Gotta Catch 'Em All (Merlin - PG-13)
Title: Gotta Catch 'Em All
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin vaaaaguely, side Gwen/Lancelot
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1561
Warnings/Spoilers: ...I just... I have no clue. Such crack. Blame this and this for corrupting my poor brain.
Summary: Arthur is a Pokemon Trainer and Merlin is his Pikachu.
Notes: mpoetess is a beta ninja. And put up with my crack so kindly.
When Arthur received his first Pokemon from Professor Gaius, he'd known there was something special about it. And not just because it had summarily trounced that creep Valiant's Ekans in its first battle. No, it was because of the sacred bond between trainer and Pokemon.
Or whatever Guenevere had been prattling about that day. He hadn't been paying attention
Sure, his Pikachu insisted on wearing that queer little neckerchief and its ears were notably larger than most of its breed, but it had always been there when Arthur needed it and had never given up on the fight. That was the most important part in Arthur's opinion.
They had been on their way to the Indigo Plateau when things got a bit... weird, to put it nicely.
Guenevere and Lancelot had already turned in for the night, leaving Arthur alone by the campfire, contemplating his next Poke-battles.
He was broken out of his reverie by an odd rustling in the bushes nearby. One that, usually, signaled a wild Pokemon or those idiots on Team Rocket trying to sneak up and steal Pikachu from him. You'd really think getting beaten so many times would teach them a lesson about stealing from Arthur Pendragon, but no. Morgana and Morgause were nothing if not persistent.
"Pikachu?" Arthur called in a low voice, standing up in case this really was another attack. He'd be ready to kick some arse and sleep well that night with his Pikachu by his side. In a manly fashion.
The rustling abruptly stopped at his voice and a very human head popped up out of the bushes to grin at him. It wasn't Morgana or Morgause, so it did manage to come as a bit of a shock to Arthur.
So he could be excused for taking a step back. That, of course, meant he tripped over the damn log he'd been sitting on and now had a good view of the stars.
"Are you alright?" asked the head. Which, it seemed, also had a body attached to it as everything came into view, crouching over him.
When Arthur didn't answer right away, the boy poked his forehead as though to jar him out of whatever stupor he was in. "Arthur? Do we need to get the bandages?"
Starting up quickly, Arthur nearly smacked his mystery guest in the head before the boy scrambled away, still crouching oddly. It took a moment to take in the fact that the boy--man, whatever--was wearing some silly red scarf and what appeared to be a set of felt Pikachu ears and very little else.
Oh god, was someone trying to pick him up?
"For the love of god, put some trousers on!" Arthur snapped, looking away and making a disgusted face as the boy looked down at himself.
All naked for the world to see.
"But I never wear them," he said in confusion, spinning around as though that would help.
That would be a tail there as well, it seemed. Ugh. Fanboys.
Arthur sighed and took off his jacket to shove at the man so he could cover himself up. "I'm very flattered, but you're hardly my type."
The man accepted the jacket, giving it a confused look before going to put it on.
"No--" A persistent one. Great. "Around your waist, you idiot."
It was like watching a very slow monkey figure out how to cover itself, but the man figured it out to Arthur's great relief. "Look, how about you find your clothing and we pretend this didn't happen, right?"
His naked guest just gave him a look like he questioned Arthur's sanity. "I already told you, all I wear is this scarf. You never had a problem with it before," he told Arthur peevishly.
And Arthur couldn't rightly remember any of those silly cosplayer ears twitching so realistically along with emotion.
"Which would be odd, because I've never met you," Arthur replied, trying to ignore the ears issue.
Like now, as they drooped back at the same time as the man's face fell. "Arthur, you know me! We've been together for years now!"
Sitting down on the far end of the log, Arthur eyed him again.
There were clues piling up in the back of his mind, but Arthur was far too good at ignoring these sorts of things to take notice. He could just hope this odd man would leave and his Pikachu would return any moment now.
That would be great.
Before he finally asked, "Who are you?" and cocked it all up.
"I'm your Pikachu, you prat," the man replied with a greatly put-upon sigh. Then pulled at the skin on his own cheek. "I think I evolved."
