gah
i hate the point where you think you're over them and ready to move on, and something makes you think of them and you're right back where you started. I told tony that gil is a jerk and he said that i was the jerk. and i'm like why? and he said wasn't it you who broke up with him? and i'm like yeah but then he goes and sleeps with another girl? and he's like well, he has to get over it. he figures you don't care about him so he goes and sleeps with someone. that made me so upset. because i DO care about him. we weren't in a healthy relationship. we both knew it. i just had the balls to break it off. i can't stand the fact that people actually think that just because you break up with someone automatically means that you didn't care.
not only does this show tony i am still full of emotional baggage from my previous relationship, he also thinks i'm a cold hearted bitch. good. no chance in hell he would ever remotely find me appealing. it would be awkward i guess. we're just friends. i should just give up. but you know some part of me is like "go for what you want". but i don't want him to be repulsed by me. am i repulsing? i don't know.
i am always one of the guys at work. i feel like no guy could ever look at me and be like...i would like to date her. because i'm like a guy! i find the same things funny. maybe i'm not as pretty as the other girls. i'm sorry i don't smoke. or do drugs. or sleep around. should i? to get guys to like me? that seems so immature. i always think...maybe tony will like me better if he sees me going out with friends and having a good time. but i shouldn't do it for him. i should do it because it makes me happy. fuck guys. why do i always have to LIKE someone? can't i just be content doing my own thing? and guys will be attracted to that. but i WANT him. i'll get over it.
i flirt with him like crazy. i just need to stop. i took this picture of a ferret in tony's pocket today. we had to take it like 20 times before getting a clear one. ha:
not only does this show tony i am still full of emotional baggage from my previous relationship, he also thinks i'm a cold hearted bitch. good. no chance in hell he would ever remotely find me appealing. it would be awkward i guess. we're just friends. i should just give up. but you know some part of me is like "go for what you want". but i don't want him to be repulsed by me. am i repulsing? i don't know.
i am always one of the guys at work. i feel like no guy could ever look at me and be like...i would like to date her. because i'm like a guy! i find the same things funny. maybe i'm not as pretty as the other girls. i'm sorry i don't smoke. or do drugs. or sleep around. should i? to get guys to like me? that seems so immature. i always think...maybe tony will like me better if he sees me going out with friends and having a good time. but i shouldn't do it for him. i should do it because it makes me happy. fuck guys. why do i always have to LIKE someone? can't i just be content doing my own thing? and guys will be attracted to that. but i WANT him. i'll get over it.
i flirt with him like crazy. i just need to stop. i took this picture of a ferret in tony's pocket today. we had to take it like 20 times before getting a clear one. ha: