(no subject)
i had a dream last night that there was "I SUCK" written in yellow paint on the road and a sweet looking old man was writing in thin black marker all around the edges of the yellow "i suck". i wanted to see what he was writing in the i suck so i got a little closer as taylor and i were talking and then the man looked up and noticed us and thought we were making fun of him but we weren't, i just wanted to see what he was doing and he sadly got up and left and i got really upset and taylor got mad at me and then the man was pulling out with his back right door open and i asked if he wanted me to close it for him and he said no it was open for his children to get in but i knew he didn't have any children so i got in and closed the door and expected him to thank me for being nice to him or to mention that he had thought wrong of me at first but he didn't and he backed out and i was in my old house again in the living room by the pass through that use dto be a window and i cried and emptied out my purse pathetically in front of me onto the tile and then i was in the back seat of a car again only my mom was driving patrick somewhere along the beach and it was tan inside and more like a station wagon or older car and i was in the back seat and basically didn't exist so i smoked a cigarette and i still didn't exist. i want to die as soon as i wake up now. i hate living. i hate being here.