"My Pickachu. Who has evolved," Arthur repeated, willing that to reassemble into something that made sense again.
Sadly, that wasn't in the cards as he found himself with a lap full of mostly naked man. "My name is Merlin, by the way."
As soon as the whole lap situation registered, he shoved at the man--Merlin's?--shoulders to get him off and hopefully not into the fire. Damn his morality! "Will you shove off?!"
Merlin snaked nowhere near as adorably chubby arms as before around Arthur's neck, clinging to him to prevent the shove from working. "I always sit in your damned lap!" he snapped, not understanding why Arthur was being such an absolute prig about this.
"You do not, Merlin. If that is your real name," Arthur replied, not giving up in his attempts to get the freak off his lap.
"Of course it's my real name!" Merlin said, voice going girlishly high in anger. "What did you think we did? Went around calling each other Pikachu? That would just be confusing. Do you all call each other Human?"
Arthur worked his hands between their chests, shoving hard again to no avail. "Even if I did believe that you were my Pikachu--which I don't--you can't sit on my lap like this!"
That got the clinging to lessen enough to give Arthur hope that logic would stop this mad man and his ears that didn't appear to be attached to a headband. Not. Thinking. About it.
"...Gwen and Lance do," Merlin informed him sulkily. "And they're both human."
And then Arthur was the one thrown off. "Pardon?"
Merlin pulled back, not removing his arms from around Arthur's neck, but enough to look at him now. "All the time," he said. "Well, at night mostly. Sometimes during the day when you're not around."
Oh god, Arthur had a bad feeling about this. "Is that so?" he asked delicately.
"Though they move quite a bit during it," Merlin added thoughtfully. "And she makes noises."
The perhaps Pokemon, perhaps insane fanboy cleared his throat as if to give an example.
"Oh! Oh! Lance! Oh god! Oh god! Yes!" he mimicked, raising himself up and down on Arthur's lap to give the most accurate portrayal. "Harder! Please, Lance!"
And Arthur was left wondering what exactly should make him feel more like a complete and utter pervert: hearing about his friend's sex-life, or that it was his Pokemon telling him about it.
...and now he really needed him off his lap. It had been a while, alright? He was busy with his training.
Merlin paused and looked behind himself with a frown. "I thought you humans didn't have tails."
"OFF." Arthur stood up abruptly, hands over his lap for a moment as he stepped back over the log carefully to leave Merlin sitting on the ground between it and the fire. "This is insane," he snapped, going for anger over embarrassment. Because that was the best plan when faced with... whatever the hell this was. A cosmic joke, perhaps. "Pokemon don't turn into humans. Everyone knows that!"
"I don't know," Merlin replied, frowning at him and scurrying on up to try and join him. "It's not so bad so far. I can talk to you and you actually respond with something other than assuming I want food. That's rather nice."
He seemed preoccupied by waggling his fingers for a moment, grinning like a moron as the fingers did exactly as ordered. "Perhaps Professor Gaius can explain it!"
"Yes, well Professor Gaius isn't anywhere near us at the moment, or did that escape your attention--Stop that!" Arthur did not shriek like a scandalized woman. He exclaimed. In a manly fashion.
Merlin frowned at him, removing his hand from exploring beneath the jacket around his waist. "You're very edgy, you know that?"
Arthur shot him a look of pure loathing, generally reserved for his arch-rival Valiant, before turning and walking away for his own bedroll.
"Where are you going?" Merlin called after him, scrambling up onto his feet to follow like the good Pokemon he was.
"To bed! Where I will pray you'll be gone in the morning and this is all some horrible nightmare!" Because Arthur was a horrible master who lived to make his Pokemon have poor self esteem, it seemed.
But he was lucky that Merlin was taking that in stride. Seeing as how the poor man was having a bad night.
Which is why Merlin shrugged and skipped along after him to join in the sleep. Look, he was hardly the smartest Pokemon out there. He was loyal, not a bloody genius. Plus, Arthur probably needed a hug. Or possibly a lecture about friendship. Those normally worked rather well!
They were just lucky that Guenevere and Lancelot were too... er... busy to investigate the shouting going on at the other side of their camp for most of the night.
