really shouldn't say these things. Because those words may mean one thing to Sehun, but another thing entirely for Lu Han. Because there was no turning back. He was so in love with Sehun that it was probably going to kill him someday. The realization terrified him and it made him feel raw, like a gaping, vulnerable wound, because he knew Sehun would never feel the same way for him.

He got up slowly to his feet, the ground knocked out from under him for the second time in as many days. But this time, it was much easier to face Sehun.

When he returned to the campsite, he found Sehun restless on his feet, hands in his jean pockets. Lu Han could tell he was nervous, but about what, he didn't know. If anyone should be nervous, it was Lu Han, he was inclined to think. He cleared his throat. Sehun's head snapped up and his face seemed to simultaneously relax and tighten with anxiety as he looked at Lu Han.

Lu Han walked up to Sehun, determined. "I have a story to tell too," he said. "This boy was not in a good place when he left. He was angry with his life and he was itching to get out of the place where he thought he didn't belong, where he thought no one wanted him. He didn't realize that there was someone who did care. He wants to tell tragic hero that he didn't mean to hurt him. That he didn't realize he even had the ability to do that. Okay, I don't know why I'm still referring to myself in the third person, but I'm sorry, I'm so sor-"

Sehun chose this moment to lean in and press his lips against Lu Han's. And Lu Han-

Lu Han gasped and shoved Sehun away. He stared at Sehun in disbelief, his mouth gaping like a startled fish, an unattractive startled fish. "Why didn't you tell me that you were gay, too?" He finally managed to get out once he found his voice.

"Because that would mean that I'd also have to tell you how I knew," Sehun said.

"How you knew?" Lu Han repeated, confused. Then it dawned on him. "You knew because of me."

Sehun nodded. "When you told me you were gay, I wanted to tell you so badly, but I didn't know if you'd feel the same way. I was just a kid from your past that you wanted to leave behind."

Lu Han felt like his entire world had just shifted on its axis, and the change was so disorienting that he had to hold on to Sehun to keep himself upright. He leaned in to kiss Sehun again, wanting to really taste Sehun's lips this time and wanting to make sure that this was real, that this really happened, was happening.

Lu Han didn't remember how they got back into the RV, but the next thing he knew, he was lying on the bed with Sehun leaning over him. He could see Sehun's eyes glistening in the dim light of the wall lamp above them and the intensity in them made him shiver at the thought of what was to come.

Lu Han laughed breathlessly, trying to calm his pounding heart. "I used to babysit you," he said nonsensically.

"We can role play later," Sehun said, proceeding to kiss the breath out of Lu Han.

"Your parents are going to kill me," Lu Han said once he was able to come up for much needed air.

"Please don't talk about my parents while I'm trying to have sex with you," Sehun said, stripping Lu Han of his clothes.

The rest of the trip became about how much sex they could have before Lu Han grunted out his last orgasm, feeling more pain than pleasure, and had to push Sehun away after they'd both came, breath ragged and Lu Han's sweat-soaked, shaking body a bundle of oversensitive nerves.

Lu Han's bruises from the bar started to fade, to be replaced by ones made by Sehun this time, sucked and bitten into his skin.

Once, they slipped off the bed. Lu Han laid there on the floor, the linoleum cold and hard against his back, and Sehun was only able to move in tiny, quick thrusts because they were both trapped in the tangled sheets and couldn't be bothered to stop.

Sehun licked his own come from between Lu Han's ass cheeks, his tongue the instrument of both Lu Han's pleasure and torment, while Lu Han writhed and sobbed into the pillow, until finally finally Sehun took mercy and slid into Lu Han again, entrance eased by Sehun's saliva and leftover come and lube. Incredibly, they'd managed to find lube in a tiny convenience store at the next town they passed. They didn't even bother with condoms, young lust making them reckless and invincible.

Sehun sucked Lu Han off more than once and Lu Han could do nothing but grip a fistful of Sehun's silky hair and thrust mindlessly into the heat of his mouth, but Sehun didn't seem to mind, his moans vibrating through Lu Han until Lu Han's crying out his release. They did this enough times that Sehun learned how to swallow Lu Han's cock without gagging, letting it hit the back of his throat. Lu Han tried to stifle his screams from the overwhelming sensation, but Sehun was always able to pull choked noises from him anyway. Then, once the fog of his orgasm started to dissipate, Lu Han would wrap his hand around Sehun's cock and try to return the favor. He was fascinated with the way Sehun came apart because of him, gasping, shuddering, and staring wonderingly at Lu Han, as if he still couldn't believe this was happening. Lu Han felt the same way.

