fucker.
damn. i am one angry ass little girl.
always pissed, and one thing i realized..
i am never satisfied
ever.
and most of the time, i'm the one letting myself down.
As of midnight, in one hour...i'm starting my resolution.
i'm a month late, but whatever. better late than never.
i'm not putting myself out there anymore, i'm not chasing.
i always chase boys, and i'm always looking, but it doesnt work that way. not only do guys not like that, because they like a chase, but when i'm looking for it, it's not gonna come. I have to sit back and wait for it to come to me. but i always feel like if i'm not chasing it, or after someone, then i'm never gonna get anyone, because i honestly don't think any boy would think i'm worth the chase.
but if they wouldn't chase me, then me chasing them is pointless, because they obviously already don't think i'm worth that much.
... i think too much.
blah. whatever. i'm so, edgy latley.
i don't get how i can be so picky, and over analyze everything so much when it comes
to guys, when with anything else, i never think before i speak or act.
i never think of consequences, anyyything. i just speak and do. but when
it comes to guys i'm like "askjbdaklsbdlkajbsdasd" fucking psycho.
no wonder i haven't had a real relationship in so long.
I had Anthony, but for me that wasn't right. I cared about him a lot, but not as a boyfriend
and i hate that i realized it when i did. I know he doesn't understand, and
maybe for him, i was right. but for me, he wasn't. we actually got coffee the other night, and i liked it. it felt good to just hang out with him and talk and stuff. he's one of those people i can do that with, just sit and talk to about stupid shit. but i don't know if hes okay with it or not. i wish he was. cuz i wish we could make a habit of it.
i give so much advice on relationships and guys,
when in reality, i should be listening to myself...
but i don't.
i don't listen to anyone that can actually help me. for some reason i can only retain bad things i hear.
a certain someone said a lot of fucked up shit to me one night,
and we don't talk anymore, and he was drunk...but i haven't been able to
forget it. and since that night, it's been in the back of my mind, and it really bugs me.
he shouldn't be able to have that kind of affect on me, after only a month or so, but for
some stupid fucking reason, the asshole did...and still does.
there were only 3 guys i ever truly cared about and could of had a relationship with.
the first one, was a relationship, and it was hell.
the second one- we got along, perfect. everything was amazing. but dickhead number one confessed his love for me and after almost a year and a half relationship, i dumped boy # 2 for the first guy. first guy dumped me two days later, and i still to this day, am not over the second one. but he'll never give me another chance, and it makes me so mad, cuz i know something theres. gr.
the third one- well, he's the winner from above who said shit to me and has an affect on me. and he was everything i wanted and needed when i met him, but just changed his mind i guess. i don't know.
whatever.
and being i'm such a horny fuck, you'd think i would be content to have someone to hook up with finally, but i'm not. because i know that in the long run, i'm gonna develop feelings and want more, and i'm not gonna get it, and it's a wonderful cycle. but i'm not gonna stop it before it starts. cuz whatever.
wow, my head is a mess. i'm so back and forth with everything i say.
SOMEBODY HIRE ME. FUCKING NOW, GOD DAMMIT.
i need a job.
i need to get my shit together.
ive been saying this for months.
ive been aware of this for months.
yet, nothing has changed.
i am a fuck up
SICK!
always pissed, and one thing i realized..
i am never satisfied
ever.
and most of the time, i'm the one letting myself down.
As of midnight, in one hour...i'm starting my resolution.
i'm a month late, but whatever. better late than never.
i'm not putting myself out there anymore, i'm not chasing.
i always chase boys, and i'm always looking, but it doesnt work that way. not only do guys not like that, because they like a chase, but when i'm looking for it, it's not gonna come. I have to sit back and wait for it to come to me. but i always feel like if i'm not chasing it, or after someone, then i'm never gonna get anyone, because i honestly don't think any boy would think i'm worth the chase.
but if they wouldn't chase me, then me chasing them is pointless, because they obviously already don't think i'm worth that much.
... i think too much.
blah. whatever. i'm so, edgy latley.
i don't get how i can be so picky, and over analyze everything so much when it comes
to guys, when with anything else, i never think before i speak or act.
i never think of consequences, anyyything. i just speak and do. but when
it comes to guys i'm like "askjbdaklsbdlkajbsdasd" fucking psycho.
no wonder i haven't had a real relationship in so long.
I had Anthony, but for me that wasn't right. I cared about him a lot, but not as a boyfriend
and i hate that i realized it when i did. I know he doesn't understand, and
maybe for him, i was right. but for me, he wasn't. we actually got coffee the other night, and i liked it. it felt good to just hang out with him and talk and stuff. he's one of those people i can do that with, just sit and talk to about stupid shit. but i don't know if hes okay with it or not. i wish he was. cuz i wish we could make a habit of it.
i give so much advice on relationships and guys,
when in reality, i should be listening to myself...
but i don't.
i don't listen to anyone that can actually help me. for some reason i can only retain bad things i hear.
a certain someone said a lot of fucked up shit to me one night,
and we don't talk anymore, and he was drunk...but i haven't been able to
forget it. and since that night, it's been in the back of my mind, and it really bugs me.
he shouldn't be able to have that kind of affect on me, after only a month or so, but for
some stupid fucking reason, the asshole did...and still does.
there were only 3 guys i ever truly cared about and could of had a relationship with.
the first one, was a relationship, and it was hell.
the second one- we got along, perfect. everything was amazing. but dickhead number one confessed his love for me and after almost a year and a half relationship, i dumped boy # 2 for the first guy. first guy dumped me two days later, and i still to this day, am not over the second one. but he'll never give me another chance, and it makes me so mad, cuz i know something theres. gr.
the third one- well, he's the winner from above who said shit to me and has an affect on me. and he was everything i wanted and needed when i met him, but just changed his mind i guess. i don't know.
whatever.
and being i'm such a horny fuck, you'd think i would be content to have someone to hook up with finally, but i'm not. because i know that in the long run, i'm gonna develop feelings and want more, and i'm not gonna get it, and it's a wonderful cycle. but i'm not gonna stop it before it starts. cuz whatever.
wow, my head is a mess. i'm so back and forth with everything i say.
SOMEBODY HIRE ME. FUCKING NOW, GOD DAMMIT.
i need a job.
i need to get my shit together.
ive been saying this for months.
ive been aware of this for months.
yet, nothing has changed.
i am a fuck up
SICK!