Pairing: Arthur/Merlin vaaaaguely, side Gwen/Lancelot
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1561
Warnings/Spoilers: ...I just... I have no clue. Such crack. Blame this and this for corrupting my poor brain.
Summary: Arthur is a Pokemon Trainer and Merlin is his Pikachu.
Notes: mpoetess is a beta ninja. And put up with my crack so kindly.
When Arthur received his first Pokemon from Professor Gaius, he'd known there was something special about it. And not just because it had summarily trounced that creep Valiant's Ekans in its first battle. No, it was because of the sacred bond between trainer and Pokemon.
Or whatever Guenevere had been prattling about that day. He hadn't been paying attention
Sure, his Pikachu insisted on wearing that queer little neckerchief and its ears were notably larger than most of its breed, but it had always been there when Arthur needed it and had never given up on the fight. That was the most important part in Arthur's opinion.
They had been on their way to the Indigo Plateau when things got a bit... weird, to put it nicely.
Guenevere and Lancelot had already turned in for the night, leaving Arthur alone by the campfire, contemplating his next Poke-battles.
He was broken out of his reverie by an odd rustling in the bushes nearby. One that, usually, signaled a wild Pokemon or those idiots on Team Rocket trying to sneak up and steal Pikachu from him. You'd really think getting beaten so many times would teach them a lesson about stealing from Arthur Pendragon, but no. Morgana and Morgause were nothing if not persistent.
"Pikachu?" Arthur called in a low voice, standing up in case this really was another attack. He'd be ready to kick some arse and sleep well that night with his Pikachu by his side. In a manly fashion.
The rustling abruptly stopped at his voice and a very human head popped up out of the bushes to grin at him. It wasn't Morgana or Morgause, so it did manage to come as a bit of a shock to Arthur.
So he could be excused for taking a step back. That, of course, meant he tripped over the damn log he'd been sitting on and now had a good view of the stars.
"Are you alright?" asked the head. Which, it seemed, also had a body attached to it as everything came into view, crouching over him.
When Arthur didn't answer right away, the boy poked his forehead as though to jar him out of whatever stupor he was in. "Arthur? Do we need to get the bandages?"
Starting up quickly, Arthur nearly smacked his mystery guest in the head before the boy scrambled away, still crouching oddly. It took a moment to take in the fact that the boy--man, whatever--was wearing some silly red scarf and what appeared to be a set of felt Pikachu ears and very little else.
Oh god, was someone trying to pick him up?
"For the love of god, put some trousers on!" Arthur snapped, looking away and making a disgusted face as the boy looked down at himself.
All naked for the world to see.
"But I never wear them," he said in confusion, spinning around as though that would help.
That would be a tail there as well, it seemed. Ugh. Fanboys.
Arthur sighed and took off his jacket to shove at the man so he could cover himself up. "I'm very flattered, but you're hardly my type."
The man accepted the jacket, giving it a confused look before going to put it on.
"No--" A persistent one. Great. "Around your waist, you idiot."
It was like watching a very slow monkey figure out how to cover itself, but the man figured it out to Arthur's great relief. "Look, how about you find your clothing and we pretend this didn't happen, right?"
His naked guest just gave him a look like he questioned Arthur's sanity. "I already told you, all I wear is this scarf. You never had a problem with it before," he told Arthur peevishly.
And Arthur couldn't rightly remember any of those silly cosplayer ears twitching so realistically along with emotion.
"Which would be odd, because I've never met you," Arthur replied, trying to ignore the ears issue.
Like now, as they drooped back at the same time as the man's face fell. "Arthur, you know me! We've been together for years now!"
Sitting down on the far end of the log, Arthur eyed him again.
There were clues piling up in the back of his mind, but Arthur was far too good at ignoring these sorts of things to take notice. He could just hope this odd man would leave and his Pikachu would return any moment now.
That would be great.
Before he finally asked, "Who are you?" and cocked it all up.
"I'm your Pikachu, you prat," the man replied with a greatly put-upon sigh. Then pulled at the skin on his own cheek. "I think I evolved."