"You've done this before." Lu Han didn't even bother to pose this as a question to Sehun as they laid under the covers, bodies inextricable from each other that Lu Han wasn't sure where he ended and Sehun began anymore.

Sehun was silent before he answered. "Not like this, but yes," he said. He didn't volunteer any more information.

Lu Han stared at him until Sehun let out an exasperated sigh. "It was with my ex-girlfriend, because I thought that having a girlfriend would make me...not gay."

Lu Han laughed softly, his fingers drawing patterns across Sehun's chest. "That's not how it works, Sehun."

"I know," Sehun said. "I was an idiot. She deserved a lot better and I had the biggest crush on her too. But I couldn't stop thinking about you and eventually, she started to notice. Sometimes I don't even know if I am gay or bisexual or whatever. The only guy I've been attracted to has been you. Maybe I'm just Lu Han-sexual." He flashed a shit eating grin.

Lu Han groaned loudly, truly pained. "That was awful." He sobered. "To be honest, I don't like putting labels on myself. Labels have always been the bane of my life and I don't see why I should let my sexuality define me just because I'm gay."

Sehun nodded in agreement and they laid in the dark, quietly basking in the warmth of each other's bodies. It was Sehun who broke the silence. "Is it too late to mention that I might possibly have been conceived in this RV?"

"Oh god, I thought we weren't going to talk about your parents." Lu Han burrowed his face in the crux of Sehun's neck, utterly horrified.

---

It was the trill of Lu Han's mobile ringtone that pulled him slowly from sleep. He groggily groped around for his phone, his muscles stretching and aching in a satisfying sore way that came from days of doing nothing but having sex.

"Hello?"

"Hello, am I speaking with Lu Han?" A male voice said in Chinese.

Lu Han quickly switched over. "Yes, this is he. May I ask who's speaking?"

"My name is Wang Xiwen, and I'm in the human resources department of Moming Industries. We received your CV and we're interested in setting up an interview with you."

Lu Han disentangled himself from Sehun's limbs and juggled the phone precariously while trying to put on his pants even though, logically, he knew Mr. Wang couldn't see him. But he was not going to conduct a conversation regarding a prospective job in the nude, not if he could help it.

"Yes, thank you so much for your interest in my CV," Lu Han said, hoping he didn't sound too caught off guard. He exited the RV and shut the door quietly behind him, the biting chill of the morning making him shiver. He didn't want to wake Sehun up.

"Of course," Mr. Wang said. "We were really impressed with your marks that you received in school and although your job experience in the accounting field is a bit limited, we're hoping to find someone green that we can train to work with our software. Would you still be interested in coming in for an interview?"

"Yes, yes, of course," Lu Han said, the danger of sounding overeager be damned. Somebody wanted him for a job dammit. "But uh, I'm actually in Korea right now," he continued. "I'm actually a naturalized Korean citizen, but I do have the paperwork for a job visa prepared and ready to be submitted."

"That's not a problem," Mr. Wang said. "We can arrange a phone or video interview, whichever is more convenient for you."

Lu Han set up the interview and he got off the phone, dazed. He actually had an interview lined up. People actually considered him good enough to be a functioning, contributing member of society. He was going to try his best not to disappoint them. He wanted to jump for joy, perform some cartwheels, but then the soreness of his muscles reminded him of-Sehun. Oh no.

When he turned to go back into the RV, wondering how he was going to break the news to Sehun, he found him already leaning against the entrance, staring at him. He'd thrown on his t-shirt and jeans. They looked at each other.

"I have an interview for a job in China," Lu Han finally said.

"I know." Sehun nodded.

"I might not get the job."

"You will. I have faith in you."

Lu Han reached for Sehun and Sehun came, as always. He was solid and steady against Lu Han, his lean body now a familiar terrain under Lu Han's hands. Lu Han felt safe in Sehun's arms. It was a new feeling, but it was also a feeling he could really easily find himself getting used to.

"If, if I get this job," Lu Han said, swallowing hard and tightening his arms around Sehun. "I'm going back to China." And it might be for good was something that lie unspoken between them.

"You know me, hyung," Sehun said, the vibrations of his voice echoing from his chest to Lu Han's. "I'll always be following where you're going, like when we were kids."

Lu Han exhaled, all the wind knocked out of him. "I'll come visit you at university whenever I can."

