The Boredom Lives On.
I'm so bored right now. That's pretty much all my day has been; boredom-boredom-boredom.
Nothing worth talking about happened today. Besides the fact that we got freezing rain and
snow, which fucking SUCKS. I've had a lot on my mind today though, pretty much just about
life in general. Like for instance, I'm a high-school drop-out, I have nothing at all going for me.
But, I do plan on acquiring my GED once I hit seventeen, which is only in a few weeks, so I guess
that means I should start studying that big-ass prep book I got. And, I've also been thinking about
finding a job again. But, I'm just not sure as to whether I should wait till I get my GED or not. I most
likely would have a better chance at getting one if I waited. Ugh, why did I have to go and drop-out,
what was I thinking?! Life most likely would be a lot easier right now if I would of just sucked it up
and stayed my last two years. Then, I wouldn't be sitting here worrying about all these things, like
rather I'll find a good job or not. But, who knows. I might be a whole lot more screwed up right now
if I did stay, here's the down-low. I have like serious anxiety issues; and when I was going to school
I would pretty much have a panic attack every single day. It was pretty much destroying me.
Plus, I was like severely depressed over some stuff that happened a year ago. Wow, I can't believe that it's been
almost 2 years since that stuff happened ( I won't go into detail, because I most likely would break down into tears.).
Anyways. The future pretty much scares the shit out of me.Some other stuff that has been on my mind is what I want to do in the future; and oh yes. How we might be moving again. YIPPEE.
I pretty much don't have any plans for the future what so ever. I mean don't get me wrong, I have ideas,just not full-fledged plans. I've been thinking about opening up a savings account once I do find a job. Since the things I've been thinking about doing require some serious cash. My ideas are: 1-Visit London,and 2-Move or at least visit California. I've always dreamed of moving to California, why I have no idea.I guess that's pretty much everyone's dream that doesn't live there. But, most of the people who do dream of moving there want to pursue acting/singing/etc. But I don't, I just want to live there. I highly doubt I'd ever actually be able to live there permanently, I'm a big family person, and I most likely would get severely homesick. So, scratch that idea of moving there, I just want to be able to visit. London-well, it seems just amazing.
I would love to just go there for a few weeks and experience it for myself.Now, as for the subject of how we might be moving again.
This would be the 4th time we've moved if we do endup actually moving. I'm not pissed at my parents' or anything, I pissed at the fact that we aren't going to be able to just stay here permanently. I love the house, pretty much the area, and I just want to move to a house that we will be able to stay in forever. I'm sick of having temporary homes, where within a year or so we have to move. But, I guess we may be able to buy this house, but if not, I'll be packing again. We most likely will stay in this area,which is a big plus, because we get to see my family a lot more than we used to. I mean before we moved, we used to go and see them every sunday, we still do, but atleast now we're able to just get up and go whenever we
want because they only live like 10 minutes away. One thing I do miss though, is my old friends. I haven't seen
them since we moved in September, well actually, I haven't seen most of them since I started getting tutored
at home in January. I really want to go see them all soon, but they're all an hour away, and it's hard to just say
"OH, I want to go visit such & such."
I'm so frigging lonely here, I have absolutely nobody to talk to here besides family, and sometimes family just isn't good enough. I miss being able to go to a friend when I have a problem that I now I wouldn't be able to go a family member for, I mean seriously, who wants to go to a family member and talk about, hmm let's see.. their sex life? I'm mean really, I give props to the girls that do actually talk about that with their mom, I know I'd never be able to
with my mom. Luckily I have an amazing cousin who is basically my best friend for life, I don't know where I'd be
if it wasn't for it, she's helped me through so much it isn't funny. And, you know what? Now that I'm thinking of it,
I don't think I've ever once told her thank you, just gave her a big thank you for all she's helped be through. So,
I'll just do it know-Tara,Thank You! & I love you! There, I feel better now =].
Anyways, I really need to stop thinking towards the future, and just live my life now, or I might actually just go insane.
So, let's see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully, something to get my thoughts off all of this stuff. Oh, another thing,
I need a boyfriend dammit, or just a new friend would be nice. So, if you want to play matchmaker for me just go right ahead, but I'm extremely picky when it comes to guys, maybe that's why I'm still single, hahaha. All well. I'm now going to continue my countdown till "Little Ashes" goes into theaters, I want to see that movie so frigging bad. Oh, that reminds me,
I've just started reading "Hidden Faces" By Salvador Dali, I haven't read much to really put my opinion on it, but I've
recently began admiring his work, his paintings are amazing, I haven't really been exposed to his work before.
Did you hear that Rob Pattinson has a full frontal nudity scene in that movie? Crazyyy. I can't decide if rather I'm excited for it,or if I really want to see that much of him hahaha. It won't leave much to my imagination after I do see it, hahaha.
A big plus with the release date; March 29th, I'll be able to go see a rated-R movie by myself hahaha, I mean who would
really go with their mom to see that movie? I highly doubt my mom would enjoy seeing that full-frontal of Rob, hahaha.
Well, I guess I'm done posting for tonight, well I guess today since it's like 2:24 am. haha. Goodnight.