"My Pickachu. Who has evolved," Arthur repeated, willing that to reassemble into something that made sense again.
Sadly, that wasn't in the cards as he found himself with a lap full of mostly naked man. "My name is Merlin, by the way."
As soon as the whole lap situation registered, he shoved at the man--Merlin's?--shoulders to get him off and hopefully not into the fire. Damn his morality! "Will you shove off?!"
Merlin snaked nowhere near as adorably chubby arms as before around Arthur's neck, clinging to him to prevent the shove from working. "I always sit in your damned lap!" he snapped, not understanding why Arthur was being such an absolute prig about this.
"You do not, Merlin. If that is your real name," Arthur replied, not giving up in his attempts to get the freak off his lap.
"Of course it's my real name!" Merlin said, voice going girlishly high in anger. "What did you think we did? Went around calling each other Pikachu? That would just be confusing. Do you all call each other Human?"
Arthur worked his hands between their chests, shoving hard again to no avail. "Even if I did believe that you were my Pikachu--which I don't--you can't sit on my lap like this!"
That got the clinging to lessen enough to give Arthur hope that logic would stop this mad man and his ears that didn't appear to be attached to a headband. Not. Thinking. About it.
"...Gwen and Lance do," Merlin informed him sulkily. "And they're both human."
And then Arthur was the one thrown off. "Pardon?"
Merlin pulled back, not removing his arms from around Arthur's neck, but enough to look at him now. "All the time," he said. "Well, at night mostly. Sometimes during the day when you're not around."
Oh god, Arthur had a bad feeling about this. "Is that so?" he asked delicately.
"Though they move quite a bit during it," Merlin added thoughtfully. "And she makes noises."
The perhaps Pokemon, perhaps insane fanboy cleared his throat as if to give an example.
"Oh! Oh! Lance! Oh god! Oh god! Yes!" he mimicked, raising himself up and down on Arthur's lap to give the most accurate portrayal. "Harder! Please, Lance!"
And Arthur was left wondering what exactly should make him feel more like a complete and utter pervert: hearing about his friend's sex-life, or that it was his Pokemon telling him about it.
...and now he really needed him off his lap. It had been a while, alright? He was busy with his training.
Merlin paused and looked behind himself with a frown. "I thought you humans didn't have tails."
"OFF." Arthur stood up abruptly, hands over his lap for a moment as he stepped back over the log carefully to leave Merlin sitting on the ground between it and the fire. "This is insane," he snapped, going for anger over embarrassment. Because that was the best plan when faced with... whatever the hell this was. A cosmic joke, perhaps. "Pokemon don't turn into humans. Everyone knows that!"
"I don't know," Merlin replied, frowning at him and scurrying on up to try and join him. "It's not so bad so far. I can talk to you and you actually respond with something other than assuming I want food. That's rather nice."
He seemed preoccupied by waggling his fingers for a moment, grinning like a moron as the fingers did exactly as ordered. "Perhaps Professor Gaius can explain it!"
"Yes, well Professor Gaius isn't anywhere near us at the moment, or did that escape your attention--Stop that!" Arthur did not shriek like a scandalized woman. He exclaimed. In a manly fashion.
Merlin frowned at him, removing his hand from exploring beneath the jacket around his waist. "You're very edgy, you know that?"
Arthur shot him a look of pure loathing, generally reserved for his arch-rival Valiant, before turning and walking away for his own bedroll.
"Where are you going?" Merlin called after him, scrambling up onto his feet to follow like the good Pokemon he was.
"To bed! Where I will pray you'll be gone in the morning and this is all some horrible nightmare!" Because Arthur was a horrible master who lived to make his Pokemon have poor self esteem, it seemed.
But he was lucky that Merlin was taking that in stride. Seeing as how the poor man was having a bad night.
Which is why Merlin shrugged and skipped along after him to join in the sleep. Look, he was hardly the smartest Pokemon out there. He was loyal, not a bloody genius. Plus, Arthur probably needed a hug. Or possibly a lecture about friendship. Those normally worked rather well!
They were just lucky that Guenevere and Lancelot were too... er... busy to investigate the shouting going on at the other side of their camp for most of the night.