(no subject)
i dont know why i continually do this to myself. why can everyone understand and focus but i cant? i study for tests now, and the harder i try - the worse im doing...
im supposed to be doing spanish and english prep for tomorrow but all i really feel like is running away.
but then i know thats completely irrational. what is remotely plausible about that?
i just want my own mental space. space to think on my own.theres nothing commodious about my parents harping on me 24/7. like today - i was lectured on how i cant leave blank CDs around.
GET THE FUCK OFF OF EVERY BAD THING I DO AND LOOK AT WHAT I AM DOING RIGHT.
or wait...maybe itll ruin your fun. cos youve got nothing better to do than correct me for everything i do. well it just makes me want to fuck up even more.
and i need to go to the fucking doctor.
omg - today is really sucking. maybe its just stress with finals week but this week is the rest of my future. colleges are gonna see this.
why cant i fucking succeed? why am i fucking stupid...
theses classes and poms and work are a lot to handle. ap physics - mr konecki is leaving us now for the next half of the year. ergh. and trig isnt hard, i just dont ask questions - and i fall behind. and english, i was doing awesome until i didnt turn in that criticism thing...which killed me.
i need to do well in school. and only care about school so i can sit in my office and run my magazine. and have nice things.
and im a stupid fucking spoiled little bitch.
that felt really nice when you told me that. im so selfish. youre so fucking right. i never ask for things unless i NEED them. no wonder i cant save my money - i spend it on things so i dont have to ask you for money. NO WONDER I HAVE A FUCKING JOB.
oh, nothing...nothing at fucking all. its fine daddy. :) its fine mom. :)