bleh
blah. i hate how somedays i'm fine and somedays i'm sad and everything bothers me. i miss being loved and cared for. i miss someone caring about me and thinking about me. idk yeah i guess its all corny but that stuff makes me feel happy. if someone doesn't care about me, i feel idk like useless. i miss getting excited about seeing someone and those "butterfly" feelings. i know i have to wait and someone good will come along eventually, but i just dont like waiting.
i get depressed so easily especially over the stupidest things. i shouldnt get sad i dont have a boyfriend, but i do. i look at it like if someone doesnt like me or care about me in a way thats different than just friends, i feel unimportant like no one cares about me. no one really does care. everyone says they do but theyre all full of crap. everyones out for themselves and thats that.
and i know its bad to be dependant on someone else in order for me to be happy, but whatev thats how i am. i cant make myself happy so i need the help of someone else and their feelings to help me.
i really am thinking about going away to school after i finish suffolk. maybe i'll have better luck away from here because my luck here is about as high as my height, which is pretty much nothing. blah. i complain too much but i just watched a movie and it was sad and it made me feel like bitching. i dont like writing in normal journals and i complain to everyone too much as it is and no one reads these things anymore anyways.
uuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhh. whats wrong with me. why dont people like me. am i like really ugly or like boring or annoying or something. i dont get it. and like the one or two people who i know "like" me i dont like at all and want nothing to do with them. which is stupid since im sitting here complaining. but i just dont want to get with random people if i dont like them, because i'm not like that. why cant i attract guys that im attracted to. i dont get it. there must be something wrong with who i am because i always get crapola.
i just want someone to care about me. someone who wonders what i'm doing or where i am. someone who enjoys me being around because i always feel like no one really wants me there and they just feel bad. cause no one ever calls me or asks me to hang out, i always have to do it first. i'm tired of making efforts. thats what makes me feel useless. andreas my only real friend and i love her but i just wish i had other friends who would care about me in the same way. or atleast some good guy friends that aren't gay. whats wrong with people. whats wrong with me.
i'm really never happy. there's always something bothering me. something that just never will work out and i don't know what to do anymore to make myself feel better. when i'm around people i'm fine for the most part. but when i'm alone thats when i start thinking stupid like this.
why is long island full of faggets. i want a nice guy. just a nice guy. attractive. mature but not too mature. blahblahblah. everyone wants everything and the everything never exists.
whatever i just give up on wanting things. whenever i try, i get no where. and when i don't try, i get no where. so, i might as well save the effort. and save myself from being hurt. i'm not going to like people until they like me. but even if they do like me, i'm not going to just like them just because they like me if that makes sense. blah
alright i think i said the same thing about 87 times in here so bye.
i get depressed so easily especially over the stupidest things. i shouldnt get sad i dont have a boyfriend, but i do. i look at it like if someone doesnt like me or care about me in a way thats different than just friends, i feel unimportant like no one cares about me. no one really does care. everyone says they do but theyre all full of crap. everyones out for themselves and thats that.
and i know its bad to be dependant on someone else in order for me to be happy, but whatev thats how i am. i cant make myself happy so i need the help of someone else and their feelings to help me.
i really am thinking about going away to school after i finish suffolk. maybe i'll have better luck away from here because my luck here is about as high as my height, which is pretty much nothing. blah. i complain too much but i just watched a movie and it was sad and it made me feel like bitching. i dont like writing in normal journals and i complain to everyone too much as it is and no one reads these things anymore anyways.
uuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhh. whats wrong with me. why dont people like me. am i like really ugly or like boring or annoying or something. i dont get it. and like the one or two people who i know "like" me i dont like at all and want nothing to do with them. which is stupid since im sitting here complaining. but i just dont want to get with random people if i dont like them, because i'm not like that. why cant i attract guys that im attracted to. i dont get it. there must be something wrong with who i am because i always get crapola.
i just want someone to care about me. someone who wonders what i'm doing or where i am. someone who enjoys me being around because i always feel like no one really wants me there and they just feel bad. cause no one ever calls me or asks me to hang out, i always have to do it first. i'm tired of making efforts. thats what makes me feel useless. andreas my only real friend and i love her but i just wish i had other friends who would care about me in the same way. or atleast some good guy friends that aren't gay. whats wrong with people. whats wrong with me.
i'm really never happy. there's always something bothering me. something that just never will work out and i don't know what to do anymore to make myself feel better. when i'm around people i'm fine for the most part. but when i'm alone thats when i start thinking stupid like this.
why is long island full of faggets. i want a nice guy. just a nice guy. attractive. mature but not too mature. blahblahblah. everyone wants everything and the everything never exists.
whatever i just give up on wanting things. whenever i try, i get no where. and when i don't try, i get no where. so, i might as well save the effort. and save myself from being hurt. i'm not going to like people until they like me. but even if they do like me, i'm not going to just like them just because they like me if that makes sense. blah
alright i think i said the same thing about 87 times in here so bye.