He could feel Sehun nod. "And when I'm done, I'll finally be old enough for you."

"That's true. I'll probably look less like a cradle robber when you're twenty one and I'll be...," Lu Han trailed off. "Oh my god, I'll be twenty-five." He paused and then he said in a small voice, "I still feel like a cradle robber."

Sehun rubbed his shoulder sympathetically.

---

The last night they had before re-entering the outskirts of the Seoul metropolitan area, Sehun pinned Lu Han against the wall with his body and fucked him hard, Lu Han completely boneless and at his mercy on his lap. Sehun didn't stop kissing Lu Han, his mouth insistent but soft against his.

"Sehun, fuck, I'm-." Lu Han felt like he had to rip those words out of himself, and yet he still couldn't help but break off into a moan when another one of Sehun's thrusts sparked a renewed burst of pleasure in him that made his toes curl, his legs wrapped around Sehun's waist.

Sehun sped up, his rhythm becoming more and more uneven, his cock a relentless heat in Lu Han. "Come for me, hyung," he panted out, stroking Lu Han's cock, his steady hand a sharp contrast to his thrusts. "Please come for me. Please, please."

The devastation in Sehun's wrecked voice was what broke Lu Han. He could only tighten his arms around Sehun's neck and hold on as he let himself be swept up and destroyed by the orgasm Sehun wrenched out of him.

Dimly, Lu Han could feel the wet surge of warmth flooding in him as Sehun emptied himself with a muffled groan into Lu Han's shoulder. Sehun didn't stop trembling and Lu Han knew, neither could he.

---

"How do I look, Sehun?" Lu Han asked, smoothing down his hair at the cafe where he and Sehun were meeting up with Sehun's parents. "I need to make sure I look presentable to your parents. Do I look like I haven't thoroughly defiled their only son and bearer of future progeny?"

"Um, you don't exactly have child-bearing hips, hyung," Sehun said. "Besides, if I recall correctly, I think I did most of the defiling."

"And I really hope we've laundered the bedsheets enough not to reflect that," Lu Han said worriedly.

"Hyung," Sehun said, laughing. "It's fine. My parents kind of figured out that I had a crush on you all these years. I wasn't exactly very subtle about it."

Lu Han flailed his arms helplessly. "They knew and they still let me go on this trip with you? Your parents really did do drugs in the Seventies, didn't they?"

"Hi kids, welcome back!" The Ohs greeted, materializing seemingly out of nowhere, causing Lu Han to jump.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Oh," Lu Han said weakly.

Sehun looked like he was seriously going to die trying to keep in his laughter. Lu Han was sorely tempted to cuff him over the head, but he didn't think Mr. and Mrs. Oh would appreciate him causing their only son and bearer of future progeny physical harm.

"So, how was it?" Mrs. Oh asked, looking expectantly at them. "Was it the life-changing experience that I promised?"

"And most importantly, did you max out my credit card?" Mr. Oh chimed in.

"No, we did not max out the credit card, and yes, it was a life-changing experience," Sehun said, wrapping his arm around Lu Han's waist for emphasis, causing Lu Han to squawk and a little part of him to die inside. Despite Sehun's reassurances, this was the first time Lu Han had came out to a parental figure and that was what the Ohs were. He wasn't sure how they were going to react, on top of them being Sehun's parents.

"That's my boy," Mr. Oh said proudly, slapping Sehun on the back.

Turned out he really didn't have anything to worry about. That was anti-climatic.

"You guys are, like, really open-minded about this," Lu Han said.

"I hate to break it to you, kiddo, but it's about supporting your children, not being open-minded. Your parents would feel the same way if you give them the chance," Mrs. Oh said.

"I'll tell them someday," Lu Han promised.

---

It had been a good summer. Lu Han didn't get the first job that he interviewed for, but he did get the third one, a junior accountant position at a mid-size manufacturing firm. It gave him the rest of the summer to spend with Sehun before he had to head back to China, time that he needed to adjust to the change in their relationship. He still had trouble being able to even hold hands with Sehun in public, and he knew he still had some major issues to work through, but for the first time in his life, he felt like he finally belonged somewhere. He would look at Sehun, smiling back and reaching for him, and think, this is us, as it always has been.

The glow of summer came to an end.

"Ugh, college," Sehun said gloomily.

"You'll love it," Lu Han said.

Sehun's journey was just beginning and Lu Han's starting to think, so was his.

fandom: exo, pairing: sehun/lu han, format: one shot, rating: nc17

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