(no subject)

[shesanimated]

it worries me to realize how little my parents actually know about me.
i mean.
my TEACHERS know i'm a fucking lush.
they might know i smoke pot every now and then.
everyone knows the outspoken asshole that i can be.
but i just feel like my parents really know nothing about me.
throughout the summer i spent hours and hours and hours crying my fucking eyes out.
and they have no fucking idea.
hell, all the TIME i spend hours and hours crying my eyes out.
and they don't know. ever.
it scares me to think that i'll be this oblivious when i have kids.
that's the last thing i want.
for my kids to hide things from me. to think i can't help them with their problems.

i started writing the core of my college essay.
i'll probably use it for almost every school i'm applying to, though i may revise it from school to school.
i haven't gotten past the first body paragraph, because i keep breaking down into fits of hysteria.
whatever. i'll eventually be able to compose myself, i'm sure.
i'm going to school tomorrow.
this essay needs to be done by november 28th. though i made mad due dates for revisions and whatnot.