When all the world was right
I've spent the day going through all of my scrapbook stuff from the scrapbook business I had ten years ago. It took me a couple of hours to inventory it all. I know I didn't make any money from that business. But it was fun for a few months. It's probably going to be with same for me with Avon, but was something I wanted to do for a while. The opportunity just presented itself quicker than I expected.
So mixed among all of my scrapbook stuff was old photographs. I found my Papa's scrapbook that my mom made after he died. It was in with my scrapbook stuff because the book has fallen apart and I told my mom that I would re-do it. Many of the pictures are of my Papa when he was bed ridden with lung cancer. He was still mobile, but he mostly stayed in his upstairs bedroom because that is where the bathroom was and he needed to be close to that. He looked very sad in the pictures and just seeing that sadness made me cry. I just can't imagine what it would be like to know you were dying soon. He spent most of his time reading his Bible, watching TV, eating candy and drinking milk shakes. I think at the time I loved my Papa more than I loved my mom and dad. I was his world. I was the first grandchild and the only girl. When things weren't going my way he would make everything right for me.
I remember a time when my parents weren't together. My dad had moved away to Texas and my mom had a boyfriend that my nanny didn't like. I am not too sure what that was all about. I was really too young to understand. My nanny came over and told my mom she didn't want me to be around the man. So my nanny took me to her house. I don't remember how long I stayed there. I don't even think it was more than a day. I played it up for all I could. My nanny bought me a Colorforms set and made me rice with sugar and milk. She went to take a nap and my Papa came home from the fire department. I told him nanny had stolen me from mom and I wanted to go home. So he took me home. I am sure he had a talk with my mom. But he did what made me happy more than the Colorforms and the rice could do.
Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if he were alive. I think he would have had more of an influence over my life than my mom and dad. I bet I wouldn't have dated or married some of the boys that I did. He would have run them all off. And for that fact my life, I believe,would be on a different track than it is right now.
My Papa has been gone 31 years and I still cry for him a couple of times a year. Whenever my cousin Allen got married two years ago I sat at the reception thinking what all my Papa was missing. He didn't get to see any of his grandchildren grow up. He didn't even get to meet Stevie. He had missed so much. I wonder if he thought about all of these things as he lay dying of cancer.
Last week at this time I was preparing myself to lose my mom. I was spending as much time with her as I could because I didn't want to regret not being with her before she died. I truly thought when they took her back on Monday morning that was the last time I was ever going to see her. Sitting in that waiting room waiting was so hard. My dad and my brother were both there with me, but I know they were feeling the same way that I was. The beeper finally went off and we went back to the nurses station. I could see people carrying my mom's personal things away and that really scared again. But then the nurse told me that mom was being admitted and I let out the biggest sigh of relief.
The whole thing with Captain Phil Harris dying on Deadliest Catch is what set me up to worry about my mom dying. So I was already in a melancholy mood when it all came about. And PMSing did not help.
I went to a birthday party yesterday and one of little boys really struck my sensitive cord yesterday. He was the smallest of all the boys in attendance and he just seemed so sweet. The host told me the little boy had a bad home life when I inquired about him. The boys had a nice water balloon fight and got all wet. This little boy went home to change clothes and came back carrying a tin full of his little collectible toys. Cupcakes were being passed out and he said he couldn't have candy so he couldn't have a cupcake. I was so impressed that this 5 year old had enough self control to turn down a cupcake. Most adults don't have that. Instead he chose to drink a Capri Sun.
So seeing him got me to thinking that I really want to consider foster care again. I so want to leave my mark on this world someway, somehow. So it will be something I am going to be praying about. I have a couple of other goals I need to accomplish before I can get to the point where I can focus on a child.
My world was once right long long ago when I was a child and I had lots of people around who loved me and cared for me. Those people are slowly leaving me. I am going to love them the best I can while I still have them.
So mixed among all of my scrapbook stuff was old photographs. I found my Papa's scrapbook that my mom made after he died. It was in with my scrapbook stuff because the book has fallen apart and I told my mom that I would re-do it. Many of the pictures are of my Papa when he was bed ridden with lung cancer. He was still mobile, but he mostly stayed in his upstairs bedroom because that is where the bathroom was and he needed to be close to that. He looked very sad in the pictures and just seeing that sadness made me cry. I just can't imagine what it would be like to know you were dying soon. He spent most of his time reading his Bible, watching TV, eating candy and drinking milk shakes. I think at the time I loved my Papa more than I loved my mom and dad. I was his world. I was the first grandchild and the only girl. When things weren't going my way he would make everything right for me.
I remember a time when my parents weren't together. My dad had moved away to Texas and my mom had a boyfriend that my nanny didn't like. I am not too sure what that was all about. I was really too young to understand. My nanny came over and told my mom she didn't want me to be around the man. So my nanny took me to her house. I don't remember how long I stayed there. I don't even think it was more than a day. I played it up for all I could. My nanny bought me a Colorforms set and made me rice with sugar and milk. She went to take a nap and my Papa came home from the fire department. I told him nanny had stolen me from mom and I wanted to go home. So he took me home. I am sure he had a talk with my mom. But he did what made me happy more than the Colorforms and the rice could do.
Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if he were alive. I think he would have had more of an influence over my life than my mom and dad. I bet I wouldn't have dated or married some of the boys that I did. He would have run them all off. And for that fact my life, I believe,would be on a different track than it is right now.
My Papa has been gone 31 years and I still cry for him a couple of times a year. Whenever my cousin Allen got married two years ago I sat at the reception thinking what all my Papa was missing. He didn't get to see any of his grandchildren grow up. He didn't even get to meet Stevie. He had missed so much. I wonder if he thought about all of these things as he lay dying of cancer.
Last week at this time I was preparing myself to lose my mom. I was spending as much time with her as I could because I didn't want to regret not being with her before she died. I truly thought when they took her back on Monday morning that was the last time I was ever going to see her. Sitting in that waiting room waiting was so hard. My dad and my brother were both there with me, but I know they were feeling the same way that I was. The beeper finally went off and we went back to the nurses station. I could see people carrying my mom's personal things away and that really scared again. But then the nurse told me that mom was being admitted and I let out the biggest sigh of relief.
The whole thing with Captain Phil Harris dying on Deadliest Catch is what set me up to worry about my mom dying. So I was already in a melancholy mood when it all came about. And PMSing did not help.
I went to a birthday party yesterday and one of little boys really struck my sensitive cord yesterday. He was the smallest of all the boys in attendance and he just seemed so sweet. The host told me the little boy had a bad home life when I inquired about him. The boys had a nice water balloon fight and got all wet. This little boy went home to change clothes and came back carrying a tin full of his little collectible toys. Cupcakes were being passed out and he said he couldn't have candy so he couldn't have a cupcake. I was so impressed that this 5 year old had enough self control to turn down a cupcake. Most adults don't have that. Instead he chose to drink a Capri Sun.
So seeing him got me to thinking that I really want to consider foster care again. I so want to leave my mark on this world someway, somehow. So it will be something I am going to be praying about. I have a couple of other goals I need to accomplish before I can get to the point where I can focus on a child.
My world was once right long long ago when I was a child and I had lots of people around who loved me and cared for me. Those people are slowly leaving me. I am going to love them the best I can while I still have them.